The Hitman's Guide to Making Friends and Finding Love Quotes

“I’ve seen your butthole and that pretty much makes us BFFs.”
― Alice Winters, The Hitman's Guide to Making Friends and Finding Love

“Tell me you like my nipples and everything will go back to normal.”
― Alice Winters, The Hitman's Guide to Making Friends and Finding Love

“Fuck if I know,” he says. “I bought him on Amazon.” He rushes over to the sex swing and kneels next to it. “Look at his blow-up penis! I nearly died blowing him up. When his penis popped out, I was laughing so hard on top of already being air deprived from blowing him up that I nearly passed out.”
― Alice Winters, The Hitman's Guide to Making Friends and Finding Love

“I think I got your nut hair in my teeth!”
― Alice Winters, The Hitman's Guide to Making Friends and Finding Love

“I think it even winked at me.” “Oh my god. Get out of my car.”
― Alice Winters, The Hitman's Guide to Making Friends and Finding Love

“You’re going to have a nut-sized bruise on your face tomorrow”
― Alice Winters, The Hitman's Guide to Making Friends and Finding Love

“Will you finger me in JCPenney?”
― Alice Winters, The Hitman's Guide to Making Friends and Finding Love