Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso Quotes

“Pasamos la noche hablando y bebiendo hasta que en un momento me dijo: "Joder, ¿pero el amor no es lo que nos salva, tía? ¿El amor no es lo único que nos salva?!" Y sí, claro. Pero el amor no es eso: el amor somos nosotras. El amor éramos ella y yo pasando la noche en vela para acompañarla en su tristeza como ella me ha acompañado en todas las mías. El amor es esa incondicionalidad, ese apoyo, ese cariño en lo mejor y en lo peor, ese poder reírnos de ese follón, esa certeza íntima de que dos semanas más tarde yo estaría llorando en el suelo de su cocina y ella iba a estar allí. Y estuvo. Ese es el amor que nos salva y ese es el amor que no vemos, el que consideramos menos amor que otros, al que no damos la importancia que merece y sin el que no podríamos salir adelante en este mundo de mierda. Ese amor.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“Arrancar el amor de las garras del amor romántico no es sacarle emoción a las cosas: es salvarnos definitivamente de las violencias en nombre del amor. Es pensar a qué tipo de estructuras y comportamientos atribuimos intensidad y cuáles no. Es ver la autosugestión a la que nos sometemos constantemente y qué servidumbres tiene.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“Una red efectiva es aquello que, cuando andas por la cuerda floja y caes, evita que te mates. Literalmente. Es aquel lugar esponjoso que amortigua la caída al vacío, que se come el golpe contigo, que atenúa el derrumbe haciendo de las piedras, plumas. Que te permite resoplar, levantarte, sacudirte el polvo enganchado a la ropa, y seguir. Sin sangre irrecuperable, sin fracturas inviables, sin vísceras deterioradas para siempre.

En esta parte del libro quiero dar cuenta de los nudos que he aprendido a hacer para tejer una red afectiva. Ningún nudo es un invento así salido de la nada, sino casi una sorpresa que hemos ido encontrando por el camino, a partir de intuiciones, de no fliparnos con ideas marcianas sino de aterrizar las cosas, respirar hondo, meterle mucho humor y mucha ironía al asunto, e ir haciendo entre todas. Ir andando. Y de seguir el consejo que le daba Lola Flores a su hija Lolita: «tira para adelante, pero cuando estés al borde del precipicio mira hacia abajo y retrocede tres pasos». Tira para adelante, pero antes de caerse o de tirar a alguien por el precipicio, tres pasitos para atrás. Desde ahí hablo. Por si en alguna playa, en algún puerto, alguien recoge esta botella y le es de utilidad, aunque solo sea para llenarla de ron.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“[...] un mantra del mundo poliamoroso dice que «hay que aprender a estar sola». Yo no quiero aprender a estar sola, quiero aprender a vivir en relación, en relaciones. Estar sola no significa vivir sin pareja: estar sola es ser esa niña que espera aterrorizada la llegada de su padre, consciente de que, si tiene un mal día, nadie la salvará. Estar sola es enfrentar la certeza de que tu padre te va a matar mientras el entorno mira hacia otro lado, mientras murmura que dos no se pelean si uno no quiere. Esa indefensión es estar sola. Y esa yo ya la aprendí. Por eso sigo viva, porque aprendí a vivir con ella y a salvarme. No quiero aprenderla más: quiero desaprenderla, quiero quitármela de encima, quiero arrancarme a jirones la piel impregnada de esa soledad.

Creo que toda mi vida poliamorosa ha girado alrededor de eso: de crear un mundo en el que ya no estoy indefensa ni amenazada, de saber que ni el deseo hacia otra persona me dejará en la soledad de las palizas, rodeada de gente que no sabe ni quiere pararlas. Y saber que incluso si alguien no quiere seguir a mi lado, no me traicionará. Me dejará queriéndome con la misma ternura que sentía por mí el día anterior a dejarme.

Pero claro, crear el mundo imaginario no basta. El mundo hay que habitar y una de sus habitantes soy yo y son todas las demás. Y todas somos esas grietas también.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“Books are born from guts, from the need of writing them, and are read in the same way, in the angst to read them, from a primite need.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“Para pensar, sin embargo, que no podemos sobrevivir solas debemos creer que «estar solas» existe, que es posible estar sola más allá de creerse sola, que es posible una existencia individual e individualizada respecto a las demás existencias.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“Se pueden tener encuentros sexuales no romantizantes y cuidadosos, bonitos. Se pueden echar polvos en un lavabo con una desconocida y que sean cuidadosos y bonitos. Todo eso existe si lo hacemos existir. Si seguimos el patrón capitalista de solo «invertir» cuidados en relaciones que queremos a medio plazo estamos contribuyendo al desastre de la mercantilización de los deseos. Romantizar un encuentro de lavabo también es una forma de mercantilización, en este caso de los afectos, porque estás contribuyendo a unas expectativas que no has decidido si vas a sostener, y que posiblemente no sostengas.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“The times of literature defy time because, for it, time is a minor invention.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“El terror poliamoroso no va de explosiones, sino de implosionar. De recordarnos constantemente que nos han domesticado dividiéndonos, ensimismándonos, enamorándonos de un nosotros que se alimenta del odio a lo exterior, a un exterior aleatorio construido solo en función de ese miedo. Evitar la tentación constante de creernos mejores porque sí, por definición, de creernos en posesión de las verdades únicas y últimas, del núcleo deseado y jerárquico, de dejar de arrancarnos los ojos, las entrañas, las cabezas y las tripas y ponernos juntas a construir.

El terror poliamoroso no va de aterrorizarnos. Va de dejar al Imperio sin súbditos.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“El amor es la gran idealización contemporánea. El amor a lo Shakira y Piqué, tan limpios, tan felices, tan guapos, tan todo. El amor nos salvará, el amor es lo mejor del ser humano. Sí, digo sí a todo esto. Pero de lo que estamos hablando en estas páginas no es de amor, sino de otra cosa. Porque confundimos el amor con esa especie de naufragio continuo que ni siquiera es un naufragio compartido, ni siquiera es un naufragio a dos, sino el hundimiento entre varios náufragos que intentan salvar se ahogando al otro con él. Hasta que aparezca un nuevo palo al que agarrarse.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“When in 2012 Brazil decided to apply the logic of reciprocity to the issuance of visas to enter its territory, Europeans were shocked. What does this mean—that you need a notarized invitation to stay with friends? And what is this about having to demonstrate sufficient funds to cover your expenses According to the hierarchical logic, Europeans are in the position to demand these conditions for visitors, but the rest of the world is not.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“Exclusive” designates something that affects a certain group and leaves others out. …

The mark of differentiation never ceases to be paradoxical in a cultural context with serious difficulties in accepting difference, but the difference that confers exclusivity is not about being different; it is about being better.

Thus, exclusive things are those that are most expensive (the more expensive, the more exclusive) and rare (and, in the logic of the market, more expensive because they are rare). Exclusivity refers to "I do and you don't," and even to "I do because you don't.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“Commitments are important in relationships because they give them a framework of security: they describe the borders of the relationship.

Limits, as negatively as they are seen … are what provide shape to any question, what define it. Borders, however, are not essential but circumstantial, and to the extent that they are circumstantial, they are changeable.

This changeability, when you are in a relationship, should be agreed to within the relationship: not outside of it, not unilaterally, and not afterwards.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“Even with its propaganda apparatus, monogamy has not accomplished the consolidation of sexual exclusivity in practice, only its image and paraphernalia: the sex-love-fidelity triangle and the idea that sex outside the legitimate nucleus (the couple) is an anomaly. The purely carnal desire … the desire to fuck without anything more, is seen as a form of reification that cannot involve caring if it is not romanticized, while having sex with multiple people, as well as having it without ascending to the heights of romantic love, is a reprehensible offense.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“There are innumerable creatures who change sex (sex!) according to the needs of the community, transforming their bodies from female to male and vice versa; there are males that conceive, females that fertilize themselves, and an immense variety of unclassifiable beings that [by] our standards are neither male, nor female, nor anything—or everything all at once.

It could be more interesting to ask ourselves about sexual consistency than the naturalness of its exclusivity.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“The debate about the hypothetical naturalness of social forms is always about reinforcing the status quo; it is always a hegemonic argument, resistant to change. …

The argument about naturalness is a deactivating trap that avoids settling the debate; it never situates the time and place of the pre-natural state we are supposed to be paying attention to. Does natural mean that the majority of animals do it? The majority of mammals? The majority of human societies? Where do we situate the natural, and for what purpose?”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“The monogamous bond is about identity: its logic is not "we are in" a couple but "we are" a couple. …

This bond has a permanent character because it aspires to permanence, and because it is experienced for the moment as permanent, although the present reality demonstrates to us time and again that such permanent love is rare.

It is rare not only because love dies, but also because we live … in that liquidity where everything is ephemeral, where everything is present.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“The ultimate obsession of this monogamous system in which we love and fuck is belonging, and consequently permanence.

Is it possible that with everything we are (so modern, so post, so trans, so queer, so everything that we can't be anything anymore), we are still trapped in the fear of losing consciousness, in the panic at insignificance, at fleetingness?

… Infinitely trapped in the fear of the finite or infinitely captured by the illusion of the finite.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“We are the ones who make the biological family the only one that endures, by not allowing ourselves to see other possibilities and make them real.

If this system persists, and is so difficult in practice for us to dismantle, it is because clearly and in spite of everything else, it provides us with a refuge, with identities that shelter us from an indisputably harsh environment.

There is a fine line, however, between a shelter and a prison, and in the field of identities, the balance usually tips in favor of perverse solutions … exclusionary, closed in upon themselves, and articulated by fear and punishment.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“Even when the nuclear family is a cauldron of violence—something that appears to be remarkably common, given the amount of therapy devoted entirely to resolving family-based trauma, or the number of unhappy tweets that circulate before family reunions around the holidays—it has, in its presence or even in its absence, an extraordinary power to mark our lives, because, at bottom, we have no alternatives.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“The reproductive form that legitimates the monogamous … does not refer to the reproduction of the species, but to the survival, reproduction, and longevity of the self (concrete or as a member of a group, the self or the I/we). … Even when “what is mine” is that of a group, the “we” by definition never includes everyone.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“When we think about [dismantling monogamy] … what is really important is to be able to see which parts we want to dismantle (and in what order) and which we can accept, which are necessary, which are superfluous, which contribute to violence, and which do not.

[Monogamy is dismantled] by constructing relationships in a different way, relationships that allow us to fuck more and fall in love simultaneously with more people, but without anyone getting broken along the way.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“Monogamy does include love of other people as long as it is not carnally materialized, in flesh, and stays within the sphere of the platonic. What defines monogamy, then, is not exclusivity, but the importance of the partner with respect to lovers and to other lovers.

Sexual exclusivity serves as a hierarchical mark … a symbolic commitment, the payment made to acquire that legitimacy: I will not go to bed with anyone else, but in return, our relationship will be superior to the others, and you and I will have a privileged relationship, with an array of privileges on many levels and with extensive tolerance, individual and social, for the violence connected with those privileges.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“One of the things that has struck me is that never, not even once, has anyone said anything positive about Pepi's position. Never. Pepi is the incarnation of the deceived woman, the abandoned woman. … We don't have the imagination for a happy Pepi or for seeing in a positive light that she could be in love with someone who is also in love with another person.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“Language is an instrument, and as such should be wrung out, expanded, transformed, and reinvented in every line. Language is not impoverished by this transformation; it is impoverished by stagnation. Language, as much as it pains the academies of languages, belongs to us, the people who use it.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“The debate about the masculine gender as grammatically neutral belongs to a dying world without a future—a world that dies by killing, but that dies nonetheless. If it is masculine, it is not neutral—it is masculine. If it has been used for centuries as generic, that is not because of a linguistic pact, but for the simple reason that the world about which narrations were preserved was, literally, masculine.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“Agreements are made among people, circumstances, and concrete experiences so that these ideas are, precisely, livable. Ideas are not agreed to; they are fed, enriched, contradicted, fallen in love with, and contaminated. … But ideas are not born already agreed upon.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“El Pensamiento Monógamo debe ser desactivado en lo personal y en lo político, en lo privado y en lo grupal para poder, efectivamente, construir espacios de vida cooperativos y no confrontacionales que generen mundos realmente distintos y no simplemente el mismo mundo de siempre con distinto nombre”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“La monogamia no es una práctica: es un sistema, una forma de pensamiento. Es una superestructura que determina aquello que denominamos "nuestra vida privada", nuestras prácticas sexo-afectivas, nuestras relaciones amorosas. El sistema monógamo dictamina cómo, cuándo, a quién, y de qué manera amar y desear, y también qué circunstancias son motivo de tristeza, cuáles de rabia, qué nos duele y qué no.”
― Brigitte Vasallo, Pensamiento monógamo, terror poliamoroso

“Jillian Deri —ella misma queer, poliamorosa e investigadora en la Academia—, en su libro Love’s Refraction,(”
― Brigitte Vasallo, El desafío poliamoroso: Por una nueva política de los afectos