Big Feelings Quotes

“Your plans and answers don’t need to be highly detailed, so avoid getting swept up in analysis paralysis. The goal is just to build your confidence in the idea that you would be able to handle the situation.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“Psychologists who study stress have identified three primary factors that make us feel awful: a lack of control, unpredictability, and the perception that things are getting worse.[4] In other words: uncertainty.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“While big feelings are uncomfortable—at times they can even feel unbearable—they aren’t inherently positive or negative. When we take the time to understand them, big feelings like anger and regret can serve us. Anger can fuel us to advocate for what matters. And regret can provide us with insight into how to craft a more meaningful”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“The key to success is practice, which involves errors, failure, and asking questions. It’s far better to share an early draft and get feedback”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“We don’t resist change,” organizational psychologist Dr. Laura Gallaher told us. “We resist loss.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“Instead of beating yourself up for feeling anxious or for not knowing what will come next, reframe the situation. When we tell ourselves, “I am a person who is learning to ______,” instead of “I can’t do this” or “I need to have this all figured out already,” we start to see ourselves as empowered agents of change.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“When we keep everything we’re feeling bottled up, we suffer in silence—and miss out on the chance to connect with others and to let them support us.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“A family friend also reminded her that life has one deadline: when you die. Every other marker or timeline is something you set up for yourself.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“It’s also impossible to talk about big feelings without acknowledging that structural forces matter. A lot.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“When you’re stuck in a regret rut, it’s easy to spiral through all the things you should have done differently. The more vividly you imagine what could have happened, the stronger your emotional response will be. Psychologists call this emotional amplification.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“Studies of day-to-day conversations show that people talk about regret more than any other emotion except love, and that regret is the uncomfortable emotion we feel most often.[4]”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“To break the cycle, start setting what psychologists call approach goals (achieving a positive) instead of avoidance goals (preventing a negative). For example, if you’re going to give a presentation at work, say to yourself, “I want to impress people with my compelling storytelling” (approach goal) rather than “I want to avoid looking like I don’t know what I’m doing” (avoidance goal).”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“While perfectionism can show up in many small, private ways, it tends to present along similar lines of all-or-nothing thinking:”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“Perfectionism gives us a sense of control, which can offer short-term emotional relief. We tell ourselves that if we do everything right, we can avoid rejection and abuse. Psychologists refer to this as magical thinking, when we believe that one thing causes another when there isn’t an obvious link. But, of course, perfect is impossible. And no matter what you do in life, bad things might still happen.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“Perfectionism is often context-specific. You might feel pressure to present perfectly in social situations, or you might have job-based perfectionism. In short, even if your house is messy or you haven’t been promoted in the last six months, you still might be struggling with perfectionist tendencies.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“anger is evolution’s way of telling us “Do something about this!” When you feel yourself getting angry, “that’s automatic, you cannot control that,” explains neuroscientist R. Douglas Fields. “Your unconscious mind has taken in enormous amounts of data and has determined that you are in a situation that is threatening and is preparing you to respond physically. . . . The only way this circuitry communicates to our awareness is through emotion.”[4] Think of anger as a nonspecific alarm intended to move you out of harm’s way.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“If we know what the bad thing is, we can plan for it. But when we don’t know what’s going to happen, we spiral.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“We can try to control the uncontrollable by looking for security and predictability,” writes Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön, “always hoping to be comfortable and safe. But the truth is that we can never avoid uncertainty. This not-knowing is part of the adventure.”[8] And precisely what makes us anxious.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“While big feelings are uncomfortable—at times they can even feel unbearable—they aren’t inherently positive or negative. When we take the time to understand them, big feelings like anger and regret can serve us.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“Let go or get dragged.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“You may not always be exactly where you want to be, but chances are you're not where you used to be, either.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“We don't resist change. We resist loss.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“Thomas S. Greenspon, author of Moving Past Perfect, told us. “Across jobs, the most successful people are less likely to be perfectionists. That’s because the anxiety about making mistakes gets in your way.”[”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“In 2005, psychologists Gordon Flett and Paul Hewitt set out to determine how perfectionism affects performance.[1] Their discovery? It makes a big difference, but not in the way you might expect. Looking at professional athletes, they found that people who displayed more perfectionist tendencies became overly concerned with their mistakes. Their fear of failure undermined their potential and made them do worse compared with their peers.[”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“Take care of yourself before you’re completely fried Figure out whether you’re overextended, disengaged, or feeling ineffective If you’re overextended, get comfortable living at 80 percent and say no more often If you’re disengaged, seek connection and craft a more meaningful schedule If you feel ineffective, find ways to achieve clear wins and realign your life with your values If you feel all three, detach your worth from your work and embrace “garbage time”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“We love writer Jenna Wortham’s advice: “Remember that other people’s urgency is not your emergency.”[”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“In Set Boundaries, Find Peace, Nedra Glover Tawwab writes, “People don’t know what you want. It’s your job to make it clear. Clarity saves relationships.”[”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“Research shows that we tend to compare our weaknesses with other people’s strengths. When you compare more comprehensively, things start to feel more attainable.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“Never compare your inside with someone else’s outside. Hugh MacLeod”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

“While big feelings are uncomfortable—at times they can even feel unbearable—they aren’t inherently positive or negative. When we take the time to understand them, big feelings like anger and regret can serve us. Anger can fuel us to advocate for what matters. And regret can provide us with insight into how to craft a more meaningful life.”
― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay