Carl Elliott's Blog, page 6

The Ethicator: Am I Selling Students a Bill of Goods?

Dear Mr. The Ethicator,

I'm a graduate student at a large public research university that is facing severe budget cuts. While our TA-ships and other teaching gigs could never have been considered plum jobs, these days the university is thinking ever more creatively about new ways to squeeze extra work out of us. And not only this: the fate of our graduate program and our department is very much up in the air, as the university looks for ways to cut costs by closing programs and merging departments. No one knows exactly what's coming, but it doesn't look pretty.

The ethically murky area is this: every year, we recruit a group of new graduate students, flying them in from all around the country, and everyone pitches in to try to convince them to join our department. We did this again this year, but without exactly playing up (or mentioning) the real uncertainty about the future of the institution. Did we sell them a bill of goods? Either way, we knew it would hurt the department not to admit grad students for the coming year. In fact, if none of them were to join the department, it would likely be even easier for the university to shut us down.

Yours,

Reluctant Pitchman

Dear Reluctant Pitchman,

I'm sorry.  I'm having trouble getting past the part of letter where you tell me your department brings in a whole load of young, healthy research subjects every year, and all you do with them is make them grade papers.  Are you serious? What kind of business model is this?

I know you academics aren't known for your business smarts, but seriously, do you realize how much bigger your ROI would be if you hooked up with a drug study?  Better yet, find somebody testing an ADHD drug.  That way, you'll get pocket money, party medicine, AND some super-efficient graders who never get bored.  That, my friend, is what we call a win-win.

Look: I can tell you're one of the good guys, just doing your best to look out for the peeps. Good for you. But remember what the airlines say:  When that oxygen mask drops, you put it on yourself first.  Then you help the next guy.  Or, maybe you don't, because there's only so much oxygen on the plane and the other guy would probably just hog it.  But anyway, the point is, you have to look after yourself.  Keep bringing them in, keep them working, and sleep well.

You're welcome,

The Ethicator

Speak Truth to Power: Join the Social Media Revolution

"For the last shall be first and the first shall be last"

Bob Dylan and Jesus could hardly have forseen the truth of these words.  Social media is now the Gutenberg press of early 21st-century brand management.  From the twitter revolutions in Tunisia and Egypt to my own efforts to bring down lying cheapskate plagiarists, social media has become the great, revolutionary, rectifying force for humanity.

That is why you need to "like" my facebook page, and start following me on twitter (@whitecoatblackh), right away.  If you are only checking my blog 4-5 times a day, you are missing out, big time. Worse, if you are not following social media, it's highly likely that your friends and colleagues are already starting to think of you as old and out of touch. Pretty soon, they will stop taking you seriously at all.

Don't let this happen. Be a part of the revolution.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Be One of Us.

My twitter feed is @whitecoatblackh.  The Facebook page is here.

The Ethicator: Should I "campaign" for an award?

Hello Ethicator -

I am an ethics graduate student myself, but find to be stuck in a sticky ethical situation. I am currently a Teacher's Assistant (TA) for an upper level undergraduate course. The semester is almost over, and the department I am working for is offering a TA award. The way it works is to have students nominate you, and get the professors to co-nominate. From what I can tell, the profs I am TAing for would have no problem co-nominating me, however it must be the students who initiate it.

I would greatly appreciate getting this award, not only because there is a monetary and certificate component, but also I believe Idid a grea t job at TAing this semester. I spent more hours than allocated meeting with students, giving thorough feedback on midterm reviews, and guidance throughout the whole semester regarding presentations and the final paper (on top of all this, I myself am a full time student with a heavy course load!)

The profs have announced the award through the online course system, though I don't know how often students actually check it. It's also a bit of a runaround and somewhat inconvenient:  printing, filling out, signing, scanning, emailing/faxing...

Because of this, I feel the need to remind the students, yet I find myself torn as to whether I should make an announcement on the last day of class or via email asking to be nominated- what do you think? How should I go about this? Does this sound like I am campaigning myself? My internal 'yuck' factor is kicking in - but I am concerned if I don't remind or persist for it by the students, I may not luck out. How do I work the system ethically?

Thoughts?

Ethically Perturbed TA.

Dear Ethically Perturbed TA,

Yuck factor? Walk it off. This is just the first of many compromises you'll make in the ethics racket. This job ain't for sissies.

Here's what you should tell your students: The nomination process is difficult and lengthy, but it's a small price to pay for what they are likely to receive for nominating you. The payoffs for them could be material, such as free drinks or prescription meds; or they could be something less tangible, such as the knowledge that you will be in a much better state of mind when you grade their final papers .

Unseemly? Not at all. Remember: You are not bribing; you are incentivizing.

Also, one final word: You have competitors for this award, and they'll need to be dealt with. I`ll leave the details to you.

Keep building your brand,

The Ethicator

Vintage Drug Ad of the Week

Courtesy of the Bonkers Institute for Nearly Genuine Research

Stop that cough with Bayer Heroin.

 

Things you can buy for the cost of Carl's book, part 13

$19.95 from Paladin Press

From the always reliable folks at Paladin Press, Bill Wilson's book, How to Get Rich As a Faith Healer or A Televangelist.

"Discover the easy, inexpensive ways to get religious credentials (and the tax-free status that goes with them), how to develop your following, how to tailor your message for maximum gain and how to weasel out of trouble when your lavish lifestyle or personal misconduct hits the fan."

Look who's sitting next to the dummy!

Medical Ethics for Dummies, meet Medical Ethics for Pious, Sermonizing Pricks

Photo of a library shelf, submitted by one of our users. Note the placement on the shelf.

Look who's sitting next to the dummy?

Medical Ethics for Dummies, meet Medical Ethics for Pious, Sermonizing Pricks

Photo of a library shelf, submitted by one of our users. Note the placement on the shelf.

News: White Coat, Black Hat sighted in library

Medical Ethics for Dummies, meet Medical Ethics for Pious, Sermonizing Pricks

Submitted by one of our users. Note the placement on the shelf.

The Ethicator on the Ethicist: Should I really write my own recommendation?

Dear Ethicator,

Your inferior counterpart at the New York Times recently told a reader that it was perfectly ok for her to write his or her own letter of recommendation for law school and then have a former professor sign it.  I'm thinking of doing this myself, but still, I'm not sure what I think of her advice. Does it sound fishy to you?

By the way, I'm disappointed Ariel Kaminer was chosen for that job; it should have been you.

Sincerely,

Need a Second Opinion

Dear Second Opinion,

Whoa!  Not so fast there.  I have no beef with Ariel Kaminer; we're both professionals, both trying to make the world a better place. Unlike other ethicists you might know, I do not get my kicks running down my colleagues in the profession (or stealing their ideas, or exploiting their labor, for example).

And besides, she is right.  If you think about it, this is all about building your brand with your target audience.  And who is better positioned to do this than you? Face it, your supervisor is dead weight; most academics wouldn't know a good sales pitch if it bit them on the ass. Write that recommendation yourself, and you'll know you've struck the right tone.  And remember:  it's not lying if you really believe it.  If you can honestly say you are on you are on your way to a Nobel Prize, feel free to point that out.

Job recommendations are just one of several kinds of notes you're better off writing yourself, and letting someone else sign.  Some other examples I'd recommend include:

Award nominations
Promotion letters
Book reviews
Medical prescriptions

Uncomfortable? Sure. But Unethical? No way. Now go get 'em. You're welcome.

The Ethicator

Got Hiccups? Try Thorazine

Thorazine ad, circa 1954 - click to enlarge

 

Courtesy of the Bonkers Institute, an ad from back when people weren't afraid to think outside the box.