The Way We Survive Quotes

“If men felt empowered to talk about sex with their partner, especially before any sexual relationship has occurred, many harmful situations could perhaps be avoided. Many men see talking about sex as embarrassing, awkward or feminine. To avoid our boys becoming men who harm women, we need to encourage them to talk openly about sex and their feelings towards it. We need to encourage them to want to talk about sex with women, to see it as a part of the process of love and relationships, instead of leaving communication as solely the burden of the feminine partner to take on. Consent doesn't have to necessarily be sexy, but it should have to be talked about in an open and understanding way.”
― Catriona Morton, The Way We Survive: Notes on Rape Culture

“There is no space made for accountability; no space for people to take on board the harm they've done or to work to try to rectify or repair the situation. Simply locking people up will not teach them about male supremacy, toxic masculinity, consent and why sexual violence occurs in our societies. Further, the system breeds denial and actually reinforces a lack of accountability from those who have committed harm - think of the defence attorney appointed on behalf of accused perpetrators to vehemently deny any wrongdoing. The concept of 'innocent until proven guilty' reigns supreme, with all efforts going towards maintaining innocence rather than encouraging accountability. Wealthy, powerful men are taught to sue those who accuse them in any public capacity.”
― Catriona Morton, The Way We Survive: Notes on Rape Culture

“This act of paying attention to non-verbal cues seems to be one based in the skill of empathy a skill previously discussed as being difficult at times for some that conform to society's tropes of masculinity to access. Can empathy, deep understanding and connection be 'taught' in a conventional sense in our current sex-education classes? Can we teach boys to value their partner's pleasure on an equal par to their own with our current systems? Or, more likely, is a radical change needed throughout all of our socialisations and educations?”
― Catriona Morton, The Way We Survive: Notes on Rape Culture

“The trouble with these times wasn't even really the individual scenarios or men themselves, but the societal conditioning that surrounded our two bodies. I would put pressure on myself, for I had been socialised to please, socialised to find it easier to get it over and done with. The men would be socialised to seek pleasure first, to touch before asking. I would usually be seeking validation or a way to rewrite the endings of my own traumatic past. These unplaceable times would often find our gendered selves falling into our written roles. Was it the drink leading us to lazily fit our stereotypes, or perhaps the inherent pressure of modern intimacy?”
― Catriona Morton, The Way We Survive: Notes on Rape Culture

“If someone says they feel like an experience of theirs was assault and that they feel violated, the response should be quite simple: believe them. Telling someone they weren't hurt won't make it so. It will only confuse and invalidate them, usually them in further mental distreess, deeper in the shame they've been told they should have. Another person saying that a painful experience didn't happen will never negate the fact that, for the survivor, it did.”
― Catriona Morton, The Way We Survive: Notes on Rape Culture