Lindsay Detwiler's Blog, page 19
August 11, 2017
The Perfect, Sweet Summer Read: The Hideaway
A Review of Lauren K. Denton's The Hideaway
The Hideaway by Lauren K. DentonMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
"I was a new woman--risky and adventurous. It felt foreign and perfect at the same time."
The Hideaway by Lauren K. Denton is a sweet, summer read about secrets, family, identity, and love. The southern vibe to the novel is palpable not just through the setting, but the languid style of the writing. I adored the characters and the overall atmosphere created in this novel.
The story is told from the perspective of Sara Jenkins after her grandmother passes away. She moves back to Sweet Bay to take over the bed and breakfast her grandmother owned. However, as the summer unfolds, Sara learns secrets about her family, her grandmother, and herself. Through these secrets, she comes to learn what she really wants in life.
The story is also told from Sara's grandmother's perspective using flashbacks. These flashbacks help the reader get a full understanding of the setting, the characters, and the message of the work.
Overall, this book is a super sweet read about friendship and family. I adored the connections in the book and the overall sense of love at The Hideaway. It made me want to pick up and move to Sweet Bay. There wasn't a lot of suspense or mystery in the novel--it was more of an introspective kind of novel, which was perfect for summer.
I wish Sara had more flaws, perhaps, because at times she almost seemed too perfect. I would've liked to have seen a little bit more dimension to her character. Nonetheless, the book was still expertly crafted and a perfect read that reminded me of a Debbie Macomber book.
I would highly recommend this to anyone looking for a sweet read about family.
View all my reviews
August 8, 2017
I Will Never Apologize For Writing Romance
Nose scrunches, general disgust, raised eyebrows, and repulsion.These are sometimes the reactions when I say I'm a romance author.
I understand the genre isn't for everyone. Still, over the past three years as a published author in the romance genre, I'm come to learn there are so many unfair stigmas about romance reads. Some automatically assume whips and chains are a part of your stories, Fifty Shades forever changing the way we think of romance.
Others have told me they only read "real literature" or only like books with "complex characters," so romance isn't for them.
Some simply say they hate cheesy works and stories when eyeing my books.
When I'm met with these responses to the romance genre, I smile politely. Like I said, I understand the genre isn't for everyone.
But as both a writer in the genre and an avid reader of it, I know these stigmas and stereotypes are so often untrue.
My First Love Affair with the GenreWhen I first decided to write a novel, I knew without a doubt it would be in the romance genre because I'd fallen in love with it years before.
In junior high, Nicholas Sparks's stories became my obsession, my own love affair of sorts. I adored the way he could weave together two seemingly different lives, two broken people, into a single, working unit. I loved reading about their journey, their first kiss, their connection uncovered. I loved the way he could make the most complex, frightening human emotion seem to make sense.
Thus, putting pen to paper, I knew love stories were what I wanted to write. I wanted to explore the depth of romantic connections. I wanted to uncover romance where there seemed to be hopelessness. I wanted to help broken characters find their way to redemption down a rocky road of love.
I knew when I started writing romance there was a certain stigma about it, but I didn't worry about that. I worried about telling my stories, stories of complexity and emotion. Stories of reality and harsh truths. My romances aren't always about skipping into the sunset and finding a simple solution to life's problems. My romances are about the struggles we as humans face when trying to meld two different lives into one. It's about the obstacles that threaten not only our love, but our identities.
The Truth About RomanceRomance stories aren't cheesy, easy reads or lighthearted, unrealistic sagas.
They aren't all about abs and sexual encounters.
They aren't all about boy meets girl, love, marriage, and happily-ever-after.
As a reader and writer in the genre, I've come to learn that romance is a broad genre with so many nuances in its offerings. There are stories of escape, stories of depth, and stories of gut-wrenching pain.
I know no matter how many articles are written about the value of the romance genre and the depth of its literary value, there will always be stigma. Romance will forever be pictured as shirtless men parading women into the sunsets of forever.
Still, I want to make it clear: I will never apologize for writing romance. No matter how many sighs or shriveled noses I see at my work, I will stand proud knowing I write in this genre. I will never back down from telling the stories I love, even if some don't want to take them seriously. I will never stop defending the genre for its literary value, it's revelation of deep human truths, and its beauty at highlighting one of the most misunderstood yet valued concepts of the human journey: Love.
To learn more about my dedication to genuine, sweet love stories and to get three free chapters of my most recent release, sign-up for my mailing list:http://bit.ly/2u42BjUbit.ly/2u42BjU
August 4, 2017
Love, Hope, and Loss in Sarah Dessen's Once And For All
Once and for All by Sarah DessenMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
"You can't measure love by time put in, but the weight of those moments. Some in life are light, like a touch. Others, you can't help but stagger beneath."
Once and for All is a beautiful, engaging young adult romance about moving on, tragedy, and hope. I adored the overall plot and the beautiful weaving of two different timelines together.
Louna's mother and godfather run a wedding planning business, so she's grown up around love and talks of forever. However, because of a serious tragedy, Louna doesn't actually believe in forever. When Ambrose is hired by Louna's mother to help out with the business for a summer, however, everything Louna thinks she knows about life and love might change.
Louna's character is the perfect balance of quirky and hesitant. I loved how dynamic she felt and how she changed through the book. Although this is a young adult novel, I felt connected with her character because she felt very mature. This is probably because at a young age, she experienced tragedy most adults couldn't even begin to imagine. This maturity allowed me to connect with her even though she is in her twenties.
I loved the supporting cast of characters in this book as well. They are all well-developed and memorable. The story moves at a perfect pace, allowing you to languish in the beautiful prose but also to feel like the story is filled with events. Sarah Dessen incorporates flashbacks seamlessly that help explain who Louna is.
This is, by far, my favorite young adult romance because it has the depth and sincerity of an adult novel while dealing with the unique issues of teenage romance. Sarah's writing style is gorgeous and captivating. There are so many beautiful lines in the book.
I wish the bonus scene had been more in-depth because I wanted to hear more about the story and where it went. However, this book is definitely a five-star novel and, in my opinion, flawless.
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August 3, 2017
Just a Girl and Her Dog
Just a Girl and Her Dog #element-c9d15197-2485-432f-b42f-cb51ec9044ba .wgtc-widget-frame { width: 100%;}#element-c9d15197-2485-432f-b42f-cb51ec9044ba .wgtc-widget-frame iframe { width: 100%; height: 100%; border-collapse: collapse; border: 0 none;}Henry and I were in a bit of mourning when we took our walk today.
It's August, and the back-to-school ads are in full-swing. Our summer is winding down, and with it, our endless days of spending time together.
Our summers aren't anything special, not to the outsider. Our summers are simply days when we don't have anywhere we have to be, anyone we have to impress, or anything we have to do. It's a time of messy hair and an unpainted face. It's heels traded in for flip-flops, and professional dresses traded for leggings and T-shirts.
Our summers aren't about exotic travel or once-in-a-lifetime encounters. For Henry and me, our summer is about the simple moments we have together every single day.
It's relaxing on the couch with an extra cup of coffee, watching too many hours of the Today Show. It's time on the deck, observing our neighborhood and playing in Henry's favorite sprinkler.
Summer's a time of late lunches and naps together. It's a time of walks in the neighborhood, a slow, ambling pace because there's no rush. It's too many snacks and way too much ice cream. It's trips to the local parks and walks to local businesses. It's Chinese food for lunch on a Tuesday because why not.
It's trips to visit family and friends on a whim. Summer is watching the sun go down and watching movies and sharing a popsicle. It's lemonade and trips to Poochey Chef.
It's really nothing special... it's just special because we get to spend time together.
I know once fall comes, we'll still have our adventures together. There will be autumn festivals and surprise snow days and all sorts of things in between.
But as summer ends, I always mourn it a little bit. As much as I love teaching, I know I'll miss the endless days of spending time with those big brown eyes and exploring life together. I'll miss the stress-free days of just existing, just playing, just living.
With each passing summer, I become more acutely aware that there won't always be a summer of Henry and me. Some year, a year that will come way too fast because dogs' lives are way too short, we'll have our last summer together. We won't even know it at the time. We'll be in the middle of last walks and last ice creams and last trips to the park without even knowing. Some day, I'll look back on our pictures from that last summer alone, facing all those adventures without my trusty pal at the end of the leash in my hand.
I don't want to think about those days.
So for now, Henry and I are going to enjoy every last second of this summer. We're going to take more walks and eat more ice cream. We're going to take too many selfies and play with his Jolly Ball in the yard until we both pass out. We're going to laugh and play and enjoy being what we love being the most:
Just a girl and her mastiff.
Just a girl and her dog.
Just a girl and her absolute best friend.
It's been a great #summer2017. Let's keep enjoying it. Visit meon Facebook for more behind-the-scenes at the writer's life. #element-42d30e52-d5ee-4b66-ac09-9fa1984ddcbf .wgtc-widget-frame { width: 100%;}#element-42d30e52-d5ee-4b66-ac09-9fa1984ddcbf .wgtc-widget-frame iframe { width: 100%; height: 100%; border-collapse: collapse; border: 0 none;}
It's August, and the back-to-school ads are in full-swing. Our summer is winding down, and with it, our endless days of spending time together.
Our summers aren't anything special, not to the outsider. Our summers are simply days when we don't have anywhere we have to be, anyone we have to impress, or anything we have to do. It's a time of messy hair and an unpainted face. It's heels traded in for flip-flops, and professional dresses traded for leggings and T-shirts.
Our summers aren't about exotic travel or once-in-a-lifetime encounters. For Henry and me, our summer is about the simple moments we have together every single day.
It's relaxing on the couch with an extra cup of coffee, watching too many hours of the Today Show. It's time on the deck, observing our neighborhood and playing in Henry's favorite sprinkler.
Summer's a time of late lunches and naps together. It's a time of walks in the neighborhood, a slow, ambling pace because there's no rush. It's too many snacks and way too much ice cream. It's trips to the local parks and walks to local businesses. It's Chinese food for lunch on a Tuesday because why not.
It's trips to visit family and friends on a whim. Summer is watching the sun go down and watching movies and sharing a popsicle. It's lemonade and trips to Poochey Chef.
It's really nothing special... it's just special because we get to spend time together.
I know once fall comes, we'll still have our adventures together. There will be autumn festivals and surprise snow days and all sorts of things in between.
But as summer ends, I always mourn it a little bit. As much as I love teaching, I know I'll miss the endless days of spending time with those big brown eyes and exploring life together. I'll miss the stress-free days of just existing, just playing, just living.
With each passing summer, I become more acutely aware that there won't always be a summer of Henry and me. Some year, a year that will come way too fast because dogs' lives are way too short, we'll have our last summer together. We won't even know it at the time. We'll be in the middle of last walks and last ice creams and last trips to the park without even knowing. Some day, I'll look back on our pictures from that last summer alone, facing all those adventures without my trusty pal at the end of the leash in my hand.
I don't want to think about those days.
So for now, Henry and I are going to enjoy every last second of this summer. We're going to take more walks and eat more ice cream. We're going to take too many selfies and play with his Jolly Ball in the yard until we both pass out. We're going to laugh and play and enjoy being what we love being the most:
Just a girl and her mastiff.
Just a girl and her dog.
Just a girl and her absolute best friend.
It's been a great #summer2017. Let's keep enjoying it. Visit meon Facebook for more behind-the-scenes at the writer's life. #element-42d30e52-d5ee-4b66-ac09-9fa1984ddcbf .wgtc-widget-frame { width: 100%;}#element-42d30e52-d5ee-4b66-ac09-9fa1984ddcbf .wgtc-widget-frame iframe { width: 100%; height: 100%; border-collapse: collapse; border: 0 none;}
August 2, 2017
Bloggers Needed: Inked Hearts Release
Inked Hearts releases October 21, 2017, with Hot Tree Publishing. This contemporary romance is set in Ocean City, Maryland.IndieSagePR is looking for bloggers interested in participating in the release blitz. There will be a review option when you sign-up. The release blitz will involve an easy html post. Sign up today here: http://indiesage.com/blitz-inked-hearts-lindsay-detwiler/
“Six years, a complex about my freckles, a love for pastrami, and a fear of failure.
That’s what he gave me before slaughtering my heart and my faith in men.”
Suffering from the sting of betrayal, twenty-eight-year-old Avery Johannas quits her job and moves hundreds of miles away to Ocean City, the beach town of her dreams. With the help of her zany roommate, Jodie, Avery finds a new career, home, and freedom. Throughout her self-exploration, she makes only one rule: She won’t give her heart to a man again. She’s living for herself this time.
But then she meets Jesse.
A tattoo shop owner, the green-eyed Jesse Pearce is wild with a touch of mystery. As Jesse and Avery explore Ocean City and their friendship, they’ll have a hard time drawing a line in the sand between their hearts.
When summer nights get a little more heated than either expected, they’ll have to ask themselves: Can they let go of their notions of love, or will their hearts be permanently inked by past pain?
August 1, 2017
A Woman Has the Right To Change Her Mind
Changing Our Minds: It's Our Prerogative Sometimes it seems like society tells women we have to have every single aspect of ourselves 100% together. We must be decisive and focused when it comes to our goals. We must have a set plan for our lives and not veer from it. We must be steadfast go-getters who have their eyes locked solely on the prize.As I approach thirty, though, there's something I've come to learn: This idea is garbage.
To live is to inherently accept that we never quite know what's happening. Life is a jumbled, crazy journey filled with twisting and veering paths. Some paths intersect. Some loop back on themselves. Some bring us to crossroads filled with choices.
No one can be certain of every step.
Plus, there's the fact that we must allot for change. We are dynamic beings. We grow and learn. We develop and change our vantage point. We do not stay the same.
As women, we are complex being with choices, regrets, confusions, and questions. We don't have everything figured out, no matter how old or wise we are. We change our minds. We get lost sometimes. We lose sight of who we are or what we want to be.
Life isn't always filled with simple, two-answer questions. Life is murky and confusing. We get misled sometimes, and sometimes we simply have trouble listening to our gut.
The thing I've come to realize, though, is that literature for women should reflect this in order to give us permission to be okay with this.
Literature Reflecting Life Too many times, I've seen the ridiculous standard held for women in real life held for fictional characters. Female characters, especially in romance, are expected to have all the answers, to make the "right" decisions, and to play by the rules all the time.
Just like in real life, I don't agree with this.
When I set out to write romance, I knew I wanted to write for the real, modern woman. I wanted to write for the woman who changes her mind, her heart, and even herself. I wanted to write for the woman who doesn't have every answer and who doesn't know exactly how many steps and turns she'll take in her life. I wanted to showcase women who were courageous enough to not only chase happiness at all costs but who also weren't afraid to make mistakes.
I wanted to write about perfectly imperfect women who got confused, got down, got lost, and got broken. I wanted to write about women who were far from perfect...but perfectly fine with that.
The women in my books change their minds. They get confused about their hearts, and they get confused about themselves. Just like us, they make choices only to regret them. They make choices they are sure of only to go back and change their minds.
Like in real life, the women in my books are just trying to survive this crazy, turning path called life with a sense of purpose and a sense of joy.
The women in my books aren't perfect, and that may bother some people. To me, though, as a perfectly imperfect woman, I wouldn't have it any other way.
To learn more about my perfectly imperfect female characters, click the Books link above.
July 30, 2017
Our Love is a Sweet, Simple Kiss in the Middle of the Night
He kissed me on the cheek, a sweet, quick gesture he thought I didn't notice.It was the middle of the night, and I had been asleep for hours. My husband was just coming to bed after staying up late to play video games. He thought I was asleep, but I awoke just enough to note the kiss, to feel the sweet, secret gesture of love before he groggily turned to his side of the bed and fell asleep.
To an outsider, it would've been no big deal. It certainly isn't the Instagram-worthy moment of romance we all think of. It wasn't a grand, flashy gesture for all to see. It wasn't a shouting from the rooftops of who we are and how much he loves me. It wasn't a status update or a public gesture of romance.
It was a simple, sweet, stolen kiss on the cheek in the middle of the night when no one was around.
But to me... it meant everything.
To me, it was a reminder that our love isn't for show. It isn't some flashy candlelit dinner or dozens of roses on a whim. It isn't a trip to a romantic paradise or overt displays of passion.
Our love is a genuine, deep kind of connection and an unconditional concern we hold for each other. That kiss reminded me that he truly loves me, not because it's what married people do but because it's who we are together. It was a simple gesture, but a gesture that said so much... because it was for no one but us.
In truth, that kiss symbolizes who we are as a couple. We are a couple based on simple love, deep friendship, and the understanding we are a team.
Our love is a heartfelt connection, a knowledge that we're better and complete together. It's his strong arms holding me when I'm ugly sobbing about an injustice. It's our simultaneous laugh at the same humorous moment that no one else thinks is funny. It's our small habits and routines that make us who we are. It's the way we laugh about the cat being in the way every night at bedtime and the way he says "I love you" before going to sleep, even if we're pissed.
Our love is listening to each other vent and helping each other overcome. It's about chasing dreams individually but always together. Our love is communicating with the raising of an eyebrow or a single look.
Our love is a surprise chocolate when he knows I'm having a bad day or a listening ear when he's frustrated by someone. It's pizza on Valentine's Day and inside jokes. It's walking our mastiff on a Saturday night and lounging in sweatpants on our date night in. It's eating appetizers while watching HBO instead of going out. It's a fast food restaurant and a bouquet of wildflowers for a special occasion. It's a random trip to a consignment shop on a snowy winter night in our hometown. It's a walk hand-in-hand to a local shop for breakfast, my hair a mess and my clothes wrinkled.
Our love isn't flashy and obvious. It isn't the kind of sweep-you-off-your-feet, once-in-a-lifetime dates kind of thing you'd see on The Bachelorette or another reality show about love. It isn't this in-your-face, traditionally romantic thing.
But over the years, I've come to realize the beauty in that. I've come to realize how much I like our love story and the fact it isn't the traditional, obvious sort of thing.
Our love is a sweet, simple kiss on the cheek when no one else is watching--and I wouldn't have it any other way.
July 28, 2017
10 Reasons You Should Be Talking To Your Teen About Love
Today, I welcome a guest post from Sylvia Smith. Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages. 
Is it time to talk to the teenager in your life about love and relationships? Talking above love (or even worse, sex!) sounds like the kind of cringe-worthy chat most teenagers would much rather not have with their parents. But in fact, an honest chat about love is an important part of preparing your teen for their transition into adulthood, and a good way to teach them about healthy relationships and boundaries.
Here are 10 reasons why you should be talking to your teens about love.
1. Teaching Them About Good Relationships
Romantic relationship is a new territory for your teenager. Talking to them gives you the chance to teach them what good relationships look like. You can empower them with the confidence to say no to any relationship that is less than respectful, and educate them about having healthy relationships.
2. Warning Them About Signs Of Abuse
Let your teen know what makes up an abusive relationship and be clear with them that they don’t have to accept any behavior they are uncomfortable with. Let them know that abuse isn’t only physical violence, but also covers put-downs, being pressured to do things they don’t feel happy with, or being steered away from family and friends. Look up some anti-abuse resources online and share them with your teen so they’ll be ready to spot any warning signs.
3. Setting Boundaries And Expectations
Teenagers notoriously like to push boundaries – it’s all part of growing up. Now is a good time to talk to your teenager about your boundaries and expectations around love and relationships. Discuss curfews and ground rules with them. Be prepared to negotiate and listen to their concerns. Talk openly about when and how (or if) it’s ok for them to stay with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or have them stay over.
4. Defining Love vs Lust
This isn’t about being puritanical or shaming your teen for normal impulses. But do talk to them about the difference between love and lust. Help them understand the importance of thinking carefully about major decisions such as how far to go with their partner, and when. Give them a good grounding in how to know whether a partner really cares for them, or is just looking for some fun.
5. Showing Them What Respect Looks Like
Respect is the key to healthy relationships. Talk to your teen about respect. What does it mean? Show them what respect looks like in a healthy relationship: Talking kindly to each other, taking interest in each others lives, and respecting each others feelings, needs and boundaries.
6. Starting A Discussion About Preferences
Figuring out everything about sexuality can feel like a minefield. Make things easier on your teenager by starting an open discussion with them and letting them know that it’s ok if they don’t have it all figured out right now. Reassure them that there’s nothing wrong with being bigender, agender, transgender, gay, or anything else. Let them know that no matter what, they’re just as perfect in your eyes.
7. Building Trust Between You
Talking openly about love, sex and relationships is a great way to build trust between you and your teen. They’ll see that they can talk to you about anything and you’ll be there to listen and offer thoughtful advice. That sets up a healthy, trusting dynamic between you and your teen. When they’re navigating the ups and downs of love and need someone to help them, they will turn to you.
8. Showing Them How To Navigate Emotions
Emotions are tricky when you’re a teenager. Suddenly you have all these intense feelings, and we’re sure you remember how dramatic situations can get when there are a few teens involved. Teach your teen about emotional self care and regulation and help them to know themselves and handle their emotions better. They’ll be better equipped for dealing with the emotions of first relationships and first love.
9. Teaching Them How To Stay Safe
Love and dating aren’t always safe. You can let your teen know that without scaring them. Talk to them about staying safe,tell them to always keep an eye on their drink and make sure someone knows where they are. This is also a good time to chat with them about safe sex.
10. Being There For Them
Talking to your teen about love lets them know that you’re there for them as they go through this exciting and turbulent time in life. By modeling respect and openness, you build trust and make it easier for them to come to you to share their joys and worries.
Being a teenager is fun, challenging and tumultuous. Talk to the teenager in your life about love and give them the tools they need to form healthy relationships now and for the rest of their lives.
About the author:
Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.
Is it time to talk to the teenager in your life about love and relationships? Talking above love (or even worse, sex!) sounds like the kind of cringe-worthy chat most teenagers would much rather not have with their parents. But in fact, an honest chat about love is an important part of preparing your teen for their transition into adulthood, and a good way to teach them about healthy relationships and boundaries.
Here are 10 reasons why you should be talking to your teens about love.
1. Teaching Them About Good Relationships
Romantic relationship is a new territory for your teenager. Talking to them gives you the chance to teach them what good relationships look like. You can empower them with the confidence to say no to any relationship that is less than respectful, and educate them about having healthy relationships.
2. Warning Them About Signs Of Abuse
Let your teen know what makes up an abusive relationship and be clear with them that they don’t have to accept any behavior they are uncomfortable with. Let them know that abuse isn’t only physical violence, but also covers put-downs, being pressured to do things they don’t feel happy with, or being steered away from family and friends. Look up some anti-abuse resources online and share them with your teen so they’ll be ready to spot any warning signs.
3. Setting Boundaries And Expectations
Teenagers notoriously like to push boundaries – it’s all part of growing up. Now is a good time to talk to your teenager about your boundaries and expectations around love and relationships. Discuss curfews and ground rules with them. Be prepared to negotiate and listen to their concerns. Talk openly about when and how (or if) it’s ok for them to stay with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or have them stay over.
4. Defining Love vs Lust
This isn’t about being puritanical or shaming your teen for normal impulses. But do talk to them about the difference between love and lust. Help them understand the importance of thinking carefully about major decisions such as how far to go with their partner, and when. Give them a good grounding in how to know whether a partner really cares for them, or is just looking for some fun.
5. Showing Them What Respect Looks Like
Respect is the key to healthy relationships. Talk to your teen about respect. What does it mean? Show them what respect looks like in a healthy relationship: Talking kindly to each other, taking interest in each others lives, and respecting each others feelings, needs and boundaries.
6. Starting A Discussion About Preferences
Figuring out everything about sexuality can feel like a minefield. Make things easier on your teenager by starting an open discussion with them and letting them know that it’s ok if they don’t have it all figured out right now. Reassure them that there’s nothing wrong with being bigender, agender, transgender, gay, or anything else. Let them know that no matter what, they’re just as perfect in your eyes.
7. Building Trust Between You
Talking openly about love, sex and relationships is a great way to build trust between you and your teen. They’ll see that they can talk to you about anything and you’ll be there to listen and offer thoughtful advice. That sets up a healthy, trusting dynamic between you and your teen. When they’re navigating the ups and downs of love and need someone to help them, they will turn to you.
8. Showing Them How To Navigate Emotions
Emotions are tricky when you’re a teenager. Suddenly you have all these intense feelings, and we’re sure you remember how dramatic situations can get when there are a few teens involved. Teach your teen about emotional self care and regulation and help them to know themselves and handle their emotions better. They’ll be better equipped for dealing with the emotions of first relationships and first love.
9. Teaching Them How To Stay Safe
Love and dating aren’t always safe. You can let your teen know that without scaring them. Talk to them about staying safe,tell them to always keep an eye on their drink and make sure someone knows where they are. This is also a good time to chat with them about safe sex.
10. Being There For Them
Talking to your teen about love lets them know that you’re there for them as they go through this exciting and turbulent time in life. By modeling respect and openness, you build trust and make it easier for them to come to you to share their joys and worries.
Being a teenager is fun, challenging and tumultuous. Talk to the teenager in your life about love and give them the tools they need to form healthy relationships now and for the rest of their lives.
About the author:
Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.
July 25, 2017
Important Advice to Couples Affected By Addiction
By: Caleb Anderson Caleb developed an opiate addiction after being in a car accident. He’s in recovery today and wants to inspire others to overcome their addictions. He co-created RecoveryHope to help people with substance abuse disorders and their families.
Read on to hear his amazing advice for couples affected by addiction.
Alcoholism and drug addiction negatively affect relationships. When a spouse is an addict, the couple likely has poor or absent communication. The addict may be physically or psychologically abusive, unfaithful, or overly controlling. The addiction may create financial strain. Overall, the situation is stressful and lonely for the spouse that isn’t suffering from the addiction. If your spouse is an addict, you can try to find him or her treatment and find ways to heal together. But you also need to know when to walk away.
Getting Treatment
While you can’t force your spouse into treatment, there are things you can do to help him or her realize the addiction is out of control and treatment is necessary. For starters, stop enabling your spouse. The only way for him or her to realize there’s an issue is to experience the consequences of the addiction in the fullest extent. If work or a family event is missed, don’t make excuses.
When talking about the addiction and your concerns, be specific. Instead of saying, “You need to stop drinking because it’s unhealthy,” say, “Being drunk prevents you from attending dinner, and it’s hurting our marriage.” To that point, discuss the negative consequences specific to your marriage. Tell your spouse what will happen if he or she doesn’t seek help, but only say it if you mean it.
Have other family and friends bring up the addiction with you. The more people involved, the bigger the impact, but the individuals should be people your spouse knows and trusts. Carefully time these meetings when your spouse is sober and calm. Ideally, it should be soon after an addiction-related issue has occurred so that a consequence is fresh in your spouse’s mind.
Healing Together
When you’re ready to mend the relationship, it’s advisable to get help from a counselor or therapist. Going through the steps to heal together will be difficult, but a trained professional can help the two of you to stay on track and achieve success. Even with help, it will be stressful and take a period of adjustment. You may need couples therapy along with one-on-one sessions.
Outside of therapy, there are things you can work on to move your relationship into a healthier place. First, treat your marriage like it’s a new relationship. Everything changes after addiction issues, including you, your spouse, and your relationship. Go on dates again. Whether it’s once a month or once a week, make sure you have time alone together to bond.
Having a healthy, positive living environment is also important in order to promote sobriety. This could mean finding a new place to live to boost your spouse’s recovery, or visiting with your spouse while they temporarily live in a halfway house if they are finishing up treatment.
When disagreements arise, try to stay positive and avoid fights. If you need to take a break from the argument, then do so. Some issues are best discussed with your therapist, who’s an impartial third party. Every day, work on forgiving your spouse, but accept that it takes time to gain new trust.
Calling it Quits
Deciding to stay or leave is not an easy decision to make. Despite knowing that you’ve tried everything, that your self-esteem is shot, and that you’ve lost ample amounts of time trying to fix your spouse, you still love him or her. You worry what will happen to your spouse if you leave. Ending the marriage may make you feel like you’ve failed. However, consider the cost of staying. Your self-esteem, mental health, sense of well-being, and even physical health could be comprised.
Abuse in a relationship should never be tolerated, whether it’s physical or psychological. Consider leaving if your spouse lies, cheats, or steals. If your partner continues to worsen despite your best efforts, it may be time to leave. If you have kids, consider how the addiction affects them and if staying is worse than leaving. Do you feel supported, appreciated, and valued? If not, it may be time to walk away.
Remember that your life is also being negatively affected by your spouse’s addiction. There are ways for you to help your spouse to get treatment he or she needs, and if your spouse works on maintaining sobriety, the two of you can work on healing your relationship. However, you have to know when it’s time to walk away. You deserve a happy and fulfilling life.
Read on to hear his amazing advice for couples affected by addiction.
Alcoholism and drug addiction negatively affect relationships. When a spouse is an addict, the couple likely has poor or absent communication. The addict may be physically or psychologically abusive, unfaithful, or overly controlling. The addiction may create financial strain. Overall, the situation is stressful and lonely for the spouse that isn’t suffering from the addiction. If your spouse is an addict, you can try to find him or her treatment and find ways to heal together. But you also need to know when to walk away.Getting Treatment
While you can’t force your spouse into treatment, there are things you can do to help him or her realize the addiction is out of control and treatment is necessary. For starters, stop enabling your spouse. The only way for him or her to realize there’s an issue is to experience the consequences of the addiction in the fullest extent. If work or a family event is missed, don’t make excuses.
When talking about the addiction and your concerns, be specific. Instead of saying, “You need to stop drinking because it’s unhealthy,” say, “Being drunk prevents you from attending dinner, and it’s hurting our marriage.” To that point, discuss the negative consequences specific to your marriage. Tell your spouse what will happen if he or she doesn’t seek help, but only say it if you mean it.
Have other family and friends bring up the addiction with you. The more people involved, the bigger the impact, but the individuals should be people your spouse knows and trusts. Carefully time these meetings when your spouse is sober and calm. Ideally, it should be soon after an addiction-related issue has occurred so that a consequence is fresh in your spouse’s mind.
Healing Together
When you’re ready to mend the relationship, it’s advisable to get help from a counselor or therapist. Going through the steps to heal together will be difficult, but a trained professional can help the two of you to stay on track and achieve success. Even with help, it will be stressful and take a period of adjustment. You may need couples therapy along with one-on-one sessions.
Outside of therapy, there are things you can work on to move your relationship into a healthier place. First, treat your marriage like it’s a new relationship. Everything changes after addiction issues, including you, your spouse, and your relationship. Go on dates again. Whether it’s once a month or once a week, make sure you have time alone together to bond.
Having a healthy, positive living environment is also important in order to promote sobriety. This could mean finding a new place to live to boost your spouse’s recovery, or visiting with your spouse while they temporarily live in a halfway house if they are finishing up treatment.
When disagreements arise, try to stay positive and avoid fights. If you need to take a break from the argument, then do so. Some issues are best discussed with your therapist, who’s an impartial third party. Every day, work on forgiving your spouse, but accept that it takes time to gain new trust.
Calling it Quits
Deciding to stay or leave is not an easy decision to make. Despite knowing that you’ve tried everything, that your self-esteem is shot, and that you’ve lost ample amounts of time trying to fix your spouse, you still love him or her. You worry what will happen to your spouse if you leave. Ending the marriage may make you feel like you’ve failed. However, consider the cost of staying. Your self-esteem, mental health, sense of well-being, and even physical health could be comprised.
Abuse in a relationship should never be tolerated, whether it’s physical or psychological. Consider leaving if your spouse lies, cheats, or steals. If your partner continues to worsen despite your best efforts, it may be time to leave. If you have kids, consider how the addiction affects them and if staying is worse than leaving. Do you feel supported, appreciated, and valued? If not, it may be time to walk away.
Remember that your life is also being negatively affected by your spouse’s addiction. There are ways for you to help your spouse to get treatment he or she needs, and if your spouse works on maintaining sobriety, the two of you can work on healing your relationship. However, you have to know when it’s time to walk away. You deserve a happy and fulfilling life.
Tuesday Beauty Break: Christen Dominique
I'm a bookworm, but I'm also a beauty addict. I've spent tons of cash over the years at Ulta, Sephora, Target, and all sorts of places looking for the best beauty products for the average woman. I believe in cruelty-free cosmetics as well. Every Tuesday, I bring you quick information about a beauty product I've tried and loved. Feel free to comment below with products you think I should try out. I'm always on the hunt for the next best product :)Yes, You Need to Subscribe to Christen DominqueAs a beauty addict, I'm always trying to improve my sad technique. I'm no expert at makeup and don't claim to be. I need all the help I can get. You can buy great products, but if you don't know what to do with them, what's the point?
That's where Christen Dominique comes in. Her Youtube channel has completely transformed by beauty routine. I've picked up so many tiny tips and tricks from her that have made a huge difference in my confidence in my makeup.
Her videos show you the power of makeup. I love some of her five-minute face videos, too, because they feel achievable for women of average makeup skills.
Check out her channel! She is beautiful, entertaining, and so dang good at makeup! She also gives honest beauty critiques of products, which I love.
That's where Christen Dominique comes in. Her Youtube channel has completely transformed by beauty routine. I've picked up so many tiny tips and tricks from her that have made a huge difference in my confidence in my makeup.
Her videos show you the power of makeup. I love some of her five-minute face videos, too, because they feel achievable for women of average makeup skills.
Check out her channel! She is beautiful, entertaining, and so dang good at makeup! She also gives honest beauty critiques of products, which I love.
