Douglas Adams > Quotes

“I refuse to prove that I exist,’ says God, ‘for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“He attacked everything in life with a mixture of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence and it was often difficult to tell which was which.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“I haven’t seen anyone for years,” he said, “not anyone. I can hardly remember how to speak. I keep forgetting words. I practise, you see. I practise by talking to…talking to…what are those things people think you’re mad if you talk to? Like George the Third.”
“Kings?” suggested Ford.
“No, no,” said Arthur. “The things he used to talk to. We’re surrounded by them for Heaven’s sake. I’ve planted hundreds myself. They all died. Trees! I practise by talking to trees. What’s that for?”
Ford still had his hand stuck out. Arthur looked at it with incomprehension.
“Shake,” prompted Ford.”
― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

“How to Leave the Planet 1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that it’s very important that you get away as soon as possible. 2. If they do not cooperate, phone any friend you may have in the White House—(202) 456-1414—to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA. 3. If you don’t have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (ask the overseas operator for 0107-095-295-9051). They don’t have any friends there either (at least, none to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you may as well try. 4. If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 011-39-6-6982, and I gather his switchboard is infallible. 5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it’s vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“R is a velocity measure, defined as a reasonable speed of travel that is consistent with health, mental well-being and not being more than, say, five minutes late. It is therefore clearly an almost infinitely variable figure according to circumstances, since the first two factors vary not only with speed taken as an absolute, but also with awareness of the third factor. Unless handled with tranquility this equation can result in considerable stress, ulcers and even death.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”
― Douglas Adams, Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Book 1 of 3

“And do we also have, do we have … a party of minor deities from the Halls of Asgard?” Away to his right came a rumble of thunder. Lightning arced across the stage. A small group of hairy men with helmets sat looking very pleased with themselves, and raised their glasses to him.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“You see, Earthman, they really are particularly clever hyper-intelligent pandimensional beings. Your planet and people have formed the matrix of an organic computer running a ten-million-year research program…. Let me tell you the whole story. It’ll take a little time.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“The major problem—one of the major problems, for there are several—one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“Anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem. Please relax. You will be sent for soon.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Whatever your tastes, Magrathea can cater for you. We are not proud.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Nor was it the bewildering array of instruments that crowded the long circumferential wall around them.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Sometimes if you receive an answer, the question might be taken away.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There’s a frood who really knows where his towel is.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“What, are you crazy?” “It’s a possibility I haven’t ruled out yet,” said Zaphod quietly. “I only know as much about myself as my mind can work out under its current conditions. And its current conditions are not good.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl sitting on her own in a small café in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything. Sadly, however, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, a terrible, stupid catastrophe occurred, and the idea was lost for ever.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“My name?’ said the old man, and the same distant sadness came into his face again. He paused. ‘My name,’ he said, ‘. . . is Slartibartfast.’ Arthur practically choked. ‘I beg your pardon?’ he spluttered. ‘Slartibartfast,’ repeated the old man quietly. ‘Slartibartfast?’ The old man looked at him gravely. ‘I said it wasn’t important,’ he said.”
― Douglas Adams, The Complete Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: The Trilogy of Five

“the great thing about being the only species that makes a distiction between right and wrong is that we can make up the rules for ourselves as we go along.”
― Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See

“Don't worry. Everything is getting nicely out of control.”
― Douglas Adams

“Ford had his own code of ethics. It wasn’t much of one, but it was his and he stuck by it, more or less. One rule he made was never to buy his own drinks. He”
― Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

“Well, I mean, yes idealism, yes the dignity of pure research, yes the pursuit of truth in all its forms, but there comes a point I'm afraid where you begin to suspect that if there's any real truth, it's that the entire multi-dimensional infinity of the Universe is almost certainly being run by a bunch of maniacs.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“Marvin the Paranoid Android”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“It folded back on itself like something that M. C. Escher, had he been given to hard nights on the town, which it is no part of this narrative’s purpose to suggest was the case, though it is sometimes hard, looking at his pictures, particularly the one with all the awkward steps, not to wonder, might have dreamed up after having been on one, for the little chandeliers which should have been hanging inside were on the outside pointing up.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Si los seres humanos no dejan de hacer ejercicio con los labios, su cerebro empieza a funcionar.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the Galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through and still know where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Only six people in the Galaxy knew that the job of the Galactic President was not to wield power but to attract attention away from it.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Боюсь, – проговорил он наконец, – что Вопрос и Ответ – вещи взаимоисключающие. Знание одного в силу самой логики исключает знание другого. В рамках одной Вселенной невозможно знание Вопроса и Ответа сразу.”
― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

“I’m a scientist and I know what constitutes proof. But the reason I call myself by my childhood name is to remind myself that a scientist must also be absolutely like a child. If he sees a thing, he must say that he sees it, whether it was what he thought he was going to see or not. See first, think later, then test. But always see first. Otherwise you will only see what you were expecting. Most scientists forget that.”
― Douglas Adams, So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

“Of course it isn’t. It’s just an arbitrary set of rules like chess or tennis or — what’s that strange thing you British play?” “Er, cricket? Self-loathing?” “Parliamentary democracy.”
― Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

“We’re going,’ he said excitedly, and shivered with energy. ‘Where? How?’ said Arthur. ‘I don’t know,’ said Ford, ‘but I just feel that the time is right. Things are going to happen. We’re on our way.’ He lowered his voice to a whisper. ‘I have detected,’ he said, ‘disturbances in the wash.’ He”
― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe, and Everything