The False Princess Quotes

“How can you be nervous? Don't you see? We're in a library.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“He watches you, Sinda. Like you're his best treasure, only he can't think of a way to slip you into is pocket. Hasn't he-of-the-throwing-daggers been brave enough to mention it?”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“If I thought being kissed by Tyr had been what kissing was all about, I had been wrong. This kiss trampled Tyr's kiss, threw it to the ground, and danced on its grave.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“So, yes, I will marry you. Someday. If you'll have me," he said modestly.
"Of course I will, you idiot," I said with a shriek, and threw myself into his arms.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“I just want to be me—I just want to be useful and … content. I want to stop
wondering if I’ll ever feel whole and just be whole. I want to have a purpose one that I can look at without feeling like I’m less than I was.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“You can't be just a scribe, or a wizard. Nameless God," he cried, raking a hand through his hair. "I wish they had never found you, never made you think you were the princess. Nothing else, will ever be good enough, not now. You'll never be happy. You'll throw yourself into danger, take it all on yourself, just to prove that they were all wrong about you. And I just-I just-"
And without warning, he stepped on front of me, grabbed my shoulders to stop my pacing, and kissed me.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“Please ” I whispered. “Please come back.”
There was no one there to hear me.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“This was what I had now. Just this.
I had to make it enough.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“Nothing's really changed since then, except that now any children we have might be wizards themselves, and I'll be hopelessly outnumbered.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“He wouldn’t have forgotten. It might be too much the fear of losing me so much that he had withdrawn his heart to protect it.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“Little cat's paws of trepidation frolicked up my spine.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“The day they came to tell me, I was in one of the gardens with Kiernan, trying to decipher a three-hundred-year-old map of the palace grounds.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“Or maybe they weren’t changing. Maybe they were just now becoming what they had always wanted to be.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“So what should I call you now?” he said when we had our breath back. “Savior of Thorvaldor? Soon-to-Be-Master Wizard? Chief Councillor of Wise Words? My own love?”
“Sinda,” I said, without the slightest twinge of old memories, or something lost, or regret. “Just Sinda. Though I like that last one almost as much.”
Kiernan reached out and tucked a strand of escaping hair behind my ear. “I think I like Sinda best myself,” he said.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“You really told them you wanted to marry me?” I asked.
The smile had taken over his whole face now. “I told you before: I fell under your spell before you even knew you had magic, before you saved a kingdom, back when there was no chance you would be allowed to marry me. Nothing’s really changed since then, except that now any children we have might be wizards themselves, and I’ll be hopelessly outnumbered.
“So, yes, I want to marry you. Someday. If you’ll have me,” he said modestly.
“Of course I will, you idiot,” I said with a shriek, and threw myself into his arms. Some things, though, never change, regardless of how many countries you save. I tripped at the last moment, and we both went down in a laughing heap. It didn’t stop me from kissing him for so long that we both were gasping by the time it ended.
“So what should I call you now?” he said when we had our breath back. “Savior of Thorvaldor? Soon-to-Be-Master Wizard? Chief Councillor of Wise Words? My own love?”
“Sinda,” I said, without the slightest twinge of old memories, or something lost, or regret. “Just Sinda. Though I like that last one almost as much.”
Kiernan reached out and tucked a strand of escaping hair behind my ear. “I think I like Sinda best myself,” he said.
We hauled ourselves up and, still laughing, brushed grass and sticks from our clothes. Then, arms around each other, we began the walk back to Philantha’s house to tell her that her scribe had just gotten a new job and become engaged in the same afternoon. I looked back up the hill once, toward the palace, and then turned away. I would go there tomorrow, but right now, it didn’t matter. Today I only had to walk with Kiernan, to visit Philantha, to finally be just myself.
For once, for the first time, it was enough.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“You really told them you wanted to marry me?” I asked.
The smile had taken over his whole face now. “I told you before: I fell under your spell before you even knew you had magic, before you saved a kingdom, back when there was no chance you would be allowed to marry me. Nothing’s really changed since then, except that now any children we have might be wizards themselves, and I’ll be hopelessly outnumbered.
“So, yes, I want to marry you. Someday. If you’ll have me,” he said modestly.
“Of course I will, you idiot,” I said with a shriek, and threw myself into his arms.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“So I really think that your parents should let you marry me. Not right now--I have so much to do, with Mika and Philantha and the magic--but someday. Someday not too far away. I did save Thorvaldor, after all, and I expect that Mika will pay me well in exchange for my years of knowledge. She even threatened to title me--it would be just like her to want to rub everyone’s noses in my commonness. And I think that, if they have any objections, you should just--”
“Break with them?” he asked. He was trying to be serious, but one corner of his mouth kept twitching.
“Well, yes,” I admitted.
“I already did,” he said, and my mouth fell open. “Or at least, I threatened to, if they wouldn’t give me their blessing.” A thin line worked its way between his eyebrows, and his smile dimmed a little. “I think they knew it was coming, but it didn’t make my father happy. He stormed around shouting about duty, and for a while I thought I might really have to go through with it.”
The line deepened, and he glanced away from me. “That was frightening. It was my choice--is my choice--but practically it would have been…difficult. You aren’t the only person who was trained for just one thing. I don’t know if I know how to be anything but the future Earl of Rithia. I kept telling myself I could do it, become someone else if they disinherited me, but I didn’t want to break with them. I would have, but I didn’t want to.”
My heart clenched a little, seeing the glimmer of tension around his eyes.
Suddenly, the tiny grin flickered at his mouth again. “But then my father started thinking about the advantages of my marrying someone who had done the future queen such a service. After that, he was happy to give his blessing.”
I shook my head as if to clear it. I had come here asking him to do just that, but hearing it out loud seemed like something from a dream. “You really told them you wanted to marry me?” I asked.
The smile had taken over his whole face now. “I told you before: I fell under your spell before you even knew you had magic, before you saved a kingdom, back when there was no chance you would be allowed to marry me. Nothing’s really changed since then, except that now any children we have might be wizards themselves, and I’ll be hopelessly outnumbered.
“So, yes, I want to marry you. Someday. If you’ll have me,” he said modestly.
“Of course I will, you idiot,” I said with a shriek, and threw myself into his arms.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“I found him, with a little hint from Mika, in the gardens where we had met when I first came back to the city. “He goes there every day,” she had said. “Waiting.”
He was standing with his back to me, as if regarding a particularly elaborate section of flowers. But he didn’t move when I crunched across the gravel path, and I realized he wasn’t seeing the flowers at all.
Still, he didn’t jump when I tapped his shoulder and said, “I’m here.”
Kiernan turned slowly, one arm twitching like he wanted to hug me. But he didn’t move.
“I’m sorry it took so long,” I said. “But I had so much to think about, and I didn’t…I didn’t know...”
Still, he waited.
I blew out an impatient breath. “She’s made me her councillor, you know. I’m to help her learn how to be queen, be the voice whispering advice behind her throne. And then she’s going to help me open a school for magic.”
He only gazed at me, not helping in the slightest.
I jigged up and down a little where I stood, scowling at him. Once, I might have given in to the worries that had plagued me since that first kiss. That he might have loved me once, but had decided it was too much trouble. That he was too angry over the spell I cast over him to forgive me. That our stations were so different that his family would never allow us to be together. I might have faltered when faced with the doubt that nettled me as he continued to stare at me so implacably. I might have turned red and slunk away, rather than stand firm before him. Once, back when I had left my life behind without a fight. But not now. I was stronger now, braver. I had faced my worst fears, and survived them.
“So I really think that your parents should let you marry me. Not right now--I have so much to do, with Mika and Philantha and the magic--but someday. Someday not too far away. I did save Thorvaldor, after all, and I expect that Mika will pay me well in exchange for my years of knowledge. She even threatened to title me--it would be just like her to want to rub everyone’s noses in my commonness. And I think that, if they have any objections, you should just--”
“Break with them?” he asked. He was trying to be serious, but one corner of his mouth kept twitching.
“Well, yes,” I admitted.
“I already did,” he said, and my mouth fell open. “Or at least, I threatened to, if they wouldn’t give me their blessing.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“You have something else to do now.”
I shook mine back at her, perplexed. “No, I don’t.”
Mika fixed me with a look that said, for all my knowing what a princess should know, I was really and truly stupid. “He’s been waiting for you,” she said.
My heart did a tiny flip. “Kiernan?”
“Who else?” Mika snorted.
I had been thinking about him constantly; he intruded into every other thought, even my sadness over Orianne. But I hadn’t seen him, not since the coronation. Maybe I had been right, I had begun to think when he never appeared on Philantha’s doorstep: he had given up on me.
“Are you still worried about what his parents will think? You’re the princess’s chief advisor now,” Mika scolded. “You can hold your head up in any room in the country. But if you’re worried about it, I suppose I could grant you a title…”
I laughed without meaning to, shaking my head. “No, no,” I said. And then, more seriously: “I don’t think I’m worried about that anymore. I saved the country, didn’t I? Surely that counts for something.” But then, doubt crept in again. “But he hasn’t come,” I said plaintively.
Mika put a hand on the gate, as if she would leave, but then she turned and sighed. “He’s letting you make up your own mind, because that’s the only way you’ll ever really let him in. This time,” she said, “you’re going to have to go to him.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“You have something else to do now.”
I shook mine back at her, perplexed. “No, I don’t.”
Mika fixed me with a look that said, for all my knowing what a princess should know, I was really and truly stupid. “He’s been waiting for you,” she said.
My heart did a tiny flip. “Kiernan?”
“Who else?” Mika snorted.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“He loves you. It’s plain for anyone to see. He came after you, didn’t he? Admitted he was wrong to abandon you?”
I shrugged. “We’ve been friends since I was born, or almost.”
“He doesn’t look at you like he thinks you’re just his friend.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I insisted. The doubts that Melaina had stirred up, that I had had so long to contemplate in her cell, flared inside me again. “What can come of him loving me? He’s still an earl’s son and I’m…a scribe girl. His family would never let him marry me. They were lining up girls at court for him to pick through before we left. Girls with titles and land…noble girls. It doesn’t make any difference if he loves me. We can’t be together.”
Mika pushed herself back as she blew a breath upward to stir the hair on her forehead. “What makes you think he’ll ask their permission?”
I gaped at her. Kiernan, not marry who his family wanted? It wasn’t done, not in the noble families of Thorvaldor. You married to create ties to other nobles, to strengthen your family’s position. Sometimes you got love as well, but that was just luck thrown into the bargain.
“And you. You’re willing to fight an impossible battle to get me on the throne, but you won’t fight for him?”
“I never said that,” I said, stung. “I just--” But I could go no further, because just then I heard the jingle of horse tack, and then Kiernan rode into view.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“He watches you, Sinda. Like you’re his best treasure, only he can’t think of a way to slip you into his pocket. Hasn’t he-of-the-throwing-daggers been brave enough to mention it?”
“He did, once,” I said. “Right after Melaina sent a storm to try to kill me. He didn’t want me to go look for you. He was scared--well, scared I’d get caught, or hurt. I told him I had to try, and I put a spell on him to keep him from betraying our secret. He kissed me, and then he left. Then the king got sick, and I came looking for you.” I leaned my head back against the barn’s side. “So everything’s…strange, now. And he hasn’t…he hasn’t said anything about it since he found me…” I trailed off, biting my lip. I had spent so much time worrying about how to tell him he couldn’t love me anymore, but it hadn’t escaped my notice that he hadn’t mentioned the subject since finding me. Maybe the things I had worried about in Melaina’s cell were true. Maybe I had hurt him too much, using that spell against him. Maybe he had come after me only because we were friends, because he felt guilty about letting me go off alone.
“He hasn’t said anything,” Mika repeated flatly. “While we’ve been racing across the countryside with Melaina’s guards behind us or in front of us, and me sleeping an arm’s length from the both of you each night.” She shook her head in disgust. “For a girl who’s supposedly got all this learning, you can be sort of stupid, Sinda.”
“Excuse me?” I said stiffly.
Mika leaned forward until her face was close to mine, and then she said, slowly, as you would to a child, “He loves you. It’s plain for anyone to see. He came after you, didn’t he? Admitted he was wrong to abandon you?”
I shrugged. “We’ve been friends since I was born, or almost.”
“He doesn’t look at you like he thinks you’re just his friend.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“Don’t worry about him,” Mika said after we had been waiting a time. She sprawled on the ground, her back against the side of the hay barn. The horses stood tiredly in its shadow, neither inclined to wander off. “He’ll get the lay of the land and then he’ll come back.”
I picked at a piece of grass, slitting it with my nail. “I can’t help it. I think that, if we live through this, I’ll sleep for two years, just so I don’t have to worry anymore.”
Mika’s dark eyes glimmered in the dim light. “For two years, hmm? And whose bed’ll you pick to sleep away two years in?”
My cheeks went hot. She had sharp eyes, I realized, a way of noticing things while you thought she was paying attention to something else. Good qualities, for a queen. “It’s not like that,” I mumbled.
Mika arched her eyebrows. “Why not? He watches you, Sinda. Like you’re his best treasure, only he can’t think of a way to slip you into his pocket. Hasn’t he-of-the-throwing-daggers been brave enough to mention it?”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“It had been different when I was the princess. Then I had looked at his flirtations with other girls and at least told myself that his heart lay there. It had been easy to think that, even though he always returned to me after every infatuation, he wanted only my friendship. And he must have held it in, kept his true feelings to himself, knowing that I would never have been allowed to marry a minor lord of Rithia, no matter what his parents might hope. I would marry for political reasons; we had both known that. There had been no reason to acknowledge that we could ever be anything more than friends. But still, it had been a thin façade, one that I could have seen through, if I had wanted to.
And when I was no longer the princess? Had I known? If I really looked, had I known? Yes, I had to admit, I had. But it was like knowing that you need air to breathe or water when you’re thirsty. Something I knew, but without ever thinking about it, without even really considering it. I had held Kiernan’s heart for so long that I had forgotten I had it, tucked away beneath my own.
So, yes, I had known. Hadn’t his face inserted itself between Tyr and me, no matter how I tried to forget it? Hadn’t I felt somehow guilty when I’d kissed Tyr, as if I were betraying Kiernan? And hadn’t he come looking for me in Treb, hadn’t he been with me every day he could since I returned to the city? I had told Philantha otherwise, but hadn’t I felt strange with him for weeks, awkward, knowing somewhere inside me that things between us were changing?
Or maybe they weren’t changing. Maybe they were just now becoming what they had always wanted to be.
What I wanted them to be.
Because I did. I had felt it in that one kiss, how things could be. And I wanted it. Oh, how I wanted it.
But I had thrown it all away, by putting that spell on Kiernan against his will, by keeping him from doing what he thought he must do to protect me. I had seen the look of shock on his face when I used my magic on him. I didn’t know how he would be able to forgive me, after that.
I had destroyed my chance at happiness with the one person who had always understood me.
All to save the kingdom that had abandoned me, or maybe just to prove to myself that I was worth something.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“I love you, Sinda,” he said, not shakily but with certainty. “I have for--oh, years--before I even knew that I did. I loved you when you were the princess, and I love you now. I just want you to be happy. And I want you to be safe. I don’t care if you’re the Queen of Thorvaldor or a pig keeper in Mossfeld.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“You can’t be just a scribe, or a wizard. Nameless God,” he cried, raking a hand through his hair. “I wish they had never found you, never made you think you were the princess. Nothing else will ever be good enough, not now. You’ll never be happy. You’ll throw yourself into danger, take it all on yourself, just to prove that they were all wrong about you. And I just--I just--”
And without warning, he stepped in front of me, grabbed my shoulders to stop my pacing, and kissed me.
If I thought being kissed by Tyr had been what kissing was all about, I had been wrong. This kiss trampled Tyr’s kiss, threw it to the ground, and danced on its grave. It was like being kissed by sunlight, or joy. Kiernan’s arms wrapped around me, holding me so tight that I thought his hands might leave impressions on my back. But his lips were gentle, moving with mine as if they had done it for years, warm and soft. Little tingles of pleasure licked through my body, from my lips to my toes. I felt my own arms snake up around Kiernan’s neck, and I thought I might drown in sensation.
And then there was coldness as air swept between our bodies. Kiernan gave me one last graze of a kiss, and pulled away. I gasped, like a drowning woman who has just had the air snatched away from her by the waves.
“I love you, Sinda,” he said, not shakily but with certainty. “I have for--oh, years--before I even knew that I did. I loved you when you were the princess, and I love you now. I just want you to be happy. And I want you to be safe. I don’t care if you’re the Queen of Thorvaldor or a pig keeper in Mossfeld.” He brushed a hand down the side of my face, his thumb running over my lips.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“How could he say this? How could he think that I could just walk away from this? “It matters! If we don’t find her, if then all of it--my life--” My voice broke. I could hardly breathe; my lungs felt too small to draw the air I needed.
But Kiernan had curled his lips up and closed his eyes. “That’s what it really comes down to, doesn’t it? That’s why we can’t tell. This isn’t about having enough proof, or even about Philantha getting hurt. You have to find her yourself. This isn’t just about the country, or the throne. This is about you proving that you’re not nobody. If you can’t be the princess, you’ll be the savior of the princess.”
Another feeling of being kicked, but this one hit harder, right in a place I had been trying to shield. “No,” I whispered, but it came out low.
“You can’t be just a scribe, or a wizard. Nameless God,” he cried, raking a hand through his hair. “I wish they had never found you, never made you think you were the princess. Nothing else will ever be good enough, not now. You’ll never be happy. You’ll throw yourself into danger, take it all on yourself, just to prove that they were all wrong about you. And I just--I just--”
And without warning, he stepped in front of me, grabbed my shoulders to stop my pacing, and kissed me.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“Please, call me Melaina, and I will call you Sinda. Though I have to say, I did not expect to see you roaming the palace again.” Her gaze flicked to Kiernan behind me. “But I can see that even the maneuvering of kings and wizards were not enough to keep you from your friends.”
“Yes,” I said in what I hoped was a light voice, though it sounded more strangled to me. “There’s very little that could keep me away from Kiernan.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“Still,” I continued, “we don’t have to worry about that until we find the princess. And to do that, I think we need to know if it’s Neomar or Melaina we’re dealing with. She said that she wished her family had been able to attend her investiture. So maybe she’s related to one of them.”
“But how can we find that out, without walking up to them and asking, ‘So, your sister wasn’t the oracle who betrayed Thorvaldor, was she?’ I think, maybe, that might make them suspicious.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess

“I’d feel a lot better about this if that spell had worked,” Kiernan hissed.
“Don’t tell me that I’m going to have to drag you along,” I whispered back. “This is a real adventure, Kiernan. Just think, if we manage to get out of all this without being killed or imprisoned, you’ll have such stories to tell the ladies at court.”
“Are you sure that this isn’t blasphemy? We’re going to desecrate the grave of the Nameless God’s chosen ones.”
“We aren’t going to desecrate it,” I insisted. “We’re just going to look around it. And besides, since when have you worried about blasphemy?”
He snorted, but softly. “Let’s go, then.”
― Eilis O'Neal, The False Princess