Midlife Fairy Hunter Quotes

“What the hell?” I screamed the words into the wind as I flopped up and down and sideways on the back of an undead horse, an animated skeleton holding me in my seat as we raced after a fairy who did nothing but laugh at me. That sentence should have only applied if I’d been eating magic mushrooms.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“For all intents and purposes, I was invisible. I mean, a forty-year-old woman often was, but this was taking it to a whole new level.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“Only mostly dead,” I whispered. Neither of them so much as batted an eye at me. Apparently I was the only one who’d seen The Princess Bride. Before I could say “you killed my father, prepare to die,” scalding hot tea filled my mouth.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“Jaysus, my life was complete. I’d heard a werewolf oink like pig and I could die happy now.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“You will always be the smaller opponent, and being a woman, you will be underestimated. When you fight, fight with everything you’ve got and let them think you’re crazy. Let them fear the fact that you’re a woman. That you are unpredictable.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“Eric,” I said. “I came out to see you. And I got lost.” “In his mouth?”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“We have problems in spades and no shovels to dig our own graves.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“Let’s be honest, don’t we all want to achieve our perfect weight after one workout, and then get offended when it doesn’t happen?”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“If I’d wanted to insult you, I’d have mentioned the hovel you live in, the terribly made clothing you wear, or the obvious disdain you have for your appearance. Things you have the power to change. I”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“Sleep is something not to be taken lightly, especially if you are over forty. So many things can disrupt it. Aching muscles and joints. The need to pee. Bad dreams. Hot flashes. Dry mouth. A raging werewolf.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“Nothing like acting like a jackass to kill whatever good looks God blessed you with.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“Big girl panties were a bitch to put on some days. But I yanked those proverbial panties up and got to work. Because work was something I could control, something I was actually pretty good at.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“I’d never had kids—not for lack of trying—but that meant I’d had little experience with the sleep deprivation camp that children put their mothers through. Sure, sure, dads too, but let’s be real. Whose boob are they latched on to? Not daddy-o’s.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“That son of a . . .” I breathed out a number of my more creative curse words, several that my phone liked to autocorrect to duck. Ducking limp dick. Mother ducker. Jaw ticking, I stood my ground.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“duck me sideways”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“Am I too old for this?”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“oink and boink, tastes like bacon”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“How it was hard to get anyone to take you seriously if you were a middle-aged, divorced woman starting a new career. How I was finding it all beyond exasperating. Irritating as duck.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“What can I say? I’m a woman of mystery and full of plot twists you’ll probably never see coming.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“That’s the best way to face challenges. Not alone, but with your most trusted people at your sides and your back. This world isn’t meant to be faced alone.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“You released yourself from my spell, Breena. You opened yourself up to your full potential by shedding the past that had shackled you. You had to want it.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“because I’m an idiot sometimes and awkward is something I can pull off no matter what the occasion.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“I don’t know what to make of you.” “There’s a club for that, monthly fees, and a T-shirt if they have any left.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“pomegranate mojito”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“The mirror in front of me was most certainly not magical, or if it was, it was kind of a dick. It gave me a crystal-clear view of the fine lines around the sides of my eyes and the sunspot on my left temple”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“We are both grown-ass women, who can actually have a conversation rather than spitting and hissing at each other.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“Big girl panties were a bitch to put on some days.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter

“They seem pissy in general, like they wear their underwear two sizes too small and it pulls on their pubes with every step they take.”
― Shannon Mayer, Midlife Fairy Hunter