Don't Tell Me to Relax Quotes

“When we talk about our ego as something bad, it’s just self-hatred wearing a spiritual disguise.”
― Ralph De La Rosa, Don't Tell Me to Relax: Emotional Resilience in the Age of Rage, Feels, and Freak-Outs

“Our anger is moral. Our rage is sacred. Our anxiety contains wisdom. Our hearts are telling
us the truth. If the truth makes others uncomfortable—good. Show me an alarm clock that
makes a sweet sound and I’ll show you an alarm clock I can sleep through.”
― Ralph De La Rosa, Don't Tell Me to Relax: Emotional Resilience in the Age of Rage, Feels, and Freak-Outs

“To live from vibrant love in a world where degrading structures prevail—this is both our predicament and its answer.”
― Ralph De La Rosa, Don't Tell Me to Relax: Emotional Resilience in the Age of Rage, Feels, and Freak-Outs

“So much of what the self-love movement gets wrong is the result of viewing the self as some
kind of monolithic and singular entity. That’s how we’ve been taught to experience ourselves.
But when we put ourselves under the microscope, when we take a good look inside, that view
starts to unravel. We begin to experience our inner lives as fluid, dynamic, multifaceted, vast,
and surprising.”
― Ralph De La Rosa, Don't Tell Me to Relax: Emotional Resilience in the Age of Rage, Feels, and Freak-Outs

“No one continues to scream if they feel truly heard and understood.”
― Ralph De La Rosa, Don't Tell Me to Relax: Emotional Resilience in the Age of Rage, Feels, and Freak-Outs

“When Thoughts Scream: The Self-Love Approach to Calming Inner Critics and Overwhelm When our thoughts scream, it’s a response to a perception of vulnerability. Whether that vulnerability is real or imagined, conscious or unconscious, doesn’t matter. Our nervous systems take no chances when it comes to survival; they respond to any kind of vulnerability as a matter of survival. You might want to get these inner voices and feelings to shut the hell up, but there’s a better way, a way that’s rooted in self-love. And it’s simple. I just need you to suspend your disbelief while you check out something new, do it at least twice, and then check to see if it worked after you’ve made those earnest attempts. Follow these steps: Consider the source of this overwhelm to be another person—or people, as the case may be. Listen to what’s being said. Stop trying to push these parts of you away or change them at all. Pause and listen. What are the complaints here? What do these parts of you fear is going to happen? What do they think you did wrong? Listen passively to every last complaint, every last insult. Reflect back what you’ve heard. Inside yourself (not out loud), repeat back all the complaints you’ve heard. Every last one. For example: “Okay, I hear that you think I’m garbage, that we’re going to fail, that everything is terrible…” Some people’s voices say very difficult things about aspects of their social identity, like skin color or gender expression. If this happens for you, simply reflect back these sentiments as well. Don’t add anything. Just let this part of you know that you hear them. After you’ve repeated back every complaint, ask inside if there’s more. We want to know all the complaints. Another good question to ask these parts of you is, “Am I getting it?” If there are more complaints, reflect those back again just like you did in step 3. In your own words and in a kind tone, say to these parts of you, “Now I’ve heard every complaint—and I get it. I get why you’re upset. But, now that I’m hearing and understanding you, do you think you could turn down the volume here? Could you bring the intensity down a bit so that I can have the space to do something about it?” If the complaints persist, it’s because there’s still more on the table or these parts of you don’t feel like you’ve sufficiently heard or understood them. No one continues to scream if they feel truly heard and understood. Repeat steps 1–6.”
― Ralph De La Rosa, Don't Tell Me to Relax: Emotional Resilience in the Age of Rage, Feels, and Freak-Outs

“You don't have to believe in yourself. You don't have to think positively. You don't have to wait until you're not longer afraid or in pain to make a move - and you don't have to shut down the pain and the fear in order to make a move, either. These common tropes aren't part of my story, and they don't have to be part of yours. You can absolutely not believe in yourself, be afraid, be in pain, hate it all, and still take the next step anyhow. You can hear all those screams of "No!" and still follow the tender whisper of "Yes.”
― Ralph De La Rosa, Don't Tell Me to Relax: Emotional Resilience in the Age of Rage, Feels, and Freak-Outs

“I think the point is to be as true to our convictions about the preciousness of life as we can be, to continually fail and fall down at times, and then to bounce back better than before. It’s not a problem to be solved but rather a process to discover within.

And we do this in the name of love,
that which is also known as justice.”
― Ralph De La Rosa, Don't Tell Me to Relax: Emotional Resilience in the Age of Rage, Feels, and Freak-Outs

“Sometimes it can seem like your inner child part isn’t receptive to your care. It’s as if this part of
you isn’t used to receiving such goodness from others, or even from you, and they might not
trust it. If that happens, know that this is common and will change over time. Sometimes we
need to make amends with our parts for how things have been until now. Sometimes we just
need to gently continue wishing them well regardless of their reaction.”
― Ralph De La Rosa, Don't Tell Me to Relax: Emotional Resilience in the Age of Rage, Feels, and Freak-Outs

“When we touch curiosity, we graze the rim of infinite possibility.”
― Ralph De La Rosa, Don't Tell Me to Relax: Emotional Resilience in the Age of Rage, Feels, and Freak-Outs

“We are not one-dimensional, and our multiple dimensions are not static. Just as our bodies are
made of many parts that form a dynamic, interwoven system that works together, so it is with
our psyches. We are more awake, alive, and complex than we know.”
― Ralph De La Rosa, Don't Tell Me to Relax: Emotional Resilience in the Age of Rage, Feels, and Freak-Outs

“The energy of caring is at the heart of justice itself.”
― Ralph De La Rosa, Don't Tell Me to Relax: Emotional Resilience in the Age of Rage, Feels, and Freak-Outs