The Bone Witch Quotes

“Listen, coffee maker, I know you think you’re the shit because you’re bougie as hell, but let’s keep it real. You have one job— to make coffee— and, bitch, right now you’re sucking at it. You should be ashamed. What would all the other coffee makers have to say about your attitude?”
― Ivy Asher, The Bone Witch

“I’m so ready for a glass of wine, my just big enough tub, and some Witcher. Lord knows I need a healthy dose of Henry Cavill in my life to remind me why I shouldn’t look into becoming a lesbian.”
― Ivy Asher, The Bone Witch

“Did you just get a bath, little buddy? You smell so good, you handsome little tater tot,” he coos at him. I bite back a scoff as I watch Rogan kiss him again. Hoot rubbed himself all over my dirty underwear while I was in the shower this morning. The only thing he smells like is eau de mon vagina.”
― Ivy Asher, The Bone Witch

“And I’m not about to get myself snatched because I was too polite to say hold the fuck up and answer some questions for me before we go any further.”
― Ivy Asher, The Bone Witch

“Nope. I can come play catch the lycan with my vagina some other time.”
― Ivy Asher, The Bone Witch

“I dip my sandwich into my soup and practically orgasm with the first bite. Rogan shakes his head and tries to fight a smile as I make sweet, sweet love to my lunch without a single ounce of shame.”
― Ivy Asher, The Bone Witch

“How'd you sleep?" he asks, and then he takes a quiet, demure sip that I have no respect for.”
― Ivy Asher, The Bone Witch

“Everything was better because she was here, and now she's not, and I don't want this world without her. I don't want anything if I can't share it with her.”
― Ivy Asher, The Bone Witch

“I seriously need to get a grip. Yes, it's been a while since a good looking man got all up in my business, but the fact that my brain just jettisond off into oh, you know what would be fun? An orgasm! territory is just plain pathetic.”
― Ivy Asher, The Bone Witch

“Ruby was powerful, and like it or not, I'm the bloodline's next Osteomancer. I will get the hang of things, and when I do, do you really think it wise to fuck with me, Rogan Kendrick?”
― Ivy Asher, The Bone Witch

“He's the most dangerous lure I've ever seen: mouthwatering on the outside with a crunchy batshit-crazy center.”
― Ivy Asher, The Bone Witch

“I'm like the Hagrid, Obi Wan, Haymitch, and Khloe of your story, and that is hilarious.”
― Ivy Asher, The Bone Witch

“just body checked Joe Jonas’s hotter, beefier, and more masculine looking older brother.”
― Ivy Asher, The Bone Witch

“Worse. I tried to go out tonight, just to make sure my gaydar is fully operational, and the woman almost had a conniption. She practically turned purple with outrage. I tried to take a picture, but she attacked too fast.”
― Ivy Asher, The Bone Witch

“The overwhelming scent of rotten eggs fills the car, and I groan and cover my nose with my shirt. I glare at Hoot, who couldn’t give two shits about the ass bombs he keeps dropping.”
― Ivy Asher, The Bone Witch