Off Plan Quotes

“The bed had been made without a single wrinkle, I had the sudden urge to throw myself down and make snow angels.”
― May Archer, Off Plan

“Mason Bloom Takes Charge of his One Goddamn Life was never meant to be a romance.”
― May Archer, Off Plan

“No,” I resumed walking. “I’m not up in his business either. Not like that. We’re friends. We decided.”

“You realize that saying you decided to be friends implies that there were other choices besides friendship.”
― May Archer, Off Plan

“With the first tug, Mason’s eyes rolled back in his head. With the second, he started praying to saints I was pretty sure even my mom had never heard of. Something like, “Jesus fucking Christ and all the sweet baby bunnies, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”
― May Archer, Off Plan

“Mason hesitated for a second like he was really thinking about it, then nodded slowly, almost solemnly. “I’m really, really good.”

“Yeah? You want more? Please, I begged a Universe that probably didn’t exist. Make the man want more.”
― May Archer, Off Plan

“Mason moaned, a filthy sound that made my cock jump to life like my mom’s old border collie hearing the rattle of keys. Wanna go for a ride, Charlie? Fuck yes, I did.”
― May Archer, Off Plan

“Mason Bloom was an asteroid, and I was the earth and Bruce Willis wasn’t conveniently around to save the day and avert the collision, so I might as well surrender to the impact.

And mother of God, the impact.”
― May Archer, Off Plan

“I’d thanked her politely and given her a large bag full of condoms, but I had not stopped by. If her group had found a way to make mahjong into foreplay, I did not possess the mental fortitude to know about it.”
― May Archer, Off Plan

“And If the Universe was sentient enough to be sending out warnings to certain people, I could only conclude it hated me, because it hadn’t sent me a warning for any damn thing, ever, as evidenced by the fact that I lived on a forgotten island with my hick cousins and my wacky uncle, and hadn’t had sex since January.”
― May Archer, Off Plan