Raw Blue Quotes

“Shame isn't a quiet grey cloud, shame is a drowning man who claws his way on top of you, scratching and tearing your skin, pushing you under the surface.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“I let myself feel good for no reason. I let joy happen right there and then, and it's inside me and around me, it's the lights on the road ahead, the clean black of the night, the cold air coming through the window. It's like hearing a song for the first time and being struck by it, haunted by it, wanting to hunt it down and catch it, because the song sums up something you didn't know you wanted to say, giving you chills and goose bumps. But even as you find out what it's called, and you're thinking you'll download it, you've already lost. Because the feeling was right then and there and it's already fading like a dream.

You just have to see those times for what they are: a chance to look down at your life. And when you do, you see it's a skin made up of shiny little moments.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“Once they know they've got a hold of your shame, they can shake it out and hold it up for the all world to see. And you become less than it. You become something disgusting.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“And that's humbling, knowing that your voice can mean so much to another person.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“If I was a sheep, I’d be black.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“I bury my face in my hands. And then Ryan does such a nice thing. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me in against him. I can feel his body heat through his cotton T-shirt, and directly in front of me are the worn, faded knees of his jeans. But most of all, I can smell him. And he smells sandy-warm, like a beach. No one can see my face in there protected by his chest. Which is good because I can’t stop crying. I mean, I’m really going for the world record in terms of an inappropriate public breakdown. But it doesn’t matter, it just doesn’t matter. I’m sheltered.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“When I come over the top of the dune I see the ocean and I feel like I’m seeing it for the first time.
Today it’s blue, straight and simple. Raw blue.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“But you’re happy, eh?’
I blink at her, surprised. She’s right.
My happiness is crunchy. Snapping, crackling and popping in the sun.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“8 is just an infinity symbol the right way up.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“Am I worried about the future? I don't know. When I think of the word it's like seeing a cavity, a space where a tooth used to be.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“What did he say? You can't always pick your friends. Well, he's damn right there. I have two friends here: a fifteen year old who sees people in colours and a salsa-mad Dutch woman. I didn't pick them, they just turned up in my life, and I'm really glad.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“My father’s eyes can be the coldest place on earth.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“The moon is weird tonight. A yellow devil with a knowing face and hard triumphant eyes. The top of his head is cropped off diagonally, as though he is wearing an invisible hat at a jaunty angle. Usually when I see the moon I feel like I've been blessed, but not tonight. The moon is telling me to watch my feet."
pg. 50”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“Have people been staring at you?’
He frowns. ‘I don’t know. I guess so. I forgot it was there. Can you really notice it?’
‘Well yeah, but … I think it’s great.’ To me, Danny rocking up to surf with graffiti all over his face is magic. I want to tell him that I think he’s precious, that the fact he talks to me is a gift. But of course you can’t say things like that to people”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“SVU, CSI, CSI: NY. These shows, they're all about things being done to females and children. If they were full of thing being done to say, Asians or black people, well, that probably wouldn't be allowed - not as many shows all the time. But females and children are okay.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“He’s still singing to himself, eyes closed, pretending, I think, that I’m someone else.
I shout in his ear again. ‘So you can’t just lay down and die?’
He doesn’t open his eyes, but he nods. ‘You can’t just lay down and die”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“He exhales, then leans forward, reaching under the table to hold my knee. 'I didn't mean that. I want to be here. You know what I kept thinking about while I was away? When we went for a surf the morning after - how I felt coming up from the beach with you afterwards. I was thinking, 'How good is this?”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“Oi!’
I drop in on him the first chance I get.
Round three. There’s one coming on the inside and I start paddling for it. He starts for it too, telling me, ‘It’s mine, sunshine.’
‘Get stuffed.’
As I feel the surge take my board, he grins across at me. ‘Split it?’
So we split the peak, he goes left and I go right, and I know, like me, he’s thinking, How good is this?”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“She was thin like Kylie, but she had a manic energy like Shane, so it was probably drugs.
That’s just the means though, the end result is the same. She was one of us. Her, Shane, Marty, Roger, Kylie, me.
People being eaten alive from the inside out.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“I stare at his forearms. I can make out a naked woman with a snake going up her vagina. She’s holding a knife, slitting her own throat. There are three playing cards on the back of his right hand: the Queen of Spades, the Jack of Hearts and the Joker. Red flames lick his elbow.
There’s a watch tattooed on his left wrist with ‘Fuck Time’ inscribed on its face. Fuck o’clock.
He’s not that tall, but his body is carefully cut. The lines of his face, his cheekbones and jaw, are sharp and precise. I can see the tufts of his blond underarm hairs and under them the ladder of his ribs. He’s beautiful, in the way that a knife is beautiful.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“I've got a hangover, okay? So I'm not very... It's not easy sometimes.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“The urge to let go of the wheel and just see what happens is compelling. If
I live, I’ll wake to find myself in hospital. I won’t have to do anything, deal with anybody, talk, be
scared anymore, because I will have become somebody else’s responsibility. And if I die, well then
everything’s solved. No more being angry like this.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“He takes my right hand and places it palm down on his chest. Then he traces around it with the pen, craning his neck to see, giving himself double chins.
'What are you doing?'
He shifts my hand away and starts scratching out letters on his skin. 'I worked out a tattoo - if I had one.'
I look at what he's done. He's got the outline of my hand over his heart and in it he's written, Her.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“It's like hearing a song for the first time and being struck by it, haunted by it, wanting to hunt it down and catch it, because the song sums up something you didn't know you wanted to say, giving you chills and goose bumps.”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue

“I feel his fingers undoing my jeans, tugging them down, and I raise my hips like an obedient child, heart thudding, eyes squeezed shut. There’s”
― Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue