Man Hands Quotes

“She hums. And when she lifts her gaze to look me in the eye, it’s a challenge not to humiliate myself.I wind her hair around my hand and quietly convert carpentry fractions into decimals. Three eighths is .375. Five eighths is…
She gives a good, hard suck.
“POINT SIX TWO FIVE!” I bellow.
Her mouth makes a popping sound as she releases me. “Come again?”
“I’m trying not to,” I gasp.”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“Maybe it’s just that this woman is the answer to a wish I hadn’t known I’d made.”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“Explain your type again.” Ash says. “Let’s define the problem.”
I squint my eyes, because everyone knows that makes you smarter. I didn’t know I had a type, but when I look back at my few exes over the years… yeah, there seems to be a pattern. “Frail-looking, vegetarian or gluten free, intellectual, ironic, good hygiene.”
Sadie and Ash just look at me for a beat. “Thank God we’re helping you.” Ash says. “I mean, what the fuck? Why didn’t we notice this before?”
Sadie is nodding.
Ash says, “so we just need to find someone who’s huge, a carnivore, doesn’t talk, smells manly and… what’s the opposite of ironic?”
“I have no idea. Let’s simplify it. We’re looking for a man, instead of what you’ve been attracted to.”
“What have I been attracted to?”
“Gwyneth Paltrow I’m pretty sure. And every time I see her on TV, I just want to kick her.”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“I don’t care that I’ve lost my mind, because I’ve found my vagina.”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“Tom! There’s a TV screen embedded in the mirror. Just in case you really need to poop during those final minutes of the big game.” I giggle.”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“pão de queijo.”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“Over my ten years as a host for Mr. Fixit Quick, I’ve had my share of crazy moments. You’d think I’d learn that when a body in motion comes charging toward me, I’d have the sense to maybe step out of the way. But noooooo. Nope. No. I brace myself like I’m back in high school, and I’m a defensive back. I see her coming, and I’m like, “Fuck yeah. I’ve got this, coach.”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“Tom’s Dick Yes! What he said! Come to papa! Last one in is a… Ahhhhhh. Right…there. Finally.”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“I AM GOING TO MAKE SWEET LOVE TO MY WOMAN FOR HOURS, my dick shouts. Sweet love? Huh. Then I nod, and then my face is in her cleavage and my tongue and my hands are doing things, and my dick is so happy he’s humming. Or vibrating. Whatever. Sir Fixit Dick is excited.”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“I feel something, and I think I’ll call it a ghost erection. Man, am I hung! And I arch a little more.”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“He had an ugly penis.”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“Not bigger! my dick protests. Have you seen me?”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“you have a really nice sex face. My sex face looks like I just farted.”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“He kisses me again or I kiss him and then we part, letting our hands slowly drift apart as violins swell and the scene fades to gray then black. Sorry. I got a little melodramatic there. Actually, he kisses me, squeezes my ass and says “I’ll call ya.” “Okay,” I say and then hold in a burp. Because that’s real-life romance.”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“I try to analyze the peculiar warmth and throbbing in my vagina. Is it attraction or a urinary tract infection?”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“He has the manliest hands I’ve ever come into contact with, and I instantly have an orgasm.”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“What bullshit were you saying? I was ignoring you.”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands

“One adventure after another. Awkward, ridiculous, and beautiful all at once.”
― Sarina Bowen, Man Hands