Kyle Michel Sullivan's Blog: https://www.myirishnovel.com/, page 32

Movie night...

I'm all set to consult with a bankruptcy attorney on Monday. Worked up more current pricing for a pair of jobs in DC in March and April, as well as discussed the logistics with a transport group. Learned the CEO of the health group I'm shifting to was murdered and his company is one of the worst when it comes to providing healthcare. Then ALSO learned my current healthcare insurance is refusing to pay for too much anesthesia, so they're just as screwed up...and it's not making me happy.

I finally said fuck it and watched Now, Voyager, for the umpteenth time. It's ripe and has a script that would displease all screenwriting gurus, today, from the sloppiness in its structure. But it's iconic.

Bette Davis actually looks beautiful and not as mannered as usual. Paul Henreid did okay in his acting, but he was better in Casablanca. But there's always Claude Rains and Gladys Cooper to liven things up, and Mary Wickes to make it fun.

Next was The Women, a real cat-fest with Norma Shearer, Joan Crawford, Rosalind Russell and a dozen other actresses having a bitchy fun time. I don't like either of the remakes. They lost the whole point of the story by including men.

These are comfort movies to me. I know most of the lines and what will happen when; it's the storytelling that entrances me. And they take me the fuck away from the craziness of the world.

I've now gotten notes back on the first 25% of APoS-HNH, and some typos I can't believe I missed. Needed words, too. Man. There was only one I disagreed with because she didn't like my colloquial dialogue, at one particular moment. That's staying in. The rest...I'm pulling up not only the HB and ebook files but also the one I sent her to use so I can make sure I get all of them corrected.

Soon...soon...I will have all three volumes completed. Soon...

I love my car...

A lot. This little Civic has been the best car I've ever owned. But today it hurt, because I needed to have the brake system rebuilt and it cost me a shitload. Cut into my savings by more than a couple thousand. Sent me into a downward spiral I'm still caught in,

Realistically speaking, like many creative people of the past...I'm pretty much bankrupt. I'm calling an attorney, tomorrow, to discuss it. No debt mitigation. Just end it. Kill my credit. Hope I can keep one card available for work/travel. I'll have to see.

I might be able to get a card through my credit union, if I guarantee it with what's left of my savings. Dunno about that, yet. I need the legal advice, first.

What pisses me off is, I was on track to pay everything off within 16 months when Covid hit and shut everything down. I was managing to help my brother, on top of it. But my income dropped by 40%...and would have been worse had it not been for Unemployment being made available to me and that stimulus check Democrats pushed through.

Continuing to help my brother kicked me down, financially, but it was that or he'd be homeless. And my sister was doing all she could, as well. Got his eyes fixed and got him fitted with dentures. Bought him a second-hand trailer to live in so all he paid for was a space in a mobile home park, and utilities.

Now he's on SSI and in subsidized housing, and has been for a year...and I've been fighting to get my debt down. But pushing APoS with what little publicity I could get going for it was expensive and didn't do much. Then interest on one credit card rose to 20%. So the balance just kept inching up. And my income, last year, between SSI and Caladex, was about what I brought in 15 years ago. I'm amazed I've kept what I owe from doubling instead of growing by just 50% since 2020.

But eventually you have to admit that it's beyond your control. Especially since the incoming MAGAt class of politicians want to cut SSI back. Get ready for the apocalypse.

And curse all the motherfucking Democrats who didn't bother to vote or chose to teach Biden and Harris a lesson, over Gaza...and are realizing too late what a stupid fucking plan that was.

Busy-ness day...

Started off getting blood drawn for my new doctor...and learning I should have fasted for 12 hours instead of 10. Oopsie. They also had to use a vein in my forearm to get enough because going through my hand would just not work.

So I went to a nearby Mickey D's for hotcakes and sausage...but they were out. Had to go to a different one because I now had my entire life set on having them from McDonald's. Another one was up the street and that gave me exactly what I needed...with OJ.

Got milk and a couple things then came home and called a new healthcare provider about the coming changes with Blue Cross...and wound up changing policies. Highmark runs Blue Cross now, and they are not being nice so my doctors have cut them off. Turns out my new provider is better geared to my needs and cheaper. Shit, exactly what I needed...I hope. you never really know how something will work until you use it.

So now everything's set for me to dig deeper into BA, but a woman on the 6th floor decided to burn her dinner in the oven or something and we had a massive fire alarm. Total evacuation. And it smelled more like she'd put her wig in the stove and that caught fire or something. What was she cooking????

But this time I was prepared, in case we had to leave for hours. I keep a change of shirt, undies and socks in my backpack so shoved in my laptop and phone and headed downstairs. 9 flights. Lots of fun. Several fire trucks and cops all over the place, one of whom was really cute. We stood around for a while till the all cclear came through.

I returned to my place and did some thinking...no writing...on BA-Franz. It's time Léon faced certain deep-rooted urges within himself and learned he's not as in control as he thought. Which will set the stage for the coming parts, quite nicely.

He won't be feeling guilt for what he does; just shame. Embarrassment. Confusion. And Gabrielle will be there to slap him with a bit of truth. It's what big sisters are for.

As for me and the world...the image says it all, and I ain't gonna give it another thought.

Waffling...

This is one of those days where I have no idea what I did...aside from laundry. And making my bed with clean sheets. And a dash of ironing. And lots of chit chat online with people I know. Finding out some of them have updated their contact info and getting that down.

And...thinking. Trying to decide how to handle the Franz part of Blood Angel now that I know the direction it needs to go. Léonidès has been a fairly decent guy, for a vampire. Not bestial like his sister can be. And he keeps his troupe in line, so they aren't feeding on just anyone.

But I wonder if this new aspect needs to be brought forward, more. Or now. Have Léon deal with an instinct that surprises him when he's told No. And how that should be handled. Does he seduce Franz? Coerce him? Flat out rape him? Turn him to save him from an infection that is killing him? Get interrupted as he's feeding on him to kill him? I can see justifications for them all, so can't really decide.

The only thing I know for certain, right now, is Franz is not gay and deep within him is harbored a hate and cruelty that winds up being unleashed when he's turned. And Leon thinks maybe if he's with a woman as his lead instead of a gay man that he'll be better. I haven't figured out how that will develop, yet.

But at least I'm back to thinking about a story to write. A novella. And I think I'll keep posting these on GayDemon, to be read for free. That seemed to get people interested in my actual novels. I think.

I could also do a followup to The Beast, where Warren winds up working for a secret space-ship-stop that serves fuel and meals, in some area of the desert...or mountains. And he's tasked with bringing men to it to be on the menu. That could could become very black comedy...maybe.

Oh, decisions, decisions...

Broadsided...nicely...

I was detailing the dust jacket for HNH and went looking for an old post on Tumblr that I was sure contained some notes I'd once made about the synopsis...and this image popped up. David Beckham. Who I think is pretty hot, even if he isn't what I normally go for.

But it sidelined me. Reminded me of Franz and Léonidès' obsession with him. Got me to thinking and I came up with a reason for Blood Angel to be completed. This is what came out:

Léonidès winds up turning Franz into a Blood Angel, deliberately ignoring the wishes of the Oyim. But the guy turns out to be a full-scale horror. Killing at will. Fighting with Leon. Wreaking havoc in the clan. Leon finally tracks down Gabrielle and asks to trade Dmitriy for him. He thinks she could better control him. And she's thinking about it as she tells him...

“It’s hard to believe we are of the same blood. The same lineage. We approach the mortals in the same way, with the same goal...to feed. But for different reasons. I sought those who might help me in some way. Add to my wealth. To my retinue. To my pleasure, if you will. I cared nothing about the individual or their place in the world. It was only centered around my wants and needs, and theirs meant nothing to me.

“You, however, are the opposite. Your greatness is immaterial to you, but neither do you care about advancing theirs. No. Your reasoning is to end their cruelty and brutality. Your preference is to be judge, jury and executioner to those whom you deem unworthy of life, and you have excused this in your own mind as something good and not merely just as cruel and brutal as those you feed upon.

“How you behaved with Franz now shows me you are just as depraved as I. Just as selfish. Proving we are of the same blood. The only difference is, I am honest with mine. And more aware of it. You are still too much the little carpenter you were, before you were turned, thinking yourself an innocent youth.

“The Oyim are not our equals, you know. They can still lord it over the vampire world as much as they like. Maintain a sort of control. Present it as protection. Defensiveness. And the common members of our race will agree and follow. The mere vampires. They even have you convinced that they are more evolved than you or I, but it’s a lie.

“They are not our lords but our serfs. We are their masters, Léon, you and I. They can exert no control over us, because we are not merely Blood Angels. We are Die BlutEngel. A higher caste, even to them. And after millennia of being the highest of the high, they cannot accept being made secondary in their world. So they do all they can to keep you ignorant of the reality that you and I can do whatever we want, and need no one’s permission. Not even theirs.”

“Does this apply as well to Dmitriy and Franz? They are of our lineage.”

“No. Somehow...I do not yet fully understand how, just yet...impurities entered their strain. Franz more than Dmitriy. I almost believe with him it was his line becoming tainted by Germanic aristocracy. They have a tendency towards the brutal and mundane, cultivated due to their treatment by the Romans, no doubt.

“With Dmitriy, my feeling is his came through the Hebrew line, which added a hint of victimhood. Which is very damaging to one's self-confidence.

“However, you and I are pure Norman. No Saxon mingled in. Nor Hun. Nor Moor.”

“BlutEngel is Germanic in origin.”

“It is only their version of our true title...L’Ange de Sange.”

“Which is the same thing. Blood Angel.”

“Don’t be simplistic. There is a subtle difference in the emphasis, and that is where you and I depart from their bloodline. Evolve, if you will.”

Good advice...if you can take it...

I am going to try, once again, to simplify my life. At least some. Since I'm so close to being done with A Place of Safety and know what little more must be dealt with, concerning it -- basically, shifting the three volumes into paperback format and setting them up to be published -- I'd like to tone down all the other crap I've been dealing with.

There isn't much I really have to do, anymore. My youngest brother, Kelly, doesn't need me to help him with rent and food; he's got a steady income from SSI. And I doubt any changes the bastard MAGAts want to implement in it will take effect till the beginning of 2026. For either him or myself.

I won't be writing anything that requires massive research like APoS did. If I work on Dair's Window, I've got all the information I need for that. I'll just have to re-familiarize myself with it.

If I continue with Blood Angel, except for the part dealing with Léonidès turning Franz into a vampire I have that pretty much written up to WW2...hell, into New Orleans after Katrina. So that would be fairly straightforward to finish. 

Looking at the expenses I'll have coming up -- taxes to pay, ISBNs to buy, changes in my Medicare gap insurance -- I'm mainly in need of trimming my outgo.

I have all the DVDs I want. I have lots of books still to read...though I do find it awkward reading someone else's writing, because I'm often wondering why they chose to form a sentence this way instead of another way. Like I'm editing it. It's been so long since I've really gotten caught up in a novel...

And I'm pulling back from social media, except to push APoS. The animals have taken over Xitter and are weaving their way into Instagram and Facebook. I'll still support Ukraine as best I can, but I don't have the money to do it, anymore.

So I'm regressing into what Voltaire suggested at the end of Candide: "But let us cultivate our own garden." It's good advice in a time of complete chaos...as we are now sliding into. May even help my blood pressure, most of which is politics-driven.

That'd be a nice benefit of cocooning.

Dust jacket...

Okay...closing in on the final product. I wound up with more synopsis than I needed so trimmed it some. Reads a lot better. Gives a fair assessment of the story, overall. I may do more editing, though; still feels a bit clumsy.

Formatted everything into place, leaving space for the reviews I asked for. That I hope will come in soon. I could just reference the ones from the two other volumes, if need be. I didn't even ask Kirkus, this time. I don't think they do well with multiple volume stories.

Shifted a lot of the graphics over from the Photoshop copy of Derry's jacket. Which made things a lot simpler. And I like the progression of the front cover images. From boy to haunted young man to ghost.

My feeling about the ending of the story is it's a lot gentler than it was, but is still not bright and happy. It never was going to be. Having lived this long, and knowing what I do about history, I cannot see anything really coming together to make things better for people. Too many powerful interests have other plans...be they the rich...or megalomaniacs...or religious leaders...none of them want peace. not really.

The story I use to illustrate this at the end is from both the Hebrew and Christian faiths, and says more about man's incapacity for simple human decency...or, on the rare occasions where they try, to maintain it for any length of time...than anything else.

I just hope it does the job I used it for.

I should be sketching

You know what calmed me most, today? After taking the bus out to Lia Honda, where my car's being fixed? Getting put in an Accord, which I'm grateful for but don't really like? And working at the office for a few hours before hitting a grocery story so I could have food for Thanksgiving...and still forgot to get any turkey?

It was doing this little schematic showing how many pallets of boxes we can fit into a ocean-going container. Both 40' and 20'. We don't handle a lot of ocean freight, so this was to see what we could get away with for a large shipment. It works when using both 18x14x12" and 18x14x16" boxes.

It took all my focus and consideration. Which is funny to say because it's not that complicated. But I felt like I'd created something useful and easy to follow.

I also booked another quickie job, this one in Seattle just after the first of the year. So I'll have all of December to focus on finishing HNH. Still no word from my editor. Normally, she sends me corrections in 50-75 page batches. I hate to nag, but I'll need time to input everything and finalize both the ebook and hardback.

I think for the paperbacks I'm going to do simple covers with no photo art on them. I'll have to purchase ISBNs, which will be a few hundred dollars, but that should be it. And I'll put them out at pretty much the same time. Maybe a week or two between each one. I dunno about that, yet.

I was planning to treat myself to a full-scale steak dinner, once all three volumes of APoS were out and available...but I don't know if I can afford it. I might have to scale down to Chili's or Outback Steak House instead of Ruth's Chris or Russell's. I could also check to see if that steakhouse in Niagara Falls, Canada is still open, I guess. But it'll be nothing sumptuous.

And so what? It'll still be a celebration.

Public Service Announcement...

It seems that when you rent a car from Avis, you have to pay extra to get roadside service in case their car...a car you do not own but are already paying to use...breaks down. If you don't, they will charge you. Doesn't matter if it's not your fault. That you did everything right. That the car just stopped on its own. You get charged for them to send someone out to handle it.

That's what my day was taken up with. Fighting with Avis because they wanted to charge me $146.00 for them to take care of one of their cars breaking down. They've agreed to waive the cost, but when I mentioned I already had AAA and would have used them, instead, had I known this about them...the response was, "Well, now you know."

I also found out my Civic won't be ready till after Thanksgiving weekend...if then. And the cost to rebuild the brake system is nearly $6000. My choices are very simple -- I get the car fixed, or I junk it and do without. Because I cannot afford to buy another one. At least they'll let me use one of their loaners while it stays in the shop.

All of this snowballed into me freaking out over how deep in debt I am, and what charges I'll have coming up. Taxes. Maybe changing health insurance companies. The cost of putting APoS out in paperback. So all I did that could be considered constructive is work up my expenses for the last two jobs, which I'll take into the office tomorrow, after I get the loaner.

I have to; my printer is out of ink and I have no clean paper. Another $50-60 out the door.

How the fuck did writers manage in the face of the world's chaos? I'm no Dickens, Twain, Tolstoy or Stephen King, making a living off my words. How do you handle it when shit just keeps coming at you?

Good thing I've got a certain stubbornness in me that won't stop kicking me down the road instead of leaving me in the gutter.

Still fiddling...

I keep posting these synopses because by doing so, I'm reading them afresh and getting a better sense of how well they're doing. Or not doing. And I'm almost thinking this version doesn't really get the essence of the story and I should start over, from scratch...

Derry, April 1981

Bobby Sands’ hunger strike has been underway for a month and Northern Ireland is caught in nonstop demonstrations, protests...and death at the hands of the IRA, UDA, Constables and British soldiers. The last thing in the world Brendan wants to do is return there. But he is told his mother is dying and wants to see him, so he feels duty-bound to go.

Using the passport of his friend, Jeremy Landau, he enters into the country as an American Jew doing research for a thesis on methods of crowd control, which everyone appears to accept. After all, it’s been eight years since he was spirited away, and many think Brendan Kinsella is long dead. But the British being the British, since there was no body or funeral they're still thinking they want to question him about that bombing.

Of course, once he arrives Brendan finds out his mother never sought his return. In fact, she remains coldly antagonistic to him...while she's lucid. But Percocet messes with her grasp on reality and sometimes she even fails to recognize him as her son, while other times rambles tenderly about the past, as if he's not there. Obviously, the end is drawing near.

Brendan figures he was tricked into coming home because his younger sister, Maeve, needs the help. She is stretched to her limit, caring for Ma, and at the same time she is working for peace, with Father Jack. 

Their older sister, Mairead, is pregnant with twins so is of no use; their Aunt Mari is having issues with her own family; younger brother, Rhuari, assists as he can, but is more focused on keeping himself and his wife as far away from the back and forth with the Constables and Army as possible; while the youngest, Kieran, is in gleeful confrontation with them.

But worse that all of that? His older brother, Eamonn, who’s been in prison for years, is being pushed by Kieran and Ma to add his name to the list of hunger strikers. Something Brendan cannot abide.

He pitches in to help Maeve, planning to keep as low a profile as possible until his mother is gone, even as her ramblings raise troubling questions about his father’s past and why he was murdered. They also reveal unknown aspects of his life that shake Brendan’s long-held disdain for him. He starts to dig deeper into the man’s life, but then Father Jack lets slip that Joanna might not have been killed, sending Brendan careening into turmoil.

For eight years he’d thought her dead and himself partly to blame, and no one had said a word to him, otherwise. He tries to find a way to verify it without revealing himself, but before he can do so Bobby Sands dies and Derry explodes into more death and destruction.

Now Brendan is trapped. The British Army knows he's not Jeremy and are closing in to arrest him. And it looks more and more like there is no safe place for him.

Does this make you want to read the story?