Lindsay Detwiler's Blog, page 18

Change on the Horizon Means New Opportunities by Caleb Anderson

Getting a divorce is a painful experience but one you can use to your advantage if you approach it with a positive attitude and an open heart. Check out this guest post by Caleb AndersonMoving OnChances are, you’ll be ready for a change of scenery once the divorce is final. If you have kids, you may want to postpone moving for a while to allow for time to adjust to a new family dynamic. However, when the time is right, a relocation may be just what the doctor ordered to get yourself back on track.


When you move, think about how you want to be different than before. For instance, if you need to replace the bad habit of not exercising, look for a home with access to recreational facilities, greenways, and outdoor activities. If saving money is a goal, consider temporarily living with friends or relatives, which will serve a dual purpose of giving you someone to talk to when you feel down.


Whatever you decide to do, don’t rush. Closetbox, an on-demand storage company, actually offers quite a bit of good advice for men and women in the midst of a divorce: "Plan ahead as much as possible, accept help from loved ones, support your children, and most of all, show yourself some compassion and flexibility as you embrace your next chapter."

​A New BeginningWhile your divorce is the end of one chapter, it offers you the opportunity to turn the page to pen for yourself a new narrative. Barry Gold, founder of DivorcedOver50.com, explains that getting a divorce provides hope. Eventually, you will learn to look at your previous life not as a story in itself but part of the background leading up to better things. Divorce opens up a number of opportunities to teach your children about healthy and unhealthy relationships and clears the path for you to explore new connections.


When your relationship dies, it can feel as though it’s taking part of you with. But it’s not so much a death as it is a chance for rebirth.

​Decisions, DecisionsSeparating from a spouse inevitably means additional responsibilities. Where you once shared household chores, carting children back and forth to events and activities, and handling emergencies, you are now on your own to do these things. As overwhelming as it is, this is a perfect opportunity to evaluate what you prioritize in life. You may wish to drop your expensive cable subscription in favor of saving $100 a month to put toward travel. These are decisions that you are now free to make on your own.Happy Parents, Happy KidsThere has been much debate over the issue of divorce versus making an unhappy marriage work as it relates to children’s overall well-being. Most experts agree, however, parental happiness is directly related to children’s happiness. Parents who choose stay together but exist in a world full of tension and turmoil may actually be causing more damage to their children than if they were to divorce, according to licensed therapist Susan Pease Gadoua. What we’re saying here is that sometimes kids benefit just as much as the parents after a divorce. And happy, well-rounded children should be every parent’s ultimate goal.


Whether you are a man or woman, young or old, or have been married for a year or a decade, getting a divorce hurts. But, there is something very liberating about letting go. A divorce may be an opportunity for you to rediscover long-lost passions, reclaim old friendships, and live an overall happier life. By focusing on the positive, you provide for yourself the chance to rewrite your own story and put yourself in the lead.

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Sexy Seaside Romance Coming Soon: Inked Hearts

Pre-Order Inked Hearts NOW for 50% off and get an exclusive invite to our VIP Party!
"This is so stupid. I’m not going to see him again. I got my new tattoo, I’m ready to start over, and I’ve accomplished one of my goals.
As I walk toward home, I notice I have a little more bounce in my step. Despite the burning sensation on my shoulder and the pain, I feel better than I have in months.
I tell myself it’s the new tattoo, and not the man who gave it to me."~Lindsay Detwiler, Inked Hearts

​ Inked Hearts, a sexy seaside romance, is releasing October 21st! Pre-order now for half-off and then get your invite to our exclusive Pre-Order party, happening October 20th. We've got giveaways, recipes, behind-the-scenes, and more.

$2.49 for a book and a party invite. Grab your copy today!
​
Pre-order Now VIP Party

Finding the Courage to Pursue Your Own Happiness

I can’t do this for the rest of my life.



My car windows down and my favorite song blasting, my 21-year-old self should’ve been nothing but happy that August day. I had one more semester until I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in accounting. I’d maintained a 4.0 GPA, had been selected for a statewide scholarship for those pursuing the career pathway of becoming a Certified Public Accountant, and had finished my internship. My life’s path stretched out before me — it was steadfast and sure. It was everything I thought I wanted.



Driving home with the gorgeous rays of sun beating down on my car, though, it was this haunting thought that kept echoing in my head: I can’t do this for the rest of my life. After a summer of working on spreadsheets and convincing myself I loved numbers, I’d finally listened to my inner voice.



I wasn’t happy. I saw a life of interminably long, passionless days ahead.



It was on this day I made a decision that was very difficult at the time. I finished my accounting degree, but instead of heading off to the workplace with my peers, I stayed behind. I spent several extra semesters at college earning my teaching degree in a subject I had always truly loved: English.



The thought of spending more money and more hours in the classroom was daunting at the time. I watched everyone else march into the world of accounting with steadfast assurance their journey would be smooth. I was choosing a riskier path, with teaching jobs being at a shortage in my area. I was also giving up precious years, years that I was so ready to use to become an adult and make a salary.



Now, I’m thankful I made that choice. I’m grateful I had the courage to recognize I wasn’t happy. I’m grateful for my family who helped me see passion should guide your life, not safety and rational choices.



I know I was lucky in a way. My realization came at a time when I could still do something about it without sacrificing too much. I wasn’t weighed down by the true pressures of adult life yet or the stability of a path already trodden upon. I was still able to change my mind and my course of life without too much turbulence.



I know for many this isn’t the case.


CHADDETWILERPHOTOS
Finding the Guts to Pursue Your Passion

All around, there are articles, success stories, and even quote pillows telling you to chase your dreams and find your joy. While sometimes inspiring, they also can feel overly optimistic.



In the real world, it isn’t always easy to change your mind or life. The human condition seems to inherently dislike change. We fear the risks involved and the unknown. Thus, keeping the course, even if it isn’t what our hearts truly want, seems like the wisest choice.



In addition, as women we are often taught to put our own needs on the back burner. Selflessness is a quality ingrained in us from girlhood, a quality that sometimes becomes our worst enemy. We’re taught early in life to be caretakers and nurturers—but we’re often not taught that this means we need to be nurturers for our own spirit and needs.



Thus, so many women wake up realizing they’re unhappy in their lives but don’t know how to do anything about it.



There are certainly success stories. Katherine Kallinis and Sophie LaMontagne abandoned a corporate world that wasn’t making them happy to start Georgetown Cupcakes, which was featured on TLC’s reality show DC Cupcakes. They are only one story of women changing their careers, changing their lives, and chasing their true dreams.



Those women can feel far off, however. Having mortgage payments, children who depend on you, and other adult responsibilities can make giving up a known paycheck difficult. It can also feel like women who chase crazy adventures are probably just lucky. Women like us who step in chewing gum every time we wear new shoes or get every red light in town when we’re late for work certainly don’t feel auspicious enough to take a chance like that.



So what’s the answer then?



I think we need to start being real about two things.



One: Selflessness does not mean you have to put your own passions aside.



This is one of those easier said than done kind of maxims, but it’s so important. We must value our inner voice and what fulfills us. It is passion that makes this crazy journey called life bearable and enjoyable. Without passion, all the security in the world won’t necessarily matter. We need to feel alive, to feel joyful, and to feel like we’re pursuing a purpose. Most importantly, we need to understand we have the right to do this.



Two: We need to recognize chasing one’s happiness is courageous.



Pillows and posters about chasing dreams are nice, don’t get me wrong. But we need to start recognizing that it isn’t as easy as chanting a motto to yourself. To find true happiness, the kind that lights your passion and ignites you at the core, great difficulties must be overcome. It requires sacrifice, risk, and determination. It requires self-awareness and self-value.



It is only when we as women and we as a society start to categorize chasing happiness as both brave and admirable that we can start to find the strength to do it.



Chasing happiness is never easy, and it will often involve risk.



As I’ve come to learn through personal experience, though, waking up to a life you undeniably wanted is a gift we should all be brave enough to strive for, no matter the cost.



Lindsay Detwiler’s eighth novel, Inked Hearts, focuses on the courage to chase happiness through her main character, Avery. Inked Hearts releases on October 21, 2017, with Hot Tree Publishing. Learn more here.

Fall Festivals and Small Town Charm: Author's Life

Fall Festivals and Small-Town Charm: The Author's LifeI'm a small-town girl with a heart for the small-town kind of world. Sure, I've been dazzled during trips to New York City. The rush of people and the constant thrill is exciting.

But I wouldn't want to live there... because I'm a small-town kind of girl.

I like the simplicity of walking down my empty street, waving at a few friendly faces. I like the sometimes humdrum pace of our town. I like walking for breakfast to a tiny cafe down the street, and ambling to a school event on a weekend. I love the friendly, familiar faces at our local haunts. I love the lack of traffic at intersections and the easy pace of our Pennsylvania town.

So, this weekend, when my husband and I were invited to a bookstore in a small town in Pennsylvania for the town's fall festival, I was thrilled. These are the kinds of places I feel at home.

And you know what?

It was one of my favorite author events so far.

It wasn't my favorite because we sold hundreds of books (we didn't) or because we had lines of people waiting to meet me (we also didn't). It was my favorite because of the atmosphere, the people, and the small-town charm that just made me feel at home.

Watching children laughing as they visited the petting zoo and ate way too much caramel corn. The smell of fried foods and the simple chatter around. The dog costume parade and scarecrow contests. It was an afternoon of warmth and simple, true fun.

Sometimes as authors, we lose sight of the journey. We are always wanting bigger, better, faster, more. We are always measuring our paths by how many books we sell or how much money exchanges hands. We try to collect awards and fame. We become so focused on these things that we lose sight of the simple fun, the beautiful memories, and the days like today.

Today, I'm thankful for a chance to meet new readers and to explore a new town. I'm thankful my author career has led me to new places and small towns all over our state. I'm thankful for an afternoon in the sun with my husband, laughing and having a simple, small-town adventure.

The author's life isn't always about big cities and huge tour stops. Sometimes, as I've learned, the best days and events are the ones that make us feel right at home, that remind us what genuine fun is all about, and help us see that the memories we make along the way are so much more important than anything else.

Pre-Order Now Available For Inked Hearts!

Love sexy, seaside romances? Scroll down for an excerpt from my next release AND find out how you can get a party invite to win big!One hundred more miles until I am the new Avery, the woman I’ve always wanted to be but was too afraid of. One hundred more miles until I’m a brand-new woman without a past to haunt her, without pitying stares and questioning looks. One hundred miles until I can shake off this coat of expectations and social requirements for my life. One hundred miles until I break out of the perfect square constructed for my life. One hundred miles until I start fresh with new people, with a new town, with a new life. Only Henry knows where I’ve been, and I don’t think he’s telling anyone anything.

And the first thing I vow to myself in this new version of life?

I won’t let a man change that again. I won’t let a man control me, own my heart. I’ll live for myself this time, wild and free, a girl of the unpredictable wind.

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Writing in the Rainstorms: Finding Your Inspiration to Keep Writing

​“I’m really done this time,” I bellowed through snot and tears as my husband drove us through the infernal rainstorm toward home.


We were soaking wet, freezing, and most of all, disheartened. As a small-time romance writer, I’d set my hopes and dreams on this book festival. I’d prepared for months for what I imagined was my chance to breakout and meet new readers in a different state. I’d printed my handouts, gathered giveaway supplies, and advertised. I’d found a new sense of positivity and founded my hopes of growing as an author on this weekend event set to draw in thousands.


In short, this was going to be my moment to shine and to get my career off the ground.


Instead, after hours of driving, we arrived at a festival quite literally washed out by an all-day rainstorm. Rain pelted us from every direction as we lugged our supplies into the “rain or shine” event. Under a rickety tent in the back corner of the festival near the bathrooms, my husband and I sat in the midst of a barren wasteland of a literary festival. We spent our entire day shaking from cold and watching a few stragglers wander by our leaking tent.


We watched my dreams wash away into the overabundant puddles. We only sold two books that day, one being a fellow author who took pity on us in our own tent.


In my mind, the day was symbolic of my writing career—a wash. I’d been through a roller coaster of emotions as I navigated the sometimes-hopeless publishing world. My passion for writing was threatening to fade away. That literary festival only underscored my beliefs.


Thus, on the way home, tears mixing with rainwater and the feel of failure weighing heavy on my shoulders, I turned to my husband and vowed I was done. I was putting down the pen, stowing away the unfinished manuscripts, and quitting writing.


Calmly, with a strength in his voice, my also exhausted husband turned to me. “No, you’re not.”


The tears quieted, and confusion took over the sadness. How could he say that? He’d also spent the entire day in the torrential rain, had spent his entire weekend on yet another failed author event.


“Today was a waste of time. I can’t keep doing this,” I uttered.


“It’s not a waste of time. It’s your passion. It rained today and we didn’t do as well as we hoped. So what? Someday, you’ll look back on this and laugh. Just keep going.”


It wasn’t a well-written monologue with fancy sentiments. My husband uttered a few lines that to anyone else would have seemed meaningless.


But to a writer struggling with confidence and resolve, these were the words I needed. They kickstarted a drive in me to keep going and to smile through the journey. They made me realize that overnight success wasn’t the goal. The goal was to learn and grow, to appreciate every step and misstep along the way.


Now, a year and a half later, I look back on that rainy, gloomy day and realize it wasn’t a waste of time. That day was the day I realized no matter what types of deluges I had to sit through, my husband would be by my side, cheering me on in this journey to chase my dreams.

For every writer, this is the most important thing to find—that one person who, even in a rainstorm, will be your cheerleader and motivation.

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Every Married Couple Should Read "Wedding Toasts I'll Never Give."

Wedding Toasts I'll Never Give by Ada Calhoun
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

"To hitch your rickety wagon to the flickering star of another fallible human being--what an insane thing to do. What a burden, and what a gift."

Ada Calhoun's frank, eye-opening, and deeply thought-provoking Wedding Toasts I'll Never Give truly sucked me in from the first page. I'm not a huge fan of books that give marriage advice because in reality, I've found them to usually be condescending in nature or too "prim and proper." Ada Calhoun shattered all of those ideas I had about marriage books with this blunt but real look at what marriage truly is all about.

Ada's writing style is engaging and exciting. She weaves her own anecdotes with advice from experts and experiences of her friends carefully together. In a way, each chapters is its own standalone story, but when you finish the book, all of the chapters weave seamlessly together into a quilt of knowledge about married life. I felt like Ada put into words so many things I feel as a married woman but can't quite express--or don't have the courage to. She is honest and raw in her revelations, letting the reader into her marriage from a unique vantage point and allowing us all to benefit from her wisdom and her mistakes.

I love that she never has a "know it all" attitude about marriage. She doesn't claim to be an absolute expert. Instead, she presents information and various perspectives, allowing the reader to digest it at his or her pace. I could connect with so many of the stories in the book and loved the humorous asides presented.

I also think Ada Calhoun approaches marriage from a courageous perspective. Few are willing to admit some of the difficult realities she does while also holding the stance that marriage is worth it. I love that she doesn't claim marriage is all rosy, but she also doesn't claim that marriage is worthless, horrible, or hopeless. She strikes the perfect balance, showing the reader that all marriages are a struggle, but are also worth it. She gives the reader permission to be imperfect while also inspiring the reader to work hard at marriage.

There are so many beautiful quotes in this book that made me reflect on my own relationship. I really liked the section on J.R. R. Tolkien and the phrase "companions in shipwreck not guiding stars." What a powerful statement and reminder; the book is filled with tons of valuable phrases like these.

Ada Calhoun presents her ideas in a skillfully crafted story that doesn't feel "preachy" or "overly academic." Instead, I felt like I was talking to a close but wise friend about love, marriage, and all of the things so many people are afraid to say.

Thank you, Ada Calhoun, for being brave enough to say the things about married life so many shy away from. Thank you for giving us permission to accept that we may never be the perfect wife, husband, or couple, but that is perfectly beautiful and okay in its own way.

I recommend this book for anyone who is married, has been married, or is considering marriage. I think this should be a wedding gift for every newly married couple because it is just that good, real, and important.

View all my reviews

Friday Reads: Excerpt From Inked Hearts

Scroll down for an excerpt from Inked Hearts, releasing this fall!I adjust my sunglasses on my head, a few flyaway strands of hair sticking to my hot-pink lip gloss and making me wish I opted for plain lips. But a girl changing her life… well, it felt like a pink lip gloss kind of day this morning.

I drive on, Keith Urban’s songs and Henry’s snoring my only company besides my warped memories and anxiety-ridden thoughts. The sun beats down, a few clouds wispy in the bright sky. It’s a gorgeous day, a day screaming of redemption, of resurrection.

With nothing but time to think for the last two hours of my drive, my mind wanders to another dark place—the place beyond the bedroom escapades of my ex-husband. It travels to the place of doubt, the place so many family members and friends have played on in the past few weeks.

​Pre-order for 50% off AND get an invite to our VIP Pre-Order Facebook Party, where you can win!Pre-order Now!Give Me My VIP Invite!

Real Love Stories Happen Behind the Scenes

We can’t judge a love story by its couple.

“Wow, you two just don’t... go together.”

It’s a comment my husband and I have heard from both polite company and strangers over the years. In some ways, I understand.

We are complete opposites in our mannerisms, our personalities, and our tendencies. He is a rugged, bearded blue collar worker who hates reading, loves wearing the color black, and doesn’t care for fashion. I am a studious bookworm who loves everything pink, is a teacher by profession, and has way too many shoes. He is a free-spirit who doesn’t care for authority, while I’m a rule-following worrier. He’s spontaneous and extroverted; I’m a planning introvert.

We are definitely the yin to each other’s yang.

Still, it amazes me how so many people can judge our relationship without even really understanding us. We’ve been married five years now, but we’ve been together for over sixteen—we met at the age of twelve and have been together ever since. Our relationship isn’t perfect; I’d argue that none are. Nevertheless, we’ve found a depth in our connection and a fulfillment from being together that, in my opinion, is what marriage should be about. In short, we’ve found a happiness in our love and an appreciation for the journey we’ve walked together.

Writing online, however, I’ve come to realize how quick we are as a society to pass judgments on everything and everyone, especially when it comes to love. We like to think we can categorize and generalize everything around us just from a quick glance.
As a frequent writer about the topic of marriage, the “you two don’t go together” has been expressed in more depth and sometimes more viciously. I’ve received comments questioning the validity of my marriage, accusing us of being together for the wrong reasons, and ripping our connection apart. I’ve been accused of only marrying him for his beard—seriously—and he’s been accused of being controlling. We’ve been berated for not having kids, some claiming this clearly means our relationship isn’t strong. We’ve heard it all. As so many of us come to learn, the online world can be brutal in its judgments and comments.

Although the online world is certainly a harsh representative of our society, even the “real world” isn’t always kind. I’ve come to realize how much we all tend to judge the relationships around us from our surface-level view of couples. We assume we know couples, for better or worse. We are haughty enough to think we can understand a couple’s relationship based solely on their public persona.
​
There seems to be a constant need to judge each other’s marriages, relationships, and connections.


The True Defining Elements of a Love StoryLike so many things in life, you can’t judge the true worth of a love story by what you think you know. Real love stories happen behind the public persona created by a couple.
Real love stories are quilts consisting of patches from various circumstances and memories. To judge a couple based on one image is to falsify the snapshots that make up who they are.

To appreciate a relationship, you have to be able to see it in its entirety because in the end, isn’t the journey what truly builds a relationship?

The struggle a couple walks together isn’t always apparent in their public interactions. You don’t know what they’ve been through hand in hand. You don’t know what they’ve earned and built together, what they’ve overcome.You can’t see any of that from the picture they show to the world.

You can’t see what they’ve battled and survived in private by the way they hold hands.

You can’t see the struggles, disappointments, and hardships they’ve faced by the way they walk beside each other.

You can’t see the joys and connections they share by how good they look together.

You can’t see the midnight dances in the kitchen over exciting news, the stolen kisses, or the sweet inside jokes shared by overhearing one conversation.

You can’t see the sweet, simple, everyday moments from the way they glance at each other.

Quite simply, you can’t understand who they are through a rash judgement about the foundation of their love based on outward appearances or assumptions.

This idea can certainly go both ways. The couples you seem to think have it all don’t always. The couples who swoon over each other in public sometimes live a much darker persona at home. Just like in Big Little Lies, sometimes the public version of a couple is much brighter than the serious, dark truth hidden at home.

Regardless, the point is this: you cannot possibly judge a relationship based on public appearance or outside knowledge of a couple.

Moreover, real love stories aren’t about flashy shows of affection or romantic gestures. These do not define a couple. If it were that simple, love wouldn’t be such a complex emotion so many of us struggle with. Love is much more layered than a surface-level appearance.

Real love is much harder to define because it’s a collection of moments, memories, events, feelings, and pathways. It’s an intersecting web of choices and situations that create an ever-changing relationship.

In short, a couple can only be defined by the journey they walk together, a journey only they know and understand.

Thus, we must remember that, at the end of the day, a love story is only owned by two people: the two people living it. The rest of us are just bystanders unaware of the true tale.
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Lindsay Detwiler is a contemporary romance author with Hot Tree Publishing. Learn more about her works here: http://bit.ly/2u42BjU

$0.99 Contemporary Romance Sale

Grab To Say Goodbye for only $0.99 for a limited time!​Feisty Sophia never shies away from life. Playful, romantic, connected—her marriage was the thing of fairy tales. But when tragedy strikes, Sophia is left to pick up the pieces of her life.

After leaving the army, Jackson is ready to start afresh. But when he returns home, his life spirals out of control.As Sophia and Jackson find themselves in each other, they start to see redemption is possible. 

Trying to piece together a new life, they must answer the question: Should they forge a life together and say goodbye to their pasts completely, or should they loyally go their separate ways to avoid heartache?

Buy Links:
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