Kyle Michel Sullivan's Blog: https://www.myirishnovel.com/, page 35

Here we fucking go again...

Half of what I wrote on Home Not Home just exploded on me, thanks to changing how Brendan learns Joanna is still alive. Shattered. I can't fucking believe it. Every action Brendan takes after this is now colored with this awareness that people who knew him flat out betrayed him, and none of what I currently have works, anymore.

There's a point later in the story, when Brendan meets up with Colm for the first time since returning to Derry. At the circle fort in the Republic. Grianan Aileich. By which time he's been brutalized by some RUC constables who recognized him for who he really is. And...it...it's in the wrong place, in the story. But I don't know where the fuck to put it.

And the way it's written. It currently is like a couple of old friends who've met up and are remembering old times, and Brendan is numb at realizing how completely lost he is. And there was a tenderness to it.

Now?

Now the moment he's close to Colm he hits him. Colm's a better fighter so avoids the worst of the blow and spins Brendan around like he's a rag doll and shoves him to the floor of the fort. And Brendan goes up at him, again...to get spun around and held from behind as Colm growls, "What the fuck, Bren?"

"You knew!" Brendan says, voice cracking. "You knew she was alive! Knew what she meant to me and you said nothing! You never told me!"

Colm shoves Brendan away and snaps, "Told who? You didn't exist, anymore."

"She thinks I abandoned her! And she hates me. She fucking hates me." He grabs his head, almost keening. "It's all wrong. I shouldn't have come back. It's all wrong."

Colm sits by him and Brendan unloads everything. His confusion over how his mother hated him but still saved his life. Over learning his father might have been deliberately targeted by Protestants over something that happened before the man married Bernadette. Something that tore the man with guilt. 

This bit has to wrap everything together in his mind...just before his mother dies and he is arrested by the British army, to be interrogated. And I fell like I've just been broadsided so hard, my car's torn in two...but I'm still expected to drive it.

Fuck.

Rabbit hole...

Brendan's caught in a serious moment of chaos, in this story. Nine chapters in and everything is going fine. People think of him as an American named Jeremy Landau. He's had hints that his father may have been targeted for his attack, but only vague nothing references. He managed to avoid being seen by Father Jack, whom he knows would know him...until after the peace movement meeting, when the man comes up to speak with Maeve. He knows who Brendan really is but plays along with the charade...until he mentions someone named Joanna.

And Brendan spirals into wondering if he's spent the last eight years thinking he might have been wrong, believing that she was killed in that bombing. Because Father Jack knows he knew a Joanna, and that it was her father's shop that was targeted by that car bomb. And he's being so very deliberately nonchalant about what he just said.

Now Brendan is questioning his last memories of seeing her caught in the burning rubble. He was incontinent for 6 months, and by then the news would have moved on to new atrocities in the North of Ireland. And the thought of digging into it was too painful, so he accepted it and tried to rebuild his life.

But now he plans to visit The Derry Journal and read the articles from that time...and he will learn she survived. And has no idea how to approach her. Maeve knows nothing about her. It was Father Jack who'd  gone to pick her up, to speak at the meeting, but she had became too upset so didn't even get out of his car. He says she will be at the next meeting, in two weeks, but how can Brendan manage to wait that long?

His only other choice is to talk with Father Jack. He watched over Brendan as he healed before Aunt Mari came, so he probably had a good idea of all that was done to get him into the US. Probably knew where he was staying. Obviously, he'd kept the secret, but Brendan still does not trust the man. Not at all.

It's quite a problem, and I may have dug this hole too deep, but I already like it far more than what I had. That had been them meeting at a dance being put on the have both sides come together for fun, and their conversation had been too movie-dialogue like. And never really did make sense.

Now? It seems closer to how it might really happen. So I'm following it.

Housekeeping...

I worked up a list of all my books that are available and am posting that on some sites to build sales. They've fallen off, but here's hoping this will change that direction:

General Fiction

Boys Will Be Boys-Their First Time – My novella, Perfection, when a young artist finds his muse, is included. Kindle

David Martin – A fable about a boy called to visit a heroic king, who may not be who he claims. Hardback 

Bobby Carapisi – The story of three men who are sexually assaulted, and how each is treated by the world. Paperback Ebook 

The Lyons’ Den – A writer trying to write in the midst of chaos, a snowstorm and possible new love. Paperback Ebook

The Alice ’65 – An English lad, an American lass, a lonely black panther, and a missing book that’s worth millions. Another day in LA. HardbackPaperback Ebook

Carli’s Kills – Carli’s out for a brutal revenge on the biker gang that killed her daughter. Paperback Ebook

A Place of Safety-Derry – Brendan Kinsella just wants to live his life, but history won’t let him. HardbackPaperback (coming soon) Ebook

A Place of Safety-New World For Old – Brendan tries to start over in America but finds new issues that tear open old wounds. HardbackPaperback (coming soon) Ebook

A Place of Safety-Home Not Home – Brendan returns home to find he both does and does not exist. Hardback (coming soon)Paperback (coming soon) Ebook (coming soon)

Adults only

How to Rape a Straight Guy – Curt’s found the perfect way to get even with the world, one man at a time. Paperback EbookAKA: Curt – Paperback

Porno Manifesto – When Alec was gay-bashed by a group of fraternity boys, he decided to get some revenge of his own. Paperback Ebook

Rape in Holding Cell 6 – Antony just wanted to know why his lover was arrested and killed. Paperback Ebook

The Vanishing of Owen Taylor – Did Jake’s uncle vanish to keep from being tried for statutory rape, or was he killed for opposing some powerful people? HardbackPaperback Ebook

Underground Guy – Devlin has to stop a serial killer in London before he strikes again. Paperback Ebook

The Beast in the Nothing Room – How do you stop a serial killer who kills no one and doesn’t even exist? Paperback Ebook

Hunter – There’s always a market for the sale of good-looking men, and Hunter’s one of the best at supplying it. Paperback Ebook

Blood Angel – A Blood Angel is a higher form of vampire, unaffected by daylight or anything that harms a regular vampire. Léonidès – Ebook  The Prussian – Ebook 

Feeding the Beast – A young man is murdered by a cop but brought back to life to help a stranded alien and its ship feed on young men. Ebook

Demented Dreams (of guys in trouble) An adult coloring book for that wicked someone ion us all.Paperback

Back from the dead...

That break was good. Calmed the waters. Let my thoughts sort themselves out. Got other things done. And spent several periods of time just floating along the web in utter bliss. No constant niggling thought that I ought to be working on APoS-Home Not Home in a way that was getting me nowhere.

I may have been subconsciously waiting to get a hard copy of A Place of Safety-New World For Old...which came yesterday. Looks good. Nice and consistent. Inside type is crisp and readable. And as is required by the law surrounding typos, I opened it to a section, read over a couple pages...and found one.

It was in an awkward place. The end of a bit of dialogue was missing a quotation mark, but it's followed by more dialogue from another person so could be seen as just a paragraph break in what I'd written, and not words being said by two different people. Probably something only I would notice.

What's nice is, I didn't freak out over it. I just shrugged and figured I'd fix it for the paperback edition. So pulled up the file I'd sent into Ingram, saved it as a new file for the paperback copy, and changed it, there.

In fact, once I'm done with this next draft of Home Not Home, I'm going to read the first two volumes of the trilogy in hardback and make notes of any further typos I find, in them. It seems to help when I read through my work in a completely different format. I can't rely completely on editors or proofers, and the one I saw was even missed by Words own grammar editor.

That said, I'm digging back into HNH and am pushing forward. I leave for the UK August 9th and would like to have this draft done by then. But I think I have everything sorted out and all it needs is three or four chapters added to what's already done.

Probably optimistic of me, but better that than beating myself up.

Blank.

I'm taking a week off.  

A Place of Safety-New World For Old is set

I corrected the two errors in the text of the story and also found another typo that even my proofing editor missed. I'm telling you, typos are the devil's work. Of course, it was easy to miss. I had written the word history twice in a row, and the sentence broke from one line to the next in between them.

So I took a few hours to completely go through the file using Word's editor and found another instance. Jesus...how do you get around this crap?

Anyway, it's all uploaded and I've gotten a proof back, already, and it looks good and complete, so I've authorized setting it up. And I've purchased a copy to see how it actually prints. I got the rush service because I do want to make my self-imposed deadline. Here's hoping I get it before the end of next week.

I've gone through a couple more chapters of Home Not Home, and am adding in a bit where Brendan does actually do research for the paper he's told everyone he's writing. Looking at news stories from when his father was killed and also checking into his parents' marriage. His cover story -- the Kinsellas have been through much in the last 15 years, but are also better off than most, and they'll be a good reference point for my thesis.

Which is true. Eamonn's in jail and Brendan's banished, and Da was murdered by Protestants, but they haven't lost a child to the Nationalist/Unionist violence or at the hands of the authorities like so many others have.

When I first went to Derry, I was able to get into The Derry Journal's library, where they had years and years of copies of the twice-a-week newspaper. It's been going since the end of the 18th century, but all I needed was from 1966 to 1981.

I didn't have nearly enough time to spend there; I could easily have taken up residence for a year. With this upcoming job in the UK, I'll have Friday-Monday free, so I've been thinking about possibly hopping a flight to Derry and doing some more digging for HNH. But everything pretty much shuts down over the weekend, so it would be a misuse of time.

Maybe after???

Typos are evil

Got a proof back of NWFO in hardback and looks great except for two glaring typos -- one on the table of contents and on in the first paragraph of the last chapter. It's too late for me to deal with, right now; I'll handle it in the morning.

Looks like a near 2-week trip to the UK, beginning the second week of September. Liverpool and London. Never been to Liverpool. Maybe there's a Beatles tour I can take during my down time. Some of the day was taken up with working that out, but I'm not making anything absolute before we get the final okay from the client.

FWIW, I took this photo when I was last there in 2016.

The rewrites for HNH are proving to be more demanding than I expected. I find myself double checking and researching deeper into what was going on at the time, in Derry, and the politics. Brendan's been jammed into it and he's finding the news coverage has been less than detailed about the situation with the hunger strikers.

He's also trying to avoid people who really knew him, way back when. Especially Father Jack. But step by step it's coming together.

Nowhere man...

Feeling kind of out of it, right now, so...

Someone sent me this description of anyone born in July and it's probably 90% accurate. See if you agree...

Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

HNH continues...

My own personal dichotomy...

I have found that my writing has two completely different directions it wants to go. One is influenced by the Hollywood aspect of how a screenplay needs to move, move, move.  And follow certain structural points. And mainly be on the superficial side, where sometimes things happen because they have to happen in order for the story to continue. A skeleton, as it were.

While I read all the books on screenwriting (back when I was still writing screenplays) -- Syd Field's Screenplay, Save the Cat, Bob McKee's Story, Viki King's How to Write a Movie in 21 Days...and a dozen others -- who really influenced my screenwriting was Alfred Hitchcock in his interview with Francois Truffaut.

I found the book when it first came out. I was working at Frost Brothers in downtown San Antonio and there was a news stand across the street with a basement for books on various subjects, including film. I flipped through it, saw it had samples of Hitchcock's storyboards and bought it. I was doing some comic strip nonsense, at the time. I read it. And his attitude that dialogue was secondary to image stuck with me.

Tainted me, really, because the more I got into writing the more I wanted to deal with the characters and not just running-jumping-standing-still movies. When I finally got it through my thick skull I was never going to make it in Hollywood and started writing books, unfortunately that carried through...to an extent. And still haunts my work.

At the beginning of the process.

But I've begun to accept that half the reason I rewrite my work so much is because I want to strip that superficiality away as much as possible. Working on HNH is turning into another case study, for me. I found I was ignoring the reality of the situation in Derry, at the time Brendan returns, and having important dramatic moments filled with symbolism occurring...which were totally wrong. And now I'm dealing with that superficial nonsense as I dig in deeper and deeper to make the story as real as possible.

I know it can't be 100% right; I didn't live there, nor was I involved in anything that happened. But I can make it feel right as it's being read. That's what got me through the first two books...each of which underwent at least two dozen rewrites before I could let go. And tore me up as I went.

Yet here I go, again...already cut out more than 4200 words. Boom...boom...boom...

Typical issues...

Okay...A Place of Safety-New World For Old is now uploaded to Ingram in hardcover format. I should have a proof to look at by Tuesday of next week. If that's good, I'll order a copy to see how it looks in print. If that's acceptable, it will be available on Amazon, B&N and through independent book stores about the 20th, and I can start publicizing it.

I had the usual issue of a color profile integrated into the PDF, and Ingram telling me to take it out. I tried a dozen different ways as laid out through Google searches, none of which worked on my Mac or updated version of Word.

In the How can I not help you department, I even contacted Ingram about how to remove the profile and actually got, "Well, what you do is shift it from Word to PDF by using the PDF/X-1a:2001 setting." "How do I do it?" "We can't tell you. We don't help with editing."

Finally, I shifted the Word Doc to the company PC, which has an older version of Word, and found the tab that let me shift it into a PDF without the color profile. I uploaded that and the cover and it came back fine, according to initial scanning.

Jesus...

So this volume is 346 pages, 329 of which are text. I didn't do the timeframe separations like I did with Derry; those didn't seem right for this part. But I'm now 2/3 of the way through the trilogy. If I can get Home Not Home out and available by Christmas, I'm treating myself to a dinner at Russell's, a Ruth's Chris style steakhouse here in Buffalo.

Or...I could go to the Ruth's Chris in Toronto...

I also spent some of the day preparing a quote for a possible packing job in London, not far from the Sherlock Holmes Museum and Primrose Hill. It won't be an easy job since the books are in the top floor of a townhouse with no elevator, but it would be worth it. And I'll have help for this.

So I better get my ass in gear on HNH.