A Very Funny Murder Mystery Quotes

“Get moving to lifts. And no talk to anyone.’ Clinton huffed in annoyance. ‘I’m British, born and bred. I never talk to people in lifts. So you have nothing to worry about on that score.”
― Paul Mathews, A Very Funny Murder Mystery

“I’ve lost my thread. What was I saying before that?’ Her tone was flat. ‘Marriage leads to murder.’ ‘Ah, yes. You know, the local vicar always advises against including “till death do us part” in the marriage vows, just in case there’s a killer in the congregation who sees it as a personal challenge”
― Paul Mathews, A Very Funny Murder Mystery

“Day trip somewhere? Salisbury Cathedral, perhaps? I hear it has a rather impressive 123-metre spire. And a very old clock. Lots of Russians come over to see it, apparently.”
― Paul Mathews, A Very Funny Murder Mystery

“Trump’s on the case.’ ‘That’s wonderful news, Mr Trill. Because, if I may offer a personal opinion in the strictest of confidence, Mr Trump isn’t the sharpest tool in the box.’ ‘No, Morty. In fact, I don’t even think he’s in the box.”
― Paul Mathews, A Very Funny Murder Mystery

“What’s your next production?’ ‘Murder at Dress Rehearsal. It’s a one-act play by somebody called Paul Mathews.’ ‘Never heard of him.’ ‘Neither had I. But he wrote to me practically begging the Goosing Players to perform his play. I checked out his publicity photo. He’s shaven-headed but seems to have good teeth so I gracefully agreed. He was so grateful, he promised to come along to one of our rehearsals.”
― Paul Mathews, A Very Funny Murder Mystery

“I understand, inspector.’ She turned away. ‘But I do rather enjoy your company.’ ‘So do I.’ Her gasps were back. ‘You do?’ ‘Yes. That’s why I never married.’ The gasps were gone again. ‘Ah. You mean you enjoy your own company.’ ‘Absolutely love it. And my faithful felines, Clouseau and Columbo, ensure I never run out of intelligent conversation.”
― Paul Mathews, A Very Funny Murder Mystery

“But this detective only has an appetite for one thing, Lady Peculiar. Getting to the bottom of Jepson’s death. And my gut instinct tells me this could be murder.’ Her nostrils flared. ‘Really, inspector? What leads you to that hasty conclusion?’ ‘I’ve no idea whatsoever. My gut never reveals its sources. But it’s rarely been proved wrong.”
― Paul Mathews, A Very Funny Murder Mystery