The Nerdiest, Wimpiest, Dorkiest I Funny Ever Quotes

“the Maori people of New Zealand have long practiced a type of tattooing known as ta moko, which is traditionally done with chisels.”
― James Patterson, The Nerdiest, Wimpiest, Dorkiest I Funny Ever

“what you call a blind rabbit sitting on your face? An unsightly facial hare.”
― James Patterson, The Nerdiest, Wimpiest, Dorkiest I Funny Ever

“Today at the hotel, Benji farted in the elevator. It was wrong on so many levels.”
― James Patterson, The Nerdiest, Wimpiest, Dorkiest I Funny Ever

“The doctors save the handsome man’s life, but he loses one eye. Before a nice glass one can be fitted, they give him a temporary wooden eye. The man becomes very depressed and sits at home, moping around. Eventually his friends come over and drag him out to a disco to try and cheer him up. One of his friends suggests he talk to a cute girl who’s all alone. ‘No, she’ll never go for a man with a wooden eye,’ he says. ‘Okay,’ says his friend, ‘how about that girl over there? She has a really big nose. Maybe she’ll dance with you.’ The man summons up all his courage, walks over to the girl, and says, ‘Would you like to dance?’ The girl gets all excited. ‘Would I?! Would I?!’ she says. To which the man responds ‘Big nose! Big nose!”
― James Patterson, The Nerdiest, Wimpiest, Dorkiest I Funny Ever

“I know a rancher,” says Grace. “When he was in his field with his cows, he counted one hundred and ninety-six. But when he rounded them up, he had two hundred.”
― James Patterson, The Nerdiest, Wimpiest, Dorkiest I Funny Ever

“what you would get if you ran a mime over with a steamroller? A silent film.”
― James Patterson, The Nerdiest, Wimpiest, Dorkiest I Funny Ever

“Man, that hits the spot.”
― James Patterson, The Nerdiest, Wimpiest, Dorkiest I Funny Ever

“What did the leopard say after eating its trainer?”
― James Patterson, The Nerdiest, Wimpiest, Dorkiest I Funny Ever

“He even finds a photo of Vasily riding horses with President Vladimir Putin. Neither one has their shirt on.”
― James Patterson, The Nerdiest, Wimpiest, Dorkiest I Funny Ever