How to Elude a Vampire Quotes

“I felt like if I had to suffer through being small and cute my entire life, I was going to work that small and cute so damn hard.”
― Alice Winters, How to Elude a Vampire

“Don’t look at me,” Karsyn growls. Now that I’m alone with Claude and Karsyn, the two seem to be back at it. But this time, all Claude did was smile and Karsyn’s ready to eat him. “Children, settle down,” I say. “He looked at me,” Karsyn says, as though that’s a good excuse. “You’re like the sun, I can’t look away,” Claude says which is the stupidest pickup line I’ve ever heard. “Can I tear his eyes out?” Karsyn asks me like I’m suddenly in control here.”
― Alice Winters, How to Elude a Vampire

“Cheetah Legs would like you to come push him. I repeat, Cheetah Legs needs a push.” “Are you on a swing?” he asks, like this sounds like a ludicrous thing for me to do as I wait for them to stagger over here.”
― Alice Winters, How to Elude a Vampire

“What the hell are you three doing?” Brooks asks, looking at us like we’re crazy. “Fondling each other. Come inside,” I say as I try pulling him in. Brooks doesn’t seem convinced or interested. “I don’t want to be fondled.” “Come into my hole, Brooks. Come,”
― Alice Winters, How to Elude a Vampire

“Get your hand off me,” Karsyn growls, accent surging back in full force. Claude doesn’t listen and just like that, Karsyn flips open the stapler and slams it down on Claude’s hand, leaving a staple behind. Marcus lets out this strange little noise of delight that makes me stare at him in wonder.”
― Alice Winters, How to Elude a Vampire

“You’re awfully feisty, aren’t you? But it just makes you cuter,” Claude says as he reaches for Karsyn. Karsyn slips out of his reach. “Are you asking for a fight? I will fight you,” he growls. Ah, poor Karsyn. It’s no wonder he’s still alone.”
― Alice Winters, How to Elude a Vampire

“I turn to my second-favorite victim. “Karsyn, push me since no one else will!” “Alright, sure,” Karsyn says, which really should have raised red flags in my brain, but sometimes I think my brain is broken. What does raise red flags is when Karsyn grabs the swing and yanks it back super quickly, and I realize that I’m about to go for the ride of my life. “I’m just joking! Save me! Marcus, save me!” I cry.”
― Alice Winters, How to Elude a Vampire

“He groans loudly. “I’m staggering my way over there. It’s hard through the tears.” “Ah, makes sense, you’re so manly your eyes probably have no idea what tears are. Are they rejecting your body? Are they confused? Hurry up, Grandpa. Ooh, you know the whole Daddy thing? I don’t need a Daddy, I got a Grandpa.” He hangs up on me. “Well, I think that turned him on so much he was too flustered to hang on to the phone,” I tell an unconscious Jeffry. He’s a fantastic listener.”
― Alice Winters, How to Elude a Vampire

“I’m just going to get him a bowl,” Karsyn decides. “An empty bowl. And he can hold his empty bowl and forlornly regret being a smart-ass. He’ll be all like ‘Please, sir, I want some more’ and I’m going to laugh in his face.”
― Alice Winters, How to Elude a Vampire