Douglas Adams > Quotes

“Very strange people, physicists, " he said as soon as they were outside again. "In my experience the ones who aren't actually dead are in some way very ill.”
― Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

“He sat on a step, took from his satchel a bottle of that Ol’ Janx Spirit and a towel. He opened the bottle and wiped the top of it with the towel, which had the opposite effect to the one intended, in that the Ol’ Janx Spirit instantly killed off millions of the germs which had been slowly building up quite a complex and enlightened civilization on the smellier patches of his towel.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“her remark would have commanded greater attention had it been generally realized that human beings were only the third most intelligent life form present on the planet Earth,”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“The ship did. All by itself.” “Huh?” “While we were in Improbability Drive.” “But that’s incredible.” “No, Zaphod. Just very very improbable.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“He dreamed at one point in his slumbers of New York. In his dreams he was walking late at night along the East Side, beside the river which had become so extravagantly polluted that new life forms were now emerging from it spontaneously, demanding welfare and voting rights.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Oh, that was easy,’ says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next pedestrian crossing. “Most leading theologians claim that this argument is a load of dingo’s kidneys, but that didn’t stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best-selling book, Well That about Wraps It Up for God. “Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“They’re as stupid as any other organic life form. I hate them.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the ‘Star Spangled Banner’, but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy: A Trilogy in Five Parts

“What’s he saying?” asked Trillian. “Nothing,” said Zaphod, “he just phoned to wash his head at us.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“So what's the point of showing me something I can't see?"
"So that you understand that just because you see something, it doesn't mean to say it's there. And if you don't see something, it doesn't meant to say it's not there. It's only what your senses bring to your attention.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“and what voluntary organizations exist to help you rehabilitate afterward.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is a very unevenly edited book and contains many passages that simply seemed to its editors like a good idea at the time.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

“Please relax,” said the voice pleasantly, like a stewardess in an airliner with only one wing and two engines, one of which is on fire, “you are perfectly safe.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases. “For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question How can we eat? the second by the question Why do we eat? and the third by the question Where shall we have lunch?”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“All right' said Deep Thought. 'The Answer to the Great Question...' [...] 'Is...' said Deep Thought, and paused. [...] 'Forty-two,' said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“like a hunter stalking his prey.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“It is worth repeating at this point the theories that Ford had come up with, on his first encounter with human beings, to account for their peculiar habit of continually stating and restating the very very obvious, as in ‘It’s a nice day,’ or ‘You’re very tall,’ or ‘So this is it, we’re going to die.’ His first theory was that if human beings didn’t keep exercising their lips, their mouths probably seized up.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Omnibus: A Trilogy of Five

“It was a little like a pikka bird, only rather smaller. That is to say, in fact it was larger, or to be more exact, precisely the same size or, at least, not less than twice the size. It was also both a lot bluer and a lot pinker than pikka birds, while at the same time being perfectly black.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“It is a farewell gift from the dolphins,” said Wonko in a low quiet voice, “the dolphins whom I loved and studied, and swam with, and fed with fish, and even tried to learn their language, a task which they seemed to make impossibly difficult, considering the fact that I now realize they were perfectly capable of communicating”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“I’m sure. But look at it this way. What really is the point of trying to teach anything to anybody?” This question seemed to provoke a murmur of sympathetic approval from up and down the table. Richard continued, “What I mean is that if you really want to understand something, the best way is to try and explain it to someone else. That forces you to sort it out in your own mind. And the more slow and dim-witted your pupil, the more you have to break things down into more and more simple ideas. And that’s really the essence of programming. By the time you’ve sorted out a complicated idea into little steps that even a stupid machine can deal with, you’ve certainly learned something about it yourself. The teacher usually learns more than the pupil. Isn’t that true?”
― Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

“We can't win against obsession. They care, we don't, they win.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“Do not be alarmed, I will not harm you.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Gordon’un suçluluk duymanız için kullanabileceği, dünyanın en zengin, doğal ve manevi baskı kaynaklarına sahip olduğu ve her sabah bunun tonlarcasını taze taze kapınızın önüne dökebileceği çok bilinen bir şeydi...”
― Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

“The summer sun was sinking through the trees in the park, looking as if—let’s not mince words. Hyde Park is stunning. Everything about it is stunning except for the rubbish on Monday mornings. Even the ducks are stunning. Anyone who can go through Hyde Park on a summer’s evening and not feel moved by it is probably going through in an ambulance with the sheet pulled up over his face.”
― Douglas Adams, So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

“Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Sex but Have Been Forced to Find Out.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“Kimsenin kuklası olmayacağım, özellikle de kendimin.”
― Douglas Adams, By Douglas Adams Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Box set

“Listen, three eyes,” he said, “don’t you try to outweird me, I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“Yeah, could you just sort of keep this robot with you and guard this end of the passageway. Okay?” “Guard?” said Arthur. “What from? You just said there’s no one here.” “Yeah, well, just for safety, okay?” said Zaphod. “Whose? Yours or mine?”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know.
Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know.
Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about.
Amen.
Lord, Lord, Lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer.
Amen.”
― Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

“Most readers get as far as the Future Semiconditionally Modified Subinverted Plagal Past Subjunctive Intentional before giving up; and in fact in later editions of the book all the pages beyond this point have been left blank to save on printing costs.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy