Your Turn Quotes

“You must stop pleasing others because those other people literally have no idea who you ARE.”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“Don't let anyone tell you who you are--you have to have a bigger idea of who you are than how society sees you.”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“We remember the people who saw us when we couldn't really see ourselves.”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“Back when I was constantly trying to impress authority, I'd be really perfect and cheery on the outside but I would break down as soon as I was by myself... I had to learn to set healthy boundaries so I wouldn't put myself in a place of breakdown. Making pros and cons lists for hard decisions helped me do this. Now I'm standing up for my 'no.' I trust the instincts in my body; I get tension in my body if something isn't right for me. I have to trust my instincts without knowing the full picture. 'No' is a complete answer. 'No' means, 'I appreciate how much you want this, but I have to say no to you and say yes to myself." Fending is indeed standing up for your 'no.' It also entails letting others know that you are capable of fending for yourself.”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“Fending means being responsible and accountable. It means you seek the thing—the job opportunity, the apartment to rent, the medication refill, the groceries to make a meal, the jack for the flat tire, the info on how to pay your taxes—and you find it and make something of it, rather than waiting around to have the thing handed to you or handled for you by someone else. Fending is also about assessing options. It’s asking yourself, Well, what should I do, and what am I capable of, and what resources and tools are around me? And you assemble some solution out of that. It’s usually not a perfect solution, but at least it’s a way forward.”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“that the real world requires hard work and your effort is the critical variable. You will stumble a lot and sometimes you will royally screw up. And when those things happen you need to nurse your wounds and get back up and try again. That’s how you learn and grow, and that’s also how you learn to be stronger in the face of the inevitable next setback. Make your own decisions. How to dress for the weather; whether you can take the bus or need to grab a Lyft; how much to spend on shampoo or takeout; asking yourself, “Is today the day for that errand or can it wait?”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“Attend to the care and maintenance of your body. Everything from personal hygiene, to buying and cooking food, to making doctor’s, dental, and counseling appointments (and listening to their advice while also interrogating whether it’s right for you), to renting, buying, or constructing a safe and suitable shelter, these are the baseline things you want to be taking care of for yourself no matter how much time your mom has on her hands. Find work that pays your bills. If you’re going to rent, buy, or build that shelter (let alone support your Netflix and Hulu habits), you’re going to need a job of some kind. You’ll earn money from that job and at the end of the year you’ll file your tax returns. If you don’t do the former you won’t be able to pay your bills. If you don’t do the latter the government will come for you at some point. Don’t be that person. Try hard. Sometimes we parents say to our kids, “Just do your best.” But if you think about it that basically means “Only/always do your best,” which is a standard few people I know can meet (not me, for example). What we actually mean is”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“What are the characteristics of the most wonderful people you know? The WONDERFUL ones? They said, Loving. Caring. Kind. And so I asked them, Is that not what success actually is? To be a wonderful person who touches someone else’s life?”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“Change “I am perfect” to “I am trying to get better at this.” Change “I am smart” to “When I work hard at things, it pays off.” Change “This is hard” to “I do hard things.” Change “I can’t” to “I can take the first step, and see what happens.” Change “I suck” to “I haven’t learned how to do this yet.”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“The opposite of languishing is actually flourishing"... Donnovan says we need to get good at detecting whether we are flourishing or languishing by asking ourselves, "Do I have an enriching life? Do I have a life that has growth? Do I feel curiosity? Do I have juicy issues to wrestle with? Do I experience occasional states of flow (a sign of engaging work/activities)? Do I engage in work that gives me a sense of purpose? Do I know my 'why'? Do I feel a sense of connection with others? Do I feel I am part of a community?"... Donnovan says if we're having trouble getting ourselves out of a repeating pattern, we need to consult with someone. "You've got to get your car moving.”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“So, one good indicator of healthiness is movement. Whereas if you're stuck, that stuckness is a good sign to go get help." As with your car stuck at the side of the road, Donnovan says, you don't want to just sit there.”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“Yet if I'm so afraid of feeling sad thinking about the big picture that I can't talk about it, then I'm avoiding a really important truth, which is that I will (I hope) get old. And if I avoid that truth I may fail to plan for the later years of my life, and for the costs of the end of my life.”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“Over time, from trial and error, and one experience after another, you start to become more familiar with yourself. You learn what excites you, and just as importantly you learn what repels you. You begin to develop that 'I could see myself doing this forever' feeling, whether it's about a line of work or a relationship. You want to look for clues as to what really matters to you. And you want to get better at making decisions accordingly.”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“When humans do what they want, they thrive.”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“It takes tremendous courage to keep going for your dreams in the face of laughter. Particularly if those judging you are closes family, or prominent in some way that matters to you. I'm here from my fiftysomething perch to say to you: Keep going. Honor your voice. Even if they laugh, do it anyway. People who judge others tend to be very unhappy with some aspect of their own life. A huge aspect of adulting is finding the courage to do what you want with your life even if those who claim to love you the most outright disown you for it. It's YOUR life. Don't you ever forget that.”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“But now let's talk about your network, which is made up of the people you know--family, friends, acquaintances, current and former coworkers, teachers, and neighbors--and the people they know. These people may be able to help you get informational interviews. And they might even be able to get your resume on the right person's desk. If, when I refer to networks, you feel, Lady, I don't have one, I want you to visualize the person who comes to mind when I say, Who cared about you? You can begin to build your network by simply checking back in with this person. Tell them what you're up to and ask how they're doing, too. Share your thoughts about where you might be headed in life. Get their feedback and advice. And with all respect due, ask if they'd be willing to help with whatever your next step might be. Their help could be as simple as just telling you that they believe in you so that you can believe in yourself too, or being listed as a reference, or writing you a letter of support. If your life has been such that you do not have much of a network, I want you to recognize that you may actually have different strengths, like the wherewithal to hustle and make good use of whatever resources you can find.”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“Being an adult is a state of mind that ignites the “doing” that ends up forging your adult self. It’s part wanting to, part having to, and part learning how.”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

“to “I am trying to get better at this.” Change “I am smart” to “When I work hard at things, it pays off.” Change “This is hard” to “I do hard things.” Change “I can’t” to “I can take the first step, and see what happens.” Change “I suck” to “I haven’t learned how to do this yet.”
― Julie Lythcott-Haims, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult