How to Be a Perfect Christian Quotes

“Doctrine? Is that some kind of Pokémon?' - Joel Osteen”
― The Babylon Bee, How to Be a Perfect Christian: Your Comprehensive Guide to Flawless Spiritual Living

“You want to be a perfect Christian, and that is a noble goal indeed. But the first things first. It's impossible to get to the maximum level of holiness if you're currently attending a church that is focused on the wrong things, namely, on anything other than you.”
― The Babylon Bee, How to Be a Perfect Christian: Your Comprehensive Guide to Flawless Spiritual Living

“A spiritual gift is a unique blend of supernaturally bestowed talents and passions granted to everyone who believes in Jesus. For instance, Moses had the spiritual gift of getting really mad and breaking stuff. Samson had the spiritual gift of growing a really dope beard. And Peter had the spiritual gift of saying the exact wrong thing at the exact wrong time.”
― The Babylon Bee, How to Be a Perfect Christian: Your Comprehensive Guide to Flawless Spiritual Living

“Perfect Christians never miss an opportunity to judge other Christians on matters of conscience, and dropping some scathing remarks about their movie collection is a moment God prepared before the creation of the world for you to get a leg up on those spiritual failures.”
― The Babylon Bee, How to Be a Perfect Christian: Your Comprehensive Guide to Flawless Spiritual Living

“The small group is an ingenious invention, first introduced by Martin Luther during the Protestant Reformation. According to legend, the great reformer asked four or five people from his oikos if they’d hang out, drink some beer, and listen to his wild-eyed rants about peasants and the pope and stuff from seven to nine every Friday night. Thus the very first small group was born.”
― The Babylon Bee, How to Be a Perfect Christian: Your Comprehensive Guide to Flawless Spiritual Living