Lucy Undying Quotes

“What would I give, to be seen? To be carefully studied and perfectly understood? Would I let someone carve me up, if it meant feeling like I was loved? I knew the answer was yes, because it had always been yes. I had let others bleed me dry for the sake of feeling wanted, even before Dracula came into my life. I wasn’t any different from the Lover. Staring into a face I adored and finding only pathetic need and madness, my questions shifted. I no longer cared why Dracula had killed and changed me. I wondered why I had let it happen.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“My entire existence was one anguished scream, even now that I was free from my confinement.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“ If my heart beat, it would beat your name.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“ Mother’s been in my room again. I leave little traps for her everywhere, little ways that I’ll know where she’s been with her prying fingers and cutting eyes. But she didn’t find my journal. Dear, dear Mother, who loves like a knife, slicing me into ever smaller pieces until I’m exactly the shape that pleases her the most.
Love like a knife. I sit back, overwhelmed.
Sometimes I’ll have a feeling, but I won’t know how to express it until I find it captured in a poem or lyrics. Pulled straight out of my chest and put into a form I can understand. If I can understand the feeling, then I can accept it and move on.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“Your features transform whenever someone speaks to you, but you drop your sweet smile as soon as they turn away—a girl who wears a disguise to survive.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“Time really is a circle. No one ever learns, nothing changes, nothing matters.
I never did. Learn, or change, or matter.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“Time isn’t real, but moments are.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“Loving someone is being known.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“That’s how I do it. How I free myself. That’s how I keep moving and living:
Love.
Love for myself, and love for the person who showed me how to love myself through how fiercely she loves me.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“ Wanting to know someone and actually knowing them are very different things.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“I wrote of my sorrows too soon. To be fair, my sorrows never stop humming and buzzing around my head like a plague of flies. If I waited until they were over to write of them, I would never write at all.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“Then I curl up to live someone else’s life for awhile. It’s got to be less of a nightmare than my own.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“No, what disgusted them was that they had no power over me. I no longer fit their ideal of a virgin waiting for them to claim me. That was what repulsed them. That was what they found monstrous. I wasn’t theirs anymore, and I never could be again. Naturally, violence came next.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“Then she smiles, her dimples mysterious punctuation points on either side of her mouth.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“The stars offer no such comfort. Theirs is a piercing, lifeless grace. You linger in the darkness and devour eternity with your eyes.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“Well, come in,” I snap, and then turn and walk into the kitchen. Dracula hesitates. In all his endless days, has no one ever surprised him? What a mind-numbingly boring existence. I can’t believe no one’s managed to kill him before now. He’s so predictable. So obvious.
“Well?” I demand, hand on the fridge. Between one breath and the next, he’s beside me. I open the door and toss out containers of garlic and rotten food, everything foul, noxious and overwhelmingly malodorous. He recoils as if struck, lifting one arm over his nose to physically block the assault. Funny how much he hates being forced to experience something he didn’t consent to.
And he’s so shocked. He really thought I didn’t know what he is. I can’t decide which is more offensive: that he believed my wide-eyes victim act, or that he doesn’t even remember we’ve met before. Guess traumatized little girls aren’t memorable.
I grab the bag I got from the Cathedral of the Madeline the day I moved here and spread crumbs in a circle around myself. Lucy’s idiot suitors weren’t good for much, but their accounts of fighting Dracula did give me all the information I need on how to render him powerless.
“Communion wafers,” I say, just in case Dracula hasn’t noticed. “Ground up into powder.” I wonder why only Christian religious iconography works on him. What it means, if anything, because it’s meaningless to me. Doesn’t matter how it works, though. Only that it does.
I give myself a moment to relish his look of disgust. “I know exactly who you are, fuckface.”
He twitches, rage overtaking him. I’m not allowed to be crude, I’m not allowed to be bold. All those nights on the trail I played the lost girl. A demure, proper young woman, one whose future he could steal by corrupting her. Joke’s on him. I don’t have any future at all. I never did.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“ Even before I realized it, even before I knew you, you were changing me. And I am forever changed. Forever grateful for a universe with a sense of humor, determined to prove I could still be surprised. Forever yours, because as you said, forever is composed of nows. I’m yours now, I’ve been yours since that very first now, and that’s an infinite collection of nows you can hold on to. Time isn’t real, but moments are.
Don’t forget.
If my heart beat, it would beat your name.
Lucy”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“We’re going to find Dracula, and we’re going to stop him, once and for all. Together.”
The Queen’s fingers twitch around my own. I worry for a moment she’s trying to cut me, but she’s just holding my hand. Squeezing it back. She gives me a single, regal nod.
The Lover squeals in delight, letting go so she can clap. “Oh, yes, let’s! It’ll be a—what do they call them? Girls’ trip! Girls’ trip! Girls’ trip, girls’ trip, girls’ trip!” She twirls around the bodies, singing her song.
I came here to kill vampires and get information. I did both, with the bonus of securing two allies. It feels right, having them by my side for this. I only wish I’d managed to find the Doctor, too.
“You know where he is, then,” the Queen says.
I begin pouring alcohol from the bar over the bodies. Wouldn’t do for some poor hopeful dancers to come in here and find a massacre when all they need is a good night out.
“Not exactly,” I answer, “but I know someone who will figure it out. First things first, though, we start this girls’ trip the proper way, arson and then a visit to my therapist.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“I’m miserable, I want this to be over, and I also never want to leave. Is this how prisoners condemned to death feel?”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“When I find her again, she’s dancing in a wild, frantic way. Still with her catlike grace, but with a borderless, uninhibited energy that I remember from my club days. She definitely took something. I’ve seen a few tablets passed around, small baggies exchanged.
I wish I could participate, could really let go. But I have to maintain absolute control at all times. If I don’t, I’m afraid I’ll never get it back.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“It’s surreal, watching all these bodies move in silent coordination, dancing to a beat we don’t hear. In a rush of bleakness do familiar it steals my breath, I feel lost and starkly alone.
Isn’t this my whole life? Everyone else experiencing one reality, and me stuck on the outside of it?”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“I wish they would leave me alone. Let me be sad and empty. Let me stop pretending. I do not want to pretend anymore.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“I get out of the car and stroll through the night toward the house. For once, it doesn’t seem like a gaping maw waiting to swallow me alive. It still seems sad, yes. But not threatening. Maybe because I know it’s just a house, whatever history it might hold.
I’m just a person, whatever history I might hold. I get to choose which parts I keep. And which I leave behind forever.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“You are the strangest person I’ve ever met.”
“Good. Keep it that way. Any stranger than me, and things get sketchy.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“The earth spun, the years passed, and I sought to disappear from all of it. If I could not die, I could sleep. I could refuse to wake up.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“The Nazis were exceptionally good at evil. And still are. Different names, same agendas. Sometimes even the same name. Time really is a circle. No one ever learns, nothing changes, nothing matters.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“I just wanted to know how to make them love me. How to make myself someone worth loving. How to stop being a monster.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“I tried to be smart this time, and it still didn’t fix things. I don’t know where to go or who to be. I don’t know how to exist. How do we keep existing?”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“We use other people like mirrors, projecting our feelings onto them, looking for our reflections.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying

“No one needs me to find and save them. Which is probably for the best because I’m doing a shit job of saving myself at the moment.”
― Kiersten White, Lucy Undying