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Striking Distance Quotes
Striking Distance
by
Sarah Rees Brennan4,994 ratings, 3.88 average rating, 1,197 reviews
Striking Distance Quotes
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“Aiden was the whole world stretched out beneath him. Aiden’s hair spread out on the sheets, Aiden moaning in his ear. The magnitude of his certainty tipped Harvard over the edge into terrifying and unwelcome knowledge.
Terrible realization dawned, remorseless illumination shed on a whole landscape. Harvard found himself looking at his entire life in a new light.
Aiden on their first day of school, on their first day of fencing class, on their last day in the hospital, on their first day at Kings Row. Inextricably part of every important moment in Harvard’s life. The bright and shining center of Harvard’s life, ever since he’d turned around and seen Aiden and thought, That boy looks sad, and wanted nothing but to give Aiden everything.
Finding Aiden and being too young to understand what he’d found. Only knowing Aiden was necessary to him and wanting Aiden there always. Of course he loved his best friend, of course he did. That was always such an absolute truth that Harvard could never question it.
Harvard gasped against Aiden’s mouth. He should have questioned it before now. He should have asked himself what he was feeling. Only he’d been afraid.
Dating someone else hadn’t been Harvard’s idea, and with this new clarity he realized he didn’t actually want to do it. He hadn’t wanted to be alone, hadn’t wanted to be left behind, but it was impossible and distinctly horrible to think of being like this with anyone but Aiden.
Only very recently, as Aiden dated more and more people and the potential for distance between them started to feel far more real, had Harvard started to feel lonely. If it hadn’t been for Coach suggesting dating, it might never have occurred to him.
Why would he go out and look for a partner when he had one at home? Why would he go searching for a lightning strike when there was all the brightness and all the pain he could wish for, always with him?
He’d never cared about dating, never really felt the need to find someone, because he’d been otherwise emotionally committed all along. Apparently, Harvard’s subconscious was insane, bent on his own ruin. Somewhere in the back of his mind he’d just decided he was Aiden’s boyfriend, without consulting Aiden. Without even consulting himself.
He’d been in love with Aiden the whole time.”
― Striking Distance
Terrible realization dawned, remorseless illumination shed on a whole landscape. Harvard found himself looking at his entire life in a new light.
Aiden on their first day of school, on their first day of fencing class, on their last day in the hospital, on their first day at Kings Row. Inextricably part of every important moment in Harvard’s life. The bright and shining center of Harvard’s life, ever since he’d turned around and seen Aiden and thought, That boy looks sad, and wanted nothing but to give Aiden everything.
Finding Aiden and being too young to understand what he’d found. Only knowing Aiden was necessary to him and wanting Aiden there always. Of course he loved his best friend, of course he did. That was always such an absolute truth that Harvard could never question it.
Harvard gasped against Aiden’s mouth. He should have questioned it before now. He should have asked himself what he was feeling. Only he’d been afraid.
Dating someone else hadn’t been Harvard’s idea, and with this new clarity he realized he didn’t actually want to do it. He hadn’t wanted to be alone, hadn’t wanted to be left behind, but it was impossible and distinctly horrible to think of being like this with anyone but Aiden.
Only very recently, as Aiden dated more and more people and the potential for distance between them started to feel far more real, had Harvard started to feel lonely. If it hadn’t been for Coach suggesting dating, it might never have occurred to him.
Why would he go out and look for a partner when he had one at home? Why would he go searching for a lightning strike when there was all the brightness and all the pain he could wish for, always with him?
He’d never cared about dating, never really felt the need to find someone, because he’d been otherwise emotionally committed all along. Apparently, Harvard’s subconscious was insane, bent on his own ruin. Somewhere in the back of his mind he’d just decided he was Aiden’s boyfriend, without consulting Aiden. Without even consulting himself.
He’d been in love with Aiden the whole time.”
― Striking Distance
“Other people cared a lot about what Jesse thought of them, but Seiji couldn’t picture Nicholas caring. Everyone liked Jesse better than Seiji, but Nicholas wouldn’t. Not even if, for some reason, Nicholas got to know Jesse and Jesse actually tried to be charming. Even then, Seiji was sure, though he didn’t have much basis for the certainty, that Nicholas would still like him better.”
― Striking Distance
― Striking Distance
“Why are you smiling?” Harvard asked, teasing.
“Because I know something you don’t know,” Aiden teased back.
Harvard raised an eyebrow. “And what is that?”
“You’re really cute,” murmured Aiden, and leaned in.
His lean was arrested when Harvard laughed. “Ha! That’s such a line. These things really work on your guys?”
Overcome by the magnitude of this insult, Aiden snapped, “Invariably!”
Harvard rolled his eyes. “I hate to tell you this, buddy, but I think they’re letting you get away with substandard lines because you’re cute.”
Aiden paused, torn between being deeply offended and ridiculously flattered.
Harvard bit his lip, seeming to think this over.
“I guess if you guys both know you’re just playing around, what you say doesn’t really count,” he offered. “That’s why people call them lines, like the things you say in a play. I know this isn’t real, but…”
Aiden tried to keep his voice soft, to be understanding. “But it’s practice for being real.” His mouth twisted on the name, but he forced it out. “For Neil.”
Harvard winced. Aiden supposed it might feel a little weird, to hear the name of the boy he actually liked, while tangled up with another. For Harvard, who was so good, it might feel close to cheating.
Aiden didn’t want to say the name or hear it or think it. Harvard seemed to be struggling with a thought, and Aiden waited to hear Harvard tell him what he wanted. That was all Aiden wished to know or to do. What Harvard wanted.”
― Striking Distance
“Because I know something you don’t know,” Aiden teased back.
Harvard raised an eyebrow. “And what is that?”
“You’re really cute,” murmured Aiden, and leaned in.
His lean was arrested when Harvard laughed. “Ha! That’s such a line. These things really work on your guys?”
Overcome by the magnitude of this insult, Aiden snapped, “Invariably!”
Harvard rolled his eyes. “I hate to tell you this, buddy, but I think they’re letting you get away with substandard lines because you’re cute.”
Aiden paused, torn between being deeply offended and ridiculously flattered.
Harvard bit his lip, seeming to think this over.
“I guess if you guys both know you’re just playing around, what you say doesn’t really count,” he offered. “That’s why people call them lines, like the things you say in a play. I know this isn’t real, but…”
Aiden tried to keep his voice soft, to be understanding. “But it’s practice for being real.” His mouth twisted on the name, but he forced it out. “For Neil.”
Harvard winced. Aiden supposed it might feel a little weird, to hear the name of the boy he actually liked, while tangled up with another. For Harvard, who was so good, it might feel close to cheating.
Aiden didn’t want to say the name or hear it or think it. Harvard seemed to be struggling with a thought, and Aiden waited to hear Harvard tell him what he wanted. That was all Aiden wished to know or to do. What Harvard wanted.”
― Striking Distance
“Apparently, it’s other boys’ faces once the prank is accomplished that will be amusing? The part about being amusing is not important. The part that is important is getting justice for Nicholas. Do you understand?”
Seiji hoped he had explained it right this time.
“Tell me about Nicholas,” said his father.
“About—Nicholas?” Seiji repeated uncertainly.
“Would I like him?”
“I shouldn’t think so,” said Seiji. “He has terrible manners. And a basically unfortunate way of speaking and interacting with the world generally. He’s very untidy, too.”
“Oh, but you hate it when things aren’t in the correct places,” murmured his father. “I still remember that time we had the ambassador’s son over for a playdate, and you made him cry.”
“What is the point of painstakingly building castles with blocks only to knock them down?” Seiji asked. “Or sniveling?” He dismissed his father’s reminiscences. “Anyway, that was when I was very young and it no longer matters, so I don’t see the point of bringing it up. The point is—”
“Justice for Nicholas,” said his father. “Is Nicholas—very good at fencing?”
“No,” said Seiji plainly.
There was a stunned silence.
“He has a certain raw potential, but he hasn’t been properly trained because of his socioeconomic circumstances,” Seiji continued. “I wish to discuss this topic with you on our winter vacation. I think there must be foundations and scholarships set up. Many valuable fencers could be lost. It is almost too late for Nicholas. I shall be forced to teach him extremely rigorously.”
There was more silence. Seiji wondered if his father had dropped his phone.”
― Striking Distance
Seiji hoped he had explained it right this time.
“Tell me about Nicholas,” said his father.
“About—Nicholas?” Seiji repeated uncertainly.
“Would I like him?”
“I shouldn’t think so,” said Seiji. “He has terrible manners. And a basically unfortunate way of speaking and interacting with the world generally. He’s very untidy, too.”
“Oh, but you hate it when things aren’t in the correct places,” murmured his father. “I still remember that time we had the ambassador’s son over for a playdate, and you made him cry.”
“What is the point of painstakingly building castles with blocks only to knock them down?” Seiji asked. “Or sniveling?” He dismissed his father’s reminiscences. “Anyway, that was when I was very young and it no longer matters, so I don’t see the point of bringing it up. The point is—”
“Justice for Nicholas,” said his father. “Is Nicholas—very good at fencing?”
“No,” said Seiji plainly.
There was a stunned silence.
“He has a certain raw potential, but he hasn’t been properly trained because of his socioeconomic circumstances,” Seiji continued. “I wish to discuss this topic with you on our winter vacation. I think there must be foundations and scholarships set up. Many valuable fencers could be lost. It is almost too late for Nicholas. I shall be forced to teach him extremely rigorously.”
There was more silence. Seiji wondered if his father had dropped his phone.”
― Striking Distance
“He reached for Aiden’s hand, which was swinging by the side of Aiden’s chair in a convenient location for Harvard to grab in case Harvard might want to. Harvard not only laced their fingers together, but also brought Aiden’s hand to his lips and kissed the back. Then he let their joined hands rest on the lapel of his uniform blazer, against the golden crown over crossed swords of his captain’s pin… and his heart. Harvard did it all absentmindedly, as though he didn’t have to think about his actions because it came so naturally.
Aiden lifted a coffee cup to his lips purely in order to make a Can you believe this? face behind it.
There went Harvard again, raising the ideal boyfriend bar to the sky. Could the man not be stopped?
“Aw, are you having faith in me, sweetheart?” Aiden murmured. “That’s so nice. And so misplaced.”
Harvard murmured, a lovely little sound, patently unconvinced. This is the last time, Aiden thought, and held on.
The others ignored Aiden and Harvard’s romantic moment in order to focus on crime.”
― Striking Distance
Aiden lifted a coffee cup to his lips purely in order to make a Can you believe this? face behind it.
There went Harvard again, raising the ideal boyfriend bar to the sky. Could the man not be stopped?
“Aw, are you having faith in me, sweetheart?” Aiden murmured. “That’s so nice. And so misplaced.”
Harvard murmured, a lovely little sound, patently unconvinced. This is the last time, Aiden thought, and held on.
The others ignored Aiden and Harvard’s romantic moment in order to focus on crime.”
― Striking Distance
“I don’t believe in love that never ends,” said Aiden, his whisper clear and distinct. “I don’t believe in being true until death or finding the other half of your soul.”
Harvard raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment. Privately, he considered that it might be good that Aiden hadn’t delivered this speech to this guy he apparently liked so much—whom Aiden had never even mentioned to his best friend before now. This speech was not romantic.
Once again, Harvard had to wonder if what he’d been assuming was Aiden’s romantic prowess had actually been many guys letting Aiden get away with murder because he was awfully cute.
But Aiden sounded upset, and that spoke to an instinct in Harvard natural as breath. He put his arm around Aiden, and drew his best friend close against him, warm skin and soft hair and barely there shirt and all, and tried to make a sound that was more soothing than fraught.
“I don’t believe in songs or promises. I don’t believe in hearts or flowers or lightning strikes.” Aiden snatched a breath as though it was his last before drowning. “I never believed in anything but you.”
“Aiden,” said Harvard, bewildered and on the verge of distress. He felt as if there was something he wasn’t getting here.
Even more urgently, he felt he should cut off Aiden. It had been a mistake to ask. This wasn’t meant for Harvard, but for someone else, and worse than anything, there was pain in Aiden’s voice. That must be stopped now.
Aiden kissed him, startling and fierce, and said against Harvard’s mouth, “Shut up. Let me… let me.”
Harvard nodded involuntarily, because of the way Aiden had asked, unable to deny Aiden even things Harvard should refuse to give. Aiden’s warm breath was running down into the small shivery space between the fabric of Harvard’s shirt and his skin. It was panic-inducing, feeling all the impulses of Harvard’s body and his heart like wires that were not only crossed but also impossibly tangled. Disentangling them felt potentially deadly. Everything inside him was in electric knots.
“I’ll let you do anything you want,” Harvard told him, “but don’t—don’t—”
Hurt yourself. Seeing Aiden sad was unbearable. Harvard didn’t know what to do to fix it.
The kiss had turned the air between them into dry grass or kindling, a space where there might be smoke or fire at any moment. Aiden was focused on toying with the collar of Harvard’s shirt, Aiden’s brows drawn together in concentration. Aiden’s fingertips glancing against his skin burned.
“You’re so warm,” Aiden said. “Nothing else ever was. I only knew goodness existed because you were the best. You’re the best of everything to me.”
Harvard made a wretched sound, leaning in to press his forehead against Aiden’s.
He’d known Aiden was lonely, that the long line of guys wasn’t just to have fun but tied up in the cold, huge manor where Aiden had spent his whole childhood, in Aiden’s father with his flat shark eyes and sharp shark smile, and in the long line of stepmothers who Aiden’s father chose because he had no use for people with hearts. Harvard had always known Aiden’s father wanted to crush the heart out of Aiden. He’d always worried Aiden’s father would succeed.
Aiden said, his voice distant even though he was so close, “I always knew all of you was too much to ask for.”
Harvard didn’t know what to say, so he obeyed a wild foolish impulse, turned his face the crucial fraction toward Aiden’s, and kissed him. Aiden sank into the kiss with a faint sweet noise, as though he’d finally heard Harvard’s wordless cry of distress and was answering it with belated reassurance: No, I’ll be all right. We’re not lost.
The idea of anyone not loving Aiden back was unimaginable, but it had clearly happened. Harvard couldn’t think of how to say it, so he tried to make the kiss say it. I’m so sorry you were in pain. I never guessed. I’m sorry I can’t fix this, but I would if I could. He didn’t love you, but I do.”
― Striking Distance
Harvard raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment. Privately, he considered that it might be good that Aiden hadn’t delivered this speech to this guy he apparently liked so much—whom Aiden had never even mentioned to his best friend before now. This speech was not romantic.
Once again, Harvard had to wonder if what he’d been assuming was Aiden’s romantic prowess had actually been many guys letting Aiden get away with murder because he was awfully cute.
But Aiden sounded upset, and that spoke to an instinct in Harvard natural as breath. He put his arm around Aiden, and drew his best friend close against him, warm skin and soft hair and barely there shirt and all, and tried to make a sound that was more soothing than fraught.
“I don’t believe in songs or promises. I don’t believe in hearts or flowers or lightning strikes.” Aiden snatched a breath as though it was his last before drowning. “I never believed in anything but you.”
“Aiden,” said Harvard, bewildered and on the verge of distress. He felt as if there was something he wasn’t getting here.
Even more urgently, he felt he should cut off Aiden. It had been a mistake to ask. This wasn’t meant for Harvard, but for someone else, and worse than anything, there was pain in Aiden’s voice. That must be stopped now.
Aiden kissed him, startling and fierce, and said against Harvard’s mouth, “Shut up. Let me… let me.”
Harvard nodded involuntarily, because of the way Aiden had asked, unable to deny Aiden even things Harvard should refuse to give. Aiden’s warm breath was running down into the small shivery space between the fabric of Harvard’s shirt and his skin. It was panic-inducing, feeling all the impulses of Harvard’s body and his heart like wires that were not only crossed but also impossibly tangled. Disentangling them felt potentially deadly. Everything inside him was in electric knots.
“I’ll let you do anything you want,” Harvard told him, “but don’t—don’t—”
Hurt yourself. Seeing Aiden sad was unbearable. Harvard didn’t know what to do to fix it.
The kiss had turned the air between them into dry grass or kindling, a space where there might be smoke or fire at any moment. Aiden was focused on toying with the collar of Harvard’s shirt, Aiden’s brows drawn together in concentration. Aiden’s fingertips glancing against his skin burned.
“You’re so warm,” Aiden said. “Nothing else ever was. I only knew goodness existed because you were the best. You’re the best of everything to me.”
Harvard made a wretched sound, leaning in to press his forehead against Aiden’s.
He’d known Aiden was lonely, that the long line of guys wasn’t just to have fun but tied up in the cold, huge manor where Aiden had spent his whole childhood, in Aiden’s father with his flat shark eyes and sharp shark smile, and in the long line of stepmothers who Aiden’s father chose because he had no use for people with hearts. Harvard had always known Aiden’s father wanted to crush the heart out of Aiden. He’d always worried Aiden’s father would succeed.
Aiden said, his voice distant even though he was so close, “I always knew all of you was too much to ask for.”
Harvard didn’t know what to say, so he obeyed a wild foolish impulse, turned his face the crucial fraction toward Aiden’s, and kissed him. Aiden sank into the kiss with a faint sweet noise, as though he’d finally heard Harvard’s wordless cry of distress and was answering it with belated reassurance: No, I’ll be all right. We’re not lost.
The idea of anyone not loving Aiden back was unimaginable, but it had clearly happened. Harvard couldn’t think of how to say it, so he tried to make the kiss say it. I’m so sorry you were in pain. I never guessed. I’m sorry I can’t fix this, but I would if I could. He didn’t love you, but I do.”
― Striking Distance
“We have to stop,” Harvard said, abrupt and desperate.
“Wait, why?” Aiden murmured, reaching to drag Harvard back when Harvard pulled away, barely seeming to understand the words Harvard had spoken. “I don’t want to. You said you didn’t want to…”
He trailed off, hands still grasping Harvard’s shirt, exerting pressure to bring Harvard back where he had been. Aiden’s eyes were heavy-lidded, almost as if he was drowsy, but it was an electric drowsiness.
For a terrifying moment, Harvard looked at Aiden and couldn’t remember why they should stop. Then he looked at Aiden and did remember.
“I don’t want to, but we have to,” Harvard tried to explain.
Aiden looked suddenly wide awake and affronted to be so, like a cat disturbed from his rest.
His voice as sharp this time as it had been soft before, he said, “Why?”
When Aiden had agreed to help Harvard with practice dating, Harvard remembered vividly the exact words he’d used. I know how dating works. It doesn’t matter, and this wouldn’t even be real dating. It doesn’t mean anything. It won’t change anything.
He looked at Aiden, his chest feeling cold and empty, bleak with despair. Harvard was just like all the rest of Aiden’s guys, only worse. He was the one who really knew Aiden, and he should know better.
Harvard said, “Because this means nothing.”
― Striking Distance
“Wait, why?” Aiden murmured, reaching to drag Harvard back when Harvard pulled away, barely seeming to understand the words Harvard had spoken. “I don’t want to. You said you didn’t want to…”
He trailed off, hands still grasping Harvard’s shirt, exerting pressure to bring Harvard back where he had been. Aiden’s eyes were heavy-lidded, almost as if he was drowsy, but it was an electric drowsiness.
For a terrifying moment, Harvard looked at Aiden and couldn’t remember why they should stop. Then he looked at Aiden and did remember.
“I don’t want to, but we have to,” Harvard tried to explain.
Aiden looked suddenly wide awake and affronted to be so, like a cat disturbed from his rest.
His voice as sharp this time as it had been soft before, he said, “Why?”
When Aiden had agreed to help Harvard with practice dating, Harvard remembered vividly the exact words he’d used. I know how dating works. It doesn’t matter, and this wouldn’t even be real dating. It doesn’t mean anything. It won’t change anything.
He looked at Aiden, his chest feeling cold and empty, bleak with despair. Harvard was just like all the rest of Aiden’s guys, only worse. He was the one who really knew Aiden, and he should know better.
Harvard said, “Because this means nothing.”
― Striking Distance
“I believe you should start as you mean to go on, so I was born gorgeous, Aiden wrote.”
― Striking Distance
― Striking Distance
“Seiji sighed again and surrendered himself to his fate. He finished his breakfast, and then rose.
“You go on to class without me. I want a word with Eugene.” Seiji hesitated. “You can save me a seat. If you insist.”
Nicholas paused, then smiled. His face was a lot more tolerable when he did that. “I will.”
― Striking Distance
“You go on to class without me. I want a word with Eugene.” Seiji hesitated. “You can save me a seat. If you insist.”
Nicholas paused, then smiled. His face was a lot more tolerable when he did that. “I will.”
― Striking Distance
“Cooking’s a more popular hobby than fencing.”
“They don’t have a Great British Fence-Off,” muttered Dante.
There was a thoughtful pause.
“Oh, that sounds like such a good show,” Nicholas murmured.
“I like your idea for a television show as well,” Seiji told Dante. “Why do you picture it being British specifically?”
Dante’s mouth opened and closed. No sound came out.
“Could be because of the European history of dueling?” Nicholas suggested, and looked to Seiji. “Like in the book you let me borrow. Did you know that if you killed someone in a duel back in the old days, you could run away to France, because in France, dueling was still a totally cool and legal way to kill someone you had beef with?”
Seiji nodded, pointing at Nicholas for emphasis. “I did know that, but clearly not everybody does. You’re right; the show would be educational for many people. Perhaps they could hold fencing displays in old manor houses and castles and châteaux? And, of course, in colleges such as Cambridge, Oxford, and Trinity, where the legacy of fencing students is so illustrious.”
Breakfast conversation was so awesome now that Seiji had joined them! Nicholas bet nobody else had as much fun as they did.
Dante had clearly given up on talking and was giving Bobby a silent, pleading look. Nicholas guessed Dante was shy. Seiji was pretty famous, so maybe Dante was overwhelmed.”
― Striking Distance
“They don’t have a Great British Fence-Off,” muttered Dante.
There was a thoughtful pause.
“Oh, that sounds like such a good show,” Nicholas murmured.
“I like your idea for a television show as well,” Seiji told Dante. “Why do you picture it being British specifically?”
Dante’s mouth opened and closed. No sound came out.
“Could be because of the European history of dueling?” Nicholas suggested, and looked to Seiji. “Like in the book you let me borrow. Did you know that if you killed someone in a duel back in the old days, you could run away to France, because in France, dueling was still a totally cool and legal way to kill someone you had beef with?”
Seiji nodded, pointing at Nicholas for emphasis. “I did know that, but clearly not everybody does. You’re right; the show would be educational for many people. Perhaps they could hold fencing displays in old manor houses and castles and châteaux? And, of course, in colleges such as Cambridge, Oxford, and Trinity, where the legacy of fencing students is so illustrious.”
Breakfast conversation was so awesome now that Seiji had joined them! Nicholas bet nobody else had as much fun as they did.
Dante had clearly given up on talking and was giving Bobby a silent, pleading look. Nicholas guessed Dante was shy. Seiji was pretty famous, so maybe Dante was overwhelmed.”
― Striking Distance
“Unquestionably, Harvard was Aiden’s favorite. Even if he did insist on dragging Aiden away from his life of careless playboy ease. Aiden tried to be very dedicated to his life of careless playboy ease.”
― Striking Distance
― Striking Distance
“In less than a week, Harvard was going to call on his darling Neil and explain how sorry he was for all his imaginary offenses, and Neil would say that he’d only been put off by Harvard’s awful best friend. Then Harvard would realize everything had been Aiden’s fault all along, and also Neil would tell Harvard that he missed him, and they would get back together. Aiden would have to pretend he was happy for them.
This was one of a very few, very precious days, like fairy gold turning to dust and leaves as they slipped through his fingers. And Aiden was wasting it by being sick and disgusting.
“Sorry for being gross,” Aiden murmured into his pillow.
“Hey, no,” said Harvard. “You’re still really cute.”
Aiden scoffed into the pillow, which turned into more coughing. Harvard patted him on the back.
Harvard was so good at this boyfriend thing it was ridiculous. He was screwing up the boyfriend curve for all other boyfriends. That was why Aiden didn’t want any of the others.
He felt horrible and unpleasantly hot, and he could only bear this when Harvard was with him. Most of life was generally unfair and unpleasant, but it was all right if Harvard was there.
“Stay with me until I go to sleep,” Aiden murmured, willfully forgetting that lunch was over and Harvard should go to class.
For Aiden, Harvard would usually break the rules.
“If you want me to,” Harvard murmured back.
Aiden was ill and miserable and unguarded enough to whisper, “I never want anything but you.”
“Okay.” Harvard laughed quietly, kindly. “I think the cough syrup has made you a little loopy.”
Aiden wanted to be angry with Harvard for never understanding, but thank God Harvard didn’t. Besides, Aiden never could entirely manage to be angry with him. The emotion wouldn’t coalesce in Aiden’s chest, always collapsing in on itself and changing into different feelings.
As Aiden slid into sleep, like tumbling beneath a blanket of darkness, he felt an awareness even with his eyes closed that someone was stooping over him, like an intuition of a shadow, and then the soft press of Harvard’s lips against Aiden’s forehead. More a blessing than a kiss.”
― Striking Distance
This was one of a very few, very precious days, like fairy gold turning to dust and leaves as they slipped through his fingers. And Aiden was wasting it by being sick and disgusting.
“Sorry for being gross,” Aiden murmured into his pillow.
“Hey, no,” said Harvard. “You’re still really cute.”
Aiden scoffed into the pillow, which turned into more coughing. Harvard patted him on the back.
Harvard was so good at this boyfriend thing it was ridiculous. He was screwing up the boyfriend curve for all other boyfriends. That was why Aiden didn’t want any of the others.
He felt horrible and unpleasantly hot, and he could only bear this when Harvard was with him. Most of life was generally unfair and unpleasant, but it was all right if Harvard was there.
“Stay with me until I go to sleep,” Aiden murmured, willfully forgetting that lunch was over and Harvard should go to class.
For Aiden, Harvard would usually break the rules.
“If you want me to,” Harvard murmured back.
Aiden was ill and miserable and unguarded enough to whisper, “I never want anything but you.”
“Okay.” Harvard laughed quietly, kindly. “I think the cough syrup has made you a little loopy.”
Aiden wanted to be angry with Harvard for never understanding, but thank God Harvard didn’t. Besides, Aiden never could entirely manage to be angry with him. The emotion wouldn’t coalesce in Aiden’s chest, always collapsing in on itself and changing into different feelings.
As Aiden slid into sleep, like tumbling beneath a blanket of darkness, he felt an awareness even with his eyes closed that someone was stooping over him, like an intuition of a shadow, and then the soft press of Harvard’s lips against Aiden’s forehead. More a blessing than a kiss.”
― Striking Distance
“Harvard pointed. “You know, right there is when the stuntman catches the sword out of frame.”
“I know.”
Aiden did know. Harvard always told him this fact at this precise moment. Aiden had watched this movie without Harvard once—on a date. Seeing the sword fly without the familiar murmur had upset Aiden enough to turn off the movie.
Tonight, Harvard was here with him. They were both lying on their stomachs with their legs kicked up and their hands cupped in their chins, as though they were six years old.
They weren’t.
Aiden tangled their legs together slightly, deliberately. It felt far more dangerous than crossing swords. Aiden couldn’t imagine a match with so much at stake.
“During a date when you stay in,” Aiden said, teaching, “you should try to see if the other person is receptive to you getting closer.”
Harvard gave Aiden a look out of the corner of his eye, and let their legs stay tangled, resting with light pressure against one another. Love was a delusion, nothing but an electrical impulse in the brain, but there were many impulses running electric under Aiden’s skin right now.
The man in black smiled beneath his mask and switched his sword to his right hand. The clash of swords rang over the sound of the sea.
Aiden sneaked another look at Harvard, the shine of his dark eyes and white teeth in the silvery glow from the screen. Harvard caught him looking, but he returned Aiden’s look with a look of his own, warmly affectionate and never suspicious at all. Harvard never suspected a thing.
Because Aiden was his best friend, and Harvard trusted him. And Harvard could trust him. Aiden would never do anything to hurt Harvard, not anything at all.
Aiden moved in still closer, his arm set against Harvard’s, solid muscle under the thin material of his shirtsleeve. He could put his arm around Harvard’s shoulders or slip an arm around his waist or lean in. He was allowed, just for tonight.”
― Striking Distance
“I know.”
Aiden did know. Harvard always told him this fact at this precise moment. Aiden had watched this movie without Harvard once—on a date. Seeing the sword fly without the familiar murmur had upset Aiden enough to turn off the movie.
Tonight, Harvard was here with him. They were both lying on their stomachs with their legs kicked up and their hands cupped in their chins, as though they were six years old.
They weren’t.
Aiden tangled their legs together slightly, deliberately. It felt far more dangerous than crossing swords. Aiden couldn’t imagine a match with so much at stake.
“During a date when you stay in,” Aiden said, teaching, “you should try to see if the other person is receptive to you getting closer.”
Harvard gave Aiden a look out of the corner of his eye, and let their legs stay tangled, resting with light pressure against one another. Love was a delusion, nothing but an electrical impulse in the brain, but there were many impulses running electric under Aiden’s skin right now.
The man in black smiled beneath his mask and switched his sword to his right hand. The clash of swords rang over the sound of the sea.
Aiden sneaked another look at Harvard, the shine of his dark eyes and white teeth in the silvery glow from the screen. Harvard caught him looking, but he returned Aiden’s look with a look of his own, warmly affectionate and never suspicious at all. Harvard never suspected a thing.
Because Aiden was his best friend, and Harvard trusted him. And Harvard could trust him. Aiden would never do anything to hurt Harvard, not anything at all.
Aiden moved in still closer, his arm set against Harvard’s, solid muscle under the thin material of his shirtsleeve. He could put his arm around Harvard’s shoulders or slip an arm around his waist or lean in. He was allowed, just for tonight.”
― Striking Distance
“They might all be winners in the end.”
― Striking Distance
― Striking Distance
“Just asking, asking’s not a crime.”
― Striking Distance
― Striking Distance
“When you weren't feeling it, you weren't feeling it.”
― Striking Distance
― Striking Distance
“I truly cannot imagine why your painfully literal milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, said Aiden, but work with what you got, I guess.”
― Striking Distance
― Striking Distance
“Nicholas ignored Eugene’s delicate sensibilities in order to focus on Seiji’s plate. Seiji’s breakfast remained disappointing. “Next time you should get some more bacon. I’ll eat it if you don’t want it.”
“I don’t eat more than a single slice of bacon and you shouldn’t, either,” Seiji told him. “Excessive bacon will make your arteries clog and slow your progress on the piste. Your extraordinary speed is the only thing you have going for you.”
Nicholas preened. “Oh, my extraordinary speed, is it?”
“Shut up,” said Seiji.
“Quit gushing over me, ’m getting all bashful,” said Nicholas.”
― Striking Distance
“I don’t eat more than a single slice of bacon and you shouldn’t, either,” Seiji told him. “Excessive bacon will make your arteries clog and slow your progress on the piste. Your extraordinary speed is the only thing you have going for you.”
Nicholas preened. “Oh, my extraordinary speed, is it?”
“Shut up,” said Seiji.
“Quit gushing over me, ’m getting all bashful,” said Nicholas.”
― Striking Distance
“The Bon was carrying a fruit basket with a card that read Get Well Soon, Aiden! on it in glitter. Nicholas hadn’t known Aiden was under the weather. He hoped he felt better soon. Aiden wasn’t Nicholas’s favorite person or anything, but he was one of Nicholas’s teammates. That was more important than anything else.”
― Striking Distance
― Striking Distance
“As they walked together down the halls and the back staircase, Nicholas studied the ceiling, which was all white with twirly bits like a wedding cake. He had a troubling thought.
“You hate fist bumps?” he asked. “But you’ve fist-bumped me and Eugene.”
“I don’t mind if it’s you,” said Seiji. “And I don’t mind much if it’s Eugene. But not Chad!”
“Okay, not Chad,” Nicholas soothed, and grinned at the back of Seiji’s head as they entered the dining hall.”
― Striking Distance
“You hate fist bumps?” he asked. “But you’ve fist-bumped me and Eugene.”
“I don’t mind if it’s you,” said Seiji. “And I don’t mind much if it’s Eugene. But not Chad!”
“Okay, not Chad,” Nicholas soothed, and grinned at the back of Seiji’s head as they entered the dining hall.”
― Striking Distance
“It seemed as though there was something going on here that Nicholas didn’t understand. Nicholas felt grievously injured. He’d become Seiji’s friend first, but here Seiji was having secrets with Eugene.
On the other hand, Seiji didn’t train with Eugene, so that was sort of like Nicholas having a secret with Seiji. And going to the fair with Eugene would be fun, though obviously it would be better if Seiji were there, too.”
― Striking Distance
On the other hand, Seiji didn’t train with Eugene, so that was sort of like Nicholas having a secret with Seiji. And going to the fair with Eugene would be fun, though obviously it would be better if Seiji were there, too.”
― Striking Distance
“That morning when Seiji came to breakfast, he discovered Dante attempting to take the seat beside Nicholas.
“Hey, dude, no, I’m saving this seat for Seiji,” said Nicholas.
Dante rolled his eyes without a word and went around the table.
Seiji took the seat with a faint feeling of satisfaction. Naturally, Nicholas didn’t want to sit beside Dante. Who would?
“There’s no actual need to save a seat for me,” Seiji informed Nicholas.
Nicholas waved him off as if he were an annoying fly. “I’m gonna, you can’t stop me.”
Seiji supposed he couldn’t. He started eating his breakfast, though Nicholas eyeballed Seiji’s protein-rich green smoothie suspiciously. Nicholas had no idea about the importance of nutrition.”
― Striking Distance
“Hey, dude, no, I’m saving this seat for Seiji,” said Nicholas.
Dante rolled his eyes without a word and went around the table.
Seiji took the seat with a faint feeling of satisfaction. Naturally, Nicholas didn’t want to sit beside Dante. Who would?
“There’s no actual need to save a seat for me,” Seiji informed Nicholas.
Nicholas waved him off as if he were an annoying fly. “I’m gonna, you can’t stop me.”
Seiji supposed he couldn’t. He started eating his breakfast, though Nicholas eyeballed Seiji’s protein-rich green smoothie suspiciously. Nicholas had no idea about the importance of nutrition.”
― Striking Distance
“Tell me—or anyone else—something thatis personal to you, Coach had said.
Seiji couldn’t talk to just anyone, but Nicholas had said they were friends.
“I was… Jesse’s mirror,” said Seiji slowly. “I reflected his—glow, his glories and his victories. I used to think it was an honor. We were similar, I told myself, in all the ways that really mattered.”
Jesse was left-handed like Nicholas, so facing him sometimes felt like looking into a mirror. Like seeing yourself through the glass, a better, golden self in a different world. A self who fenced just as well but didn’t have to work as hard for it. A Seiji who did everything in life with the same skill as he fenced.
“You’re not a mirror,” said Nicholas. “You’re real.”
“It’s a metaphor, Nicholas.”
Nicholas shrugged. “You’re still not a mirror. Mirrors break. You never do.”
Seiji thought of his moment of defeat against Jesse. The moment that Aiden had seen, and taunted Seiji with, making Seiji lose again. Seiji had trained his whole life to be strong, but somehow, he was still weak. Jesse had taken his sword, and Seiji hadn’t been able to stop him. The bitterness of that defeat sent Seiji to Kings Row.
Always keep moving toward your target, his dad’s voice said, but somehow Seiji had ended up getting his target wrong. He’d moved toward loss and pain he still didn’t entirely understand.
“I lost,” confessed Seiji. “Badly.”
“Doesn’t make you a loser,” said Nicholas, having another lapse where he didn’t understand what words—let alone metaphors—meant. “You didn’t burst into tears and give up fencing. And you didn’t follow Jesse to Exton like a little lamb, the way he was expecting. You came to Kings Row, and you came to fence. You came to fight.”
This view of the matter was so shocking that Seiji said something he’d thought he would never say to Nicholas Cox.
“I suppose…,” said Seiji, “… you’re right.”
Nicholas’s gaze remained fixed on the floor.
“Being rivals shouldn’t be about being someone’s mirror. Both of you get to be real. Neither of you has to break.”
“Sometimes you’re insightful, Nicholas,” said Seiji. Nicholas looked pleased before Seiji added: “I think it’s mainly by accident.”
At that point, Nicholas rolled his eyes and stepped into his side of the room, yanking the curtain closed between them.”
― Striking Distance
Seiji couldn’t talk to just anyone, but Nicholas had said they were friends.
“I was… Jesse’s mirror,” said Seiji slowly. “I reflected his—glow, his glories and his victories. I used to think it was an honor. We were similar, I told myself, in all the ways that really mattered.”
Jesse was left-handed like Nicholas, so facing him sometimes felt like looking into a mirror. Like seeing yourself through the glass, a better, golden self in a different world. A self who fenced just as well but didn’t have to work as hard for it. A Seiji who did everything in life with the same skill as he fenced.
“You’re not a mirror,” said Nicholas. “You’re real.”
“It’s a metaphor, Nicholas.”
Nicholas shrugged. “You’re still not a mirror. Mirrors break. You never do.”
Seiji thought of his moment of defeat against Jesse. The moment that Aiden had seen, and taunted Seiji with, making Seiji lose again. Seiji had trained his whole life to be strong, but somehow, he was still weak. Jesse had taken his sword, and Seiji hadn’t been able to stop him. The bitterness of that defeat sent Seiji to Kings Row.
Always keep moving toward your target, his dad’s voice said, but somehow Seiji had ended up getting his target wrong. He’d moved toward loss and pain he still didn’t entirely understand.
“I lost,” confessed Seiji. “Badly.”
“Doesn’t make you a loser,” said Nicholas, having another lapse where he didn’t understand what words—let alone metaphors—meant. “You didn’t burst into tears and give up fencing. And you didn’t follow Jesse to Exton like a little lamb, the way he was expecting. You came to Kings Row, and you came to fence. You came to fight.”
This view of the matter was so shocking that Seiji said something he’d thought he would never say to Nicholas Cox.
“I suppose…,” said Seiji, “… you’re right.”
Nicholas’s gaze remained fixed on the floor.
“Being rivals shouldn’t be about being someone’s mirror. Both of you get to be real. Neither of you has to break.”
“Sometimes you’re insightful, Nicholas,” said Seiji. Nicholas looked pleased before Seiji added: “I think it’s mainly by accident.”
At that point, Nicholas rolled his eyes and stepped into his side of the room, yanking the curtain closed between them.”
― Striking Distance
“Nicholas walked back to their dormitory, bumping shoulders with Seiji companionably in the way nobody else ever did, but he was still much quieter than usual. It was worrying.”
― Striking Distance
― Striking Distance
“You seem a bit quiet, bro,” Eugene remarked in a low voice. “Not that you’re what I’d describe as chatty, but normally you’d have accidentally insulted someone by now. Something wrong?”
He was tempted to snap, but Eugene was a teammate, too.
Seiji cleared his throat. “Nicholas is angry with me. I’m not sure why. Do you know why? I know you two socialize frequently.”
Eugene paused. “I don’t think Nicholas is angry with you.”
“No, he is,” said Seiji. “He told me to go away.”
“He probably just meant that you could go practice in the salle if you’re hating the midnight feast, dude,” said Eugene. “Your face went all grumpy cat when we broke out the marshmallows.”
Seiji opened his mouth to protest that Nicholas never cared when Seiji made faces, and never told him to go away, but Eugene continued.
“I think there’s something else going on.”
Seiji gave Eugene his full attention. “What?”
Eugene turned his protein shake in his hands for another moment. “We went to town Saturday, and some Kings Row guys there were awful to him. It’s been bothering me all weekend, actually. They acted like they were so far above Nicholas. They made it seem like he was going to shoplift! Which he wasn’t!” Eugene added hastily, as though Seiji might imagine Nicholas would.
The burner’s blue flame hissed. Harvard was talking about how delicious the pasta sauce smelled. Their captain was very good at making conversation.
Seiji frowned. “Why would people from our school represent Nicholas as a common thief?”
“Right? It sucks!” said Eugene. “You might know them? They were the first two guys to wash out of fencing tryouts. They think they’re so much better than Nicholas.”
“They think they’re better than Nicholas?” Seiji asked sharply. “But they can’t fence at all!”
― Striking Distance
He was tempted to snap, but Eugene was a teammate, too.
Seiji cleared his throat. “Nicholas is angry with me. I’m not sure why. Do you know why? I know you two socialize frequently.”
Eugene paused. “I don’t think Nicholas is angry with you.”
“No, he is,” said Seiji. “He told me to go away.”
“He probably just meant that you could go practice in the salle if you’re hating the midnight feast, dude,” said Eugene. “Your face went all grumpy cat when we broke out the marshmallows.”
Seiji opened his mouth to protest that Nicholas never cared when Seiji made faces, and never told him to go away, but Eugene continued.
“I think there’s something else going on.”
Seiji gave Eugene his full attention. “What?”
Eugene turned his protein shake in his hands for another moment. “We went to town Saturday, and some Kings Row guys there were awful to him. It’s been bothering me all weekend, actually. They acted like they were so far above Nicholas. They made it seem like he was going to shoplift! Which he wasn’t!” Eugene added hastily, as though Seiji might imagine Nicholas would.
The burner’s blue flame hissed. Harvard was talking about how delicious the pasta sauce smelled. Their captain was very good at making conversation.
Seiji frowned. “Why would people from our school represent Nicholas as a common thief?”
“Right? It sucks!” said Eugene. “You might know them? They were the first two guys to wash out of fencing tryouts. They think they’re so much better than Nicholas.”
“They think they’re better than Nicholas?” Seiji asked sharply. “But they can’t fence at all!”
― Striking Distance
“Seiji took the picture willingly enough, since it would please Bobby, but it was a strain to figure out how to behave in unfamiliar surroundings. The least Nicholas could do was help him, but instead he was sulking in the corner. The only reasonable explanation was that Seiji had offended him. Seiji was always offending people, though Nicholas seemed to bounce back faster than most.
Seiji couldn’t figure out what the problem was. He hadn’t said anything worse to Nicholas than he usually did.”
― Striking Distance
Seiji couldn’t figure out what the problem was. He hadn’t said anything worse to Nicholas than he usually did.”
― Striking Distance
“Seiji was direly embarrassed by Nicholas’s presence, not to mention his appearance. He hadn’t wished to see Jesse again. If forced to, he would have preferred to see him while winning Olympic gold. Failing that, Seiji would’ve preferred to see Jesse literally anywhere other than here. In the middle of the woods, in a state of undress, with a companion who had apparently been raised by wolves and then abandoned by the pack for being too scruffy.
There was… another consideration, besides embarrassment.
Sometimes there were people who were obviously not on the winning side, and never would be. Bad at fencing or at words or at life in some crucial way Jesse could always ascertain. Occasionally, Jesse would casually amuse himself at some unfortunate soul’s expense. Seiji wouldn’t laugh because he never actually understood the jokes or why they were funny, but he didn’t care much. It was simply Jesse’s way. Now he recalled with unwelcome vividness how those people’s cheeks would bear sudden swift streaks of red, as though slashed. Or they might slink off with a curious look of defeat, as if a lunch table were a fencing match. Some of them, Seiji had noticed, never came back again.
Seiji didn’t want to see Jesse do that to Nicholas.
Not Nicholas.”
― Striking Distance
There was… another consideration, besides embarrassment.
Sometimes there were people who were obviously not on the winning side, and never would be. Bad at fencing or at words or at life in some crucial way Jesse could always ascertain. Occasionally, Jesse would casually amuse himself at some unfortunate soul’s expense. Seiji wouldn’t laugh because he never actually understood the jokes or why they were funny, but he didn’t care much. It was simply Jesse’s way. Now he recalled with unwelcome vividness how those people’s cheeks would bear sudden swift streaks of red, as though slashed. Or they might slink off with a curious look of defeat, as if a lunch table were a fencing match. Some of them, Seiji had noticed, never came back again.
Seiji didn’t want to see Jesse do that to Nicholas.
Not Nicholas.”
― Striking Distance
“There was a book called The Twenty-Six Commandments of Irish Dueling. That sounded cool. Nicholas reached for it, but Seiji’s books were packed together so tightly he actually had to force the book out. The bookcase rocked, and a watch in a little case tumbled from the top shelf and hit the floor. A different book fell down and struck Nicholas’s foot. Nicholas, hopping in wild dismay, stepped on the watch. The plastic case cracked. When Nicholas hastily removed his foot, he saw that the watch inside the case had cracked, too.
The whole disaster took about five seconds.
Seiji sounded calmly pleased to be proven right. “I knew you would do something like this.”
“Um,” said Nicholas. “Oops. Sorry. I’ll pay for that! Or I’ll get it fixed or something!”
Seiji sighed dismissively, opening his book back up. “All right.”
That made Nicholas feel much worse.
There were plenty of guys at Kings Row who would’ve got very nasty about Nicholas daring to touch, let alone break, their stuff. Seiji wasn’t like that.
Seiji’s words might cut, but he didn’t say them to cut. Seiji wasn’t Aiden, whom Nicholas never paid attention to. When Aiden spoke, all Nicholas heard was: Blah, blah, blah, I’m a snotty rich kid who talks too much. Nicholas had never seen Seiji get any pleasure out of being cruel. That was what made Seiji’s words cut deep. Nicholas knew Seiji meant what he said.”
― Striking Distance
The whole disaster took about five seconds.
Seiji sounded calmly pleased to be proven right. “I knew you would do something like this.”
“Um,” said Nicholas. “Oops. Sorry. I’ll pay for that! Or I’ll get it fixed or something!”
Seiji sighed dismissively, opening his book back up. “All right.”
That made Nicholas feel much worse.
There were plenty of guys at Kings Row who would’ve got very nasty about Nicholas daring to touch, let alone break, their stuff. Seiji wasn’t like that.
Seiji’s words might cut, but he didn’t say them to cut. Seiji wasn’t Aiden, whom Nicholas never paid attention to. When Aiden spoke, all Nicholas heard was: Blah, blah, blah, I’m a snotty rich kid who talks too much. Nicholas had never seen Seiji get any pleasure out of being cruel. That was what made Seiji’s words cut deep. Nicholas knew Seiji meant what he said.”
― Striking Distance
“Seiji was not having a good day.
He felt he’d been horribly misled by Eugene. He’d trusted him to be correct in his reading of social dynamics, but as it emerged, him was an imbecile, Nicholas hadn’t even been upset, and the whole prank had been an exercise in futility. As the illicit brown sugar sprinkled on this oatmeal of horror, he’d been hauled around like a deeply shamed sack of potatoes by weight lifters.
Seiji wasn’t sure he could look anyone at Kings Row in the face right now. Any escape from their watching eyes and embarrassing congratulations was welcome.
The last time Seiji’d been in the woods, he’d gotten lost in them. Seiji headed into the trees now, hoping he could again.
Perhaps by the time he found his way back, everybody would have forgotten about the prank.
He feared not.”
― Striking Distance
He felt he’d been horribly misled by Eugene. He’d trusted him to be correct in his reading of social dynamics, but as it emerged, him was an imbecile, Nicholas hadn’t even been upset, and the whole prank had been an exercise in futility. As the illicit brown sugar sprinkled on this oatmeal of horror, he’d been hauled around like a deeply shamed sack of potatoes by weight lifters.
Seiji wasn’t sure he could look anyone at Kings Row in the face right now. Any escape from their watching eyes and embarrassing congratulations was welcome.
The last time Seiji’d been in the woods, he’d gotten lost in them. Seiji headed into the trees now, hoping he could again.
Perhaps by the time he found his way back, everybody would have forgotten about the prank.
He feared not.”
― Striking Distance
“Aiden rolled his eyes. “Oh my God, there are three of them.”
“There’s only one of me,” Jesse snapped. “I’m Jesse Coste.”
He tossed his head up high. Seiji had seen other people quail when faced with half the fury currently gleaming in Jesse’s blue eyes or contained in the arrogant lift of his chin.
“Don’t flip your hair at me, freshman,” Aiden sneered back. “I’m Aiden Kane.”
Aiden shook back his own light, bright, curling hair from his face and looked down his nose at Jesse.
“Who?” Jesse asked.
“Ask some of the Exton boys,” Aiden drawled. “I don’t remember their names, but I guarantee you they’ll know mine.”
― Striking Distance
“There’s only one of me,” Jesse snapped. “I’m Jesse Coste.”
He tossed his head up high. Seiji had seen other people quail when faced with half the fury currently gleaming in Jesse’s blue eyes or contained in the arrogant lift of his chin.
“Don’t flip your hair at me, freshman,” Aiden sneered back. “I’m Aiden Kane.”
Aiden shook back his own light, bright, curling hair from his face and looked down his nose at Jesse.
“Who?” Jesse asked.
“Ask some of the Exton boys,” Aiden drawled. “I don’t remember their names, but I guarantee you they’ll know mine.”
― Striking Distance
