Shallon Lester's Blog, page 5

Ask Shallon: How To Hang With Your Crush Without Asking Him Out!

Hi Shallon!
Theres this guy I like and we’ve  talked a few times and I really want to date him and feel like the feelings are mutual. I’ve tried to drop a hint for him to ask me out by saying  I  want to see that Spiderman 2 movie but he didnt take the hint! Instead he said “Oh me too, I’ll probably see it with a couple of friends.”  ?!?! I really think he likes me but just didn’t get what I was trying to say.  How can it make it a little more obvious without sounding desperate? 
 
–Joanna

Identifying with Hermione a little too much lately?

Semi-Jilted Jo,

Boys are so dense sometimes. While it’s really tempting to be like “HELLO RETARD I’M ASKING YOU OUT!” remember: girls are the bait, not the fish. Our job is to lure boys in, that way we aren’t risking rejection and embarrassment–we wear underwire bras and give birth, we suffer enough. Instead, we float along and let boys come to US. But sometimes a little fishy isn’t good about taking the bait! So while he didn’t get the hint about Spiderman, try it again, maybe when Godzilla comes out and if he says he’ll see it with his friends, be like “Yeah I was gonna go with a group this weekend and see it at so-and-so- mall” then pause a beat, like an idea is just coming to you. “Hey why don’t you bring your dudes, we’ll all go.” Be SUPER casual about it, as if it’s the most logical and natural thing in the world that your two groups of friends would see a movie together.

Tick. Tock.

If he’s like “Ehhh i don’t know…” just shrug and say “No worries, maybe some other time.” Again, SUPER DUPER casual, like someone just turned down a piece of gum you offered. You couldn’t care less! And this is as far as you take the suggestions: either he’ll take the bait or he won’t. Chances are, he’ll think about it a bit and be kicking himself for not realizing that you were asking him to hang out. In that case, he may suggest another hang out.

“HUR DUR A GIRL LIKES ME?”

The bottom line is: if a guy wants to see you or hang out, he’ll make it happen. He’ll get over his friends teasing, his mom’s objections, his busy schedule, his poison ivy, whatever it is! He’ll make it happen. If he doesn’t, don’t waste your time and maybe use him as a flirtation practice dude so that when a better guy comes along (who has the good sense to realize that you’re awesome!) you’ll be ready!!

He will def be feeling this way

A Comment About Comments

I really love getting y’alls comments on this blog, but they’ve basically been overrun with spammers

Truth.com

So I’m going to turn off comments from here on out, and instead if you need to reach me, tweet or Instagram me @ShallonXO or drop me a line at AskShallon@gmail.com!

Tips for A Perfect Prom!

OMFG PROM IS COMING!!

Prom night can either be totally amazing or literally scar you for life. There are three main parts to Prom: your date, your dress and your behavior. I’ll show you how to ensure that each aspect is flawless. Read on!

 

1. Your Date

Junior prom: I was beyond thrilled when my crushed asked me, even though all my friends said he was a twerp. Sure enough, the DAY of prom, he decided liked this other girl, ignored me all night and I cried for about two weeks after. Hellish.

I think he even wore a red tux too :(

Senior prom: The boy I really liked didn’t ask me, but (in a rare moment of good decision making) I said yes when the cute sweet guy asked me. Even though I wasn’t super into him, I decided to just give the good guy a try for once. Turns out, we had the best prom ever. He was so sweet, so gentlemanly, so romantic. It was heavenly. And now, years later, guess which one is hotter, richer, funnier and sexier? YEP, Mr. Senior Prom!

Team Peeta!

 

The point is: your date can make or break your evening. However, this isn’t Sadie Hawkins–you can’t do the asking. Seriously you can’t. If there’s a boy you really want to go with, be a little extra flirty with him in the weeks leading up to prom. If he is interested in you TRUST ME he will ask you. This is a golden opportunity for him to come after you. If he doesn’t, I hate to say it, but that’s your answer. So if a different  guy asks you, say yes even if he’s not your OMFGDREAMGUY4EVR. He may just be a Peeta.

2. Your Look

The Dress

Repeat after me: you do not have to spend a ton to look fab on prom night. RentTheRunway has amazing designer dresses that you can borrow for under $60. But make sure that you’re getting a dress in the proper size. No one is going to be checking your tag to see if you’re in a 6 or an 8, so pick what is FLATTERING, even if it’s the size up! Also, make sure it works with your usual style. Hate strapless bras? Don’t get a strapless dress. Why torture yourself? The overall point of your dress is to make you look like a princess, and that happens when you feel comfortable in what you’re wearing. Also, make sure the color flatters your skin tone. Blush, yellow and rose gold are all super cute hues, but not on a pale blondie like me.

All of these styles are from RTR–cheap, cute and Shallon approved :)

The Shoes

I see SO MANY girls in great dresses, chic hair, flawless makeup…and they’re clomping around like llamas because they can’t walk in their shoes. If heels aren’t your thing don’t wear them. A guy won’t be turned off if you wear cute ballet flats. “Yeah I was going to kiss her but then I was like whaaaatt she’s wearing flats?! Hell no, bro.”–said no guy ever. He will be, however, if you’re hunched over wobbling because you can’t navigate heels. Not hot.If you’re going with heels, PLEASE practice walking in them before hand, on a flat hard surface, not carpeting. But please PLEASE don’t do what I did and change out of your heels and into SNEAKERS during the dance. Holy mother of god what was I thinking.

Yes, my real senior prom photo and YES I REALLY WORE THOSE SHOES WHY SHALLON WHY?!

 Your body

One word: POSTURE. I know I sound like your mom but seriously, you need to stand up straight–it’s the #1 thing you can to do look skinnier and sexier and more confident. It makes your tummy flat, butt perky, and boobs bigger. And, bonus, it’ll make you seem cooler than every other girl. It Girls stand up straight–always. Check your posture by looking down at your thumbs–are they brushing your thighs? Bad. Roll your shoulders back so that your thumbs point forward–that’s how you know you’re standing up straight and sexy.

Boys find the Olsen twins repellant. Could it be their awful posture?

Next, slather Jergen’s BB Body which will give you a sexy glow and slight shimmer, but not in a skanky strippery way

Now, perfume! Always opt for an expensive fragrance over a cheap drug store one. Sephora has rollerball versions of high-end perfumes (my current fave is Nirvana White by Elizabeth & James) for under $20. Roll it onto your pulse points–wrist, neck, cleavage, behind the knees and nape of your neck, but don’t rub it in, that breaks down the scent molecules. If you put too much on, rubbing alcohol on a cotton pad can get it off!

 

Your Behavior

When I say the phrases “belle of the ball” or “princess for the evening” what do you picture? A girl who is demure, polite, charming and a little bit mysterious, I bet. You do not picture a girl who is loud, whiny, drunk, slutty or worried about looking fat, do you? NO YOU DON’T.

For each dance I went to (and now, each gala, which are basically grown up proms–so fun) I find a “celebrity spirit animal” to guide me through the evening and boost my confidence. As you may know frommy vids, one of my big tricks to faking confidence is to pick a celeb persona to emulate, click here to watch the video!

For example, I went to the Kentucky Derby last weekend and one of my dresses reminded me of something Hayden Panettiere’s character, Juliette, would wear on Nashville. So I let that vibe come through and semi-pretended to be Juliette Barnes–spunky, feisty, flirty, brazen–throughout the day. Tonight, I’m going to a charity gala and my belted lavender dress is very Kate Middleton so I’m going to be oh so gracious and sweet and polite and warm.

My Kate-esque gown will get me in touch with my inner princess

But some of you may be saying “Ummm why would I want to pretend to be someone else on prom night?” Well relax. We all know that “spirit animal” or no, your authentic personality always shines through, as it should! This is just an idea to help you overcome prom night jitters and have a behavior guide if you’re not used to such a fancy evening with a date. So if there’s a vibe that bubbles up from your dress or your hair, go with it!

 

Ask Shallon: My Crush Liked Me Back But Now He’s Ignoring Me–What Happened?

Shallon help! 

My crush and I kissed a few times and had an amazing time together…but then he just kind of vanished. He won’t return my texts and never wants to hang out, and I hear that he’s flirting with other girls and he’s becoming really popular. But when I see him at a party, he’s all excited to see me. ?!?! What’s going on?

–Rebecca

 

Royally Confused Rebecca,

Ugh YUCK. I hate hate hate HATE things like this, where you have this amazing awesome intense connection with someone and then POOF they just vanish and it’s like ummm hello? If we had fun why do you not want that fun to continue?!

So true.

So there’s a few different reasons why he’s gone MIA and gotten weird…

1) He’s popular now and is drunk with that power

When a guy become popular, it’s like he becomes a celebrity. and we all know how good celebrities are at staying faithful! he’s basically like a kid in a candy store. To wait around for him to “sober up” is a huge waste of time.

They always act soooo innocent

2) He’s just learning how to flirt

Teenage boys are just waking up to their flirting skills, whereas girls have known how to flirt and charm since we were 5! So again, they’re super amped on this new found power and don’t want to limit themselves to one girl, or even know how, really.

3) He’s kind of a dick

Most likely, this is it. Honestly, I have no clue what makes guys disappear when a good fun cool chick is right there in front of them. But that’s what makes them dicks–is that they don’t recognize a quality girl when they see one!

So here’s the big question: why is he still so into it when you guys see each other in person? Well, why wouldn’t he be? He does like you, he is attracted to you, and you are lots of fun. Of course he’s going to react to that! But whether or not he can sustain that behavior and that interest is a different story (see #1 and #2) It doesn’t sound like he’s in the headspace for a relationship, so stop trying to make it happen.

Learn when to let go, unlike our darling Taylor :(

Maybe in a few years when he grows up a bit, he’ll realize how rad you are and want a relationship. But that will ONLY happen if you bow out of the current situation gracefully, which means no calls, no texts, no emo feelings talks. Otherwise he’ll associate you as “the crazy girl” (unfair, I know) and that label lingers.

harrystyles

At least it did for me. And Taylor, obviously.

Surfer’s (and Shallon’s) Paradise: Sayulita

It was in Mexico that it happened–it finally, unequivocally happened: I decided to leave New York.

Well technically, it happened off the coast of Mexico, in the Pacific ocean, as I wiped out on a wave and technically by “leave” I mean “start seriously exploring the possibility of life in another city.”

I was underwater, upside down and my leash was tangled and pinned one foot behind me. I should’ve been panicking but I was in heaven. HEAVEN. There, in the rough, I was baptized. I surfaced a new woman.

Surfing made me feel more alive than I had in years–at least without wine in my system–and I realized that I would be happy hitting the ocean every single day.

(I promise I’m better than this pic makes me look)

(That’s not true)

I wouldn’t say that I grew up surfing–I first learned in Bali, then tried to go at least once a summer–but I did grow up with surf culture. Everyone  surfed (well, the white kids anyway), even just a little bit. Our high school even had a surf team! Even if you didn’t surf yourself, you wore Volcom and Hurley, you went to the US Open of Surfing in Huntington, you just lived it, the way a preppy doesn’t have to hoist a mass themselves to be part of the nautical set.

I got out of the water and FaceTime’d my boyfriend.

“Baby, we’re moving,” I told him firmly. “To Australia.”

“Mmmm…kaaaay,” he said slowly, trying to decide whether or not I’d gotten into the minibar.

For the second time this year, I was south of the border on a press trip. This time my travel buddy Jen and I were in Sayulita, a sleepy little surf down about 45 minutes south of Puerto Vallarta in the Riviera Nayarit.

 

Sayulita was like a Cody Simpson song come to life. Happy, bright, colorful, bouncy and beachy, it’s what you picture when someone bumps you on the train, or grey snow sloshes into your shoe and you think Fuck this, I’m out. The town is populated by surfing ex-pats and chill, middle class locals. It’s a far cry from the cartel-riddled border towns or the rum-soaked spring break destinations. If you want to party, you can. But if you want to relax, eat fresh-caught tuna ceviche and be up early to surf, you can do that too.

We stayed at the Grand Velas, a visually stunning hotel but it was absolutely overrun with kids. As a single city girl, kids aren’t my thing. So that’s a definite con on the list, as was the fact that the resort was a ghost town after 7pm (I guess everyone was tucking in their kids!) (lame) and you had to take a shuttle to the sister property next door to access the beach. But once you reached the beach, it was delightful. More than enough lounges and cabanas, with prompt waiters.

Since one can take only so many selfies, Jen and I tried to step up with our game with an oh so balletic cartwheeling photoshoot…

I need to stay in my selfie lane. I look like a crab. #thankspinacolada

The resort had another hilarious pro: jello menus. YES I SAID JELLO MENUS.

But the place was more than just weirdo gelatin confections. It boasted an adorable rooftop bar with a pool that spanned it’s length so you could sip a drink, look 20 stories down or straight out at the magnificent sunset over the Pacific.

And did I mention the spa? Some people are spa snobs but I’m happy as long as someone gives me cucumber water and sort of plays with my hair. I’m a simple woman. But this spa really was delightful, with ,ore than just a tepid selection of magazines to keep you occupied before your massage. They had hot and cold plunge pool and and a Jacuzzi with an “obstacle course” of massaging jets on the walls and floor.

As much as I travel, I’m almost always happy when the plane is pointed in the direction of home. But not this time. I didn’t want to go back.

Go back to what? I asked myself sulkily as I unfurled my hideous winter coat AGAIN. Uh, how about your job, your boyfriend, your friends, your favorite bodega that always holds aside a bag of Tate’s Cookies for you? You know, your life? But in that moment, I wasn’t a creature of logic. I was a creature of the ocean. 

I want to surf every day, I want to eat fresh fruit and fish and be outside. I want adventure.

(beer is good too)

So back to my original idea: start to explore the possibility that life can exist outside Manhattan, New York. This idea had been brewing in my mind, hazy and alluring, for sometime. I really can’t bear another winter on the East Coast, I just can’t. I refuse to spent one third of my life hating where I am, and really, it’s not like the sweltering, gritty concrete summers are much better.

Plus, the other day someone had asked me what’s on my bucket list. I couldn’t think of a thing. At the time, I felt smug, like I’ve done everything I’ve wanted to, but that dissolved into a depressing hollowness–was there really nothing else out there? Then, in Mexico, I realized that learning how to surf–like, really surf–is number one on that list.

But could I ever leave beloved NYC? Where do you go after the greatest city in the world? Maybe the answer isn’t another city at all; maybe the only place to go is the ocean…

Ask Shallon: My Boyfriend Wants to Take a Break…What?

Hi Shallon

The other day my boyfriend and said, “I like you a lot, but I see us as more of friends .”  I asked if we can make our relationship work…or was this it? And he replied with,  ”I think we should take a break and see how that works. I think it’s what’s best right now .” What?! Does this mean we can eventually get back together? Or is this his crappy way of breaking up with me? Ahhh! 

–Mai

Poor Mislead Mai,

Ugh, the old “let’s take a break.” BEYOND annoying because yeah, is this a break up or what? So there are two reasons why a guy may say this to you:

1) He Really Does Need A Break

jussy

Maybe he’s having a family problems, maybe he’s super stressed, maybe his dog died and he can’t even concentrate on anything else. If there’s an actual THING that could be distracting him from your relationship, then he’s serious when he wants a break. Or, vice versa–if you’re going through something that is making you kind of a crappy GF, he may want to put a pin in the romance until you sort stuff out. BUT, he will make it very very clear that this isn’t a break up and that you guys just have some issues to work through.

What to do: make sure you seriously evaluate what is causing this break, and put a time limit on it and reduce your contact with him. If, say, you or he is too caught up with SAT studying , make a pact that you’ll cool it for 4 weeks and then revaluate the relationship.

But remember, a good, solid relationship doesn’t need breaks. If a guy truly needs to step away, he may want to hook up with other chicks and have you wait around until he’s done. Um, no.

 

justin

 

2) He’s Over It

And yes, he’s a wuss for not just telling you. The may have gone with the break line because he’s trying to spare your feelings or maybe because he really isn’t sure that he wants to be 100% done…but he wants to keep you on the hook and make sure you don’t move on until he decides. Either way, it’s a dick move.

selena

What to do: Flip the script on him–tell him that YOU think it’s best to just break up completely. Delete his number, avoid him in the halls, don’t speak one word about him to mutual friends. Basically, you call his bluff and let him know you won’t be waiting around for him to decide when and if he wants you.

In most cases, he’ll panic thinking that you’ve moved on an try to get you back, but really evaluate whether or not that’s best for you. If he can pull this move once, will he do it again? And if he doesn’t come back? Well good. You’ve made a clean break and saved your dignity, which is the most important thing post break up, because it also saves you from additional pain.

selena2

Ask Shallon: I Like A Popular Guy But I’m Shy–Help!

Dear Shallon,

I’m 17 and have a crush on this super popular guy at school. He’s tall, blonde, plays volleyball and is totally gorgeous. He’s my best friend’s cousin but he never says ANYTHING to me. He’s super outgoing and I’m really shy! How can I get him to notice me?

–Medina

My dear Miss M,

It’s a pretty good bet that popular guys usually date popular girls. Why is that? Because popular girls catch their attention–that’s what makes those girls popular! They’re outgoing, fun, happy and not bad to look at, either. When they walk into a room, people notice because they want people to notice them. Their posture, the way they toss their hair, what they wear–it all adds up to them appearing confident and in control.

So, that’s what you need to become. I’m not saying that you need to try out for soccer just because the popular girls are–you still be you, just…You 2.0!

So the key to being getting his attention is to be his equal, socially. You need to be popular to so he’ll notice you. How do you become popular? Be confident! How do you do that? Watch this video

Now that you’re stuffed to the gills with confidence, let’s put it into action and become the queen bee…

 

If you follow all of these tips, TRUST ME, he’ll notice you. And don’t be afraid to strike up a chat with him. Asking a guy questions is a great way to kick off a convo. “So what was my BFF like as a baby? I bet she screamed all the time!” or “Hey did you already take that Chem final, was it super hard or fine?”

Guys like to feel important and asking them questions make them feel that way. So even if these tactics don’t end up getting the guy, at the end of the day you’ll have revamped your social status and infused yourself with tons of confidence. And to me, that’s better than all the blonde volleyball boys in the world

How To Make A Boy Like You And Ask You Out

Every single Ask Shallon email I get is some variation on the theme of “How can I get a boy to like me?” I am a firm believer that you can’t, really, make someone like you. Think of it in reverse–think of a boy who you IN NO WAY want to make out with. What could he possibly do to change that? Chances are, nothing. It doesn’t mean he’s ugly or gross or mean or unlovable, there just isn’t that thing.

But. Suppose that a guy is kind of interested in you. You’ve caught him looking at you, flirting, making eye contact–all those non-verbal things that say he’s interested. How do you make him really like you, and, most importantly, ask you out?

One word: accessibility.

What does that mean? Let’s break it down:


1. You’re physically accessible.



Don’t always be around your friends. Spend some time solo, preferably in the same place at the same time every day so he knows where to find you. Would you want to walk up to a whole group of dudes and ask  your crush out? Noooo! Neither does he. There are few things more terrifying to a guy (of any age) than a herd of females.

Boys view ALL of your friends as Regina George

2. You’re emotionally acessible

The number one thing a guy wants in a girl? She’s “easy to be around.” NUMBER ONE. This means that you are no drama, no nagging, no constant emo feelings talks. Do you freak out when he says something you don’t like? Do you jump down his throat when you see him talk to other girls? Do you stalk his movements? A guy needs to feel like he can tell you stuff and relax –they don’t want a fiasco drama situation every day. Or, any day for that matter.

WE may love Taylor, but guys think she's crazy.

Plus, and this is crucial, never EVER EVER nag a guy to ask you out. NEVER. People say that women are like cats, but really, boys are: you can’t pressure them to do anything. If you try to force them into something, they flee. You have to act like you totes don’t care if they ask you out/play with the cat nip you specifically bought. Don’t fall for this horseshit about “Ohhh durrr guys like it when girls take charge!” Yeah, lazy guys like that. Guys who don’t want to put themselves on the line by asking you out–they want you to take all the risk. That’s not a guy worth dating.

I hate this show and I hate this relationship

But if you master these two keys to accessibility then you won’t have to worry about asking him out–he’ll come to you, baby!

XO,

Shallon

InstaShall

Hey. HEY you. Do you follow me on Instagram? Well you know what, you should. First of all, I post a ton of AMAZINGGGG PICS. And secondly, if you ask me a question in a comment, there’s a 99% I’ll respond ASAP since I’m on Instagram constantly. It’s a problem.

Here’s a little sampling of the glory you’re about to be a part of…

I'll never stop doing duckface. NEVER.

 

Bad decisions, ahoy!

 

Chicks & bikinis what more do you want?

You’re welcome/I’m sorry

Ask Shallon: Do Guys Only Like Skinny Girls?

Hey Shallon,

I’m in middle school and im not the skinniest girl, but I’m definitely not fat. How can I still get my crush to like me?

–Emma

 

Grossness x 2

Dear Un-Emaciated Em,

Firstly, thank you for spelling “definitely” correctly. I appreciate that. Secondly: who told you guys only date the skinniest girls they can find?? Oh wait I know–the entire media told you that. But honestly, it’s not true. In fact, I don’t know a single guy–not one!–who has ever said he prefers super skinny girls. Never heard a dude say that. Need proof? How about…

 

Soooo NOT super thin

or

 

Held together by Spanx and hope!

or perhaps

O000, Katniss!

 

See where I’m going with this? The hottest girls aren’t always the twiggiest. That being said, one key way to make your crush like you is to be attractive–there’s no point in indulging in this Glee-esque bull shit that you can be whoever you want, no matter how weird or off putting and everyone WILL love you for it! A lot of times they won’t. People like attractive things. It’s science.

 

Just, like, ENOUGH ALREADY Glee.

So how do you look your best even if you don’t necessarily have the body of your dreams? You dress for your shape!

Women carry body weight in different ways. Five ways, to be exact. No one is more ideal than the others but each should be dressed differently. For more on this, click here!

Let’s explore, shall we?

 

I'm a Beyonce--what are you?

1) Apple Shape

Kristen Cavallari is a classic apple shape, carrying her fat in her midsection.  Steer clear of things that are tight through the middle or skirts that are too long. Short is best because it shows off your fit legs!

2) Pear Shape

Kim K and Lady Gaga fall into this category and should stick to things that are fitted at the waist–loose styles make you look pregnant and wide throughout!

3) Wedge Shape

Audrina Patridge is wedges. Flowy tops and tight pants are your ideal recipe since it hides fleshy arms and back fat while highlighting your thin thighs, making you look more balanced.

4.) Hour Glass Shape

That’s me, baby! And Beyonce but I’m cooler, right? Wrap dresses and skinny jeans make the most of our ass(ets).

5) Rectangle Shape

No hips, no boobs, no butt? You’re a rectangle! As are most models and petite actresses like Natalie Portman or Kate Hudson.

See? There’s no perfect type of body. And like I said, skin and bones isn’t a dude’s ideal. So work with what you have and rock it. Because the sexiest girls are the most confident.

BOOM

XOXO,

Shallon