How to Sell a Haunted House Quotes

“wishing harder than she’d ever wished before that for just sixty seconds someone would hold her, but no one holds moms.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“Time only moves in one direction no matter how hard we wish it wasn’t so.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“These stuffed animals were how she had first learned to love something that couldn’t always love you back.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“Be strong, trust in the Lord, and stay hydrated.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“Mothering, manipulating—sometimes there wasn’t a difference. She’d learned that from her mom.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“Because you’re real, Pupkin,” Louise said. “And nothing real can last forever. That’s how you know you’re real. Because one day you die.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“I’ll come right out and say it,” Mercy told them. “Strange noises, bad vibes, your mom and dad recently passed— Your house is haunted and I’m not selling it until you deal with that.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“You know, Louise, statistically, and there’s a lot of variance in these numbers, but in general, from a strictly scientific point of view, everything turns out okay an improbable number of times.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“She checked underneath the sink but didn’t see anything that might destroy an evil puppet.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“Everyone realizes that at some point, right? It's part of growing up. You realize you're not going to be the star of the show. You realize you're going to be lucky to scrape by and pay the rent.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“You’re going to hurt the feelings of all those new library books,” Louise said, and instantly Poppy’s eyes got wide. “They’re going to be sad you didn’t want to read them first. You’re going to make them cry.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“Nice clean cut," Santos said, and Louise almost said thank you but managed to stop herself.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“I’m an atheist,” Mark said. “Pish,” Aunt Gail said, dismissing him. “You’re a Presbyterian, just like your parents.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“You’ve become such a grouch,” she said. “Having your arm sawed off will do that.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“Reality is not a consensus!” Louise said. “We don’t all get a vote!”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“It didn’t pay to ask questions past one in the morning at Waffle House.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“I’m not surprised that your home is infested with demonic forces,” she said. “Your mother’s puppet ministry trivialized the church. When you move off the path of righteousness you risk being co-opted by the Enemy.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“Mom and Dad could've done it," he said. "They were grown-ups. We're just . . . tall children.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“puppet is a possession that possesses the possessor.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“When you don’t like the way a conversation is going you deflect with personal attacks. You’re like some kind of emotionally abusive octopus entangling everyone in your word tentacles.” “You should talk to your therapist about your choices of imagery,” Mark said. “Pipe organs, octopuses—it’s very revealing.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“It’s hard to describe what it feels like to wear a mask. You’re aware of what’s going on around you but it all feels far away. The longer you wear the mask, the more distant the world becomes through your eyeholes. Bits and pieces of time go black because the mask is active and you slip into a semi-somnolent state, but it feels good because you’re not in control. Nothing is your fault. You’re a puppet. Like Clark said, “A puppet is a possession that possesses the possessor.” And a mask turns a person into a puppet.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“There were so many dolls in there, waiting for her. Somewhere, in a less rational part of her brain, Louise felt that nothing could look so human and exist for so long without starting to develop thoughts on its own. What did the dolls think about?”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“Being loved didn't mean you were alive. People loved lots of inanimate things: stuffed animals, cars, puppets. Being alive meant something else.

"Because you're real, Pupkin," Louise said. "And nothing real can last forever. That's how you know you're real. Because one day you die.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“A haunting doesn’t necessarily indicate the survival of the human soul after bodily death,” he said, chewing. “There’s the stone tape theory of hauntings, which says that powerful emotional experiences leave permanent traces behind. There’s basic thermodynamics: energy cannot be created or destroyed. So what happens to the energy generated by intense emotional experiences? It has to go somewhere. That’s just science.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“Same with puppets. Put one on and your posture changes, your voice alters, and you can feel what it wants, you can feel what it’s scared of, you know what it needs. You don’t wear the puppet. The puppet wears you.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“These are our parents!” Louise shouted, the first time she’d shouted at an adult maybe ever. “They’re not a doughnut! You don’t split them in half.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“A puppet is a possession that possesses the possessor. And a mask turns a person into a puppet.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“She cried because at last it hit her that time only moves in one direction, no matter how hard we wish it wasn't so.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“That's how you know you are real - one day you die.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House

“Whenever Louise got anxious, her dad always said, You know, Louise, statistically, and there’s a lot of variance in these numbers, but in general, from a strictly scientific point of view, everything turns out okay an improbable number of times.”
― Grady Hendrix, How to Sell a Haunted House