Carl's Doomsday Scenario Quotes

“Cats don't drink cocktails,' I said.

'Cats don't shoot lasers from their eyes, either, but here we are, Carl. Mama needs a night off.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“So help me god,” I said. “I will abandon you right here and right now if you choose to take up the kazoo.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“The baby velociraptor settled into my lap. I suddenly felt uncomfortable having that many teeth so close to my crotch. If he bit me now, I didn’t know what would happen.”
― Matt Dinniman , Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Don’t compare your circumstances with how they were yesterday. Look at how they were years ago.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“If it used to be okay, but it’s not okay anymore, then maybe you should do something about it. Don’t compare your circumstances with how they were yesterday. Look at how they were years ago. We’re supposed to be making the world… the universe… a better place for our children. If it’s not better, if you’re dealing with cruelty, with neglect, then you should do something about it. So, yeah. Fuck ‘em. Fuck King Rust and his asshole child. If you’re unhappy with your government, then kick them out and set up your own, one that represents the people’s best interests. You shouldn’t have to put up with some loser who’s going to take the people’s money and waste it on games, especially when those games entail killing people weaker than him with little or no real danger to himself. What a pussy. That’s my opinion.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“If that’s true,” I said, “then you’re all in that same pot.” I turned to look at the audience. “All of you. If a government is afraid of what its people say, then maybe there’s a reason for it.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Mongo is appalled.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“They were all gone. All I had left in this world was right here. Mongo soon started to snore. I could feel Donut’s warmth against the back of my neck. She breathed softly, oblivious of all that had occurred tonight. This, I thought, this is my family.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Carl?” she asked. I looked down into her large, glowing eyes. “Yeah?” “I’m not as dumb as I pretend to be. I know she’s dead.” “I know.” I wrapped myself around her. We both closed our eyes and braced for the end.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“NecroBard This unusual class combines one of the most-loved occupations with one of the most reviled.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“But the truth is, when people are really given the opportunity to be something else, and that change is real and permanent, most opt to stay the same. They get scared. Even if there’s an obviously better choice, it’s terrifying to take that leap. And if that something else is a major change, there’s always a learning curve. Sometimes it’s better to stay in familiar skin.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Cats don’t drink cocktails,” I said. “Cats don’t shoot lasers from their eyes, either, but here we are, Carl. Mama needs a night off.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Gordo leaned over the counter and made a face. “This is your manager?” “Yep,” I said. He shook his head sadly. “You two are so dead.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“All it takes is a little seed, my mom had said that day as we planted the trees. Just little seeds here and there, and soon enough you have a forest.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“My four-year-old mind couldn’t possibly register it at the time, but it was the scent of happiness, of joy, of being a kid, of not being afraid.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Carl. It’s too dangerous for a show to have guest stars that are more interesting than the main character. That’s why they killed Barb on Stranger Things.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“the sight of myself up on the screen, running full tilt through the Over City with nothing but a one-armed leather jacket and my nuts dangling free filled me with a strange, almost primal sense of vulnerability. I don’t know how nudists ever got used to it.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Anyway, this could be something useful like Parkour or Jui-jitsu, or you could get f*cked and receive some useless crap like Stamp Collecting or Kombucha Brewing.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. ​- ​MARK TWAIN”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Zev says the shows on Earth are better than anything she’s ever seen. We could make new ones and bring them to the universe. Maybe if the television shows are good enough, people wouldn’t be so interested in watching real-life people kill each other,” she said.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“If it used to be okay, but it’s not okay anymore, then maybe you should do something about it. Don’t compare your circumstances with how they were yesterday. Look at how they were years ago. We’re supposed to be making the world… the universe… a better place for our children. If it’s not better, if you’re dealing with cruelty, with neglect, then you should do something about it.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“murder chicken to go a’murdering”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Apito warns us of the great beast who yearns to unravel the heavens and kill all the gods. And now this great deceiver, this devourer of all that is holy, has a name. She is Donut, the Oak Fell, the death upon us all. She who ends.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“You will not break me. You will not break me.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Donut looked back over her shoulder. “What? Are you scared of my butt or something? I’ll have you know it is glorious.” She waggled it at the elves, jingling the crupper that hung like a skirt across her backside. “This is an award-winning derriere!”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Donut asked. “I’m not sure where you’re from, but the cultured amongst us no longer use corpses as icebreakers. Next time maybe just bring Carl a milkshake. He likes milkshakes.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Will you put my tree together?” Donut asked. “And maybe light my candle? Miss Beatrice used to light candles.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Oh sweetie,” Donut said. “I think we got off on the wrong foot. Let’s start over.” “Yeah, okay,” Pustule said. “We wouldn’t want anybody getting off on any feet.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“the”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Maybe we should have tested them first,” she said. “That’s what they’re gonna put on my tombstone.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario