Nobody Cares Quotes

“What are you watching? Is it comforting? I don’t have the bandwidth to give a fuck about anything not comforting to me most of the time. I know that’s “uncultured,” but also I don’t care because who are you, person challenging me? I want to watch Veep before bed because it makes me laugh, and I want to watch true crime documentaries, and I want to watch British actors in terrific costumes battling through emotions they weren’t even aware they had. That’s all. I’m tired. Find your comforting shit. Build your mental fort and hang out there.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“Being jealous does nothing. It turns you into a person who’s unable to feel genuine happiness, and tarnishes every accomplishment when it’s used to measure your sense of worth on a made-up scale. You hear about a friend’s promotion (in an industry that probably isn’t yours) and feel like you will never venture past your existing achievements. You hear someone from high school is getting married and assume that you never will. You discover the guy you worked retail with in 2006 has a new apartment, and you sit wherever you happen to live and actively resent the space you loved five minutes ago. And feelings like will always come up; it’s just up to you to say “fuck off.”

So, while I’d like to say you should just decide not to be jealous, and that we’re all in this together so let’s remember that and be best friends, I know that isn’t realistic because jealousy is immune to reason and logic…If I feel myself slipping into a jealousy wormhole when I see someone else shining, I remember that to gauge my self-worth based on someone else’s accomplishments is a one-way ticket to bitterness.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“Maybe my addictive tendencies weren't limited to my zest for things I could drink. Like maybe (I learned while working with my therapist) I had broader issues with control and addiction and using substances to dial down my anxiety. And maybe self-medication is a real dangerous way of trying to quiet the noise of a mental health disorder. And maybe alcoholism also runs in the family.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“Death is an asshole. Regardless of illness or circumstance or gut feelings, you are never ready to accept never seeing someone again, to have nothing left but last conversations and memories. You are never ready to be left with how sick somebody looked, or the way they stood up and hugged you despite how dizzy and feverish they were. You are never ready to exist without a person you loved and still need. Death is a constant, but you are never ready…

But while it’s scary and awful and exhausting and terrible, it’s also comforting to have accepted that death will always be there and will always rip out your heart. It doesn’t get easy, and it will find surprising new ways of debilitating you. But what does get simpler is your awareness of it – the reminder that you have gotten through it before, and you will get through it again, and it will never, ever be as bad as it is in the moment you are battling through. It will never hurt the way it did when you found out, and the ache will never be as painful as when you realize those were your last words to them. It won’t be as painful forever…

So, no, we can’t control death. But we can control how we breathe, how we act, the type of work we do. We can control what we say yes or no to, control who we choose to surround ourselves with, control the way we make the people we love feel. We can decide to be kind, to try our best, and to be honest. Those are the things that outlive us. When we’re faced with the harshness of how quickly someone can be taken away, we also see how we’ll likely be remembered: as human beings who are far more than the successes and failures we tend to define ourselves by. After we’re dead, we just get to be people.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“At some point, even the coolest, hippest, prettiest, hottest, richest, most together, all-powerful people have needed to take Imodium, all while desperately trying to keep their shit together. Sometimes literally, sometimes not.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“But I haven’t forgotten my misplaced anger either, so I also have to remember to shut the fuck up and listen sometimes. Because if I’m this angry as a white, hetero, cis, thin, able-bodied woman (Polly Pocket: Privilege), I can only imagine how angry women at the intersections of other forms of oppression are. Which means I need to connect to a larger community and movement, to let my voice be one of many, to be a voice that sometimes just amplifies other people’s. Turns out this is great, though – because the only thing better than one angry woman is an army of them.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“So a guy who actively took pride in treating me terribly? I was up for the challenge. I could be a good enough woman to change for. I could prove I was worthy of someone realizing I deserved respect and kindness and, one day, if I worked hard enough, love.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“Before talking to my mom about how out of control I felt, I'd spent the night crying alone in the park I grew up going to, chain smoking, because the guy that I liked hadn't texted me back. And even amidst my tears and Camels and repeated utterings of "I'm going to die alone," I knew I looked fucking crazy. I knew if the guy could see me reacting this way, he'd block my number. But I still couldn't stop, and that's what scared me.

My emotions had become all-encompassing. Like the night I'd given my landlord notice, I couldn't see or feel anything other than the most extreme version of the worst-case scenario. Because here's the thing: in those polarizing moments of ups or downs, what you're feeling in that moment can't be reasoned with or told to slow down, let alone stop. I looked across the park at the swings my friends and I used to hang out on and wondered what the fuck was wrong with me. Why couldn't I feel the way I used to, once upon a time? I wanted to feel invincible the way I sometimes did -- or better yet, I wanted no feeling at all.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“Compared to his experience, I wasn't an alcoholic -- he'd seen a real rinker, and I didn't look anything like that.

But the older I got, the more complicated my habit became. I started to drink to fall asleep, to feel confident, to write. I began to drink well -- I learned how to make sure nobody ever really knew I'd been drinking at all. I drank to feel included, and I drank if it was offered. I drank to break the ice; I drank to spark real talk. I drank to hit on boys, and I drank to justify kissing them. Drinking could open a strange gateway to vulnerability.

I drank because it gave me the illusion of control. I drank to justify intentional fuckery, knowing I could always circumvent real accountability by blaming it on too much of whatever I'd had the night before. I drank because I could escape from my anxiety and my worries and my hang-ups and everything that held me back.

And I drank because I liked it.

Because that's the thing: I liked it. Drinking was my favorite pastime and my costume. For a few solid hours, I got to convince myself (and everybody I met) that I was really much better than my actual self -- a shiny, full-color version.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“This failure was new. It existed despite my best effort -- despite rallying like a motherfucker to prove how smart and capable I was. This failure was one I should've felt proud of since I'd given it my all, but it felt like a failure of self. I felt like a failure. I cried the whole way home.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“The thing about having a personal revelation is that, when you're high on the momentum of figuring your shit out, it's easy to decide that anyone who disagrees with you is wrong. And the thing about that is that it's the best way to become the most insufferable version of yourself.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“Everything may feel like (and may actually be) the worst, but if it's going to get better, we need each and every one of us in fighting form.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“Do you have boundaries? Bask in those boundaries. Fuck saying yes to things you don't want to do. Oh my Lord, you do not have the time for that. Can I tell you what makes me anxious on top of my existing anxiousness? Thinking, 'Shit, now I have to go to [THIS THING I WOULD RATHER SLIP INTO A COMA THAN ATTEND].' And you know what? No. Nope! No thanks. No one is ever cooler or more successful because they went to that one party at that girl they hate's house that one time. They are usually just annoyed they didn't make dinner plans with a friend they actually like.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“I am always happiest when I love things. And when you begin to stop listening to pretentious blowhards, it's amazing what you make room to care about. So say what you want - I can't hear anyone over my Best of Britney Spears mix anyway.”
― Anne T Donahue, Nobody Cares: Essays

“With age, I've come to embrace who I am. In my case, I am a person with a fantastic capacity for setting boundaries. More than I love saying yes, I love saying no. I love rescheduling. I love cancelling and being cancelled on. I take delight in declining Facebook event invitations. I love going to an uncool family chain restaurant with a best friend and talking shit for three hours, blissfully aware we will see nobody we know. I love not knowing what cool bands are playing at a music festival I don't care about and will never go to. Ultimately, I love not doing shit I hate. Freedom.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“I’ve stopped going to parties I never wanted to attend in the first place.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares: Essays

“Nana’s funeral was packed wall-to-wall. And I cried hard and dramatically, completely unable to keep it together despite having known for the better part of a year that she was going to die. Death was the worst, and I hated the way it reminded me of how out of control I was.

But the older I go, the more death became a constant. Friends lost loved ones, my family lost friends, and my dad and mom put our family cat down after 17 years.

With every death, I taught myself to emote a little bit less, pushing the acknowledgment of loss down as far as I could, desperate for a sense of control over the uncontrollable.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“Keep your eyes on your own paper. It’s hard when so-and-so is doing the thing you want to do. And it’s worse when you realize you are rooting for them to fail because you’re jealous. Jealousy is a terrible feeling. Jealousy is how we morph into the worst, most petty versions of ourselves (and inevitably why we end up owing a few apologies).

Never have I gone down the rabbit hole of creeping on somebody’s work or life or Instagram and come away feeling good…But it happens, and we’re human, and it’s easy to think that if you can chart out someone else’s trajectory to the top, you’ll learn what it takes to be them – or beat them. Every time I’ve acted out of jealousy, I’ve told myself it was an act of control or reclamation. And every time after the fact, I’ve felt spectacularly unhinged and out of control.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“I don’t trust a person who hasn’t failed. Failing makes you strong and resilient and wise and interesting. Perfect people don’t exist, and the ones who aspire to be perfect are boring. Failing is how you grow. It’s how you change and learn that you can resurrect yourself, how you learn to apologize, reconsider, and reject a life of self-pity. I have failed at retail work, school, finances, family, friendships, relationships, fashion, and driving my car…I have learned that I don’t know anything, and that I will never know everything, and that I will likely keep on failing.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“If you want to write, make art, start a band, bake? Things that don’t seem like a big deal until you sit down and suddenly feel intimidated? You’ll be fine. The only person putting pressure on you is you. Why would starting a newsletter or baking a cake or learning “Wonderwall” on guitar be anything other than a thing you tried? Last year, I tried to make something I saw on The Great British Baking Show, and I used too much butter and the oven caught on fire and smoke was pouring out of the stove and I had to call my dad, who put baking soda in the oven. And now I’m telling you about it here, so look: it’s okay. Pick up the guitar and learn the fucking chords. Just don’t bust it out in the middle of a party, or I will call the police.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“You and your anger are needed. You and your anger are valuable. You and your anger will be the fire that burns it all down.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“You favor the part of yourself you need to be at any one time, and you let the others hang back while you figure our shit out. None of us have just one facet.

Sometimes I still struggle to reconcile who I am now with the persons I was. But I also know not to worry, since whoever I am right now is exactly who I need to be.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“Instead of using artists as barometers of cool, I began to see them for what they were: sources of joy, ways to connect, both reflections of our culture and a means of shaping it. And I finally saw music itself as a gateway to discussions about politics and social justice and gender and sexuality, among other things.

We might all have our own tastes, but music should be something that unites people out of shared excitement, not out of douche, insecure clique mentalities or holier-than-thou hierarchical nonsense. Music didn’t sign up for any of that shit. (And I’m sure it would very much like to be removed from that narrative.)”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“The thing about stress is that it will kill you. Most of us know this because we're human adults with a basic understanding of how health works. But during the winter of 2012, I believed that I was immune to stress; that whatever was happening to me was some kind of endurance test that I'd obviously ace -- despite having no real plan or income or access to vitamins.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“As a grown-ass woman, I think people who work hard are cool. I think someone who gives a shit about other people is rad. I think being able to hang out with a friend you trust and genuinely like and eat a ton of junk food with while actively avoiding a gallery opening for an acquaintance you don't like is a dream.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“Nothing in this world bonds people together like collectively hating a thing that everybody else seems to love. The majority of my adult friendships formed over the realization that we dislike the same people or the same scene or the same trend, and the rest have been forged through detesting everything else. So in the celebration of freedom through disdain, here is a starter list of things I hate. Feel free to hate them too.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“Nobody cares about your bullshit when there's an actual tragedy or a life on the line. Shut up, stop speaking, and don't make it about you. Most things -- 99% of things -- are not about you, and when another person is combating trauma they're especially not.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“So just tell your friends the truth. Tell them you're angry, sad, annoyed, hurt, tired, anxious; that you'd rather eat poison than go to a birthday party at a fucking nightclub again, and that you'll just take them out for dinner instead.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“Lessons are learned by acknowledging the grossest and cruelest parts of ourselves.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares

“Like most of us, I often assume that I am perfect. I tell myself I am the greatest friend in the world, that I have never done anything wrong, and that any person who interacts with me is blessed and lucky and being smiled down upon by whatever higher power they believe in.
And then, after a few moments of beautiful delusion, I convince myself that my friends will all soon realize that I'm not as great as they thought I was, and my next birthday party will consist of them telling me why we'll never speak again. (this is why I'll never have a birthday party.) Which isn't a totally unfounded fear. While I know even the best and longest friendships have peaks and valleys, I have lived that valley life hard. My long journeys to the bottom would justify "accidentally" deleting this chapter in lieu of trying to put a positive spin on all the friendship lessons I've learned, bless us, every one.”
― Anne T. Donahue, Nobody Cares