Exasperating Quotes

“It ain't no thing, angelface. None of those people matter. In a year, nobody will remember anything about cults or crazy suicidal megalomaniacs. They'll only know about the work we do here and the people we help, and we'll be too busy raising our own kids and taking in every stray you find of both the two and four-legged variety."

"Hard to believe all of this started with a shower," Robby mused.

"Nah, baby. All of this started the minute I saw you in that conference room chair, looking like the loneliest boy in the world."

Robby looked up. "I think I was, you know. The loneliest boy. Before you."

Calder took his eyes off the road to drop a kiss on Robby's forehead. "I think I was too... before you. But this is one hell of an after we've made for ourselves."

It really, really was.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“Calder finally emerged twenty minutes later with a towel around his narrow hips, his long hair free and wet enough for huge fat droplets to slide down his chest and belly before disappearing into the white cotton fabric of the towel. He stopped short when he saw Robby, and for a split second, he felt like the earth stopped spinning. Would he ask Robby to go? Then Calder stumbled forward, dropping to his knees on the floor in front of Robby, burying his head in his lap. Robby's arms came around him automatically, his heart squeezing.

"You're freezing, baby," he whispered, grabbing the blanket from the end of the bed and wrapping it around Calder's shoulders.

Calder didn't speak, just snaked his arms around Robby's waist. Freezing water seeped through the thin material of Robby's underwear, but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything but Calder who clung to Robby like he was a life raft. He folded himself over Calder like a shield, wanting to hide him from all of this but knowing that he couldn't. All he could do was offer him a safe place to grieve. "You can fall apart, you know. I'm okay. You don't have to stay strong for me or whatever."

For a second, Robby thought maybe Calder would choose to ignore him, but then his shoulders started to shake and a jagged howl escaped, almost like a wounded animal, shattering Robby's heart into a million pieces. Tears slid down his cheeks as he did his best to just hang onto Calder as huge wracking sobs shook his body.

He didn't know how long they stayed like that, long enough for Calder to run out of tears.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“Robby expected Calder to turn and lead the way inside, but he crowded Robby up against the side of the truck, cupping his face. "Tell me what's bugging you. Really."

"I can't."

"That's not like you, angel. You always tell the truth, even if it scares you."

Robby stared at a stain in the brick over Calder's shoulder, his heart pounding like he had just run a marathon. "I'm not afraid it will scare me. I'm afraid it will scare you," he muttered.

"Oh, I don't know. I'm pretty unflappable."

Robby met Calder's gaze, blinking tears from his eyes. He took a deep breath, feeling like there was only one way this conversation would end. "I think I'm in love with you."

Calder laughed, and to Robby's utter humiliation, he began to cry harder. Why was he like this? Then Calder's arms were around him. "I hate when you cry, sweetness. You're breaking my heart. Why are you so upset?"

"Because this is all temporary. I'm either going to prison, or we'll figure out what really happened to that guy in my apartment and I won't need your protection anymore, and then you'll just be gone and I'll be alone again," Robby wailed into Calder's t-shirt.

"Angel, I love you too, but I have to tell you, you have a flair for the dramatic."

It took too long for Calder's words to penetrate, but when they did, Robby was in the middle of a big hiccuping sob. He wiped his face on Calder's shirt before looking up at him with wet eyes. "You do?"

Calder tilted his head, looking at Robby like he was crazy. "I quit a six-figure job for you. I mean, don't get me wrong, that ass is fantastic, but I wouldn't quit just to have sex with you. I could have lied to Linc, but I knew the minute he saw us together he'd see what everybody probably sees when I'm with you, and that's that you own me, sweetness. I'd do anything for you.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“Fine. But if this goes sideways, it's on you."

Calder winced. "Well, funny you should say that..."

"I'm going to rehire you just so I can fire your ass.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“The uncertainty in his voice killed Calder. But no matter how scared Robby was, he always said what he thought, consequences be damned. It was an insanely brave way to live.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“We have plenty of time for whatever dirty thoughts are swirling around in that pretty head of yours later. This is important."

Robby stomped his foot and whined in what Calder could only describe as a hissy fit. He bit down on his lower lip to keep from laughing as the boy said, "Is it? Why? I hired you to protect me. I don't want to hit anybody, and I don't want anybody hitting me. I don't like being hit in the face. I don't like being hit at all. The whole point of hiring you was so that you will keep people from hitting me.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“How about you just let me lead and stop thinking so hard?"

Robby slapped his hands over his face. "You have no idea what you're asking of me. I don't drive because I spend my life in fear of having to parallel park.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“Calder stopped at the conference room door where Robby sat snuggling his demonic looking dog. "Come on, angel face. I'm gonna give you a ride."

Charlie choked on a laugh. "Well, damn, Calder. Right here in the conference room. I thought only Linc was allowed to do that."

"Get thee behind me, hooker Barbie. I have no time for your forked tongue today.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“Assaulting a police officer? Angel face in there? The kid is the personification of a basket of kittens. What did he assault him with? Kindness?"

Linc's lips twitched as he tried to keep a straight face. "A twelve-inch black dildo known as the 'hole wrecker'.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“Linc, I'm not trying to be an asshole, but I feel the need to point out that both you and Shepherd married the only clients you were ever charged with watching. Hell, at this point Jackson might as well call this place Elite Protection and Matchmaking Services. I submit that I'm being unfairly targeted and punished not because I fuck our clients but because I just refuse to marry all of them afterwards, and honestly, it's starting to feel a bit like discrimination.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“He's overreacting, man. You know how these rich folks are," Calder hedged, refusing to admit to any wrongdoing until he knew what Linc knew.

Charged silence filled the room as Linc fixed him with a dead stare. "You fucked his wife... and his son."

Yep. There it was. What could he say? "Not at the same time?"

Calder wondered which one of them blabbed. Probably the housekeeper. At least Linc didn't know about her. He hoped.

Linc flopped back in his chair, exasperation leeching into his tone. "Your job is to keep his family alive, not stick your dick in them."

Calder snorted, another grin spreading over his face. "Did they die?" he drawled, letting the Texan seep into his voice. "No. In fact, it might be the first time they ever truly lived. My dick changes lives, man."

"Stop sticking your magical dick in my clients," Linc boomed.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“Yeah. Wow. I think we’re probably going to need another shower.” “I feel like we’re going to need a crime scene clean up crew,” Robby teased. “‘Cause I murdered that ass?” Calder teased.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“look at me with those wide green eyes and that bashful fucking look, all I can think of is you saying ‘yes’ and ‘please’ whenever my hands are on you. It makes me want to drag you into the bedroom and fuck you into my mattress. Because it’s hot. You’re so hot and sweet and perfect.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“was the sex toy. If it was possible, he would have melted into a puddle of shame right there on the floor. He watched himself slap the officer with the dildo hard enough to send the man reeling backwards into the crowd, hitting the man with the camera and sending it flying to land lens down, the screen going dark.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“Wi-fi password?” Calder handed it over, feeling at that point like resistance was futile. This was his life now. Overrun and bossed around by two twinks and a scary brunette with no filter. As soon as she connected,”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“Also, for the love of God, never volunteer for a suicide hotline.” Charlie scoffed. “Like I’d ever make that mistake again. Laugh at one clown…”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“Wyatt: Revenge? Amusement? General fuckery? He told Calder if he fucks you, he’s fired.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“Charlie: Yeah. Go out there and suck a dick for the greater good.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“You fucked his wife…and his son.” Yep. There it was. What could he say? “Not at the same time?” Calder wondered which one of them blabbed.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“inch black dildo known as the ‘hole wrecker.”
― Onley James, Exasperating

“Calder snorted. “Assaulting a police officer? Angel face in there? The kid is the personification of a basket of kittens. What did he assault him with? Kindness?” Linc’s lips twitched as he tried to keep a straight face. “A twelve-”
― Onley James, Exasperating