Shakespeare for Squirrels Quotes

“I know, lamb, love is a besquished toad ripening in the sun. But despair not, life in the nunnery is not completely devoid of joy. I was raised by nuns. Once a week you’ll be able to share a sumptuous raisin with your sisters, and then there’s the perpetual flicking of the bean in the dark, for which you’ll have ongoing guilt and repentance during the day, so you’ll stay busy.”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“You are a disappointment to disappointments.”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“The devil was smaller and rather younger than I would have guessed. He danced barefoot around the fire as he stoked it in preparation for my torment. The fiend wore a tunic of rough linen, leaves and sticks clinging to it, and a bycocket hat with a single feather in the style of bow hunters back home in Blighty. Bit of a ginger fringe. Scrawny and pathetic, really, for the prince of bloody darkness.”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“he shrieked and made as if to fling poo at the giant, but it had been eight days since any of us had eaten and he could birth no bum-babies for the flinging.”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“Tits are flushing, ma’am,” said I. Well they were! If she was going to run around in the altogether, she needed to get control over her bubbly bits or she’d never master proper royal subterfuge and guile. “Bit of a tell, love, the pinkening of the knockers, on someone as fair as thou.”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“And there you are, sobbing like you’ve been dirked in the dick by grief’s dark dagger. Ergo. Ursa. Arborem”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“Don’t trust her,” shouted Helena, who was trying to stop Lysander from licking her shin. “She was a vixen when she went to school, and though she be but little, she is fierce.” “Little, is it?” said Hermia. “I will show you little, thou lumbering maypole. I shall decorate your inconstant lovers with your splattered brains.”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“So all of the tradesmen you named, they each had a finished crossbow to work from?” “Not all of ’em. Some just got the part they was to make. Me and Snout got one though, because he had to put them together and because I am slow of study and could not do my work without seeing what the finished one looked like.” “So, because you’re thick as pig shit, they gave you a working weapon?” Snug thought for a second, looking at the row of crossbow stocks as if they might have the answer inscribed in the wood. “Aye, that sounds about right,” he said.”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“(Gray squirrels are solitary feeders, but they know a good deal when they see it, so even if it’s against their nature, they’ll put up with each other if there’s a free lunch. Authors are like that as well.)”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“fucking”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“Why does Peaseblossom get to pretend to shag you?” said Cobweb. “It’s because you want to set her on fire, isn’t it? Is that what you like to do with your shoe whores? Put them in their shoes and spark them up?”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“Speaking truth to power is a noble endeavor but of limited utility if one’s head is in a basket.”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“It would just be fitting that the only man who would deign to talk to me is a hat-shagging monkey.” She leaned in closely. “You, sir, have the look of a hat shagger.”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“We’d been adrift for eight days when the ninny tried to eat the monkey.”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“I confess, a wall of worry rises for even the most confident fool when he realizes that his plot for saving the day lies with three squirrels, a troupe of earnest nitwits, a donkey-headed weaver, a silver-thirsty goblin, a notoriously unreliable narrator, and a hat-shagging monkey.”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“The great Greek hero Theseus fluttered his fingers like a flustered dowager feeling dog breath on her naughty bits. “Oh my, no,” said”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“I won’t hurt him,” said the oaf, so inept in the lie that he might as well have tied bells on the truth and chased it around the town square while beating a drum.”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“Oh, good sir,” said Bottom. “I knew as soon as I saw your fool’s motley you would bring skill and grand disaster to our play.”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels

“The powerful hold nothing but contempt for those who toady to them, all but the toadies know this.”
― Christopher Moore, Shakespeare for Squirrels