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375 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 30, 2019
“I haven’t called [the police] yet. I’m giving you one last day of freedom to do anything you want.”
“Ah, makes sense. Anything?”
“Can I touch your willy?”
“Can I look at your willy?”
“So not actually anything."
“Can you show me your nipple?”
“What is wrong with you? And why the fuck can’t I get you off me? I can’t even move!”
He flails around some, which I think is really cute. Instead of giving in, I grab onto his earlobe with my lips and pull on it.
“I’ll suck your jackhammer.”
“No! Stop tempting me!”
Now he’s trying to crawl out from under me, but I’m just riding on his back as he goes.
“Please?” I whisper into his ear. “Just for me?”
“Two guns, happy?”
It’s clear that I’m bored when I’m not using my binoculars to watch the house I’m supposed to be watching but am, instead, staring at the neighbor’s TV. What’s worse is that The Bachelor is on.
On the right side of my face, in permanent marker, is a penis, ball hairs and all. On my left cheek is Love, the Sandman with a heart like he puts on my notes.
He grimaces, and I can’t imagine why. My only conclusion is that he doesn’t like my mask. Or maybe hostage situations don’t really turn him on. Or maybe he didn’t get my joke.
Oh. That. “Well, that was just like flirting. Like how a boy pushes a girl he likes.”
He looks at me in the mirror like I’m crazy. “You shot at me.”
I groan. “Please stop.” “Are we already having our first dispute?” “No, our first dispute was you being a hitman and me wanting you to be a good person.”
“Basically, it’s like getting a house cat,” I realize. “You come in, eat my food, sleep wherever you want, whenever you want, and refuse to listen…”
“I had him tied up! He’s a squirrely one. I bet it’s because he’s gay. Those gay ones like the kinky shit. He’s probably used to being tied up,” she decides.
“You don’t think it might be because he’s a HITMAN?”
“Don’t ever leave me,” I whisper. His hands tighten behind my back.
“I’m a mean motherfucker when you piss me off. You will not be safe from me if you make me mad.”
I could never lose this man. I could never lose any of this. Without a doubt, I would give up everything for him.