Lindsay Detwiler's Blog, page 63

What They Don’t Tell You About Dreams. . .

It’s happening.

My book is up for pre-order.  I can type “Lindsay Detwiler” into the Amazon search bar my book comes up (Yes, I’ve done it.  A thousand times.  And felt a bit vain every time . . .but I can’t resist). Select friends and relatives are reading my book. I’m emailing professional reviewers every day, searching for people to critique my work, to discuss Emma and Corbin’s story. I talked to Barnes and Noble about a book signing in the spring.

All of my dreams are coming true.

And yet, even as I’m typing this, I don’t feel like it’s happening at all. I feel like it’s happening to someone else or I’m dreaming it all.

Years ago, when I was in a typing frenzy with this story called Voice of Innocence fighting to get from my mind to the computer screen as fast as my fingers could go, I would pause to daydream.  Sitting in reverie, I would think about what it would be like to see my book in print, to see my name on the author line, to see my book on amazon.com.  Back then, I didn’t let myself get too carried away, though.  I told myself that it would never happen, that it was an untouchable whimsy.

Yet, here I sit, the whimsy now tangible.

It’s not like I’m a NYT Bestseller or my phone is ringing off the hook for interviews.  True, I talk about my book almost every day with friends, co-workers, even strangers who recognize me from our local paper.  I chat about my book online, post about it on Facebook. I basically live and breathe the book these days.

Nonetheless, there’s something I would have to label as silence floating around. Everything feels calm.  If I pinch myself, I feel like I could truly wake up and find that this didn’t all happen.  I think I’ve put myself in a protective state of denial, denial that this dream hasn’t really come true.

It sounds crazy.  “Aren’t you thrilled?” people ask me every day.  And I am . . .thrilled doesn’t even describe it . . .when I let myself feel it.

People talk about the beauty of dreams coming true, but they don’t talk about the shock that sometimes surrounds a dream.  They don’t talk about the fact that sometimes your mind doesn’t quite process it.

I’ve reached my dream. My book is going to be read by others.  Even if it’s only a few, others will read my book.  People will hopefully grow attached to character I dreamed of, feel sorrow over situations I imagined.  It’s hard to fathom.

But fathom it I must.  I know that I have to own this time, to know that it’s okay to let myself believe it.  No matter what happens in the next few weeks, no matter how many people buy my book, no matter how many people love it or hate (hopefully love it) . . .my dream has come true.

And I’m not done yet.  I’ve found through this process that I love the thrill of writing.  I love the idea that the words flowing from my fingers can impact others.  I’ve been exhausted these past few weeks from marketing, editing, spreading the word about my book, and all types of other things that go with publishing a book.  Yet, I also find myself energized to keep writing.  I’ve found a surge of inspiration, a need to finish my second book I started last year.  It’s addicting.

So I trudge forward, accepting that this dream has flourished and knowing that it won’t be the last dream I need to come to terms with.

Voice of Innocence, to be released February 26th,  is now available for pre-order at :

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/519707

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00TMX826K

Voice of Innocence Release Date: February 26th (Preorder now available)

The release date for Voice of Innocence will be February 26th!

The pre-order link for Amazon.com for the ebook version is http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00TMX826K.
Pre-ordering is available at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/519707. You can check out  a sample here!

“Our love was strong, unwavering, and unbreakable . . .or so we thought.”

Voice of Innocence, Lindsay Detwiler’s debut novel

Self-Reliance

“There is a time in every man’s education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better for worse as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried. Not for nothing one face, one character, one fact makes much impression on him, and another none. This sculpture in the memory is not without preéstablished harmony. The eye was placed where one ray should fall, that it might testify of that particular ray. We but half express ourselves, and are ashamed of that divine idea which each of us represents. It may be safely trusted as proportionate and of good issues, so it be faithfully imparted, but God will not have his work made manifest by cowards. A man is relieved and gay when he has put his heart into his work and done his best; but what he has said or done otherwise shall give hint no peace. It is a deliverance which does not deliver. In the attempt his genius deserts him; no muse befriends; no invention, no hope.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

It’s Emerson week in my Honors classes.  My tenth graders are studying “Self-Reliance,” which is a really difficult piece.  I’ve been so impressed, though, by their analysis of Emerson’s words.  Written in 1841, the vocabulary is challenging and the wording is superfluous at times . . .but they’re analyzing it and connecting to it.  What a beautiful thing to see teenagers making deep observations about bravery, identity, and challenging society’s pressures. Their commentaries would rival many adults’ perceptions of life; whoever says that teenagers don’t “get” how the world works or are immature hasn’t met my class.

Emerson’s work really reminded me of two things this week.  First of all, as he writes above, “Imitation is suicide.”  This applies to so many aspects of our lives.  So many times in life we are afraid to stand out, to be different.  In small ways, we can see this with our fashion (how many times has a friend asked you if her outfit looks okay?), our conversations (be careful not to offend anyone!), and our everyday decisions (we can’t eat dessert first!).  In bigger ways, though, in more important ways, this principle guides our passions.  How many times are we afraid to go after a dream because it’s too risky, because others might deem it as foolish?  Emerson challenges us, though, to be different.  He talks about how all of history’s greatest men (and women) weren’t afraid to stand out, to go against the crowd.  They, in short, did NOT imitate.

Second, I love the line, “God will not have his work made manifest by cowards.”  I almost passed this line by, but a wise student pointed it out and noted how it emphasizes the value of questioning society.  Emerson is taking a small stab at organized religion (true to the Transcendentalist beliefs that divine connections can be achieved in every man and not just through churches and ministers).  It’s not that he’s saying organized religion is the problem; he’s saying that man blindly following any type of organized social group just because he feels he has to is the problem.  Whether it be religion or career pathways or our lifestyles, we can’t just follow the masses because we are too cowardly to be different.  Emerson highlights that true, divine inspiration comes from questioning, from going one’s own way if he must, to find his true self.  By finding one’s true self, one can reach the epitome of inspiration and achievement, achievement that would make God or any other higher power proud.

There are so many more deep messages hidden in Emerson.  Whether you’re fifteen or one hundred and fifteen, whether you’re living in 1841 or 2015, Emerson’s ideals about identity and individuality remind all of us what meaningful living is all about:  finding what makes you happy and being brave enough to go after it, even if it means you must stray from the social masses.

The Fairness Farce

“Life, I’ve learned, is never fair. If they teach anything in schools, that should be it.”

~ Nicholas Sparks

That’s not fair!

I’m in my fourth year of teaching, and I can assure you one thing about education:  every teacher is bound to hear these words at least once. From a homework grade to a verbal reprimand to asking a student to put away scissors, these words are often a defense mechanism that students resort to.  We might get annoyed that our students constantly utter these words, but to be completely honest, the idea that everything in life has to be fair doesn’t go away upon graduation.  Plenty of adults constantly complain about fairness in life.

To be completely transparent, I, myself, have uttered these words on many occasions.

What is it about the human condition that makes us expect fairness?  Is it that when we are young, we are raised to try to be fair in our judgments, our actions, and our behaviors?  We are taught that we must share the best toys at recess in the name of fairness.  We are taught that we have to split the chocolate bar in half to be fair to our sibling.  We are reminded that rules apply to us equally as much as to the other kids.  We can’t cheat during a game because it wouldn’t be fair.  We can’t get a head start in the race because . . . you get the point.

This ideal seems to become an integral part of our expectations for life, no matter how haughty it seems.  We expect, no we demand, that life, despite its unpredictable nature, is fair. Life can’t treat good people badly, overthrow good intentions, or penalize the honorable . . .fairness dictates these rules.  Or does it?

What a slap in the face we receive once we realize that fairness isn’t a part of life’s equation. Sometimes, we try to slap this fact right back through anger; if we are wise, we quickly realize how futile this approach is.

In Voice of Innocence, fairness is certainly an element that plagues both Emma and Corbin.  There’s nothing fair about the situation they face.  Both learn at an early age that the word “fair” isn’t consistent, reliable, or even something to expect.  This lesson arguably makes them stronger, but it also plagues their interactions in life, just like it plagues all of us in one way or another.

Whether we find out through school, through work, or through relationships, at some point in our lives we have to face the fact that, as the cliché echoes, life truly isn’t fair.  The true test of one’s character comes when one figures out what to do with that fact and how to react to it.

Lindsay Detwiler, Voice of Innocence

Truths

I do not profess to be a “knower of all things,” a philosopher, or a wise one full of life experiences.  The truth is, I am a twenty-seven-year-old who doesn’t have half of this crazy thing called life figured out.  I still don’t know what I’m doing or what the answers are.  But, in my time so far, here’s what I know to be true:

~Love is possible~ Love is real~ Cats make life warmer, better ~ Chocolate makes any disaster seem tolerable ~ When your husband says you should get a dog, you should listen because the dog will end up being your best friend and obsession ~Coffee is equivalent to life ~ You can’t resist the scent of Starbucks, even if it is expensive~ People are inherently good if given the opportunity and environment in which to excel ~ The world is still full of scary people, but you can’t profess to understand their journey~ Focus on happiness or you’ll go crazy~Hard work pays off, but maybe not in the ways you expect ~Success is relative ~Dream wildly because it makes life more exciting ~Expect to be surprised, good and bad ~Trust no one ~ Trust everyone~ Trust whenever you feel that you can ~Shopping in December is a mistake, even if you love it ~ Smile and people will like you more ~People just want to be noticed, no matter their age ~Cooking is overrated~ Life is sometimes boring if you let it be ~Netflix is awesome ~Netflix leads to laziness ~Netflix is still awesome ~First loves never die ~First love is its own magic ~Words are truly power if used effectively ~Bookworms grow up to be even more obsessive bookworms ~Education equates to options ~Finding your passion is half of the battle ~Owning your passion is the other half~ Life flies by, so you have to appreciate it and not just say that you do ~Complaining is a part of life, even if we don’t want it to be ~At the end of it all, we just have to do our best and find our own truths.  This is successful living.

Lindsay Detwiler, Voice of Innocence

Laundry, Netflix, and a Bit of Sorcery . . .

I came home from chaperoning a dance this weekend to find a surprise from my husband—a show added to my wish list on Netflix.  It was a movie about J.K. Rowling’s life . . .I know, you’re thinking that’s the lamest surprise ever, but for me, I was pretty excited (mostly that he knew who J.K. Rowling was since he never reads and only goes to Barnes & Noble for Fiji water and biscotti).  After a never-ending round of laundry, homework, and chores, I found some time to plop myself on the couch and give it a whirl, expecting it to be good but probably not totally riveting.

I was completely and unabashedly wrong.

I’ve always known that J.K. Rowling’s tale to success was a winding one.  A single mother on welfare when she penned Harry Potter, she never expected to be successful.  She is truly the epitome of the rags to riches story, the never give up on your dreams story, and the hard work will always pay off story.

The Netflix special truly captured all of these sentiments in a very relatable, likeable and non-corny way.

From showing the real life inspirations for her writing to showing her failures along the way, the movie really reminds us all that you never know where life will take you.  I liked how humble she was.  There’s a scene where she sees a bookstore stocking the front window and she says to her daughter that it’s “bloody unlikely” that Harry Potter will ever see that window.  I love her unassuming nature.  I also love that, in hindsight, it’s almost comical to see her doubt her writing and the impact it will have.

I think it’s moving to see that a writer as amazing and impactful as Rowling had her struggles, fears, and doubts.  She shows that if you’re writing for the right reasons (because you love it), you truly can’t lose.  If you write from the heart, people will know it.

Writer or not, Rowling’s story also reminds us that you never know when your life can change suddenly.  Even when things seem impossible, even when you hit rock bottom, you never know what exciting development could be waiting up ahead.  What a strangely inspiring thought to hang on to.  Moreover, her story shows that sometimes dreams have to be balanced with reality.  Rowling wanted to write Harry Potter, but real life demanded her time as well.  It took years for her to finish writing, get published, and make Harry Potter a household name.  She reminds us that balance is key.  As she writes in Harry Potter, “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

Our dreams don’t always happen overnight.  Sometimes, the dreams we are after won’t even happen at all or won’t unfold in the manner that we planned.  However, if we want something badly enough and we put enough heart into it, sometimes life throws a little bit of magic our way.

Five MORE Things I Love

It’s my second post in my “five things I love” series for February, so here it goes.

Ghost Boy by Martin Pistorius

If you’ve been around me lately, I’ve probably talked your ear off about this book.  A co-worker and my mom recommended it to me, so I picked it up this week . . . and even though I’ve been super busy proofreading my own novel, I still have been obsessed with reading this book!  Martin Pistorius’s story is terrifying, haunting, and yet oddly inspiring.  It reminds me that yes, I may have spilled my coffee this morning or waited too long in line somewhere, but in reality, I have NOTHING to complain about.  He makes you want to never take a moment, a person, or a choice  for granted. I love this quote from the book: “I’d been put in a box long before, after all.  Each of us has.  Are you the “difficult” child or the “histrionic” lover, the “argumentative” sibling or the “long-suffering” spouse?  Boxes make us easier to understand, but they also imprison us because people don’t see past them.”

Read more about Martin Pistorius here: http://www.martinpistorius.com/

2. Panera Bread

Maybe I’m writing this because I’m really hungry right now, but this is definitely one of my obsessions of the year, not just the month.  My recommendations?  The Barbeque Chicken Flatbread and the mac and cheese.  Oh, and of course the chocolate pastry :)

Chipotle

Okay, so I’m really hungry. Chipotle:  I’m in love.  I even love that they feature author’s writings on their drink cups.  How cool is that?

Margaret Atwood’s “You Begin”

I don’t even know why, but this is my absolute favorite poem.  I love that it focuses on how important our childhood is and how much the world taints our childhood innocence.

Margaret Atwood – You Begin


You begin this way:

this is your hand,

this is your eye,

this is a fish, blue and flat

on the paper, almost

the shape of an eye

This is your mouth, this is an O

or a moon, whichever

you like.  This is yellow.

Outside the window

is the rain, green

because it is summer, and beyond that

the trees and then the world,

which is round and has only

the colors of these nine crayons.

This is the world, which is fuller

and more difficult to learn than I have said.

You are right to smudge it that way

with the red and then

the orange: the world burns.

Once you have learned these words

you will learn that there are more

words than you can ever learn.

The word hand floats above your hand

like a small cloud over a lake.

The word hand anchors

your hand to this table

your hand is a warm stone

I hold between two words.

This is your hand, these are my hands, this is the world,

which is round but not flat and has more colors

than we can see.

It begins, it has an end,

this is what you will

come back to, this is your hand.

5. Matrix Fiberstrong Leave-In Treatment

This hair product is awesome because it really helps restore your hair.  I have less split-ends, which is great because I’m trying to grow my hair out.  I am a hair product and cosmetics addict, so I’ve tried a million things.  This is one of my favorites!

Lindsay Detwiler, Voice of Innocence author

Writing Goals

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” ~Walt Disney

Courage.  It’s not something we always think about when we talk about dreams, but it is so essential.  I’ve found this to be so true in my life.  First, my dream was to be an English teacher in my hometown . . . during the time when the prospects for teaching jobs were basically nonexistent.  I had to have the courage to throw caution to the wind, so to speak, and earn a degree for a job I didn’t know if I would ever get.  It wasn’t easy, especially for an overly rational person like myself.  It certainly paid off, though, and I’m glad now that I didn’t let the statistics and job facts deter my dreams.

Next, there was the courage to share my first novel, to send it to a publisher and hope that someone would see value in it.  This was probably the most difficult dream to pursue because it meant I had to open myself up for potential failure and criticism.  Even now, awaiting my book’s release, there’s still a part of me afraid to see others reading my work.  Writing comes from the heart, so putting your writing out there for the world makes you very vulnerable.

Nonetheless, I’ve accomplished two of my major life goals.  So, I’ve been left asking:  what now?  I’m one to always have my sights on the horizon, to always be asking what’s next.  Thus, I’ve decided to take on the blog question:  What are your writing goals for the year?  Some are lofty.  Some take courage to even admit.  But if I’ve learned anything this past year, it’s that you have to be courageous enough to go after your dreams, no matter how big or small.

Goal #1:  Have Nicholas Sparks read (and like) my book

Goal #2:  Get on The Today’s Show with my book

Goal #3:  Finish writing my second novel, Without You

Goal #4: Help another aspiring writer reach his or her goals.

Goal #5: Lead a book discussion about my novel.

Goal #6:  Become a NYT Bestselling author (not for this year, but for the long run)

My goals may NEVER happen.  But then again, they just may come true.  That’s the beauty of dreams. . . they give us something to strive for and, when they are achieved, they make our lives more magical.

Never doubt the beauty, the power, the potential of a dream.

Lindsay Detwiler, Voice of Innocence

Character Inspiration

Oftentimes, writers are asked: “What inspires the development of your characters?” For me, it’s usually the characters who come to me first in the book writing process.  Sometimes, I loosely base the characters off of myself.  For example, Emma in Voice of Innocence certainly has qualities that scream “me.” Those of you who know me best will see nuances of myself in her.  In my second book, there is also a character who is a brunette, goal-oriented, rational thinker.  As writers often note, we write what we know. I think my favorite characters, though, are inspired by qualities I wish I had. In the second novel I’m working on, I absolutely love my character Violet. She is zany, carefree, and just goes for her dreams. She owns a coffee shop which she established right out of college. She’s exudes quirkiness and creativity. I love that in her. None of my characters are identical matches to any real life people. What’s the fun in that? The characters just come to me . . .strangely, it’s usually the name first. Then, I just start brainstorming the backstory.  I don’t sit down with a goal in mind for a character. Usually, once the name comes to me, I just start thinking up who they are, what they like, what makes them tick. It’s a very chaotic process, actually, that eventually drives me to start typing. I will admit, though, there is one character who is completely based on real life:  Henry.  Good old Henry appears in both Voice of Innocence and my second novel.  I guess it’s just kind of my thing, which stems largely from my obsession with all 140 pounds of him. Just like real life, the Henry of my novel loves cheese curls and watching television.  Not many people would be okay with having a character in a novel based completely off of them, but I assure you that Henry doesn’t mind.  He loves being center of attention and is probably hoping to get a book signing of his own from his appearance in the book :)

Voice of Innocence will be released at the end of this month! Watch my page for more details and the links for my book.

Books on My Bucket List

Here’s my latest book bucket list.  Have you read any of these?  Are there any I should cross off my list?  Any I should add? Let me know!

1. The Ghost Boy by Martin Pistorius

2. The rest of the Sookie Stackhouse Series by Charlaine Harris (I’m on book two).

3. Catcher in the Rye (I know, English teachers shouldn’t admit they haven’t read this, but hey, someday. . . )

4. Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult

5. The rest of the Maze Runner series

6.  The Awakening Kate Chopin

7. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

8. Far From the Maddening Crowd by Thomas Hardy

9. One Plus One Jojo Moyes

10. The rest of the Harry Potter Series (I know, I know, I’m behind. . .)