The Advice Trap Quotes

“Hard Change involves saying no to some of what’s worked so far for Present You. Saying no now enables you to say yes to the promise of future rewards. You’re playing a longer-term, harder, bigger game, with a constant temptation to opt out for a short-term win. You’re potentially changing your beliefs and values, roles and relationships, and how you show up in the world. It’s uncomfortable and it’s difficult. It’s also life-changing.”
― Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever

“Generous silence provides space for the other person to be with their own self, for you to be with them, for presence to show up. It allows them to take a breath. It whispers, “This is an interesting place to be. Let’s hang out here for a moment.”
― Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever

“The Kickstart Question: “What’s on your mind?” A perfect way to start many conversations. Both open and focusing at the same time. The AWE Question: “And what else?” The best coaching question in the world—because their first answer is never their only answer, and rarely their best answer. The Focus Question: “What’s the real challenge here for you?” We’re all wasting too much time and effort solving the wrong problem because we were seduced into thinking the first challenge is the real challenge. The Foundation Question: “What do you want?” This is where motivated and informed action best begins. The Strategy Question: “If you’re saying Yes to this, what must you say No to?” Strategy is about courageous choice, and this question makes commitment and opportunity cost absolutely clear. The Lazy Question: “How can I help?” The most powerful question to stop us from “rescuing” the other person. An alternative is, “What do you want from me?” The Learning Question: “What was most useful or valuable here for you?” Learning doesn’t happen when you tell them something, it happens when they figure it out for themselves.”
― Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever

“Hard Change: You don’t need a new app; you need a new operating system.”
― Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever

“In Drive, Daniel H. Pink is clear on the three drivers that actually motivate people: autonomy, mastery, and purpose. If someone is constantly on the receiving end of advice, with no option to share their own ideas, their autonomy and mastery certainly decline, and most likely their purpose too. Being told what to do—even with the best of intentions—signals that the advice-receiver is not really here for their ability to think, but only for their ability to implement someone else’s ideas. They certainly do not feel encouraged to bring their best self to work, to bring their creativity and commitment and competency, to assume leadership and try something new. If you lead these people, you now find yourself with an over-dependent team, a group that come to you for everything and seem to have traded in their self-sufficiency and autonomy.”
― Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever

“You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. you can tell whether a man is wise by his questions. Naguib Mahfouz”
― Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever

“Your job is to courageously step into Future You.”
― Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever

“Here are some well-tested phrases you can add before any advice, which helps reduce the "because I'm saying it, it must be right":
• Here's my best guess...
• I may be wrong...
• I'm not sure if this will work/is useful/might be an option...
• This is just one idea/option/thought...
• This may be completely off-base...”
― Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever

“it boils down to the following: after the event, ask yourself some questions and capture the answers. You could take inspiration from the military’s After Action Review. There are three question clusters. First, “What was supposed to happen... what did happen... and why the gap?” Then, “What worked... and what didn’t work?” And finally, “What would you do differently next time?” Or you could make it simpler than that, and write down the one thing to do more of next time. Anything, so long as you create that moment of reflection. Feedback, fast and slow. It’s hard to change your behaviour without it.”
― Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever

“Coaching is the act of staying curious. Feedback is when you need to share your point of view.”
― Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever

“Coaching is no longer an event. It’s a way of being with each other.”
― Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever

“There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas. Susan Cain”
― Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever

“You can be known as the person who helps articulate the critical issue or as the person who provides hasty answers to solve the wrong problem. Which would you prefer? Exactly.”
― Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever

“There are reasons why your ideas are often not that great. To start with, you don’t have the full picture. You’ve got a few facts, a delightful collection of baggage, a robust serving of opinion, and an ocean of assumption. You think you understand what’s happening. Your brain is designed to find patterns and make connections that reassure you that you know what’s going on. Trust me, you don’t. What you’ve got is one part truth and about six parts conjecture.”
― Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever