Tristan Taormino's Blog, page 30

Anal Advisor: Wanna Make My Shower Shake

I have a shower-shot system hooked up in my shower to give myself enemas, and I like it a lot. I have even bought some different nozzles for it, which are cool. My question is this: have you ever seen any vibrating butt-plug nozzles or attachments for the shower shot? I think it might be fun to add some vibration to the experience but I am having trouble finding something.

–Wanna Make My Shower Shake

I’m a toy whore and love to find all the latest cool, kinky gadgets out there. I’ve seen (and I own) several different butt plug attachments designed especially for the Shur Shot shower enema, but never one that vibrates. In the past few years, there have been advancements in sex toy technology and today there is a wide selection of waterproof vibrators on the market. None of those vibrators, however, have water traveling through them like an enema nozzle does. I’m not saying it can’t be done, just that it hasn’t yet been invented (to my knowledge).

Until that day comes, my suggestion for now is to get an enema nozzle made of aluminum (or, even better, silicone) and a waterproof vibrator. Hold the vibrator against the base of the nozzle while it is in your ass. Since aluminum and silicone conduct vibration throughout the toy, it should feel great. Another option is to forgo the shower system and invest in what’s called a “Feel The Flow” spray nozzle for an enema bag system. It’s a hard-to-find nozzle made of resin (hard plastic) that has three water jets that spray backwards at a 45 degree angle making a unique tingling sensation that probably feels a lot like vibration.

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This post, Anal Advisor: Wanna Make My Shower Shake originally appeared on Pucker Up on August 28, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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August 31: Hanne Blank on Radical Acceptance of Bodies, the History of the Hymen, and the Invention of Straight People

 

This Friday, August 31, Sex Out Loud welcomes author and scholar Hanne Blank. We’ll discuss her work on the history of both heterosexuality and virginity. Blank will talk about the 20th century invention of the concept of “straight” and why everything you think you know about virginity is wrong. Blank is also the author of Big Big Love: A Sex and Relationships Guide for People of Size (and Those Who Love Them), updated, illustrated, and re-released in 2011, so we’ll discuss radical acceptance of bodies and how it relates to bettering all of our sex and relationships. This show will be LIVE, so be ready to call in with your questions and join the discussion at 866-472-5788.

Hanne Blank spends her time thinking, learning, writing, and speaking at the crossroads of bodies, self, and culture. Joyfully spanning the town/gown divide as well as the mind/body split, her books include the histories Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality (Beacon Press, 2012) and Virgin: The Untouched History (Bloomsbury, 2007), the cult classic sex and body-acceptance book Big Big Love: A Sex and Relationships Guide for People of Size (and Those Who Love Them) (Celestial Arts, 2011), and numerous others.

Hanne’s work has been featured in periodicals ranging from Penthouse to Bitch: Feminist Response to Pop Culture, and in anthologies ranging from Embodied Resistance: Challenging the Norms, Breaking The Rules to Fucking Daphne: Mostly True Stories and Fictions to Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape.

A former Scholar of the Institute for Teaching and Research on Women at Towson University, Hanne has taught in various capacities on campuses including Brandeis and Tufts. She is also a popular speaker and guest lecturer, with appearances ranging from Harvard University to the inaugural Femme Conference and on topics from the history of the hymen to the politics of getting on top.

Hanne divides her time between north-central Massachusetts and Atlanta. She is a passionate defender of the Oxford comma, is a tea and cider drinker who lives in a coffee and beer country, and owns a preposterous number of red lipsticks. Her current projects include books on MFK Fisher, the rights of human bodies, and the thoroughly gory history of gynecology, as well as teaching and lecturing on campuses all over.

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This post, August 31: Hanne Blank on Radical Acceptance of Bodies, the History of the Hymen, and the Invention of Straight People originally appeared on Pucker Up on August 25, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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Barbara Carrellas’ Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the 21st Century Workshop at the New York Open Center on 15 September

Urban Tantra® is a radically updated Tantra practice for modern sexual and spiritual explorers—it can be used anywhere and by everyone. Tantra is not only a sexual practice, it also is a sensuous way of life and a path to spiritual growth and fulfillment. On the Tantric path, pleasure, vision and ecstasy are celebrated and can be as available in everyday life as they are in peak sexual experiences. In this workshop, you’ll learn Tantric techniques for intense full-bodied orgasms, breath-and-energy orgasms, amazingly deep, heart-centered connections (with a partner or with yourself), and the bliss that comes when your spiritual and sexual paths are one.

This workshop is for both couples and singles. All genders and sexual preferences are welcome. There will be no nudity and no explicit sexual touch. There will be partnered practices in the afternoon. Singles will be paired, with consent. To be assured of working with a partner of your choice, come with a friend.

Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-first Century, a one-day workshop (10am – 5:50 pm) at the New York Open Center, 22 E.30th Street, New York,, NY 10016.

To register, call 212-219-2527 or online here.

 

 

 

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This post, Barbara Carrellas’ Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the 21st Century Workshop at the New York Open Center on 15 September originally appeared on Pucker Up on August 24, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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Life is a Cabaret: A Review of Cabaret Desire

 

Cabaret Desire, a new adult film by Erika Lust, is truly a work of art. Set inside a haven of erotic storytelling, this film transports viewers to a mystical world of play, desire, fantasy, and sex. It feels like a grown-up fairytale. Pole dancers sweat. Soft music plays. Drinks are poured. Patrons weave in and out. A fierce-looking Madame watches the events unfold. However, the central theme of Cabaret Desire revolves around the storytellers, who are paid to share tales of love and lust. These sagas quickly evolve into their own steamy scenes, making this a fairytale where everyone gets a happy ending—especially you.

There are four, unique (yet equally compelling) stories in Cabaret Desire. The first follows a young, busty, tattooed woman (Sophia Prada). She is torn between two lovers. The catch? Both of her lovers are named Alex —one is female, one is male, and they each believe that they are her exclusive partner. She balances this affair for a while, successfully convincing either Alex that they are the only one she serenades in the park or fucks on the couch. But the audience is onto her little secret. Erika Lust masterfully juxtaposes the dates—and the sex—creating a beautiful montage of all the strap-on wearing, genital licking, finger-fucking that takes place with between Prada and either Alex.

The next plotline is the kinkiest (which isn’t saying much—Cabaret Desire is definitely for folks looking for a softer erotic flick). A mustachioed storyteller speaks of his mother—an art historian with a penchant for thievery and latex. Seconds later, we watch a beautiful woman in full-body latex (Lourdes “Lady Diamond”) break into a parlor and tie an unsuspecting man to a chair. After cutting off his boxers with scissors (a splash of danger) and sucking his cock, she proceeds to unzip the crotch of her latex suit and sit on his face. The scene ends with them fucking and the surprising discovery that this man is the father of her child.

Following the tale of the latex mommy comes a birthday girl (Liandra Dahl) who, for the big 3-0, gets a very special present. Her friends orchestrate for her to be blindfolded and led to a warehouse. In a room draped with white fabric, she sees a man (Matisse). She admits to having been interested in him for a while and the pair sucks, fucks, and cums on the cloud-like bed. The lighting makes this scene seem almost romantic, and yet we are fully aware that their interaction is a gift-exchange, thus complicating the typical romance narrative.

The last story features a man (Didac Duran) and a woman (Samia Duarte) who once shared a passionate, sex-filled weekend (which we, the viewers, are blessed to see snippets of). Now, a year later, the partners are meeting up. Both are quite curious about whether their old spark will still be there…and so are we.

These storylines are brought to life by the performers and their wonderful chemistry. Best of all, Cabaret Desire features a range of bodies—all of which look incredibly real. You can see small pockmarks, belly rolls, and a variety of pubic hairstyles. This beautiful depiction of the human form makes the film come across as more intimate, almost as if you are peeking into the real-life stories of a lucky few.

All in all, Cabaret Desire is a must-see film for anyone looking for the perfect mix of porn and art. As I mentioned earlier, it is not hardcore, but don’t let that deter you. The cinematography, music, and interwoven plotlines make it enjoyable even on a non-erotic level. So let your brain linger in a magical world of sex and storytelling. You won’t be disappointed.

Buy Cabaret Desire: Good Vibrations (DVD) or Hot Movies for Her (VOD)

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Abby Spector is a recent graduate of Wesleyan University, where she majored in Feminist/Gender/Sexuality Studies. She is currently interning for Tristan, a job that allows her to write about sex, research feminist porn, and play with dogs (among other, equally awesome things). When she isn’t working, Abby enjoys comfortable nudity and salty foods. Her dream? A world where she could sit around naked and eat overly-salted french fries. Her blog is Sexy Awkward Times.

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This post, Life is a Cabaret: A Review of Cabaret Desire originally appeared on Pucker Up on August 24, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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I’m a Hump Day Hero and Lambda Literary Gets Their Kink On

The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health featured me as one of their Hump Day Heros! Thank you so much, CSPH. Go read the interview here


Sassafras Lowery wrote a great review of The Ultimate Guide to Kink for Lambda Literary Review. Here’s a snippet:

In a world increasingly dominated (pun intended) by 50 Shades of Grey and other arguably unrealistic representations of BDSM, Tristan Taormino’s The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM Role Play and the Erotic Edge is exactly what we need. This primer takes the biggest names in the kink world and binds them together (the puns here are endless) into the kind of how-to guide our community has desperately needed for a long time

And finally, Get Lusty has a list of 20 sex educators to follow on Twitter – including yours truly! Check out the whole list here.

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This post, I’m a Hump Day Hero and Lambda Literary Gets Their Kink On originally appeared on Pucker Up on August 23, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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Ask the Intern: Confused About What I Like

 

I like men and I like having sex with them. However, I find it difficult to tell them what I like, since I’m not sure what I like myself. Plus, I’m an irregular orgasm-er with masturbation. Worse, it’s porn-conditioned: I most frequently get off to porn. Without porn, it’s pretty darn difficult. These days, what usually gets me off, non-porn wise, is imagining going down on another woman. Fun, huh?

I am only at the beginning of my active sexual life. What am I to do??  Help!

Overwhelmed Toronto Tart

Start by patting yourself on the back (or your pussy). You can have orgasms! So what if they are masturbation-based or require porn? Many people struggle with achieving an orgasm in any capacity. But you, my friend, have a general understanding of how to get yourself off. Congratulations.

However, when it comes to cumming, it’s nice to have a better-than-general understanding of your pleasure points. So grab a vibrator, glob on some lube, and explore your body. Learn what you like. Push yourself (within limits of safety and comfort) to test new positions and sensations. In terms of orgasms, we are our own best teachers. Self-pleasure is the first lesson plan.

Now onto your porn woes…stop worrying. Just because you get off easiest from porn does not mean that you will lead a life of solo orgasms and subsequent spinsterhood.   Pornography does not have to be experienced alone. Watching porn with a partner can be an incredibly arousing experience, especially when it sparks creative juices (which, in turn, can spark your juices). Find out what porn your partner(s) enjoys. If this conversation seems too daunting, curl up in bed with an explicit yet not-quite-pornographic film. I recommend Y Tu Mamá También or Sex and Lucia (gotta love the Spanish).

And you’re right—it is fun to fantasize about going down on women! Have you ever tried having sex with a woman (outside of your imagination)? You might love it. You might loathe it. I think it’s worth the try (then again, I think everything is worth a try). You’re just starting your sexually active life. It’s prime time for experimentation.

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Abby Spector is a recent graduate of Wesleyan University, where she majored in Feminist/Gender/Sexuality Studies. She is currently interning for Tristan, a job that allows her to write about sex, research feminist porn, and play with dogs (among other, equally awesome things). When she isn’t working, Abby enjoys comfortable nudity and salty foods. Her dream? A world where she could sit around naked and eat overly-salted french fries. Her blog is Sexy Awkward Times.

 

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This post, Ask the Intern: Confused About What I Like originally appeared on Pucker Up on August 22, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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Anal Advisor: Deep in the Deep South

I am an experienced anal player. I have had fun with my ass for over ten years now and still enjoy it like the first time I did it. My former Master and I used to do lots of play with anal dilators and my ass got quite stretchable. Recently I started to venture a bit into deeper anal probing and I really enjoy that as well. I seem to be able to find lots of information on anal stretching, but there is little about exploring the depths of the ass. So my question is what techniques and approaches are there for depth play? Where are the risks, where are the limits, where do I have to take special care? Are there any special health risks when one goes deeper, besides the obvious injury risk?

–Deep in the Deep South

The anal canal and rectum are 10-11″ long, and so you’ve got quite a bit of room to play with long toys. As long as you use plenty of lube, work your way up to bigger and longer toys, and listen to your body, going deep into the rectum is safe. Once you venture beyond the rectum, you get to the sigmoid colon, and the risks of penetration increase greatly. In the sigmoid colon, you have a greater chance of tearing or rupturing a part of the colon. The best information about what you call “depth play” beyond the rectum can be found in writing and videos on anal fisting, which are mostly produced by gay men. I suggest the book Trust: The Handbook, A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing by Bert Herrman and the website Red Right.

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This post, Anal Advisor: Deep in the Deep South originally appeared on Pucker Up on August 21, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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August 24: Jessica Valenti on Virginity, the Purity Myth, and the Future of Feminism

 

This Friday, August 24th, I’m thrilled to welcome Jessica Valenti, writer and founder of feministing.com to Sex Out Loud. Jessica Valenti will talk to us about her latest book, The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women, which was also turned into a documentary. We’ll discuss abstinence-only education, recent attempts by legislators to control women’s reproductive health care, and long term effects of the current climate on women and sexuality. I will also talk with Jessica, author of Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman’s Guide to Why Feminism Matters, about her experiences as a feminist writer and activist, and where she thinks the next generation of online organizing will lead us. Tune into our show at 8 pm ET / 5 pm PT.

Jessica Valenti – called one of the Top 100 Inspiring Women in the world by The Guardian – is the author of three books: Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman’s Guide to Why Feminism Matters, He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut…and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know, and The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women which has been made into a documentary by the Media Education Foundation. She is the editor of the anthology Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape, which was named one of Publishers Weekly‘s Top 100 Books of 2009.

Jessica is also the founder of Feministing.com, which Columbia Journalism Review calls “head and shoulders above almost any writing on women’s issues in mainstream media.” Her writing has appeared in The Washington Post, The Nation, The Guardian (UK), The American Prospect, Ms. magazine, Salon and Bitch magazine. She has won a Choice USA Generation award and the 2011 Hillman Journalism Prize for her work with Feministing. She has appeared on The Colbert Report and the Today show, among others, and was profiled in The New York Times Magazine under the headline “Fourth Wave Feminism.”

Jessica is also a widely sought-after speaker who gives dozens of speeches at universities and organizations in the U.S. and abroad. She received her Masters degree in Women’s and Gender Studies from Rutgers University.

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This post, August 24: Jessica Valenti on Virginity, the Purity Myth, and the Future of Feminism originally appeared on Pucker Up on August 19, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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My Stint As The Savage Love Guest Columnist

Artwork by Joe Newton for The Stranger

While Dan Savage was on vacation, the “Savage Love” Letter of the Day—a.k.a. SLLOTD—had to go on! So Dan asked three different guest columnists to field his readers’ questions while he’s away. I was the guest columnist August 13-17! You can read each of my questions and answers on the SLOG, along with readers’ comments which were diverse and very opinionated here:

August 13: Even Less Kinky Than Plain Vanilla, about incompatibility, kinkiness, and communication

August 14: Fetishes, Porn, Meatballs, and Eggs, about women’s fetishes, a gyno sex fantasy, and gossip

August 15: Hungover and Hurt, about a partner’s boundary violation (trigger warning)

August 16: Maybe I’m More Vanilla Than I Thought, about crossdressing, anal, and sexual compatibility

August 17: Less Face, More Fuck, about a new Dom/sub sex partner who’s avoiding intercourse

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This post, My Stint As The Savage Love Guest Columnist originally appeared on Pucker Up on August 15, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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I’m The Savage Love Guest Columnist This Week

Artwork by Joe Newton for The Stranger

Dan Savage is on vacation (Hi Dan! Hope you’re having a blast!), but the “Savage Love” Letter of the Day—a.k.a. SLLOTD—must go on! So Dan asked three different guest columnists to field his readers’ questions while he’s away. This week, August 13-17, is my week! You can catch a new letter and my response each day at the SLOG. On Monday we had a woman wants a more interesting sex life with her boyfriend and yesterday was Fetishes, Porn, Meatball, and Eggs. Follow along all week!

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This post, I’m The Savage Love Guest Columnist This Week originally appeared on Pucker Up on August 15, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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