Tristan Taormino's Blog, page 26

Nov 30: Meg Barker on Rewriting Relationship Rules and Sassafras Lowrey on Queer Storytelling

Dr. Meg Barker comes to Sex Out Loud this Friday to discuss her new book, Rewriting the Rules, which addresses our current climate saturated with contradictory love advice. They examine both the old and new rules of relating and questions how useful they might be to managing our relationships today. Then Tristan interviews queer storyteller, author, and educator Sassafras Lowrey about hir novel, Roving Pack, set in an underground world of homeless queer teens. Lowrey will discuss the process of writing the book, responses from the community, as well as give a sneak peek to hir next collection, Leather Ever After, an anthology of kinky fairy tales. Tune in this Friday, November 30th at 8 pm ET / 5 pm PT and find out all the ways to listen here!

Dr. Meg Barker is a senior lecturer in psychology at the Open University and a therapist specialising in sexual and relationship issues. Meg has published books on relationships (Understanding Non-monogamies, Routledge), sexuality (Safe, Sane & Consensual, Palgrave MacMillan), and counselling (Understanding Counselling and Psychotherapy, Sage) and is co-editor of the journal Psychology & Sexuality. Meg runs many public and professional events about sex and relationships (e.g. Critical Sexology, Sense about Sex, BiReCon), as well as providing training for the UK College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists. Meg was first author of The Bisexuality Report about bisexual experience in the UK (www.biuk.org). Meg’s most recent book Rewriting the Rules (Routledge) tackles the common ‘rules’ around love and sex that people often feel they must adhere to (www.rewriting-the-rules.com).

Sassafras Lowrey is an internationally award-winning storyteller, author, artist, and educator. Sassafras is the editor of the two time American Library Association honored, and Lambda Literary Finalist Kicked Out anthology (www.KickedOutAnthology.com) which brought together the voices of current and former homeless LGBTQ youth. Hir prose has been included in numerous anthologies and magazines recently ze received an Honorable Mention from the 2011 Astrea Lesbian Writers Fund. and Sassafras regularly lectures and facilitates LGBTQ storytelling workshops at colleges and conferences across the country. Hir debute novel Roving Pack (www.RovingPack.com) will be released October 2012, and ze is currently editing Leather Ever After an anthology of BDSM fairy tale retellings to be released by Ravenous Romance. Sassafras lives in Brooklyn with hir family. To learn more about Sassafras and hir work, visit www.SassafrasLowrey.com

 

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This post, Nov 30: Meg Barker on Rewriting Relationship Rules and Sassafras Lowrey on Queer Storytelling originally appeared on Pucker Up on November 28, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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Anal Advisor: New and Hairy

My wife and I are new to anal sex, but we’ve run into something I hope you can help us with. I’ve noticed that the normal hair around her anus can be kind of rough, as pubic hair can be, and this hair might be causing her some irritation. But we’re not sure if it’s a good idea to shave it off as that might make things worse or cause even more irritation. Any advice for us newbies?

–New and Hairy

Most people who shave their assholes do so for aesthetic reasons: they like a clean shaven asshole better than a furry one. However, the anus is a delicate little bugger, and can be irritated easily by many things, including cheap toilet paper, over wiping, and soaps and lotions. I suppose that some coarse hair could rub that puckered skin the wrong way and lead to some itching and discomfort as well, although I’ll admit it’s not a complaint I hear often.

You’re wise to be concerned about exacerbating the problem, since shaving can also be irritating to the area. I recommend you give it a try, though. Use a fragrance-free and chemical-free shaving cream that’s made especially for sensitive skin. Shave with the grain of the hair and don’t go over the same area too many times. Run cool water over the area after you’re done. If it feels irritated after you’ve patted it dry, apply a little Vitamin A & D ointment. Give it a chance to breathe and relax before you start to play with it. After you play with it, make sure she showers, washes with a mild soap like Castille Soap and reapplies the Vitamin A & D ointment.

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This post, Anal Advisor: New and Hairy originally appeared on Pucker Up on November 27, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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Good For Her announces nomination period for the 2013 Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards

Good for Her is thrilled to present the 8th Annual Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards. The Feminist Porn Awards honor pornographers whose groundbreaking work offers a fresh perspective on the sexual expression of women and everyone who finds themselves under-represented in mainstream pornography.

The official nomination period for consideration for the Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards opens on November 1, 2012 and will close on February 1, 2013.

In order to be considered for a Feminist Porn Award submissions must meet at least 2 of the following criteria:

1)    Women and/or traditionally marginalized people were involved in the direction, production and/or conception of the work.

2)    The work depicts genuine pleasure, agency and desire for all performers, especially women and traditionally marginalized people.

3)    The work expands the boundaries of sexual representation on film, challenges stereotypes and presents a vision that sets the content apart from most mainstream pornography.  This may include depicting a diversity of desires, types of people, bodies, sexual practices, and/or an anti-racist or anti-oppression framework throughout the production.

And of course it must be hot!

Categories for awards may include, but are not limited to: Canadian Content, Lesbian/Dyke, Diverse Cast/Representation, Emerging Filmmaker, Kink/Fetish, Lesbian/Dyke, Straight, Trans, and Website.

Please send 4 screener copies of each work to be considered on DVD to:

FPA Nominations

c/o Good For Her

175 Harbord Street

Toronto ON M5S1H3

Canada

PLEASE NOTE: for submissions from outside of Canada, please be sure to mark your package as a gift or sample with a value of $0.  Good For Her and the Feminist Porn Awards are unable to pay duty on submissions and packages requiring duty will be refused.  NO EXCEPTIONS.

For website submissions, please email your information to carla@goodfoher.com and include a user name and password to be used by up to 5 jury members

The Feminist Porn Awards will be held on April 5th, with a special screening on April 4th 2013 in Toronto, Ontario.

Please visit http://www.goodforher.com/fpa_2013 for submission forms, official rules and regulations and more information about the events.

Good For Her is entering their eighth year as producers of the Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards, the largest and longest running celebration of feminist porn in the world.  Since 1997, Good For Her has been creating a nurturing environment where everyone can feel comfortable learning about sex and pleasure. Good For Her provides quality sex toys, erotic and educational books as well as DVDs and workshops that empower and celebrate the diversity of everyone’s sexuality.

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This post, Good For Her announces nomination period for the 2013 Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards originally appeared on Pucker Up on November 21, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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Black Friday Sale at The Smitten Kitten: November 23rd

Smitten Kitten is doing it big this year with multiple ways to save cash and bring some new vibes into your life!

**EARLY BIRDS IN-STORE: 7:00am-11:00am

Everything in the store is 10% off

Spend $20 and get a FREE vibrator (valued at $50!)

They’ll have hot coffee and fresh donuts for you and your friends.

**SLEEPY TURKEYS ONLINE: All day sale

10% entire online store

Spend $50 and get a FREE vibrator (valued at $50!)

+ FREE shipping!

Folks can pre-shop now at:  www.smittenkittenonline.com

And, check out the new live educator feature. Chat up all your shopping questions with one of our sex educators while you browse!

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This post, Black Friday Sale at The Smitten Kitten: November 23rd originally appeared on Pucker Up on November 21, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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Seven Second Delay and Fucking While Feminist

On November 14th, I appeared on the radio show Seven Second Delay which broadcasts on WFMU. You can listen to the show here – it’s free, and they have several different options to stream or download. Check out the photos by John Dalton from the event as well, you’ll feel just like you were in the audience watching!

I was also thrilled to join Jaclyn Friedman for an episode of her new podcast, Fucking While Feminist. We discussed ‘’affaire Petraeus, why cheating violates consent, and what makes porn feminist. And for more of me and Jaclyn talking fucking, feminism, and porn, you should also check out her appearance on Sex Out Loud as well as both of us appearing on Melissa Harris Perry‘s show last summer.

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This post, Seven Second Delay and Fucking While Feminist originally appeared on Pucker Up on November 21, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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Nov 23: Mollena Williams on Kinky Roleplay, Race Play, Taboo Fantasies, and Being a Slave

Photo by Don Sir Photography

This Friday we have a special encore presentation on Sex Out Loud of one of our most popular episodes, featuring Mollena Williams. Mollena Williams is simply one of the most intelligent and articulate BDSM educators of her generation, and we get to spend the entire hour picking her perverted brain! We will talk about the two chapters on roleplay she wrote for my book The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge. She’ll explain the complex elements of race play, where kinky people play out racist scenarios, use racial epithets, or eroticize racial power dynamics. Mollena will reveal why she is turned on by this controversial kink and other kinds of taboo fantasies. Plus, I’ll ask her about what it’s like to be a woman of color who enjoys being a submissive and a collared slave. Read all about Mollena Williams below, including a list of appearances in the next few months.

This “Delicate, Trembling Flower of Submission” © is a NYC born and raised writer, actress, BDSM Educator, Storyteller and an Award-Winning Executive Pervert. She is extremely proud to have served as International Ms Leather 2010. She is also thrilled to have been named Ms. San Francisco Leather 2009 after that contest’s decade long slumber.

She is deeply honored and profoundly humbled to have been selected to receive the 2012 Jack McGeorge Award for Excellence in Education by Black Rose, and is thrilled to have won the National Leather Association’s 2012 Cynthia Slater Non-Fiction Article Award. She was a finalist for the 21st annual Pantheon of Leather’s Woman of the Year & Northern California Regional Awards. You can watch her being interviewed for the Women’s Leather History Project, as curated by the Leather Archives and Museum.

Her latest project, co-authored with Lee Harrington, “Playing Well With Others: Your Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities” hits the streets September 1, 2012. She is the author of the “Toybag Gude: Taboo Play.” Her essays appear in 2 anthologies curated by Rachel Kramer Bussel: “BDSM and Race Play” appears in “Best Sex Writing 2010,” (you can read the Jezebel review here!) and “Kiss my Boots” is featured in “The Lust Chronicles.” Her challenging essay on “race play” is featured in“Spirit of Desire: Personal Journeys in Sacred Kink” edited by Lee Harrington. Not one but two essays commissioned by Tristan Taormino appear in the groundbreaking anthology “The Ultimate Guide to Kinky Sex.” Mollena is pleased and delighted to be a featured educator with The Kink Academy, where you can see clips of her speaking on various and sundry topics! She is also a columnist for SexIs Magazine, where she lets loose twice a month on just about anything.

Exploring kink since 1993, active in BDSM and the Leather Community since 1996, and presenting classes since 1998, she speaks at Leather, BDSM and Kink events across the US, Europe and Canada on many Leather and BDSM focused topics. She also brings the knowledge on Kink, BDSM and Leather to such august institutions of higher learning as SF State and Cal State, Harvard, Princeton,Yale, Stamford, and Brown for IvyQ. She has been invited to present this fall for MIT.

Mollena’s been sober since 3-14-2007 and in December that same year, she founded “,” a 12-step based recovery group for all kinksters seeking recovery from addiction.

International Ms Leather 2010 was truly an international title year with visits to the Pride Festival in Stockholm, Sweden, where she made history as the first Leatherwoman ever invited to march with the venerable Scandinavian Leathermen’s Association! She’s also done her thing in Dublin, Ireland, Berlin, Germany, the UK: toured Amsterdam, Netherlands for Leather Pride, as well as teaching and performing in Vancouver, Canada. A roll-up of her epic IMsL 2010 title year can be found here!

Her background includes a lifetime of training and involvement in the performing arts, which include spoken word, classical theater, dance, performance art, and all manner of stagecraft. Performing professionally since the age of 5, her credits include singing on the soundtrack for the movie and co-starring with Danny Bonaduce in the underground cult-classic America’s Deadliest Home Video. Her first solo show,69Stories: One Pervert’s Tale has been re-revived and was a hit in Vancouver BC in November 2010 and Madison, Wisconsin July 2012. You can see an excerpt from it here (“Kiss My Boots” part One, and Part Two) as performed at Rachel Kramer Bussel’s In the Flesh storytelling series. She is a favorite at Dixie De La Tour’s Bawdy Storytelling, has performed for many storytelling venues including Bare! Stories, Tiny, Dangerous Fun Audacia Ray’s Red Umbrella Diaries, Carol Queen’s Perverts Put Out, and was a guest on Kevin Allison’s Risk! Podcast. She has also thrown down onstage for Porchlight Storytelling and is looking forward to an upcoming appearance on NPR’s Snap Judgement.

As a model, Mollena has been featured on the Folsom Street Fair 2010 Poster, as well as modeling for Stormy Leather. She has worked with many well-known and renowned kink, Leather and fetish photographers, including Stacie Joy, Laren Leland, Aeric Meredith-Goujon, Melvin Moten, Don Sir and Michele Serchuk: who’s photograph of Mollena posing with fellow educator Graydancer was featured in the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival 2010.

She is chuffed to have been interviewed for the Leather Archives & Museum’s Women’s Leather History Project. Recent interviews with Mo can be found on Jezebel and on Princeton University’s Equal Writes website. You can also read her 2010 interview with SexisIs Magazine. She was featured in a groundbreaking interview at TheGrio.com on BDSM and race, and also interviewed by Sharon Glassman for the Huffington Post. Her work’s also been published by the Society Of Janus Newsletter, The Eulenspiegel Society’s magazine, Prometheus, as well as the online magazine at ALT.COM and Bondage.com. She has been interviewed for The Bottoming Book, ColorLines Magazine, Bitch Magazine, Abiola Abrams: Love, Sex & Dasting, The Playboy Advisor, Sexploration with Monika and The Reverend Mel Show, SexIs Magazine, The Huffington Post, Jezebel and Racialicious to name a few! She is featured in the award winning documentary “Vice & Consent”. You can also see her all tied up in the instructional video, “Jay Wiseman Teaches Rope Bondage”

A founding member of Crowded Fire Theater Company, and former co-host of San Francisco’s Queer Open Mic, Mo blogs on http://mollena.com. Her blog, The Perverted Negress, has been a featured blog on Fleshbot (not Once but TWICE!) as well as the pick of the week for The Sugasm. And boy howdy, the venerated Jane’s Guide thinks The Perverted Negress’ Blog is pretty rad! Mollena is also a member of Mama’s Leather Family (#1231) , formally dubbed “Mama’s Perverted Negress” and pinned in at the SF Eagle by Mama Sandy Reinhardt herself. She Twitters incessantly over on http://twitter.com/mollena, so follow her there!

 

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This post, Nov 23: Mollena Williams on Kinky Roleplay, Race Play, Taboo Fantasies, and Being a Slave originally appeared on Pucker Up on November 21, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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Nov 16: Cyndi Gallop on Make Love Not Porn, Changing Perceptions of Sex & How She’d Run the World

 

This Friday on Sex Out Loud we’re thrilled to spend a whole hour talking live with Cyndi Gallop, advertising and marketing rockstar who recently launched “Make Love Not Porn”, a site launched at her popular 2009 TED talk of the same name. We’ll discuss how dating younger men led to the idea, technology’s hardcore impact human behavior, and how she hopes to help inspire and stimulate open, healthy conversations about sex and pornography. We’ll be live for the whole hour, join the discussion and be ready to call in with questions or share them on Facebook and Twitter.

Cindy Gallop is a graduate of Somerville College, Oxford, whose background is brandbuilding, marketing and advertising – she started up the US office of ad agency Bartle Bogle Hegarty in New York in 1998 and in 2003 was named Advertising Woman of the Year. She is the founder and CEO of www.IfWeRanTheWorld.com, a marketing platform that turns human and corporate good intentions into collective action, launched in beta at TED 2010, and subsequently written up and taught as a Harvard Business School case study; and of www.makelovenotporn.com, launched at TED 2009. She has just launched https://www.makelovenotporn.tv/ in invitation-only beta: details can be found at http://talkabout.makelovenotporn.tv/ . She acts as board advisor to a number of tech startups and consults for companies around the world, describing her consultancy approach as ‘I like to blow shit up. I am the Michael Bay of business.’ She has a reputation as a highly compelling and inspirational speaker at conferences and events around the world on a variety of topics: her talks on the future of advertising and marketing have been tweeted as: ‘The most brilliant speech on the future of advertising ever – not the usual buzzword-laden bullshit’; ‘Watching @cindygallop slice and dice the ad industry status quo like a ginsu knife. #purewin’; and ‘There must be a DeLorean parked outside, because Cindy Gallop is from the FUTURE!’ Pardeep Sall introduced her at InfluencerCon NYC as ‘Cindy Gallop is the truth Jack Nicholson told Tom Cruise he couldn’t handle.’ She published ‘Make Love Not Porn: Technology’s Hardcore Impact on Human Behavior’ as one of TED’s line of TEDBooks and is currently working on a book about her philosophy of life and business. You can follow her on Twitter @cindygallop.

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This post, Nov 16: Cyndi Gallop on Make Love Not Porn, Changing Perceptions of Sex & How She’d Run the World originally appeared on Pucker Up on November 13, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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Anal Advisor: Aiming to Please

I’m a woman who loves anything anal especially having my ass tongued. In the past, I had a boyfriend that also liked it. I liked licking his ass because it turned him on a lot. How do I find out if my current boyfriend might be into a rim job without him thinking that I am a freak? He is very open, but I guess I am just afraid to ask. Is this a common thing with men, for them to like having their ass tongued?

–Aiming to Please

In the past five years, there has been a lot more dialogue on straight men receiving (and enjoying) anal pleasure. It’s what I like to refer to as the “Bend Over Boyfriend” movement, named for the great how-to video of the same name. So know that more men than ever are embracing this kind of stimulation and being more ‘out’ about it.

How you bring it up with your boyfriend depends a lot on your personal style and how you communicate about sex as a couple. If you’re direct, by all means ask him about it; make sure you talk about how much it would turn you on. If you’re feeling unsure and want to test the waters, you could raise the issue indirectly, with a conversation starter like: “I read about women rimming men in a magazine, what do you think of that?” Find a hot erotic story that involves a woman rimming a man and read it to him as a bedtime tale. See what his reaction is to it. Or maybe you want to drop some hints during your next sex session. Try gently stimulating his asshole with your finger, and see what kind of reaction it elicits. Pay attention to his body language and the non-verbal cues he gives you. If he seems comfortable and turned on by it, the next time you’re down there licking his balls, venture farther down. Make sure after you do it to talk about it later to see how it felt for him and get feedback about what else he might like.

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This post, Anal Advisor: Aiming to Please originally appeared on Pucker Up on November 13, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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CineKink is coming to Chicago and Washington DC in November!

CineKink – “the kinky film festival” – comes back to Chicago for a hot two-night stand, then heads over to Washington DC to bring some of the “best of” for your Thanksgiving weekend! Celebrating and exploring a wide diversity of sexuality, the films and videos in this sex-positive and kink-friendly showcase range from documentary to drama, camp comedy to hot porn, mildy spicy to quite explicit – and everything in between.

Below is the list of films showing and links with more information on how to get tickets.

CINEKINK: CHICAGO

November 16 & 17 @ Leather Archives & Museum

Friday, November 16

8:00 PM       Best of CineKink/2012 + Reception

Saturday, November 17

4:00 PM       Stage Brother

6:00 PM       Kink & Kinship

8:00 PM       Sirwinakuy

CINEKINK: DC

Saturday, November 24 @ The Crucible

6:00 PM        Kink & Kinship

8:00 PM        Best of CineKink/2012

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This post, CineKink is coming to Chicago and Washington DC in November! originally appeared on Pucker Up on November 2, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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Vote No on Measure B in LA County

My piece about why I oppose Measure B, which would make condoms mandatory in porn in LA County, is up on Huffington Post. Please read it, comment, and share with everyone you know who lives in Los Angeles County—it’s very important!

Measure B Does Not Protect Performers: Vote No

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This post, Vote No on Measure B in LA County originally appeared on Pucker Up on October 31, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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