R.B. O'Brien's Blog, page 15

Writing is a Love Affair

As I hit that publish button last week for the first time as an indie author, I felt so many emotions, it was hard to contain myself. Now granted, I know I am an emotional person to begin with, but as I went through the stages of writing my first self-published book, it dawned on me that writing is quite a tumultuous affair, very much like falling in love.

Instead of just simply blogging about it, I wrote a poem. I will admit, poetry does not come as easily to me as prose. But somehow, the emotive qualities of the poem felt right this time. I hope you won't judge me too harshly.

​Whether THORNE: Rose's Dark Contract is a success or not remains to be seen. Regardless, I am enjoying the ride, even if I can't quite catch my breath at times. I welcome your feedback, friends!

THORNE IS LIVE and I AM SO THANKFUL!

I wanted to share a part of the introduction of my book here today with all of you. I hope you plan to pick up a copy soon. 

It’s been an incredible journey, and I have so many people I need to thank. That, itself, could be its own book!

To the Wicked Pen Writers and Mr. Blackthorne. Without each and every one of you, I would have lost my mind a long time ago. (Ssssh. Don’t tell them I already have.) The support, the interviews, the press and blog highlights, the advice, the reviews, and all the knowledge you bring, I thank you. We have formed something pretty unique and spectacular.

To Michael Dalton, my Obi Wan Kenobi. I can’t thank you enough for always being there to help, to provide feedback, and for sharing your wealth of knowledge. (Most importantly, for agreeing to call me Rey instead of Luke—haha!). Truly, you are my guru. I thank my lucky stars every day that I met you.

To Lilah E. Noir, the woman responsible for my cover. What an artistic genius you are in so many ways! I can’t thank you enough for everything you have done for me, including your feedback, promotion, and support, never mind the countless hours of just listening. You are my rock.

To Shelby and Jenny: Gal Chat! Need I say more? Where would I be without either of you? I’d be nowhere. Period. Thank you for putting up with me. Never truer friends were there.

To James Calderaro: I am in awe of you and your writing. You are forever my wordsmith and meltdown mediator. Ha! Thank you for your patience and friendship. Someday I know I will be teaching your poetry inside a classroom.

To Mandi, my PA, who spends countless hours promoting and creating…just because she is who she is. I wouldn’t have been able to do half of what I accomplished without you. You are amazing.

To Aiden Darke: Thank you for helping me to authenticate the male voice (though I may not have always agreed with you). Your wisdom, guidance, and friendship have helped me to grow as a person and a writer.

And to Linzi Bassett. This entire book would not have been possible without you, quite literally! But it goes way, way beyond that, and I know you know that. Thank you just isn’t enough for what you’ve given me. But I give it to you whole-heartedly just the same.

Finally, thank you to my Facebook friends and fans who like, share, and comment on my timelines each and every day. Some of you have become quite special to me. You know who you are and without you, none of this would be possible. I cherish you. I'll listed a few of you in the actual book, but I'm not going to do it here. You'll have to read it. 

MWAH! Thank you for being a part of my journey.

EXPOSED: A Interview with MOCTEZUMA JOHNSON

THANK YOU, MJ!
 
I hate ingratitude more in a man/Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,/Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption/Inhabits our frail blood—Shakespeare
 
The ingenious Moctezuma Johnson, more affectionately referred to as simply MJ (thank god!), recently interviewed me as I get ready to release my latest book, Thorne: Rose’s Dark Contract, the first in a series.
 
His questions made me think, as I knew they would, as MJ is no ordinary thinker or writer or poet or person. He is uniquely MJ.
 
I thought I’d share a sneak peek with you today to thank him for taking the time to get to know me by sharing my favorite question and a bit of my answer.
 
MJ asked, and I quote:
With which writer would you secretly trade places? (so, no Shakespeare is not an option, use your brain!). Yup. But see above. I still snuck in my Shakespeare!

I won’t share my whole interview (I want you to read it when it comes out!). But I will say this. This was a very difficult question, one that I thought would be easy. Trading places. How fun. But as I answered, I realized that this life is uniquely mine, and yes, I have seen my fair share of heartache and I question myself, my journey, my goals, my decisions, my choices. But I realized, this is my go. I am here to learn. To grow. To be all that I can be. I have tasted happiness but I also have tasted pain. But isn’t that living? Why else are we here? I’m not sure I can actually answer that question, but what I deduced is that I am me. And upon inspection, I’m okay with that.

HERE IS MY ANSWER:
All my favorite writers led tragic lives it seems. Depression. Suicide. Mental insanity. Or, they led “lives of quiet desperation.” Hemingway, Charlotte Perkins Gilman, Sylvia Plath, Virginia Woolf, Kate Chopin, Emily Bronte, on and on and on. So….my favorite works do not equate to trading places.

To answer, I think I would wish to trade places with E.E. Cummings. A male. An artist. A writer.  A genius. Someone who did what he wanted instead of what others expected of him. A glutton. A sexual deviant who loved and lusted many at one time. But only to see what it’s like to have that lack of conscience and to live in moment (“since feeling is first”) without the fear I carry. The fear of guilt. The fear of consequences. And the fear to really fly and live.

But then, deep down, I don't dislike myself or my life so much that I would REALLY want to trade places. In fact, I rather like the life I've had, the life I have, and the life I will continue. After all, it is me. It was who I was meant to be this time around.

I like that I care. I like that I care for others and their feelings. And I like that I want love and loyalty and honesty. I think it’s important to live life in the moment but also with conviction and attention to those around us. I don’t really WANT to be a glutton or a sexual deviant. I think it would get old. Fast.
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 But... for a day or a week or a month? J I’d like that!
Visit here for more of MJ and I’ll keep you posted when the interview is up and complete!

http://www.moctezumajohnson.com/?page_id=41
 

And So I Write...

Some days I want to pack it in. Give up. Move on. Start over. Go somewhere really quiet and just listen. Listen to what the universe is trying to tell me. Listen to who I am, where I’ve been, and where I want to be. I’m reminded of a John Mayer song that states: By the time I recognize this moment, this moment will be gone.

It’s true. We are so busy. Life is so hectic. We spend so much time living up to the expectations we have set for ourselves or the expectations that were once thrust upon us that we miss moments. And moments are never actually lived in the moment. They are lived more in the memory of that moment rather than having embraced and felt the moment as it happened.

Be the good daughter. Be the great student. Get the perfect job. Marry well. Buy a beautiful house. Have children. Retire. But then? What’s left? There really isn’t much left after that, is there? Well. We know the answer. It’s death. That’s what’s next. And it seems pretty damn final.

And so I write. I write my life. I write to escape real life. I write to live moments over again. I write to rewrite the moments I’ve lived over in a way that makes more sense to me. I write the moments to heal. I write the moments I hope never happen. And I write the moments I hope will happen.

As Shakespeare wrote above, living really isn’t about material things. It’s the experiences we have had. Our eyes. What we’ve seen. What we’ve lived. More importantly, it’s what we feel. That makes us rich. If I stay stuck in this place forever, what will I have seen? Is it enough?

Yup. Some days, I wish I could pack up on those “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad” days and I say, “I think I’ll move to Australia.”

But then I remember. There are still terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days, even in Australia.

But love? Love can be found anywhere. And I have seen love. And perhaps, that is really all that needs to be seen after all.

WIN A FREE COPY OF THORNE: Rose's Dark Contract

From now until the release of THORNE: Rose's Dark Contract, anyone who comments here on ANY of my blogs will go into a lottery to win a free copy! I look forward to hearing from you.

Safe Words: In Real Life and in Fiction

In the land of BDSM, “safe words” are paramount. Sane. Safe. Consensual. Very important when practicing the art of BDSM. Trust. The most important thing. And that’s where there has been controversy. Or perhaps not. I know this topic will get some people fired up, even angry with me. I lived through one such argument. Saw first-hand how heated, how opinionated, how downright nasty this topic can get when people disagree.  It’s hard to have an open-minded discussion about a topic you believe so strongly in, that you are certain of. Let me explain.

When writing my Natalie’s Edge series, I met many people who practice the lifestyle. In a heated debate on safe words, there was one lone person who took the unpopular view. He tried to make his argument cogent. The “opposers” wouldn’t hear of it. He may have been too harsh himself. He may not have stated his points in the dispassionate manner he probably should have. Here was his point.

Trust. He espoused that in a consensual BDSM relationship--and he was a believer that THAT only came with love and the whole equation, not a scene, not a fetish, not some contrived club atmosphere, but a lifestyle built on love and trust and loyalty—safe words were unnecessary. He espoused that in the true dynamic, the lovers would be so in tune with one another, love each other in a way that was so soul searching, that a simple "no" would do the trick. That a discussion, that open communication before any act, that getting to know one another, deeply, truly, fully, would eliminate any need to use such a “contrived” (his words) form of communication.

You can imagine that this stirred up much debate. Anger. Miscommunication. After all, he was a professed sadist, a passionate sadist was his self-titled moniker, and many in the discussion kept trying to get him to see that point. And to see that sometimes in a "scene" the person won't know how far she/he can go until that VERY MOMENT, that there is no way to know our limits beforehand, that part of play is to push limits, to see how far one can really go.

It got ugly. His views certainly didn’t change their minds; their views certainly didn’t change his. Instead, friendships, discussion groups, all became severed, never to meet again.

I was new to all of it. Hadn’t heard of safe words except in Fifty Shades of Grey, but I listened.

And I don’t think he was necessarily wrong. In the minority, yes. One may even say that is was a romantic notion. To find a love like that, a love where trust and communication is as natural as breathing the air around us. They felt it was irresponsible to even contemplate such an idea. That he must be some lunatic. How could a sadist control himself? In truth, they judged him. If one stops and thinks about it, it’s a beautiful idea to be so in tune with another human being that you can delve into your deepest, darkest fantasies and desires and know that the trust is there implicitly, that that person knows you so well, that he has your best interest always at the forefront of everything, sexual and otherwise.

I have yet to meet anyone else like him. I doubt I ever will. He was a one-of-a-kind. And I'm sure you can fill in the rest. I don't need to say anymore.

In Thorne: Rose’s Dark Contract, I wrote it without safe words, at first. I know much dark romance adds a disclaimer, goes there, doesn’t follow the rules but breaks them. It's part of the dark romance lure.

But this tale isn’t so dark after all and it didn’t go where I originally had it going. Time. Space. Healing. I’m not sure I can even call this a dark romance anymore. I’m not sure what it is. It IS dark. But really, is there any of us that don’t have darkness? After all, can you know what darkness is without light?
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I leave it to you to comment. I’ve had one true BDSM experience. I am no expert. So I welcome your wisdom. Tell me. What is your opinion of safe words?

THORNE:Rose's Dark Contract

THORNE: Rose’s Dark Contract is getting closer to release!

This is a book I started quite a while ago. I was in a rather dark place when I began writing it. I never thought it would see the light of day. I almost just bled the words and didn’t give much thought to it. When I put an excerpt up on Mr. Blackthorne’s site as well as here on my website, I got a lot of interest. People asked me to finish it. Seems I’m not the only one who likes dark characters, damaged men, and an exploration of human motivation.

So I decided that as soon as I could, I would get back to it.

When I picked it back up a few weeks ago, I realized that dark place I was in was no longer at the forefront of my emotions. I had buried, or at least accepted, certain things in my life as truths and the depth of my confusion and sadness had worked itself out. 

Well. That may not be fully true. The struggle continues, but it’s not debilitating. There is life again after hurt. Love abounds. All around me. In all different forms. And the love I thought I might have felt seems sort of surreal now, almost like an out-of-body experience. That’s what distance does. Writing doesn’t hurt either.

Don’t think this isn’t dark though. It is. If you’ve read Natalie’s Edge, you’ll know that a story without angst, upheaval, insecurities, and flaws is not something I’m capable of writing. And this is from the male’s POV and let me tell you: This dude is indeed flawed! But his story is interesting and I think there is a twist that you will not at all see coming.

I hope you’ll read it when it’s complete. And if you hate him or think he’s too controlling or that he has too many issues, keep reading. You just may be quite surprised at what happens.

​My Dad Will Forever Be My Hero

Music was and is a huge part of my family. I started to write poetry (albeit not very well), because of the music that surrounded me in my house from the first days I can remember.
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My brother is a pretty accomplished guitarist and singer, my dad was a self-taught musician who could play just about anything, but then again, my dad could do just about ANYTHING, and I dabble (though dance is more my thing). And there just never was a day without music in my life, ever. As a child, we camped every summer with my extended family. We had one of those pop-out trailers and I remember when we upgraded to one that had a shower. It was the talk of the campground!

What I most remember though is my dad playing around the campfire each night before bedtime. We would sing and roast marshmallows and even then, I recognized how special it was. Sometimes kids don’t recognize that stuff in its moment. But somehow I did.

I write this today with a sad heart of the passing of David Bowie because I have an extremely vivid memory of that first time I heard his music. My dad played a very stripped-down version of Space Oddity on his acoustic guitar. There was always music he was playing that I didn’t know or recognize. I was young…maybe 10 or so…and I remember how affected I was by the lyrics to that song, how sad it was, which led to all kinds of questions. What happened? Did he die in space? But what about his family? He just left them like that?

And I actually cried about it. I’ll never forget what my father said (I’m paraphrasing the exact words—THAT I don’t remember). He said that sometimes people sacrifice what they love the most because it is the right thing to do. That there are true heroes that still exist, even if our world seemed rather selfish at the moment.

My dad was and will forever be my hero. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him. I dedicate this blog to both him and David Bowie.

Is it Possible to Love More Than One Person at the Same Time?

Is it possible to be romantically in love with more than one person? MUST we choose one person? Is monogamy attainable?

Many people believe it is or at least it must be that way. Society dictates that for the most part. And there is something very magical about giving yourself to one person, that loyalty and friendship that automatically come when you pledge your love to just one person.
But what happens if you find yourself unexpectedly drawn to more than one person? Perhaps even love that person? Why (as a good friend once admonished me for wanting) CAN’T we have our cakes and eat it too?

 Well...it’s simple. We all want to be CHOSEN. We want to be that special someone. We want to be the universe for someone else, that person he/she goes go for support and love and guidance and reassurance. We want to know that that person has our back, would walk the extra mile, would defend us against harm, and pick us up when we are our worst enemy. In short, we want them to love ONLY us.

Yes. I believe it’s possible to love more than one person for different reasons at the same time. Can you actually be “in love” with more than one person? It doesn’t matter. Because I wouldn’t want to be anything but his only, even if I may want to have my cake and eat it too. And isn’t that the most selfish thing in the world? Yup. It sure is. Because somehow I want the rules broken just for me. So unless you’ll willing to let them also have their cake and eat it too, and maybe you are, it won’t work any other way. And quite frankly, it simply doesn’t fit the ideal romantic that dwells deep inside of me. And the old adage seems to apply: Do onto others as you would have them do onto to you (or something like that).

So how do you choose if you find yourself in love or falling in love with more than one person?

First of all, the question is: Does it go both ways? Therein lies the beginning of your answer. Because sometimes the person we love may not love us back, and while painful, it makes the choice quite clear. And then of course, the choice is sometimes laid out for us because, well, there isn’t a choice. We’ve made our commitments and are in it for the long haul. Commitment. Loyalty. Trust. You’ve already given it. Timing. Sometimes, it comes down to simply that.
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And love versus lust? That will have to be a topic for a different blog! In the meantime, if you do find yourself falling in love with more than one person and need to make that choice, you can always do what Johnny Depp had to say. He may just be right!

Why Do I Love Star Wars?

STAR WARS IS A LOVE STORY, A FLAWED ROMANTIC LOVE STORY…That’s Why!

It is finally here! The Force Awakens. A movie that has had everyone Star Wars fanatical either up in arms or over-the-moon excited. Would Disney do it justice? Would they ruin it? Well. Tonight I find out. The day has arrived and so far, I’ve managed to stay in the dark about the new movie, albeit the one rumor that Kylo Ren could be Luke Skywalker or the controversy regarding the hilt on the new lightsaber.

Why do I care? Because Star Wars is a love story, a flawed romantic love story…hat’s why! And I know that I am in the minority when I say that it was the prequel trilogy that turned me on to Star Wars. I never really got into the original movies. Perhaps I am too young. And I know it’s an unpopular thing to admit.

I started with The Phantom Menace. Okay. Not a great movie. But the story. Wow. Something struck me about that little boy. That sweet-faced little boy who we all knew would become Darth Vader, who loved his beautiful mother, who we had such hopes for greatest.

I became invested immediately. How? How could little Anakin Skywalker turn to the dark side? Because after all, even though the original is supposed to be about Luke, and it is, it is Darth Vader that took the forefront. It is Darth Vader we loved to hate. It was Darth Vader who captured our minds and of course our hearts when he finally turned back to the light side of the force for love. It’s every story we want told. Redemption. But how?

Then came Attack of the Clones. Forget it. I was hooked. This was a love story! A forbidden love story. A Jedi isn’t supposed to love. A Jedi isn’t supposed to lose himself to passion and emotions. And certainly, a Jedi shouldn’t fall in love with a much older senator of all things. Mmmm….I found it was sexy as hell. Naboo—such a gloriously beautiful landscape to fall deeply in love. The passion infused by the taboo nature of their relationship took front and center. And let’s face it. Anything romance and I’m in!
 
Enter: Revenge of the Sith—Anakin Skywalker turns to the dark side. Yes. You could argue he was power hungry. Ambitious. But really? Anakin Skywalker does not turn to the dark side but for one reason: love. Plain and simple. A love he is so passionate about that he will do anything for it. It was this movie and taking the trilogy in its entirety that captured my heart forever.

We all dream of a love like that. Of a love so strong, that person would go to any extreme to protect you. The last scene, the transformation from Anakin to Darth Vader broke my heart, much like it broke Padme’s, forcing deep emotions to fester within me. How glorious to know that when Padme utters on her death bed giving birth to Luke and Leia, “There is good in him. I know. There is still…[good in him],” that she is right. That she knew. That she knew he would find redemption eventually. That iconic last scene in The Return of the Jedi…Aaaah. Love. Yet again. It’s ALWAYS been a story about love.

What girl doesn’t want a romance filled with passion and even danger? Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker. Mmmm…We’ve all been there…or at least I have. We meet THAT guy. We meet the troubled dark figure who we want to love, who we want to save. We’ve seen the glimpses of the ever-so-good in him that we, alone, can pull out of him. We like the bad boy. The bad boy with that hidden heart that periodically gets exposed to us so that we know. We just know…that “there is good in him.” But boy do we love the bad too. It brings balance. Yes. I did just go there. The Force. The force of love. It’s what we’re all really living for, isn’t it after all?

I’ve blogged enough for everyone to know that it doesn’t always end happily. I’m not completely naïve. Some people are too dark for saving. Anakin was not saved in the first trilogy and Padme dies from her own broken heart and loses “the will to live.” Will we ever learn? Nah. And why would we? I’d rather feel the pain than never to have felt that kind of love at all.

The Force Awakens? Who knows? But I can’t wait to find out!