Kyle Michel Sullivan's Blog: https://www.myirishnovel.com/, page 34

WTF???

Jesus Christ, the world is out to prove to me it's completely fucked up. Everything, everywhere around me.

To start...that job in Chicago isn't actually in Chicago. It's 90 miles west of the city. When I asked the client  if this was correct, just got an, Oops, sorry for the confusion. I can still do it, but had to make some changes.

Then it turns out my car isn't even getting worked on till Monday, next week, when I'm out of town. I got the Had to find a part and it won't be in, till then excuse. So I am car-less till I get back from Chicago, 10 days from now.

I thought I could handle it, okay. I had a couple prescriptions to pick up and the Walgreens I use is only half a mile away, so I can walk that. Get some milk and a few other things, too. Only I can't find my sunglasses and it's a cloudless day. I think I left them in the car.

On top of it, this Walgreens doesn't have any milk. At all. Hasn't for weeks. And a couple of other things I wanted were sold out. I'd have got it all from the Rite Aid across the street, but they're caught in bankruptcy and their shelves are, seriously, bare. They don't even have any frozen food; just lots of beer that people walk in and steal.

So I come home and think, I can order some groceries to be delivered and get my stuff that way. Except the Tops I shop at was ALSO out of the things I wanted...like Neutrogena hand cream, which I always get there. Not today. Same for an Icy Hot ointment I use. NO place has it.

I can walk the mile to Target to get those two things. Which I'll do, tomorrow, after an in-home appointment I've got with a Highmark/Blue Cross person. There's an argument between my medical group and them over billing, or something, and they may cut my doctors off. So I'd have to either change insurance in the next 4 weeks or pay for out of network visits, starting in June of next year. I can't afford that.

Then I remembered I have a doctor's appointment on Friday near downtown. I can Uber it for $25 or take the bus. But I also need to hit the bank and stop by the office to get paperwork for the Chicago job...and then how am I getting to the airport to pick up an SUV for next week's job? Got me to looking into bus schedules. But i cannot find out what the fare is. Maybe $1.75 a trip...but that's from a notice posted 15 years ago.

I thought life would be easier, once I got to this age. Instead, the world is disintegrating. I got so off-center I finally just had to lie down on my couch and let myself zone.

Plans tossed aside...

Okay...Chicago job is on. An overnighter. So that had to be set up and worked into my schedule. And I'm having trouble getting a prescription refilled, so that took time. And on top of it, I took my first step in getting back in control of my debt.

I'm using a debt consolidation service that will end my use of a couple of cards that just keep building up. They will work out a deal with my two Mastercards, and I will stop paying 20% a year interest. How it's going to work makes me a bit nervous. I stop making monthly payments and they talk to the cards' people to settle. Should take about six months.

But it's this or I slide into total bankruptcy, and I don't want that. So I've ended a couple of auto-pay charges to them -- like for Ps, Word and internet -- and removed them as usable for flights, hotels and car rental. That last one, with Avis, was a major chore. They wouldn't let me do it online; I had to call to get it straightened out...and got passed up to second tier customer service before it was done.

The good thing is, my rent is rated according to my income. Never more than 30%. And I'll have a lot of deductions, this year, thanks to APoS and the publicity I did for it...that achieved nothing. So maybe in June I can get it lowered.

Guess we'll see how it goes. I just couldn't let things continue as they were, especially if the GOP implements Project 2025's recommendations on Social Security and Medicare. My savings has dwindled way too far down.

Meaning nothing got done on PM. I'm still debating on completing it...but I guess I will. See what happens.

Looks like I'll be working till I'm dead.

Second guessing, once more...

I honestly do not know why I'm working on Porno Manifesto, right now. It was helping me vent some frustrations, but it's proving to be slow-going working in Word, and I'm not sure I'm not wasting my time on a nothing distraction. Again.

What's adding to the pain is going through this script and seeing just how many typos and mistakes it had. So far I've caught myself calling Alec, Alex, five times in just half the script.

One section made absolutely no sense because I'd cut out the part of that was in the book that set it up. And don't get me started on the words missing in the middle of a sentence. God, I wonder if all my scripts were lie this, or if I'm just deteriorating, mentally.

I'd really like to get started on Dair's Window, which is more romance and a bit of history about the marriage fight in 2010, but first I need to get HNH done and out there. Thing is, I can't do anything more on it till I get the feedback from my editor. And considering my current writing capabilities, I'd be an idiot not to wait. God knows how many she'll find.

Bugs is so right about me...

Slow going...

Well, shifting a screenplay from Final Draft to Word is not the easiest thing I've ever done. Actually, it was a pdf copy of the script that I did a cut and paste into a Word doc. Doing that removed all the formatting, but that is not a huge issue. Just a time-consuming one.

Word is cranky at the best of times, for me. So shifting the formatting from the bottom of the page into looking like the top of the page is not A-B-C. I tried to set up tabs but found that wasn't complete enough. So I'm adjusting margins for each bit.

By removing the hard returns at the end of each line, I can make the adjustment apply to an entire bit of dialogue or narrative. That's where it takes time. I'm about 1/3 of the way through the script.

I'm also updating it and making adjustments in the characters and story. Changed one character to a black lesbian. I'm increasing the relationship between my MC, Alec, and a secondary one named Joseph. If all goes well, I should have it done by the end of the week.

Right now, I'm calling it Revenge Manifesto, but that's kind of clumsy. I need a better, more intense one. Like Alec and the Assholes. That's pretty specific, but I don't think it would go over well with the general public. Drop the whole Manifesto bullshit.

I'm still angry about the election and how the Democratic leadership is basically letting the GOP get away with what's looking more and more like voter fraud. The numbers don't add up and people are calling them out about it.

For all the good that'll do.

Another segue...

In honor of the sudden popularity of that vile phrase, Your body, my choice, being hurled at women and girls, I'm reworking Porno Manifesto into a counter-argument. Basically, Alec Presslea is gay-bashed and his bashers are protected by the cops and DA's office. So he sets out to get his own justice.

Which includes him telling his college-boy attackers, "Your ass, my choice." And carrying through with it on a few of them. I think I need a better title, but this does okay, for now.

I don't have Final Draft, anymore, and working in Word to do this as a screenplay is a pain, but it's coming along. What's going to be fun is sending it out to competitions in my usual asshole fashion. I think the story's time has come...pun intended.

It helps me with my anger-issues, right now. Seems the fuck your feelings crowd is a bit taken aback at the fury being directed at them. Nick Fuentes, who's probably the dipshit who most popularized that vile phrase, got doxxed. I honestly don't know if the information being given out about him is correct, since it's a couple years old, but we should find out soon enough.

He's always struck me as a self-loathing closet case out to prove just how much of a monster he can be, so I don't care what happens to him. Same for Andrew Tate, who's waxed eloquently about the joys of getting blow jobs from men at the same time he abuses women. Yeah, some straight-guy heroes for the incels.

What's funny is the assholes on Xitter who think they're getting to me by calling me names and laughing about the situation. They don't seem to like it when I mock them as childish brats unworthy of consideration.

I've stayed in, the last couple days, because it's rather obvious that I am in no mood to be around people. 

Slowly moving forward

Okay, today I got my Library of Congress Control Number for APoS-HNH. And I finished the table of contents, complete. Both the ebook and the hardback files are now conformed with any and all changes made.

So I'm just waiting on my editor to get back to me with her changes and comments on mistakes. I'll input those, page by page on each, at the same time. And then it will be ready to go.

This book...Brendan's story...that I've been working on for nearly 30 years...will be done. I cannot fucking believe it. Just in time for the world to fall apart.

Of course, there are still paperback editions to put out, but those are just a matter of reformatting and updating the table of contents on each. I may issue all of them at the same time. Look into doing a box set.

The last time I did a trilogy was Bobby Carapisi, and I finally combined them all into a single volume that's rather massive...but still only a bit over 192,000 words. I seriously doubt I could get away with it on this one. Total word count for APoS is over 387,000 words. I know that's like a short story to Steven King, but still...

Of course, Gone with the Wind had 418,000 and it's not even in the top ten of lengthy novels. Here's a list I found...

Marienbad My Love by Mark Leach: 17,800,000 words; 10,710 pages. Set in the 60s, this book follows a journalist. 

The Blah Story by Nigel Tomm: A lesser-known work but notable for its length and the use of experimental literary techniques, this comes in three volumes; 11,338,105 words. 

In the Realms of the Unreal by John MacGregor: An examination of Henry Darger's life, it's considered the largest work of fiction ever created, telling the story of seven sisters known as the Vivian Girls. 3,786,250 words. 

Clarissa, or, the History of a Young Lady by Samuel Richardson: This epistolary novel, published in 1748! 950,000 words. (Imagine doing the type-setting by hand...)

Miss MacIntosh, My Darling by Marguerite Young: Published in 1965, this novel is about 750,000 words. 

Jerusalem by Alan Moore: Known for its intricate plot and massive scope; over 600,000 words. 

A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth: One of the longest novels ever published in a single volume; 591,552 words. 

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand: This philosophical novel published in 1957; 561,996 words. 

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy: Originally published in 1869, this renowned Russian novel contains about 560,000 to 587,000 words.

Les Misérables by Victor Hugo: At 545,925 words, published in 1862, this novel is a critical social commentary of 19th-century France.

I feel positively brief, next to them.

It never ends...

Democrats are still begging me for money, and trying to shame me for not giving them any. Fuck that whole fucking party. If they can't beat a creature as vile and reprehensible as that orange traitor, they aren't worth paying attention to, anymore.

Besides, I found out today my Civic's brakes need a major overhaul, and it's costing well into six figures. Lots of corrosion. Drums that need to be replaced. Fluid lines starting to leak. My mushy brakes were the prelude to complete brake failure. Not going that way, I'm not.

What's wild is, they showed me everything while it was up on the lift...and my car's frame is remarkably clean and neat. Minimal rust. Still damned solid in every other way...including the muffler, which I've replaced twice since moving up here

So my choices were...buy a new car (which I cannot afford), do without (which is difficult), or get it fixed. Chose the last one; it's been a damn good car and is worth it. 

I left it there till they got the parts, since they didn't want me to drive the car. Understandably. Liability issues. They paid for an Uber to bring me home. Seems a number of dealers are doing that, now, instead of having courtesy shuttles.

Now I just need to figure out how to handle paying for it. I was stupid enough to work out a plan to bring my debt down. Should have known better. Any time I do that, I get hit by a major expense...jacking it back up.

I did more prep on HNH. I'm at the last step, where I have to delete all hidden bookmarks. That is very tedious and time consuming, so I'll face it, tomorrow.

Guess I'm not retiring from the book-packing for another 20 years...especially if the GOP does away with Social Security.

Black day...

I'm still furious that my obviously racist country preferred a white criminal male to an accomplished black female. I couldn't believe it. The vote was not even close. I halfway think the GOP's voter suppression is the cause, but that won't matter since our Department of Justice is not interested in holding Republican leaders liable for anything.

I'm also more than a little scared. I live off social security and those MAGAt bastards want to cut it back if not do away with it. I have no other source of income that I can live on. My book sales are at the level of petty cash. So I've been bouncing off walls all day.

And all of last night. I could not sleep till nearly 7am, and then only for a few hours. I wound up making potato soup at 4am. It's a comfort food the way I do it -- half dozen or so white potatoes (or Russet), half a large onion, couple of thick carrots, thin deli ham, salt, pepper, quarter cup of butter, and a teaspoon of mint flakes -- all chopped and mixed together with water to cover and let simmer in a crock pot on low for 6-10 hours. 

You can blend it, if you want, but I like to mash the potatoes and carrots together, leaving it all a bit lumpy. Had a bowl when I woke up at 10:30am. Helped a lot.

I managed to do more on prepping HNH for ebook, then lost focus and commiserated with online friends about the horror that is to come, in Washington. I can't escape the country; I don't have any money and I'm deep in debt. I'm going to meet with someone about either consolidating what I owe or going bankrupt. That orange traitor did it enough times. I don't feel like being nice, right now.

I watched a DVD of Death on the Nile with Peter Ustinov as Hercule Poirot...and it was okay. Nowhere near the level of Murder on the Orient Express, where Albert Finney was the sleuth, but good enough.

Oh, and I'd forgotten I once had a major crush on Simon MacCorkindale.

One of those days...

Long and not very easy. Voting went fast because I do it in the community room of my building, and no one was ahead of me. I heard I was #165 voting by 9am. But then I hit Quest for the bloodwork, fasting, and even though I had a 9:30 appointment I wasn't called till after 10am. And the person doing the draw had to play with the veins in my hand to get all they needed. Veins in my arm have long since hidden away. Got a nice little hematoma, there.

I shipped a copy of NWFO off to a cousin who'd asked for a signed one and had to patiently work with a PO Desk clerk who has a neurological disorder that makes her difficult to understand. I also learned because I had one digit wrong on the street address, books I'd sent to a friend were being returned to me. I'd used 12106 instead of 12108.

The office was easy, at least. Talked about the book fair in Hong Kong and how some dealers are ignoring the fact that things are different, now. Hong Kong is not really a free-port, anymore, and new rules have to be followed. Got labels and paperwork for my next packing job and was provided lunch. Beef on Weck from a sandwich shop near the place. It was tasty, but the meat was almost raw...and I didn't feel all that great the rest of the day.

My car's brakes didn't feel good, either, so set up an appointment to have them checked, on Thursday. Bumped getting my haircut till then, too. Got $140 worth of groceries and came home. Took a nap, and got started on reformatting HNH into an ebook...and found a typo. Of course.

I should have waited. I'm back to thinking the damn thing doesn't make any sense or is too simplistic. Too late to make any huge changes...even though I'm going to. One minor character is shifting from male to female because it makes more sense.

I'm impossible.

Damned rules...

Well, it seems in order for me to get a review done at Publishers Weekly, I have to send them an ebook version of Home Not Home. Which I'd forgotten about having to do the two previous times. So the next couple of days...well Wednesday and Thursday...will be taken up prepping one. Irritating.

It's not an easy process, to start with. But I've done it enough times to where it's no longer painful. Just time-consuming. And I can't really start tomorrow because it's voting day and I'm getting bloodwork and going into Caladex for a little while, then grocery shopping and getting a haircut.

I've been putting off the last part for as long as I could. I just didn't want to go out and around people until I had to, and that's what Tuesday's for.

I spent today working up the front cover of HNH and prepping the synopsis for the back cover. I'll need a photo for the back...but haven't found it, yet. Looking at this, now, I'm thinking I'll clean up some of the mess around the lad's eye, to make it clearer. Maybe over the nose, as well. But this is a good start.

Dear God, I'm hoping Harris slaughters that orange traitor, whose name I will not say or write. If he manages to cheat his way in, we're dead as a country.