Jim Wilson's Blog, page 4

Fulfilling Your Wife’s Needs When You Don’t Want To

Dear John,

I have thought of you fairly frequently in the last fewmonths. I have thought mostly of our telephone conversation. The conversationbothered me, and I have wanted to write to you for some time, but I also wantedmy letter to be received by you—so I probably put it off for that reason—afraidthat it wouldn’t be received.

I am thinking of the second letter of Peter where he writes,“Therefore I intend always to remind you of these things, even though you knowthem and are firmly established in the truth you now have” (2 Pet. 1:12). CertainlyI believe that you have since long ago been established in the truth, and thethings I share will be a reminder, not new thinking.

What concerned me in the telephone conversation was that yousaid that you had never needed anybody, and your wife needed to be needed. That’sprobably pretty close to true. What isn’t true is that we all need each other. Weare part of the Body of Christ, and the family is a very close part of theBody. And because of your upbringing, you became strong and independent—but thatdidn’t mean that you didn’t need someone. It just meant that you thought youdidn’t need anyone. We need each other very much. Although you and I never seeeach other, I need you and you need me. And when you hurt, I hurt. We are partof the Body.

The second thing that concerned me was that you are verycontent to be there alone with your dog. One of the things that is true aboutdogs is that they are loyal regardless; they are faithful regardless how wetreat them. They don’t talk back, they don’t complain; they are always loyal. Peopleare not like that. Wives are not like that. Children are not like that. [Youknow from your time in the military that] people in the army aren’t like that. Theyhave been taught in boot camp to say, “Yes, Sir.” My own children didn’t gothrough boot camp. My wife didn’t go through boot camp. No, there is somethingdifferent about children and a wife. It is just not true with dogs or people inthe Army. The relationship in the family is much more intimate. It needs aspecial other kind of treatment.

The next thing that bothered me was my very real knowledgeof the Enemy. It will be very unusual if he doesn’t have a woman waiting in thewings for you since you have separated from your wife. Either you are so superunusual or the Enemy has lost his wisdom. She may already be there.

Back to the teaching that your wife needed to be needed. If thatis a given, then you, as a loving husband, should have met her need. And youstill can, and you still should. It may be contrary to what is normal to you,but it is your responsibility.

You thanked me for the tape on bitterness and said that youhad listened to it and appreciated the thoughts but they just weren’t applicable.Maybe not. But when we were talking on the telephone, you weren’t rejoicing inthe Lord, so something is wrong in your life, independent of what is going onin other people’s lives. There is no reason to let your joy be affected byother people’s sins. Nor should you count on your joy being fulfilled by yourenvironment—quietness in the home and a dog. The Scripture tells us in Habakkuk3:17-18 not to lose our joy when there is a bad year, and it tells us not to rejoicewhen good things are happening, as in Luke 10:17. Our joy is in our salvation. Ourjoy is in the Lord.

In much love,

Jim Wilson

How To Be Free From Bitterness and other essays on Christian relationships

Where Is My Joy?

“I’m having trouble finding joy, mainly because I just feellike my prayers haven’t been answered. I pray to be a better Christian, but myintrospection is getting worse. I start to be afraid that maybe there is not aGod answering my prayers, and all my joy disappears. I’ve read How toMaintain Joy and the article on introspection in How to Be Free fromBitterness, but I still feel empty. I am praying for help, but I still feellike I am going downhill. I just want my joy to return.”

Dear Friend,

Reading something is not the same as applying it. If youhave read the article on introspection, you know from experience and from thearticle that introspection is accusatory and a downer. The devil is theaccuser. The Holy Spirit is the convicter. You are asking for what you aregetting when you introspect. It is not a godly practice. When you are temptedto introspect, turn from it like any other temptation. Come into God’s presenceas Isaiah did in chapter 6.

“In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated ona throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Abovehim were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces,with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they werecalling to one another: ‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earthis full of his glory.’ At the sound of their voices the doorposts andthresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke. ‘Woe to me!’ I cried. ‘Iam ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of uncleanlips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.’ Then one of theseraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongsfrom the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, ‘See, this has touchedyour lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.’ Then I heard thevoice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And Isaid, ‘Here am I. Send me!’” (Isaiah 6:1-8).

Here is the sequence: 1) the Presence, 2) conviction of sin(not accusation), 3) confession of sin, 4) forgiveness of sin, 5) ready to go.

All of these happened in quick succession. If Isaiah hadbeen introspecting, he would never have been ready to go.

Here is an exercise.

1.    Read Ephesians 1 and 2.

2.    Write down in order everything the believer hasin Christ.

3.    Ask yourself the question, “True or false?”

4.    Thank God for each of these truths thatyou have and are in Christ.

5.    Keep on thanking God.

6.    Pay no attention to your feelings. Bad feelingsare the result of believing the liar, Satan. Good feelings are the resultof believing God. Thank God!

In the Lord Jesus Christ,

Jim Wilson

How To Be Free From Bitterness and other essays on Christian relationships

God’s Unlimited Patience

“But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me,the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as anexample for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life” (1 Timothy1:16).

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as someunderstand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, buteveryone to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).

The Lord showed His unlimited patience for oneperson, the apostle Paul, in order to bring him to Himself. His patiencecontinues, not for one person, but now for everyone in order to bring them toHimself.

This post coordinates with today's reading in the SamePage Summer Bible Reading Challenge. If you are not in a daily readingplan, please join us at TotheWord.com. We would love to have you reading withus.

How To Be Free From Bitterness and other essays on Christian relationships

How Does a Woman Become Secure?

 

This post is an excerpt from How to Be Free from Bitterness . 

“And my God will meet all your needs according to Hisglorious riches in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19).

A woman was made by God to be loved, protected, providedfor, and made secure. However, there are reasons a woman may not feel loved, protected,or secure. Security is often a combination of objective truth and subjectivefeeling. What I mean by that is that some women have lost their parents, their husbands,their children, their food, and their clothing. Objectively they have a reasonto be insecure, but subjectively they might not feel insecure. At the sametime, it is possible to feel insecure and imagine what is objectively necessaryto fill this need.

Here is an example: Suppose a woman feels insecure. Thefeeling is so strong that she is convinced that it is also objective truth. Awoman’s great need is to fill up that emptiness. She thinks that a man willfill it. That is partly true. However, the need is so great that the man shegets cannot fill it. He cannot because he is also empty and is looking for awoman to fill his emptiness. Two empty, insecure people marry each other to gettheir own needs met. It does not work.

Now the woman is even more insecure. She thinks that if shehas a baby that will meet her need. Again, that is partly true. Women were madeto have babies. However, babies are needy, demanding creatures. The insecurewoman now has greater demands on her than she is able to cope with, especiallyif there are multiple children.

Now she is insecure and frazzled. She thinks she needs anicer home with nicer furniture. That takes a lot of money. She has to work aswell as her husband.

Now she is tired, insecure, and frazzled. She turns toclothes, music, parties, and maybe a different man. Her husband is notromantic. He copped out early in the marriage because his needs were not beingmet.

This is a description of many women I am acquainted with.Some of them have been married more than once, plus other men. Some of them areinto possessions. They are finding out, rather late, that a man, children,house, possessions, and parties do not fill up their emptiness and give themthe security they are looking for.

This need has to be met, but the selfishness that insists onit being met ensures that it will not be met even if she gets the man, thechildren, the house, and possessions. The selfishness has to go first. It hasbecome a tight little fist in her soul. That selfish, tight fist wizens anddestroys the person with it.

Before God, the selfishness has to be repented of, that is,confessed, forsaken, and renounced. Then she will have a wonderful joy, peace,and freedom which God will give to her. This will make her very secure inChrist.

As far as security in this world, the provision comes from acloseness to her father, mother, brothers, sisters, and extended family. Next,it comes from her brothers and sisters in Christ who are loving and giving. Itcomes from her being loving and giving to all kinds of people, even if they donot return the love. It could come from her husband, but not from a futurehusband. I say this because she should not get married in order to get secure.She should be secure before she gets married. Then she will not bedisillusioned and hurt in her marriage.

How does a woman become secure?

She must confess her attitude, not just her action. She mustdecide, with the grace of God, to love her father, mother, brothers, andsisters. Her love towards any of them cannot be conditional. She should notsay, “I will love him if…” No “ifs.” This love includes kind speech, hugs,giving, and helping actions. She should extend this love to more and morepeople. “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one diedfor all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who liveshould no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and wasraised again” (2 Cor. 5:14–15).

A woman’s long-term objective should be to be holy, loving,kind, joyful, etc. She should also want to have a loving family and lovingchildren and grandchildren. She should want to have a “Well done, good andfaithful servant, enter into the joy of the Lord.”

This solution assumes that the woman is already a Christian,that she has by faith received Jesus Christ, the Son of God, as Lord andSavior. She has passed from death to life. That is the beginning of securityfor everyone, men and women.

How To Be Free From Bitterness and other essays on Christian relationships

Quarrels

“And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must bekind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gentlyinstructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to aknowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape fromthe trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will” (2 Tim.2:24-26).

Look back at verse 22: “Flee the evil desires of youth andpursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on theLord out of a pure heart.”

Verse 23: “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupidarguments, because you know they produce quarrels.”

I used to love to argue. That didn’t last long. I found fromthis verse that I wasn’t supposed to. Another reason it ended was I discoveredthat I could win an argument, but I would not win the person I was arguingwith. The servant of the Lord must not quarrel (v. 24, NKJV).

This post coordinates with today's reading in the SamePage Summer Bible Reading Challenge. If you are not in a daily readingplan, please join us at TotheWord.com. We would love to have you reading withus.

How To Be Free From Bitterness and other essays on Christian relationships

Keeping Promises

“For no matter how many promises God has made, they are ‘Yes’in Christ. And so through him the ‘Amen’ is spoken by us to the glory of God”(2 Corinthians 1:20).

God has promised. The promises are fulfilled in Christ. We say Amento the promise and the fulfillment in Christ. This is all to the glory of God.

What about the promises we make? Let’s look at the next verse:

“Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ.He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in ourhearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come” (2 Corinthians 1:21).

That is how we keep our promises. He does it. He makes us standfirm in Christ.

He anointed us.

He set his seal of ownership on us.

He put His Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.

The Holy Spirit anoints, seals, and guarantees (see Ephesians1:14).

This post coordinates with today's reading in the SamePage Summer Bible Reading Challenge. If you are not in a daily readingplan, please join us at TotheWord.com. We would love to have you reading withus.

How To Be Free From Bitterness and other essays on Christian relationships

God’s Secret Wisdom

“Such ‘wisdom’ does not come down from heaven but isearthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfishambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom thatcomes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate,submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere” (James3:15-17).

Wisdom! Two kinds from two places with two very differentcharacteristics.

One kind of wisdom: of men, wisdom of the world, wisdom ofthis age.

The place: earthly, of the devil.

The character: bitter envy, jealous, unspiritual, selfishambition, boastful, denies the truth, disorder, every evil practice, eloquence,“wise” and persuasive words.

The second kind of wisdom: God’s secret wisdom, the wisdomof God.

The place: heaven.

The character: pure, peace-loving, considerate, submissive,full of mercy, good fruit, impartial, sincere, simple, powerful, notsophisticated, expressed in preaching the cross, humility, spiritual, hidden inthat it is not known by the world, communicated by the Spirit of God expressingspiritual truth using spiritual words, foolishness to those who are perishing,used to admonish and teach in order to present every man perfect in Christ,represents Jesus Christ Himself.

The natural man just does not understand God’s wisdom,because spiritual truth requires spiritual discernment.

For two years, I was the communication officer on adestroyer in the Korean War. There were thousands of messages transmitted andreceived. We always knew what frequency to be tuned to in order to receivemessages, and also we knew which frequencies to transmit on. The enemy did notknow this. If he found out which frequency, it still did not do him any good,because all messages were encoded, each one differently, with the code changingevery day.

The enemy of our souls and all those enslaved by him do notknow the frequency or the code. The wisdom of God is hidden from them. I hadbeen reading the New Testament every day for 20 months. It did not make anysense to me. Then in October 1947 I was born again by the Spirit of God. Atthat time, the Bible became English. I could understand it.

“No, we speak of God’s secret wisdom, a wisdom that has beenhidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of therulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not havecrucified the Lord of glory” (1 Corinthians 2:7-8).

Just think, if the enemy could have understood that thecrucifixion of Christ meant salvation for the world, he would not havedone it.

You, as a Christian, know the frequency and the code. Usethem! And for those who lack any needed wisdom we know this:

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who givesgenerously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But whenhe asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave ofthe sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he willreceive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all hedoes” (James 1:5-8).

This post coordinates with today's reading in the SamePage Summer Bible Reading Challenge. If you are not in a daily readingplan, please join us at TotheWord.com. We would love to have you reading withus.

How To Be Free From Bitterness and other essays on Christian relationships

Intellectual & Moral Problems

Dear Joe,

In my years of personal evangelism mostly with universitystudents and faculty, I realize that there are two major problems: one isintellectual, the other is moral, and they go together. The major problem is amoral problem, but it certainly is influenced by the intellectual. And you knowfrom Romans 1 that the gross immorality it describes seems to be the result ofa wrong theology. There are certainly a lot of “conservative evangelicals” whoare not living godly lives. However, the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace,patience, kindness, meekness—are certainly more in evidence in those who holdan authoritative view of Scripture and have a close, personal relationship withGod.

The needs that people have are intellectual and moral, andthey go together. People are willing to admit that they have intellectualproblems, but they are unwilling to admit that they have moral problems. ButJesus Christ primarily died for immoral people, not for intellectual doubters. Thegreat issue in this world is sin, not just the sins of war, but every kind ofpersonal sin: anger, enmity, lying, stealing.

It has been many years since we last saw each other. Muchhas happened to both of us in those years. I heard recently that you and yourwife have gotten a divorce. I don’t know the issues that caused the divorce. Iam assuming that there were just an awful lot of little things that grew intobig things on both your parts. These little things I call sin. The big things Icall sin. And the wonderful thing about the love of God is that He forgivessin.

In Christ,

Jim Wilson

How To Be Free From Bitterness and other essays on Christian relationships

Attachment to Money

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, wheremoth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up foryourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and wherethieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heartwill be also” (Matthew 6:19-21).

“But godliness with contentment is great gain. For webrought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if wehave food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to getrich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desiresthat plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root ofall kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faithand pierced themselves with many griefs” (1 Timothy 6:6-10).

Jesus and Paul both taught on attachment to money. Thepassages above are two examples of their teaching. In our wealthy evangelicalsociety, where wealth seems to be normal and not inordinate, we can easilythink that we are obeying this teaching.

Later on, in 1 Timothy 6, Paul speaks to the wealthy:“Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to puttheir hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, whorichly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good,to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share” (1 Timothy6:17-18). 

We here in this ministry (Community Christian Ministries,ccmbooks.org) have been the recipients of giving. We in turn are giving out ofthis wealth.

This post coordinates with today's reading in the SamePage Summer Bible Reading Challenge. If you are not in a daily readingplan, please join us at TotheWord.com. We would love to have you reading withus.

How To Be Free From Bitterness and other essays on Christian relationships

Fully Obedient

There is a verse that comes to my attention at least twice ayear. It should come to my attention daily.

“And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that therighteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not liveaccording to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit” (Romans 8:3b-4).

Notice what God did and why He did it: in order that.The words before “in order that” and the words after it are very powerfulwords.

Condemning sin in sinful man was a means for the righteousrequirement to be fully met in us. The “us” are those “who do not liveaccording to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.” The “us” areChristians. When God saved us, He made it possible to be fully obedient.

This post coordinates with today's reading in the SamePage Summer Bible Reading Challenge. If you are not in a daily readingplan, please join us at TotheWord.com. We would love to have you reading withus.

How To Be Free From Bitterness and other essays on Christian relationships