Good Boundaries and Goodbyes Quotes

“I know what it feels like to be paralyzed by another person’s choices that break your heart over and over and not know what to do about it. I know the frustration of saying something has to change but feeling stuck when the other person isn’t cooperating with those needed changes.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“But we can’t enable bad behavior in ourselves and others and call it love. We can’t tolerate destructive patterns and call it love.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“When we dare to be so very known, we risk being so very hurt. When we dare to be so very hopeful, we risk being so very disappointed. When we dare to be so very giving, we risk being so very taken advantage of. And when we dare to unnaturally change into what someone else needs, we risk losing ourselves in the process.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“Like God, we must require from people the responsibility necessary to grant the amount of access we allow them to have in our lives. Too much access without the correct responsibility is detrimental.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“Boundaries aren’t meant to shove love away. Quite the opposite. We set boundaries so we know what to do when we very much want to love those around us really well without losing ourselves in the process. Good boundaries help us preserve the love within us even when some relationships become unsustainable and we must accept the reality of a goodbye.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“not, then consider how this might inform you: Your parent’s disappointment may be a sign they are having a hard time with traditions shifting, and maybe you just need to invite them to come to your house. You aren’t rejecting them, and you are being realistic about your own family’s desire to not spend so much time on the highway. You aren’t being unkind. You are being wise about recognizing your own family’s need to be together at your home and establish your own new traditions.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. (Ecclesiastes 3:4)”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“Consider these questions: •​Where am I out of alignment with what I want to be true about my life and what is actually true? •​Where am I carrying an unusual amount of relational stress in my life? (Think about where your mouth is saying yes but your body or emotional capacity is saying no.) •​Am I trying to numb relational pain in my life? •​Do I feel the need to cover up or minimize behaviors by someone in my family because that’s just what we do? •​Where in my life am I out of alignment with my personal values?”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“Continued iniquity leads to irregular desires, which leads to a degenerate mind. Romans 1:28–32 describes this deviation in graphic detail.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“We can't live our lives to satisfy the unrealistic demands of other people”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“God calls us to obey him. God does not call us to obey every wish and whim of other people.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“There is so much more to us than just being a sum total of what's happened to us.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“Mental health is a commitment to reality at all costs.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“MATTHEW 5:39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“As we better grieve the sorrows, we will soon receive our tomorrows with a little more healing and a lot more life.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“We are powerless to stop grief from happening. It will visit us all in various forms and for many different reasons. But the absolute commonality for all grief is the disappointment and pain that accompanies it. We mourn what will not be. But even more so we mourn what imperfection and sin has done to all of us. We all contribute to the reasons there is so much pain in this world. We all hurt others. We all fall short in the roles and responsibilities we carry. We all cause grief. We all carry grief. But the good news is, we don’t have to be consumed by our grief. Isaiah 53:2–6 is very comforting to me when I remember that I don’t carry all this grief alone. Jesus bore our grief—both the grief we cause and the grief we endure. And He provides healing and hope for us all.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“If peace isn’t possible in the current circumstances in a relationship, then we must strive to find peace with that person by changing the circumstances or changing the relationship.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“God’s love isn’t based on me. It’s simply placed on me. And it’s the place from which I should live  . . . loved.”1”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“Peter reminds us that while it is true that God wants us to give Him our anxiety, we also have a responsibility to stay clear-headed and pay attention to what is affecting and triggering our emotions. Here’s what I don’t see in this passage about dealing with anxiety: passivity.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“One of the things that surprised me while I was studying Scripture is the connection between emotions and sobriety. Most of the time we simply think of sobriety as saying no to substances that make us lose control. But having a sober mind can also be an instruction not to let ourselves get out of control with our emotions as well. Let’s look at 1 Peter 5:8 (ESV): “Be sober-minded; be watchful.” This verse is giving us two responses that are important to keep in mind. First being “sober-minded” and second being “watchful.” The NIV uses the word alert. What is Peter addressing here? It’s anxiety. In verse 7 (ESV) Peter instructs us to cast “all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” And then in the second half of verse 8, after “Be sober-minded; be watchful,” the verse continues, “Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (ESV). Peter is telling us what to do with our anxiety. We are to cast it on the Lord. And we are to be alert and sober-minded. God has a part, and we have a part.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“Your light exposes something inside of them they’d rather keep hidden in the darkness. So, of course, it’s offensive to them. It’s painful to feel exposed. It’s only natural for them to lash out, but they are just trying to turn off the light as quickly as possible. It’s not a personal attack against you (although it will certainly feel excruciatingly personal at times). It’s an attempt by that other person to protect whatever illegitimate ways they are getting their legitimate needs met.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” And Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” This doesn’t mean we don’t say the hard things or set boundaries. It means we recognize we want conflict resolution instead of conflict escalation.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“Say what you mean, mean what you say, and”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“Bottom line: God established boundaries to protect intimacy, not decimate it. And we should do the same.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“we must require from people the responsibility necessary to grant the amount of access we allow them to have in our lives. Too much access without the correct responsibility is detrimental.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“You are whole and healthy when who you are as a child of God is in alignment with what you know (orthodoxy), what you feel (orthopathy), and what you do (orthopraxy).”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“And most telling of all, though Jesus had compassion for all people and offered salvation to all people, those who reject His gift and refuse to acknowledge Him as their Savior will not enter into heaven. There it is again: access requires responsibility.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“Having your life turned upside down is brutally devastating, but it can help shake loose some emotionally unhealthy issues that need tending.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“Jesus didn’t enable people. Jesus didn’t beg people. Jesus didn’t accept excuses for sin or let people off the hook because they were mostly good.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

“A note from Jim on goodbyes:

There's a big difference between waiting for a breaking point and establishing a breaking point. A goodbye shouldn't sneak up on us because if we set boundaries with consequences, breaking points are established ahead of time. As boundary violations occur there will be changes in the relationship so that you can protect yourself from hurtful patterns and behaviors that you are no longer willing to tolerate.”
― Lysa TerKeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are