The Unexpurgated Code Quotes

“In all cases the old is better than the new except where the new is much better.”
― J.P. Donleavy, The Unexpurgated Code

“Farting In ancient times this feature of personal metabolism was esteemed an expression of the conscience as having just let off steam. And with so much artificial air around these days one would have thought sending forth wind from the anus was at least a bolt of something natural if not fresh. But this stinkingly difficult habit is sometimes a noisesome one as well. And in most haughty circumstances it is not nice to be caught at. But provided you keep it quiet one is not normally ostracized from good society. There are however awkward environs for the sounding and the fuming of the fart. Namely during lectures on art, largo passages in symphonies, high points of religious ceremony, or when another is spiritually transported in the rapturous delirium of orgasm. It is however a reprehensible act in airless conditions encountered on tightly crowded public transport as well as stationary elevators. Not to mention saunas which can occasion the dreadful stifling phenomenon of the Baked fart. In supersonic aircraft it may be regarded as an extremely revolting and tiresome form of aggression, especially coming from businessmen in a hurry who should know better. But emanating from a breathtakingly beautiful woman you might, if so aromatically disposed, make no effort whatever to stop breathing. Never admit to farting even if there are only two of you. If this is going to really make you look like a liar, a flustered pretence of searching for an imaginary gas seepage between the floorboards with the attendant turning up your own nose in disbelief at that horrid smell is a proper demonstration of innocence preventing blame and embarrassment. This ruse will of course be understood by other fair minded farters. Who know what it feels like to be the object of unflattering attention.”
― J.P. Donleavy, The Unexpurgated Code

“Upon Choosing Your Neighbour Right off the bat this could be fatal. You’ll always know, if, when you first clap eyes on him, you can’t sleep that night. His indelible boorish inelegance can really slam your social toes. And such unsatisfactory folk regrettably have implacable social confidence born of their monstrous ignorance and relieved only by a cowardly intelligence.”
― J.P. Donleavy, The Unexpurgated Code

“To hell with that shit.”
― J.P. Donleavy, The Unexpurgated Code