What do you think?
Rate this book
The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever
From the author of the runaway bestseller The Coaching Habit comes an authoritative guide to getting the most out of your workforce—and it all starts with curbing your urge to dole out advice. In The Advice Trap, bestselling author, speaker, and leadership coach Michael Bungay Stanier shares his invaluable insights into developing team members’ professional performance, using tips that even the busiest managers can put into play.
Learn how to confront and quell the three advice monsters that lurk inside us all, and how to resist the seven temptations that can ensnare even the most well-meaning manager. With his trademark wit and wisdom, Michael shows you exactly how to ask questions that drive impact and engagement, eliminate the negative and accentuate the positive. He takes you through examples of common problem situations, and reveals how to overcome them by using his everyday coaching tips. Finally, he shows you how to attain the highest level of engagement with his “blackbelt” tools of employee interaction: transparency, lightness and deep appreciation.
A companion to The Coaching Habit, The Advice Trap gives you the power to say less, ask more—and change how you lead forever.
Learn how to confront and quell the three advice monsters that lurk inside us all, and how to resist the seven temptations that can ensnare even the most well-meaning manager. With his trademark wit and wisdom, Michael shows you exactly how to ask questions that drive impact and engagement, eliminate the negative and accentuate the positive. He takes you through examples of common problem situations, and reveals how to overcome them by using his everyday coaching tips. Finally, he shows you how to attain the highest level of engagement with his “blackbelt” tools of employee interaction: transparency, lightness and deep appreciation.
A companion to The Coaching Habit, The Advice Trap gives you the power to say less, ask more—and change how you lead forever.
224 pages, paperback
Published February 29, 2020
810 people are currently reading
4459 people want to read
About the author
Michael Bungay Stanier
45 books500 followersHi - I'm a book reader, writer and lover.
I'm best known for *The Coaching Habit*, the best-selling book on coaching this century. (Close to a million copies sold!)
I'm also the host of the podcast *2 Pages with MBS* where brilliant people read the best two pages of a favourite book.
I'm best known for *The Coaching Habit*, the best-selling book on coaching this century. (Close to a million copies sold!)
I'm also the host of the podcast *2 Pages with MBS* where brilliant people read the best two pages of a favourite book.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 192 reviews
November 5, 2021
This book came at a great time for me.
It's about becoming more of a coach, which is perfect because that's what I do for a living.
But it's written for any type of person with any type of occupation.
Basically, most of us have this default for giving advice. The problem is, that tends to be one of the worst ways to get through to somebody or make any sort of impact...even if the advice is really good.
We can never force or make anyone believe/think/want anything; it has to come from them first.
So this book provides clear and actionable steps for improving our coaching abilities: being a great listener and reflector, asking impactful questions, and letting go of our attachment to being right or valuable.
I'd recommend this to anyone who wants to improve their leadership or interpersonal skills.
7/10
It's about becoming more of a coach, which is perfect because that's what I do for a living.
But it's written for any type of person with any type of occupation.
Basically, most of us have this default for giving advice. The problem is, that tends to be one of the worst ways to get through to somebody or make any sort of impact...even if the advice is really good.
We can never force or make anyone believe/think/want anything; it has to come from them first.
So this book provides clear and actionable steps for improving our coaching abilities: being a great listener and reflector, asking impactful questions, and letting go of our attachment to being right or valuable.
I'd recommend this to anyone who wants to improve their leadership or interpersonal skills.
7/10
December 6, 2019
The Advice Trap picks up where the Coaching Habit left off. Effective coaches motivate their employees and get the most out of their workforce. Acting as advisor rather can be quite problematic, explains author Michael Bungay Stanier. It shifts away from informative feedback loops in favor of limiting, one-directional interactions. Such interactions compromise other’s autonomy, mastery and purpose, which are drivers of worker satisfaction and production. It also takes away team member’s accountability in managing their responsibilities. So, what is a coach to do? The Advice Trap offers several salient tips.
You don’t need to be a team leader or coach in a professional capacity to benefit from the information in this book. Many of us can benefit from taming our well-intended “advice monster.” There are journal pages at the end of each section to go deep with our own personal issued. This is a great informative aid.
You don’t need to be a team leader or coach in a professional capacity to benefit from the information in this book. Many of us can benefit from taming our well-intended “advice monster.” There are journal pages at the end of each section to go deep with our own personal issued. This is a great informative aid.
March 5, 2024
Love this author! The book is witty, applicable, and timely for someone like me who is way too close to retirement. I need to remember to "stay curious" if I want to continue to striving to be an effective leader.
February 18, 2022
Spre deosebire de prima lui carte (Coaching zi de zi) care doar mi-a confirmat lucruri pe care le stiam, aceasta mi-a placut mult mai mult. M-am regasit adesea în „monstruleții” Spune, Salvează și Controlează.
July 24, 2024
Love his clear and concise writing. No fluff, useful, and memorable.
October 31, 2024
4.5 stars. This book nailed me. I always want to interject with my own opinion or lead people to the solution that I feel is best, but in doing so I tend to jump to conclusions and/or leave people out. Lots of very practical advice that I plan to follow. It was a bit tricky as an audiobook, but there were free resources on his website which helped. A few of his guests added questionable value to the book, but even still, it was concise, which I appreciate in self-help/psychology/business books like this.
July 27, 2020
I highly recommend this book. I also read The Coaching Habit this year. What I take away is a commitment to a new practice to pause and see what questions would be helpful to ask. Constantly giving unsolicited advice hasn't been my issue, but knowing what would be good questions to ask has often stumped me.
September 13, 2022
## The best advice is no advice ##
Most of us go around compulsively giving out advice because we’ve internalized the idea that we can only add value to a situation if we have good solutions. But telling people what to do all the time backfires if it stops us listening to what they’re actually saying. Instead of blurting out advice, we need to master the art of asking probing questions. That way, we can identify what’s really challenging someone, and empower them to discover their own solutions.
Actionable advice:
Check if your advice has landed.
Occasionally, you will be called on to give advice – which can be tricky when you’ve spent so much time trying to get away from it! But offering a thoughtful solution is different from giving a knee-jerk opinion. If you’re sure that your advice is needed, give it generously, making clear that this is just one approach to solving the problem. Once you’ve done that, check whether your advice has “landed” by confirming it was what the listener was actually looking for.
---
Giving unwanted advice gets in the way of finding real solutions.
We’ve all had the experience of wanting to give advice when somebody is talking about a problem. Before we know it, solutions pop into our heads that we’re just dying to share.
So, why shouldn’t we? Isn’t it helpful to come to someone’s aid when they’re struggling?
Well, there are some situations where it’s definitely helpful to give advice. For example, if someone asks where the restroom is, it would be a bit weird not to tell them how to find it. But, most of the time, our knee-jerk desire to tell people what to do is actually counter-productive.
Let’s look at what’s going on. Often, when people tell us about their problems, we’re so desperate to tell them what to do that we don't really listen to what they're saying. It can take a while for someone to get to the point. If we jump in with advice too soon, we run the risk of advising them on the wrong thing because we haven’t taken the time to listen to what they’re really concerned about.
Even if we do get it right, most of the time we’ll end up giving mediocre advice anyway. That’s because the majority of us don’t listen deeply enough to pick up the necessary information. Instead, we rely on limited knowledge and our own assumptions to find a solution. In our rush for a quick fix, we hold on to the first idea we have instead of throwing out a few and looking for the best one.
Compulsively giving advice also affects our well-being. It’s exhausting trying to solve the world’s problems and do everybody else’s jobs for them all the time. And if you’re a business leader, spending all your time stuck in other people’s problems means you’ve no time to look at the big picture.
It’s also no fun being on the receiving end of a barrage of unsolicited advice. It can feel undermining, like people don’t trust you to make your own decisions or come up with solutions by yourself.
Those of us who constantly give advice are our own worst enemies. By underestimating the capabilities of the people around us, we strangle innovation and exhaust ourselves. In order to break the cycle, we must come face-to-face with our inner Advice Monsters.
---
Instead of proposing solutions, we need to ask more – and better – questions.
Toddlers are famous for asking questions as they look at the world around them. Why are ladybugs red? Why are we eating peanut butter sandwiches for lunch? Why does that classmate have two mothers?
They’re frank and open and very, very curious. But as we grow up, we lose that vital art of asking questions, and instead start wanting to tell everybody else what we think. If we want to become good leaders, it’s time to get back to basics.
So how do we learn to ask good questions? The most important thing is to keep them short and simple, and make sure that they are genuinely open-ended. For example, beginning a conversation by asking “What’s on your mind?” allows the other person to answer in any way they choose. Whereas questions starting with phrases like “Wouldn’t you agree...” or “Don’t you think...” are actually just statements pretending to be questions. They close the conversation down.
Once we get a reply to our first question, we need to quash the urge to jump in with advice, and instead ask follow-ups like "What else?” This simple question is so powerful because it forces people to dig deeper, and reveal any underlying challenges they might have missed.
Another great follow-up is to ask, “What’s the real challenge for you here?” Of course, when you get an answer, your Advice Monster will be screaming at you to come up with the perfect solution – but don’t. Instead, ask the person even more questions. Prod them into thinking for themselves about which actions they want to take. For example, you could say “What do you want?” or “If you're saying yes to this, what must you say no to?”
A great way to end the conversation is to ask, “What was most useful or valuable here for you?” Giving someone the chance to formulate that for themselves is much more helpful than lecturing.
By starting to ask great questions, you nurture the most important quality you can have as a leader: curiosity. By taking the time to listen to the people around you, you give them the space to tune into their own inner wisdom, and build a sense of autonomy and purpose.
---
To have transformative conversations, you need to make people feel safe.
The human brain is constantly alert, scanning the horizon for threats. When it feels like something destructive is coming, it triggers our survival mechanisms.
When we’re engaged in a challenging or uncomfortable conversation the same thing happens – the brain jumps into action, sounding the alert to activate these same survival modes. As a result, we either go into “fight" mode and become antagonistic or defensive, or we completely shut down – going into “freeze” mode.
Of course, these aren’t the kinds of reactions you want when you’re trying to have a difficult conversation with someone.
There are four important tactics you can use to make someone feel safe. The first is to be on their side. Be empathetic and mirror back what they’re saying with nods of encouragement and positive language. Use words like “us” and “we" to show that you’re on the same team, tackling the problem together. If someone feels supported, they’re much less likely to become defensive.
The second thing you can do is to show respect, by making it clear that you are of an equal rank. Human relationships involve a lot of power play, with people sizing each other up to figure out who is stronger. As a coach, you need to give up that need for power and control, and be vulnerable with the people you're coaching. Share your process and insecurities, and show them that you value their opinions just as much as – or even more than – your own.
Feeling like an equal will also give them a sense of autonomy, which is the third essential element in feeling safe. If people feel like they have a say in the process, they’ll be much more likely to open up.
Lastly, you should always manage expectations and never spring a surprise on someone, as that will instantly put them on edge. Introducing a structure for the session can also help put them at ease, as can assigning times for different tasks.
By creating a safe, supportive environment, you’ll bypass the survival mechanisms that shut people down, and help them engage in the kinds of demanding, exciting conversations that will change their lives.
Most of us go around compulsively giving out advice because we’ve internalized the idea that we can only add value to a situation if we have good solutions. But telling people what to do all the time backfires if it stops us listening to what they’re actually saying. Instead of blurting out advice, we need to master the art of asking probing questions. That way, we can identify what’s really challenging someone, and empower them to discover their own solutions.
Actionable advice:
Check if your advice has landed.
Occasionally, you will be called on to give advice – which can be tricky when you’ve spent so much time trying to get away from it! But offering a thoughtful solution is different from giving a knee-jerk opinion. If you’re sure that your advice is needed, give it generously, making clear that this is just one approach to solving the problem. Once you’ve done that, check whether your advice has “landed” by confirming it was what the listener was actually looking for.
---
Giving unwanted advice gets in the way of finding real solutions.
We’ve all had the experience of wanting to give advice when somebody is talking about a problem. Before we know it, solutions pop into our heads that we’re just dying to share.
So, why shouldn’t we? Isn’t it helpful to come to someone’s aid when they’re struggling?
Well, there are some situations where it’s definitely helpful to give advice. For example, if someone asks where the restroom is, it would be a bit weird not to tell them how to find it. But, most of the time, our knee-jerk desire to tell people what to do is actually counter-productive.
Let’s look at what’s going on. Often, when people tell us about their problems, we’re so desperate to tell them what to do that we don't really listen to what they're saying. It can take a while for someone to get to the point. If we jump in with advice too soon, we run the risk of advising them on the wrong thing because we haven’t taken the time to listen to what they’re really concerned about.
Even if we do get it right, most of the time we’ll end up giving mediocre advice anyway. That’s because the majority of us don’t listen deeply enough to pick up the necessary information. Instead, we rely on limited knowledge and our own assumptions to find a solution. In our rush for a quick fix, we hold on to the first idea we have instead of throwing out a few and looking for the best one.
Compulsively giving advice also affects our well-being. It’s exhausting trying to solve the world’s problems and do everybody else’s jobs for them all the time. And if you’re a business leader, spending all your time stuck in other people’s problems means you’ve no time to look at the big picture.
It’s also no fun being on the receiving end of a barrage of unsolicited advice. It can feel undermining, like people don’t trust you to make your own decisions or come up with solutions by yourself.
Those of us who constantly give advice are our own worst enemies. By underestimating the capabilities of the people around us, we strangle innovation and exhaust ourselves. In order to break the cycle, we must come face-to-face with our inner Advice Monsters.
---
Instead of proposing solutions, we need to ask more – and better – questions.
Toddlers are famous for asking questions as they look at the world around them. Why are ladybugs red? Why are we eating peanut butter sandwiches for lunch? Why does that classmate have two mothers?
They’re frank and open and very, very curious. But as we grow up, we lose that vital art of asking questions, and instead start wanting to tell everybody else what we think. If we want to become good leaders, it’s time to get back to basics.
So how do we learn to ask good questions? The most important thing is to keep them short and simple, and make sure that they are genuinely open-ended. For example, beginning a conversation by asking “What’s on your mind?” allows the other person to answer in any way they choose. Whereas questions starting with phrases like “Wouldn’t you agree...” or “Don’t you think...” are actually just statements pretending to be questions. They close the conversation down.
Once we get a reply to our first question, we need to quash the urge to jump in with advice, and instead ask follow-ups like "What else?” This simple question is so powerful because it forces people to dig deeper, and reveal any underlying challenges they might have missed.
Another great follow-up is to ask, “What’s the real challenge for you here?” Of course, when you get an answer, your Advice Monster will be screaming at you to come up with the perfect solution – but don’t. Instead, ask the person even more questions. Prod them into thinking for themselves about which actions they want to take. For example, you could say “What do you want?” or “If you're saying yes to this, what must you say no to?”
A great way to end the conversation is to ask, “What was most useful or valuable here for you?” Giving someone the chance to formulate that for themselves is much more helpful than lecturing.
By starting to ask great questions, you nurture the most important quality you can have as a leader: curiosity. By taking the time to listen to the people around you, you give them the space to tune into their own inner wisdom, and build a sense of autonomy and purpose.
---
To have transformative conversations, you need to make people feel safe.
The human brain is constantly alert, scanning the horizon for threats. When it feels like something destructive is coming, it triggers our survival mechanisms.
When we’re engaged in a challenging or uncomfortable conversation the same thing happens – the brain jumps into action, sounding the alert to activate these same survival modes. As a result, we either go into “fight" mode and become antagonistic or defensive, or we completely shut down – going into “freeze” mode.
Of course, these aren’t the kinds of reactions you want when you’re trying to have a difficult conversation with someone.
There are four important tactics you can use to make someone feel safe. The first is to be on their side. Be empathetic and mirror back what they’re saying with nods of encouragement and positive language. Use words like “us” and “we" to show that you’re on the same team, tackling the problem together. If someone feels supported, they’re much less likely to become defensive.
The second thing you can do is to show respect, by making it clear that you are of an equal rank. Human relationships involve a lot of power play, with people sizing each other up to figure out who is stronger. As a coach, you need to give up that need for power and control, and be vulnerable with the people you're coaching. Share your process and insecurities, and show them that you value their opinions just as much as – or even more than – your own.
Feeling like an equal will also give them a sense of autonomy, which is the third essential element in feeling safe. If people feel like they have a say in the process, they’ll be much more likely to open up.
Lastly, you should always manage expectations and never spring a surprise on someone, as that will instantly put them on edge. Introducing a structure for the session can also help put them at ease, as can assigning times for different tasks.
By creating a safe, supportive environment, you’ll bypass the survival mechanisms that shut people down, and help them engage in the kinds of demanding, exciting conversations that will change their lives.
September 13, 2022
Often, when people tell us about their problems, we’re so desperate to tell them what to do that we don't really listen to what they're saying. It can take a while for someone to get to the point. If we jump in with advice too soon, we run the risk of advising them on the wrong thing because we haven’t taken the time to listen to what they’re really concerned about.
Even if we do get it right, most of the time we’ll end up giving mediocre advice anyway. That’s because the majority of us don’t listen deeply enough to pick up the necessary information. Instead, we rely on limited knowledge and our own assumptions to find a solution. In our rush for a quick fix, we hold on to the first idea we have instead of throwing out a few and looking for the best one.
Most of us go around compulsively giving out advice because we’ve internalized the idea that we can only add value to a situation if we have good solutions. But telling people what to do all the time backfires if it stops us listening to what they’re actually saying. Instead of blurting out advice, we need to master the art of asking probing questions. That way, we can identify what’s really challenging someone, and empower them to discover their own solutions.
Even if we do get it right, most of the time we’ll end up giving mediocre advice anyway. That’s because the majority of us don’t listen deeply enough to pick up the necessary information. Instead, we rely on limited knowledge and our own assumptions to find a solution. In our rush for a quick fix, we hold on to the first idea we have instead of throwing out a few and looking for the best one.
Most of us go around compulsively giving out advice because we’ve internalized the idea that we can only add value to a situation if we have good solutions. But telling people what to do all the time backfires if it stops us listening to what they’re actually saying. Instead of blurting out advice, we need to master the art of asking probing questions. That way, we can identify what’s really challenging someone, and empower them to discover their own solutions.
January 5, 2021
Despite all we have read about leaders needing to have coaching skills, it can be all to easy & natural to fall into “The Advice Trap“.
What do I mean by that term? The giving of advice when what the other person really needs is to think better for themselves. This is the premise behind a wonderfully engaging & accessible book from Michael Bungay Stanier.
Many of my mentoring clients will know that I have for years recommended reading Michael’s last book, “The Coaching Habit“. This book builds on that by addressing our willingness to change. If the first helped leaders learn a few easy questions that can prompt coaching conversations, this book talks to your heart. You may now know how to coach but do you?
Michael is a keynote speaker, bestselling author & founder of Biz of Crayons. As well as a very solid academic background, Michael has hands-on experience in coaching leaders & facilitating groups to think better. This shines through his practical advice that seeks to open up coaching and curiosity to all leaders.
Identifying your Advice Monster, which is your Advice Trap?
One of the great things about this book is all the supporting digital material that Michael has shared alongside it. These include a survey to help you identify which type of Advice Monster you most commonly exhibit. The book helps us understand the behaviours of Tell-it, Save-it and Control-it. Well worth getting your personalised report online.
Just hearing those names probably gives you a visceral experience of what unhelpful behaviour Michael might be highlighting. But, in Part 1 of this book, he does a great job of making the case for why these are a problem. Entitled ‘Tame your Advice Monster‘, it explains how slipping into each of these advice monsters limits others thinking, empowerment & the quality of decisions made.
Another great thing about this book is its size and style. It is pocket-sized, well large coat pockets anyway (only 13.2 x 18.8 cm). Plus, Michael’s style of writing is punchy. Short, impactful paragraphs, sections & chapters. He makes extensive use of Word Art (which reminded me of Tom Peters) & white space – that gives you time to think. He also helpfully prompts you to make personal notes (in the space provided) at the end of each chapter.
Stay Curious just a bit longer – try it
The second part of this book brings to life the longer sub-title of this book. That is: “Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever“. He structures this section around five masterclasses in putting the theory into practice. It is this core of the book that really helps readers focus on their behaviour & practice, rather than staying theoretical.
For each of those 5 masterclasses, Michael shares the equivalent of a short talk on the principles (but always with human examples). He then follows these with chapters packed with handy tips to try in practice. These have weird and wonderful names, which might help you remember them, and are consistently honest & pragmatic. We learn about 6 Foggy-fiers (that obscure the real challenge), TERA Quotient (that helps others open up) & Monster Litmus tests.
To whet your appetite further, those 5 masterclasses focus on:
Prime yourself for success (get to the real challenge)
Practice to master coaching (and manage engagement)
Build an enjoyable Habit (use it through all media)
Get fast & slow Feedback (spot when your Monster shows up)
Overcome the power of the Dark Side (slipping back into old habits)
Votes for Future-You, not Present-You
In the final, third, part of this book, Michael focuses on mastering your coaching habit. Embedding behaviours that will sustain your practice. As he introduces earlier, this is about delayed gratification & choosing what is better in the longer term. He explains the concept of giving advice (in any of the 3 monster forms) as a vote for Present You. It can appear to answer a question quicker or even gain you praise. However, those are votes for Present-You at the expense of Future-You. Longer-term you want a more capable team & to be someone others know will help them think well.
So, this final part lays bare the heart (or identity) that sustains such a change in behaviour. We need to connect with values & a new identity for ourselves if we are to sustain changes, so it is no surprise to find them shine here.
Michael makes the beautifully simple case for this including:
Be generous (give silence, transparency & appreciation)
Be vulnerable (be coached yourself & confess)
Be a Student (which introduces another brilliant online resource)
Be an Advice-Giver (know how to do it well when it is needed)
Michael is naked on-stage are you?
In conclusion (before sharing generous appendices referencing a host of online goodies & warm thanks to those who’ve helped), Michael tells a story. It is about what causes him to be naked on stage doing Synchronised Nude Male Modelling. You’ll have to read the book to understand what that’s relevant.
Suffice to say for now that short section is a plea not just to put that book back on the shelf. I encourage you to also not walk past this book review. Stop right now to consider, are you willing to be vulnerable enough to learn whether you have an Advice Monster problem? Are you willing to be humble, stay curious (and silent) longer? Could it transform your leadership?
If you have been on this journey, please share your experience below. As for me, I plan to put this book into practice (especially as it builds so well on “More Time to Think“. I also plan to start listening to “52 teachers: Your year of living brilliantly” from the start of 2021 (another free online resource from generous Michael & a vote for Future-Me).
What do I mean by that term? The giving of advice when what the other person really needs is to think better for themselves. This is the premise behind a wonderfully engaging & accessible book from Michael Bungay Stanier.
Many of my mentoring clients will know that I have for years recommended reading Michael’s last book, “The Coaching Habit“. This book builds on that by addressing our willingness to change. If the first helped leaders learn a few easy questions that can prompt coaching conversations, this book talks to your heart. You may now know how to coach but do you?
Michael is a keynote speaker, bestselling author & founder of Biz of Crayons. As well as a very solid academic background, Michael has hands-on experience in coaching leaders & facilitating groups to think better. This shines through his practical advice that seeks to open up coaching and curiosity to all leaders.
Identifying your Advice Monster, which is your Advice Trap?
One of the great things about this book is all the supporting digital material that Michael has shared alongside it. These include a survey to help you identify which type of Advice Monster you most commonly exhibit. The book helps us understand the behaviours of Tell-it, Save-it and Control-it. Well worth getting your personalised report online.
Just hearing those names probably gives you a visceral experience of what unhelpful behaviour Michael might be highlighting. But, in Part 1 of this book, he does a great job of making the case for why these are a problem. Entitled ‘Tame your Advice Monster‘, it explains how slipping into each of these advice monsters limits others thinking, empowerment & the quality of decisions made.
Another great thing about this book is its size and style. It is pocket-sized, well large coat pockets anyway (only 13.2 x 18.8 cm). Plus, Michael’s style of writing is punchy. Short, impactful paragraphs, sections & chapters. He makes extensive use of Word Art (which reminded me of Tom Peters) & white space – that gives you time to think. He also helpfully prompts you to make personal notes (in the space provided) at the end of each chapter.
Stay Curious just a bit longer – try it
The second part of this book brings to life the longer sub-title of this book. That is: “Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever“. He structures this section around five masterclasses in putting the theory into practice. It is this core of the book that really helps readers focus on their behaviour & practice, rather than staying theoretical.
For each of those 5 masterclasses, Michael shares the equivalent of a short talk on the principles (but always with human examples). He then follows these with chapters packed with handy tips to try in practice. These have weird and wonderful names, which might help you remember them, and are consistently honest & pragmatic. We learn about 6 Foggy-fiers (that obscure the real challenge), TERA Quotient (that helps others open up) & Monster Litmus tests.
To whet your appetite further, those 5 masterclasses focus on:
Prime yourself for success (get to the real challenge)
Practice to master coaching (and manage engagement)
Build an enjoyable Habit (use it through all media)
Get fast & slow Feedback (spot when your Monster shows up)
Overcome the power of the Dark Side (slipping back into old habits)
Votes for Future-You, not Present-You
In the final, third, part of this book, Michael focuses on mastering your coaching habit. Embedding behaviours that will sustain your practice. As he introduces earlier, this is about delayed gratification & choosing what is better in the longer term. He explains the concept of giving advice (in any of the 3 monster forms) as a vote for Present You. It can appear to answer a question quicker or even gain you praise. However, those are votes for Present-You at the expense of Future-You. Longer-term you want a more capable team & to be someone others know will help them think well.
So, this final part lays bare the heart (or identity) that sustains such a change in behaviour. We need to connect with values & a new identity for ourselves if we are to sustain changes, so it is no surprise to find them shine here.
Michael makes the beautifully simple case for this including:
Be generous (give silence, transparency & appreciation)
Be vulnerable (be coached yourself & confess)
Be a Student (which introduces another brilliant online resource)
Be an Advice-Giver (know how to do it well when it is needed)
Michael is naked on-stage are you?
In conclusion (before sharing generous appendices referencing a host of online goodies & warm thanks to those who’ve helped), Michael tells a story. It is about what causes him to be naked on stage doing Synchronised Nude Male Modelling. You’ll have to read the book to understand what that’s relevant.
Suffice to say for now that short section is a plea not just to put that book back on the shelf. I encourage you to also not walk past this book review. Stop right now to consider, are you willing to be vulnerable enough to learn whether you have an Advice Monster problem? Are you willing to be humble, stay curious (and silent) longer? Could it transform your leadership?
If you have been on this journey, please share your experience below. As for me, I plan to put this book into practice (especially as it builds so well on “More Time to Think“. I also plan to start listening to “52 teachers: Your year of living brilliantly” from the start of 2021 (another free online resource from generous Michael & a vote for Future-Me).
August 18, 2021
Be humble.
Stay curious.
Change the way you lead forever.
So many nuggets of gold.
The importance of a good question. There are 7!
The importance of silence.
The importance of avoiding sneaky advice giving.
The importance of embracing the strengths of others.
The importance of giving advice as advice and being clear on that.
The website is gold.
Stay curious.
Change the way you lead forever.
So many nuggets of gold.
The importance of a good question. There are 7!
The importance of silence.
The importance of avoiding sneaky advice giving.
The importance of embracing the strengths of others.
The importance of giving advice as advice and being clear on that.
The website is gold.
March 22, 2025
A very quick read. I finished the book in 2 hours. The advice he gives is good but not profound. This can easily be a 10 page pamphlet and he knows it, which is why he inserted 40 pages worth of quotes that take up a whole page at a time. It’s not as substantial as I hoped it would be.
But nonetheless, he made some really good points.
But nonetheless, he made some really good points.
November 15, 2025
Work book club reading no.2 - it's fine. there's points that need to be heard, but there are advice so obvious that it makes me believe that some people are pyschos if they need this book to operate on a human level.
November 28, 2021
The best leaders don’t have the answer, they ask you questions to help you self discover the answers you need.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 5, 2022
Realizing from page 1 that you are that guy, giving advice to everybody, made this book very painful to read/listen! Highly recommended, at the end I truly enjoyed it and I already started practicing ways to be more curious.
August 30, 2020
Би нэг удаа..
Би нэг удаа, 5 жилийн өмнө гээд сунжраад будаггүй, товчхон цэгцтэй бичжээ.
Агуулга нь туршиж үзмээр зөвлөгөө, хэллэг олон байлаа.
Би нэг удаа, 5 жилийн өмнө гээд сунжраад будаггүй, товчхон цэгцтэй бичжээ.
Агуулга нь туршиж үзмээр зөвлөгөө, хэллэг олон байлаа.
Read
July 21, 2020Well, this is a book that more people have to read.
You ever had those people around who are always willing to provide a solution, even when you really didn't ask for it? You know, the kind I call, free advice consultants. I personally hate them. But then I realised that maybe, I might have been one too, especially when mentoring. Although, I hate offering my opinion, sometimes even when asked for it, I have always wondered what motivated one to give this advice. This book provides great insight into this sort of behaviour and what the detrimental effects of it can be. It also provides some suggestions to steer you away from this trap.
There will always be some egocentric monster who will constantly want to detail what to do and how to do instead of letting the creative juices of their co-workers flow freely, if you work with one, share this 😁.
You ever had those people around who are always willing to provide a solution, even when you really didn't ask for it? You know, the kind I call, free advice consultants. I personally hate them. But then I realised that maybe, I might have been one too, especially when mentoring. Although, I hate offering my opinion, sometimes even when asked for it, I have always wondered what motivated one to give this advice. This book provides great insight into this sort of behaviour and what the detrimental effects of it can be. It also provides some suggestions to steer you away from this trap.
There will always be some egocentric monster who will constantly want to detail what to do and how to do instead of letting the creative juices of their co-workers flow freely, if you work with one, share this 😁.
January 9, 2020
MBS writes some of the shortest (but biggest) books in the business. Just brilliant insights from page to page. Take this one: instead of "What's the challenge here," shift it to: "What's the REAL challenge here FOR YOU." It's a book that is filled with gold and diamonds.
May 17, 2020
A quick read with helpful tips about slowing down before giving advice. Actually think you should read this before the Coaching Habit. It helped to contextualize that work much better. Great for leaders.
August 8, 2024
Simple, powerful advice (!) for how to stay in curiosity a little longer than we otherwise might.
I love MBS's books because they're straight to the point, and really practical. I'll be coming back to this one regularly for a tune-up!
I love MBS's books because they're straight to the point, and really practical. I'll be coming back to this one regularly for a tune-up!
Read
May 16, 2025*The Advice Trap* is a follow-up to Michael Bungay Stanier’s bestselling book *The Coaching Habit*. In this guide, he dives deeper into why giving advice—despite our best intentions—often backfires and what leaders, coaches, and professionals can do instead: **stay curious longer and resist the urge to fix**. The book challenges readers to transform their leadership by shifting from advice-giving to empowered listening and inquiry.
---
### **Core Premise**
The desire to give advice is a **reflexive habit** that undermines effective communication, stifles growth, and reinforces dependency. True leadership requires **humility, curiosity, and restraint**—qualities that allow others to think for themselves and find their own solutions.
---
### **The Trap of Giving Advice**
* Giving advice makes us feel smart, helpful, and in control—but it often:
* Misses the real issue
* Creates resistance
* Disempowers others
* The “advice monster” shows up in three main forms:
1. **Tell-It**: You always need to have the answer.
2. **Save-It**: You feel responsible for rescuing everyone.
3. **Control-It**: You fear what might happen if you're not in charge.
---
### **The Antidote: Stay Curious**
* Curiosity is not passive—it’s **active discipline**.
* Great leaders ask better questions and listen with intention.
* Asking instead of telling builds:
* Deeper trust
* Smarter teams
* Greater self-sufficiency
---
### **Key Techniques and Tools**
1. **The Kickstart Question**: “What’s on your mind?”
Opens the conversation without steering it.
2. **The AWE Question**: “And what else?”
Keeps the conversation flowing and uncovers hidden insights.
3. **The Focus Question**: “What’s the real challenge here for you?”
Digs deeper to identify the core issue.
4. **The Strategic Pause**
Get comfortable with silence. It’s where reflection and truth emerge.
5. **Practice Restraint**
Hold back your advice at least a little longer. Let the other person lead.
---
### **Mindset Shifts**
* Move from **"hero" to "host"**: Your role is to create space, not dominate it.
* Focus on **growth, not control**: The goal isn’t to provide solutions, but to **foster capability**.
* Let go of the ego: Giving advice is often more about you than the other person.
---
### **Core Takeaways**
* Being helpful doesn’t mean having all the answers—it means asking the right questions.
* Resisting the urge to advise fosters autonomy, ownership, and better problem-solving.
* Humble curiosity is a leadership superpower that builds trust and drives long-term impact.
---
*The Advice Trap* is a call to **lead less with answers and more with questions**, changing how we interact, coach, and influence others for good.
---
### **Core Premise**
The desire to give advice is a **reflexive habit** that undermines effective communication, stifles growth, and reinforces dependency. True leadership requires **humility, curiosity, and restraint**—qualities that allow others to think for themselves and find their own solutions.
---
### **The Trap of Giving Advice**
* Giving advice makes us feel smart, helpful, and in control—but it often:
* Misses the real issue
* Creates resistance
* Disempowers others
* The “advice monster” shows up in three main forms:
1. **Tell-It**: You always need to have the answer.
2. **Save-It**: You feel responsible for rescuing everyone.
3. **Control-It**: You fear what might happen if you're not in charge.
---
### **The Antidote: Stay Curious**
* Curiosity is not passive—it’s **active discipline**.
* Great leaders ask better questions and listen with intention.
* Asking instead of telling builds:
* Deeper trust
* Smarter teams
* Greater self-sufficiency
---
### **Key Techniques and Tools**
1. **The Kickstart Question**: “What’s on your mind?”
Opens the conversation without steering it.
2. **The AWE Question**: “And what else?”
Keeps the conversation flowing and uncovers hidden insights.
3. **The Focus Question**: “What’s the real challenge here for you?”
Digs deeper to identify the core issue.
4. **The Strategic Pause**
Get comfortable with silence. It’s where reflection and truth emerge.
5. **Practice Restraint**
Hold back your advice at least a little longer. Let the other person lead.
---
### **Mindset Shifts**
* Move from **"hero" to "host"**: Your role is to create space, not dominate it.
* Focus on **growth, not control**: The goal isn’t to provide solutions, but to **foster capability**.
* Let go of the ego: Giving advice is often more about you than the other person.
---
### **Core Takeaways**
* Being helpful doesn’t mean having all the answers—it means asking the right questions.
* Resisting the urge to advise fosters autonomy, ownership, and better problem-solving.
* Humble curiosity is a leadership superpower that builds trust and drives long-term impact.
---
*The Advice Trap* is a call to **lead less with answers and more with questions**, changing how we interact, coach, and influence others for good.
November 7, 2024
TL;DR
The Coaching Habit, Part 2
SUMMARY
The Coaching Habit, Part 2
SUMMARY
January 13, 2022
What is your favorite quote from the book?
“Once you can see it, you can dance with it. If you don’t see it, you will simply be leD through the dance. “ This is referring to the urge to give advice but it true.y can refer anything. Listen to learn amd understand rather than imposing our opinions.
Which coworker would you recommend this book to?
Everyone. This can help in any relationship. Parents, spouse, boss, mentor
What is a specific real world application that you will be able to make from what you learned in this book?
When you are in a position of leader ship or power it is easy to default into an advice giving mode. The best way to combat that is to shift the focus from you to the person you are speaking with or interacting with. When you focus on you it’s about what you can contribute and how you can help. When the focus is on them it’s essentially what Donald Miller talks about enabling people to be their own hero. We assume we know what the desired outcome is but how could we if we’re not even listening. We’re not meeting people where they’re at. We are assuming that they are where we either believe them to be or we believe they should be.
What is the one thing that you think you will do differently or think differently about since you read the book?
This is so hard because I know what I should be doing but it’s so easy to fall back into the habit of answering the question that was asked or giving the advice to the problem presented to you or that you see. The part where he says that your are to tame the advice monster rather than get rid of it. He understands you can never get rid of that urge to give advice. I think I am going to be more aware of my default and work to give people space by asking questions and listening rather than assuming they actually need or want my advice
What is one point you disagreed with, or at least questioned, in this book?
I mean, everyone thinks her advice is really great and I think for a lot of people it will be frustrating when they’re not given a straight answer because they’re not used to having to work through problems and selves or maybe they are too lazy to work through the problems. It’s not really a disagreement with him but I see it as being a problem. This type of mindset could frustrate a lot of people especially at first.
How does something you learned from this book tie into one of the core values of the company?
I think this actually ties into authenticity. If you’re giving advice then you were pressuring people into being what you believe they should be or what you think they are. Giving someone space to come up with their own solution by simply asking questions and help them work through it themselves is actually allowing them to be more authentically who they would be if they weren’t pressured into what they believe their boss wants them to be.
“Once you can see it, you can dance with it. If you don’t see it, you will simply be leD through the dance. “ This is referring to the urge to give advice but it true.y can refer anything. Listen to learn amd understand rather than imposing our opinions.
Which coworker would you recommend this book to?
Everyone. This can help in any relationship. Parents, spouse, boss, mentor
What is a specific real world application that you will be able to make from what you learned in this book?
When you are in a position of leader ship or power it is easy to default into an advice giving mode. The best way to combat that is to shift the focus from you to the person you are speaking with or interacting with. When you focus on you it’s about what you can contribute and how you can help. When the focus is on them it’s essentially what Donald Miller talks about enabling people to be their own hero. We assume we know what the desired outcome is but how could we if we’re not even listening. We’re not meeting people where they’re at. We are assuming that they are where we either believe them to be or we believe they should be.
What is the one thing that you think you will do differently or think differently about since you read the book?
This is so hard because I know what I should be doing but it’s so easy to fall back into the habit of answering the question that was asked or giving the advice to the problem presented to you or that you see. The part where he says that your are to tame the advice monster rather than get rid of it. He understands you can never get rid of that urge to give advice. I think I am going to be more aware of my default and work to give people space by asking questions and listening rather than assuming they actually need or want my advice
What is one point you disagreed with, or at least questioned, in this book?
I mean, everyone thinks her advice is really great and I think for a lot of people it will be frustrating when they’re not given a straight answer because they’re not used to having to work through problems and selves or maybe they are too lazy to work through the problems. It’s not really a disagreement with him but I see it as being a problem. This type of mindset could frustrate a lot of people especially at first.
How does something you learned from this book tie into one of the core values of the company?
I think this actually ties into authenticity. If you’re giving advice then you were pressuring people into being what you believe they should be or what you think they are. Giving someone space to come up with their own solution by simply asking questions and help them work through it themselves is actually allowing them to be more authentically who they would be if they weren’t pressured into what they believe their boss wants them to be.
November 18, 2021
I listened to this book and it's a helpful template for moving from advice to curiosity. Having the hard copy would be useful reference for the tools provided in the book. The 7 coaching questions are also covered in this book as review from his first book.
“The Kickstart Question: “What’s on your mind?” A perfect way to start many conversations. Both open and focusing at the same time. The AWE Question: “And what else?” The best coaching question in the world—because their first answer is never their only answer, and rarely their best answer. The Focus Question: “What’s the real challenge here for you?” We’re all wasting too much time and effort solving the wrong problem because we were seduced into thinking the first challenge is the real challenge. The Foundation Question: “What do you want?” This is where motivated and informed action best begins. The Strategy Question: “If you’re saying Yes to this, what must you say No to?” Strategy is about courageous choice, and this question makes commitment and opportunity cost absolutely clear. The Lazy Question: “How can I help?” The most powerful question to stop us from “rescuing” the other person. An alternative is, “What do you want from me?” The Learning Question: “What was most useful or valuable here for you?” Learning doesn’t happen when you tell them something, it happens when they figure it out for themselves.”
“Coaching is the act of staying curious. Feedback is when you need to share your point of view.”
“Generous silence provides space for the other person to be with their own self, for you to be with them, for presence to show up. It allows them to take a breath. It whispers, “This is an interesting place to be. Let’s hang out here for a moment.”
― Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever
“The Kickstart Question: “What’s on your mind?” A perfect way to start many conversations. Both open and focusing at the same time. The AWE Question: “And what else?” The best coaching question in the world—because their first answer is never their only answer, and rarely their best answer. The Focus Question: “What’s the real challenge here for you?” We’re all wasting too much time and effort solving the wrong problem because we were seduced into thinking the first challenge is the real challenge. The Foundation Question: “What do you want?” This is where motivated and informed action best begins. The Strategy Question: “If you’re saying Yes to this, what must you say No to?” Strategy is about courageous choice, and this question makes commitment and opportunity cost absolutely clear. The Lazy Question: “How can I help?” The most powerful question to stop us from “rescuing” the other person. An alternative is, “What do you want from me?” The Learning Question: “What was most useful or valuable here for you?” Learning doesn’t happen when you tell them something, it happens when they figure it out for themselves.”
“Coaching is the act of staying curious. Feedback is when you need to share your point of view.”
“Generous silence provides space for the other person to be with their own self, for you to be with them, for presence to show up. It allows them to take a breath. It whispers, “This is an interesting place to be. Let’s hang out here for a moment.”
― Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever
December 27, 2024
It's probably the most practical get-better-at-coaching book that I've read so far. It's jam-packed with advice, tools and techniques, and it's not alienating at all: I recognized myself and pretty much everyone i know in it. I recognized things managers did when they were managing me well and that I thrived on, and I recognized the things that people might have done that left me feeling very disempowered.
Most importantly, i felt like this book was a conversation starter, or one big reflection pond for a really good look in the mirror on how you coach others, but also how you get coached. I really wanted to have someone else nearby who recently read it as well to reflect on it - which is something i personally really enjoy in reading leadership books.
This book might be for you if:
- You want fast and ready-to-start-implementing catalogue of ideas that you can grab and start experimenting with
- You're already convinced that this is the way to go
This book is not for you if:
- You're not sure yet that this style of managing is what you need
- You typically like the background, the why and studies behind tools and techniques
- You get overwhelmed easily with a multitude of ideas and tools
- If you get annoyed by promised bonus material and tools that no longer seem to exist...
Note: this is a follow-up book from the coaching habit, which i have not read, so i can't comment on whether this additional information is useful or not at all.
Most importantly, i felt like this book was a conversation starter, or one big reflection pond for a really good look in the mirror on how you coach others, but also how you get coached. I really wanted to have someone else nearby who recently read it as well to reflect on it - which is something i personally really enjoy in reading leadership books.
This book might be for you if:
- You want fast and ready-to-start-implementing catalogue of ideas that you can grab and start experimenting with
- You're already convinced that this is the way to go
This book is not for you if:
- You're not sure yet that this style of managing is what you need
- You typically like the background, the why and studies behind tools and techniques
- You get overwhelmed easily with a multitude of ideas and tools
- If you get annoyed by promised bonus material and tools that no longer seem to exist...
Note: this is a follow-up book from the coaching habit, which i have not read, so i can't comment on whether this additional information is useful or not at all.
July 28, 2022
This, to my way of thinking, is the book giving you the practice and practical application for the principles set out in Stanier's earlier book, The Coaching Habit. I definitely recommend reading them in that order.
The Advice Trap takes you through the process of how to put Stanier's coaching habits into practice. It is, to some extent, a workbook. But, there are additional nuances and reflections not found in the first book, so this is not mere repetition by any means.
It is also a companion to the course - The Coaching Habit - and I happen to be reading it at the same time that I am taking the class. That turned out to be a good idea. In fact, if you could finish both books just before you take the class, even better. But, not to worry, both the course and the books stand on their own. You do not have to read the books and take the course. However, I am glad I did.
Not only does the author give us some additional insight, he also reframes things in a way that helps the learning and memory process. And, as a bonus, there are many new sources of information that he put in this second book - including an update to his great book recommendations.
So, whether you are trying to be a better coach, a better manager, a better spouse, a better parent, or a better board member...this book and the previous book are a pair of great resources.
Enjoy!!
The Advice Trap takes you through the process of how to put Stanier's coaching habits into practice. It is, to some extent, a workbook. But, there are additional nuances and reflections not found in the first book, so this is not mere repetition by any means.
It is also a companion to the course - The Coaching Habit - and I happen to be reading it at the same time that I am taking the class. That turned out to be a good idea. In fact, if you could finish both books just before you take the class, even better. But, not to worry, both the course and the books stand on their own. You do not have to read the books and take the course. However, I am glad I did.
Not only does the author give us some additional insight, he also reframes things in a way that helps the learning and memory process. And, as a bonus, there are many new sources of information that he put in this second book - including an update to his great book recommendations.
So, whether you are trying to be a better coach, a better manager, a better spouse, a better parent, or a better board member...this book and the previous book are a pair of great resources.
Enjoy!!
August 2, 2023
In my capacity as a Fellow Coach with BetterUp Coaching, I often encounter leaders searching for transformative ways to guide their teams. "The Advice Trap" has consistently been among my top recommendations. Its central premise – the value of asking questions over doling out advice – resonates deeply with both my philosophy as a coach and with the leaders I work with.
The book seamlessly conveys the importance of humility and curiosity in leadership, two traits that are undeniably crucial in today's complex organizational landscapes. The author makes a compelling argument, supported by robust research and engaging anecdotes, about how these qualities can redefine leadership for the better.
In addition, as an instructor of aspiring coaches at a local community college, I've often advocated for "The Advice Trap" as a staple in coaching literature. It's more than just a guide; it’s a call to action, urging readers to take a step back, reflect, and truly consider the impact of asking vs telling.
For anyone looking to change not just how they coach or lead, this book is an invaluable resource. It serves as a pertinent reminder that sometimes, the best way to lead is not to provide all the answers, but to ask the right questions.
Chuck Gohn- Author, Fellow Coach at BetterUp & Coaching Instructor.
The book seamlessly conveys the importance of humility and curiosity in leadership, two traits that are undeniably crucial in today's complex organizational landscapes. The author makes a compelling argument, supported by robust research and engaging anecdotes, about how these qualities can redefine leadership for the better.
In addition, as an instructor of aspiring coaches at a local community college, I've often advocated for "The Advice Trap" as a staple in coaching literature. It's more than just a guide; it’s a call to action, urging readers to take a step back, reflect, and truly consider the impact of asking vs telling.
For anyone looking to change not just how they coach or lead, this book is an invaluable resource. It serves as a pertinent reminder that sometimes, the best way to lead is not to provide all the answers, but to ask the right questions.
Chuck Gohn- Author, Fellow Coach at BetterUp & Coaching Instructor.
February 11, 2021
"When someone asks you for help on a problem, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? That's right, you try to give them some advice."
The advice you share in your opinion is the best advice you could give if you were in his/her shoes. But did you know in most cases, you are sharing sub-par advice. The reason is because you may have only one fact of the problem and have made six other conjectures. This leads to advice ill-fitted to the specific situation at hand. Or perhaps the problem your friend has shared is not even the real challenge and you have just went down a rabbithole. This is all due to the advice monster sitting inside you.
Instead of being the person who hastily solves the wrong problem, you want to be the person who articulates the critical issue. This book identifies some practical tips and examples on transitioning this advice giving habit to a coaching habit to help the individual find the answer.
Recommendation thanks: From a well-spoken and respected individual from my public speaking class who is in a management role.
Suggestions 7/10: Great for those who find themselves constantly giving advice and feeling disheartened when their advice is not heeded.
The advice you share in your opinion is the best advice you could give if you were in his/her shoes. But did you know in most cases, you are sharing sub-par advice. The reason is because you may have only one fact of the problem and have made six other conjectures. This leads to advice ill-fitted to the specific situation at hand. Or perhaps the problem your friend has shared is not even the real challenge and you have just went down a rabbithole. This is all due to the advice monster sitting inside you.
Instead of being the person who hastily solves the wrong problem, you want to be the person who articulates the critical issue. This book identifies some practical tips and examples on transitioning this advice giving habit to a coaching habit to help the individual find the answer.
Recommendation thanks: From a well-spoken and respected individual from my public speaking class who is in a management role.
Suggestions 7/10: Great for those who find themselves constantly giving advice and feeling disheartened when their advice is not heeded.
January 23, 2021
Actionable insight to improve being a human
I love this book because:
- His writing is clear, to the point and easy to read (this is not a business book you need to slog through)
- The ideas are clearly presented in a way you can identify with.
- It packs in a lot of value and actionable tips in a short read.
I found this author by listening to the How to be Awesome at your Job podcast when he released his first book, The Coaching Habit. I loved that book and when this one came out, I knew it would be a great companion.
I have a big advice monster and never even realized it could cause a problem for someone else until I heard read this book. While reading it, I started noticing how often I was doling out my “wisdom” and how it made people feel. I’ve even started practicing a few of these tips with my husband and it opened up some great conversation.
Highly suggest reading this book and The Coaching Habit. Real game changers. Adding these to my top reads list.
I love this book because:
- His writing is clear, to the point and easy to read (this is not a business book you need to slog through)
- The ideas are clearly presented in a way you can identify with.
- It packs in a lot of value and actionable tips in a short read.
I found this author by listening to the How to be Awesome at your Job podcast when he released his first book, The Coaching Habit. I loved that book and when this one came out, I knew it would be a great companion.
I have a big advice monster and never even realized it could cause a problem for someone else until I heard read this book. While reading it, I started noticing how often I was doling out my “wisdom” and how it made people feel. I’ve even started practicing a few of these tips with my husband and it opened up some great conversation.
Highly suggest reading this book and The Coaching Habit. Real game changers. Adding these to my top reads list.
August 3, 2022
O carte despre leadership și coaching.
Prima idee importantă pe care am notat-o este extrasă din rezumatul cărții "Coaching zi de zi" ("Capcană sfaturilor" este o continuare a cărții "Coaching zi de zi" (scrisă de același autor), iar autorul realizează un scurt rezumat al cărții anterioare pentru a apela la niște idei utile). Sunt detaliate cele trei sfaturi (principii) pe care ar trebui să te bazezi, dacă vrei să fii un coach (aș folosi mai mult termenul: mentor) penru cei din jur: "Fii leneș, Fii curios, Fii consecvent!". Evident, nu este vorba să fii leneș în adevăratul sens al cuvântului.
O altă idee interesantă este metafora folosită de autorul Michael Bungay Stanier în a explică diferite tipuri de capcane în care putem cădea când vine vorba să dăm sfaturi sau recomandări celor din jur. Aici folosește metafora "Monstru" și îl împarte în trei categorii: Monstrul Spune, Monstrul Salvează și Monstrul Controlează. Regăsesc trăsături din cei trei monștri în comportamentul meu, uneori.
La capitolul "minusuri", am de notat următoarele:
- Este o carte schematizată, cu multe pagini în care sunt scrise doar câteva cuvinte;
- Nu rămâi cu prea multe idei;
- Autorul are tendita să facă trimiteri frecvente către site-urile sale unde ai putea găsi mai multe informații.
Prima idee importantă pe care am notat-o este extrasă din rezumatul cărții "Coaching zi de zi" ("Capcană sfaturilor" este o continuare a cărții "Coaching zi de zi" (scrisă de același autor), iar autorul realizează un scurt rezumat al cărții anterioare pentru a apela la niște idei utile). Sunt detaliate cele trei sfaturi (principii) pe care ar trebui să te bazezi, dacă vrei să fii un coach (aș folosi mai mult termenul: mentor) penru cei din jur: "Fii leneș, Fii curios, Fii consecvent!". Evident, nu este vorba să fii leneș în adevăratul sens al cuvântului.
O altă idee interesantă este metafora folosită de autorul Michael Bungay Stanier în a explică diferite tipuri de capcane în care putem cădea când vine vorba să dăm sfaturi sau recomandări celor din jur. Aici folosește metafora "Monstru" și îl împarte în trei categorii: Monstrul Spune, Monstrul Salvează și Monstrul Controlează. Regăsesc trăsături din cei trei monștri în comportamentul meu, uneori.
La capitolul "minusuri", am de notat următoarele:
- Este o carte schematizată, cu multe pagini în care sunt scrise doar câteva cuvinte;
- Nu rămâi cu prea multe idei;
- Autorul are tendita să facă trimiteri frecvente către site-urile sale unde ai putea găsi mai multe informații.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 192 reviews