How to Vex a Vampire Quotes

“You are so good at this interrogating stuff, I’d love to take notes,” I say as I pull out my notepad and write at the top: A How-To Guide to Being Evil.”
― Alice Winters, How to Vex a Vampire

“We’re going to the retirement home, then?” “Oh, I would love to see you trying to do some community service with fragile old humans. They’d be like ‘But I would just like a glass of water.’ And you’d be like ‘Don’t be so weak, human. I’m older than you! Get your own water!”
― Alice Winters, How to Vex a Vampire

“I grab it and look up at him while one hundred percent pretending it’s a microphone. “Can you give me an alternate pronunciation of the word?” “I’m going to kick your ass so hard,” he growls as he pulls me into a headlock. How this went from an innocent yet very sexy blow job to MMA, I’ll never know.”
― Alice Winters, How to Vex a Vampire

“I beam at him. “Your personality is like a star shining brightly, blinding me—” “Fuck off. Go harass someone else.” “Nah, you love me, and you know it.”
― Alice Winters, How to Vex a Vampire

“Take these torture devices off me! I beg of you!” he cries. And like the good guy I am, I grab his shirt and pull it up, exposing his toned stomach. “Not my shirt!” “Oh! I thought you meant your clothes,” I say. “Sorry, ladies, false alarm.”
― Alice Winters, How to Vex a Vampire

“But you fit in anywhere?” “A hundred percent. The only time I’ve ever felt out of place was at a bar during ladies-only night. And that was just because I wasn’t the manliest one there.”
― Alice Winters, How to Vex a Vampire

“Artie gets a little closer and I can feel his breath in my face. I turn my head so I don’t have to look at him and slide one hand into Marcus’s hair to pull him back down. “I still have no idea what you’re talking about. Now kiss me, you wild man!” Artie licks me right across the cheek. Marcus jerks back like he’s horrified. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell have you been teaching my dog? He instantly responded to your command.”
― Alice Winters, How to Vex a Vampire

“He’s giving the place a look that clearly states he thinks I’ve lost my mind. “Vampires don’t… roller skate,” he says as he gets out of his side of the vehicle even though he’s pretending he isn’t interested. “Vampires don’t do… weird things. We can already move fast enough as it is.” “You’ve never gone roller skating?” I’m sure my eyes are extremely wide at this point. This is the best news I’ve heard all day. Marcus waves at himself as he gets his brooding look out from wherever he keeps it for times like these. “Does this body look like it roller skates?” “I really can’t wait to find out,” I say.”
― Alice Winters, How to Vex a Vampire

“Why is it that everything I say backfires and makes me either into a horrible person or a pervert?” he asks as he begins to drive.”
― Alice Winters, How to Vex a Vampire

“I reach behind her and feel around on her back until I find the clip and proceed to struggle with it. I can take on a vampire army but the moment I’m met with a bra, I’m confused and so far out of my comfort zone that I’m positive I’m making the situation worse. “Have you never taken a bra off before?” “No!”
― Alice Winters, How to Vex a Vampire