Sexy Motherpucker Quotes

“Why are you laughing? I am your sexy boyfriend. You told me last night. You said I was the sexiest boyfriend you’ve ever had and you couldn’t wait to ride me like a pony.”
― Lili Valente, Sexy Motherpucker

“I’m so embarrassed.” He chuckles. “Don’t be. You were cute. You snuggled against my shoulder while I was carrying you and told me that I was the nicest grizzly bear you’d ever met and that you loved honey, too. And caramel. And that you would share your candy stash with me as soon as we found it. All in all, it was a pretty sweet way to end a date.”
― Lili Valente, Sexy Motherpucker

“Laura: Ew. So gross. I don’t want to hear about you and Justin getting it on, Elizabeth. I’ve known him since we were twelve. I watched him pick his nose and wipe it on his desk in sixth grade. He’s basically a disgusting, goober dork. And no amount of muscle, handsomeness, fame, skill, or two-hundred-dollar jeans can change that.”
― Lili Valente, Sexy Motherpucker

“How could you have a serious conversation with me when I look like this?” His smile softens. “You look like that because you were making my little girl happy.” Well, shit…”
― Lili Valente, Sexy Motherpucker

“You look beautiful.”

I shift my gaze slowly to my right and find him watching me with that intensity in his eyes again, making it clear he isn’t kidding. “Well…thank you. You’re not too bad to look at, either.”

He smiles as he shifts closer. “No? Not too bad?”

I shrug. “Nah. I mean, I don’t throw up in my mouth when I see you coming down the tunnel all sweaty and gross anymore.”

He laughs, his eyes doing this amazing sparkling thing that is completely mesmerizing, holding me in thrall as he brushes my hair over my shoulder. “Well, that’s good. I don’t like tripping a woman’s gag reflex.”
― Lili Valente, Sexy Motherpucker