Dirty Exes Quotes

“I made a gagging motion, shifted on my feet, then texted again.

Me: Seriously! Trapped! And your dick can't be the sick of that python on your arm because that would mean you actually impale women on a daily basis!

Colin: Just call me Dracula

I frowned.

Colin: Get it? The Impaler?

Me: Look at that, Basement Dweller can joke. He's got jokes. Meanwhile I'm going to starve to death in this pantry!

Colin: You mean, around all that food?”
― Rachel Van Dyken, Dirty Exes

“Olivia couldn't keep her eyes off Colin. All I wanted to do was throw myself around him and shout at her, "Yeah, that's right! This ones taken. You even sneak to him, I'll break your nose!”
― Rachel Van Dyken, Dirty Exes

“I love you." He finally said. "Love me back?"

"You're easy to love." I whispered on the cusp of another wave of pleasure. "You have it.”
― Rachel Van Dyken, Dirty Exes

“I took a deep breath and counted to seven so I wouldn’t rip his head off. Seven was a safe number, three wasn’t long enough, and ten just made people think you were senile and having a mild stroke.”
― Rachel Van Dyken, Dirty Exes

“Life’s scary, Blaire. It’s not fair. Shit happens. You deal with it, you make choices, don’t sit on the bleachers because you’re afraid you’re going to strike out. Better to at least swing and miss than sit and let the game finish without you.”
― Rachel Van Dyken, Dirty Exes

“Ever been arrested?" Bill leaned forward, his expression impossible to read.

Yes, actually. But it wasn't my fault. "No, sir!" Was it Sir? Lord? Lady? I shouldn't have done the accent! Fantastic!

He pulled out a small, black folder and an ink pad from the front pocket of his pants. "I'll just need your prints here and here, so we can do a background check. The questionnaire is pretty straight forward."

I had a sudden vision of getting found out and my escape including dodging bullets and trees, while narrowly making it through a crack in the shrubs, only to get hit by a car.

I started the slow process of inking my fingers and pressing them to the paper with Bill's help. They stuck, then came up. I was going to prison. That's where honesty got me! Prison!”
― Rachel Van Dyken, Dirty Exes

“I dropped the bomb. "I'm a PI."

Colin burst out laughing and when my silence said it all, he choked out. "Oh! Shit! You're serious?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, counted like I always when I was stressed, and said, "Yes. Dead serious. His wife is having him investigated and i'm meeting with her in a few hours and I have no dirt on him! I need more info than what I currently have, which is that he hates cats and danced like the Beebs!"

"The man has hips."

"Right!?"

"Your lack of focus is extremely disappointing. He can dance. So what?" Colin sounded like he was yawning.”
― Rachel Van Dyken, Dirty Exes