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Hot Cop Quotes
Hot Cop
by
Laurelin Paige9,423 ratings, 3.99 average rating, 1,220 reviews
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Hot Cop Quotes
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“You added the feeding pillow to the list?” he asks as we turn down the nursing aisle.
“I told you I did.” I look down at the iPad though to make sure I really did. (I did.)
When I look up again, he’s holding up the two pumps from a double electric breast pump on display to his chest. “Please, please, please can we get these?”
I roll my eyes. “Oh my God. Are you twelve?” I don’t mention his second slip of the word “we.”
“This is like having a video game on your chest.” He pretends to shoot the pumps in my direction.
I snatch one out of his hand. “Yeah, that’s exactly what it’s like.”
“I’d never leave my house.” He’s examining the remaining pump, as if trying to figure out how he could make one of his own.
“You’d never leave the house if you had breasts, period.” I grab the second one from him and return it to the shelf.
He stands over my shoulder to look at the screen of the registry iPad. “Put it on the list. Put it on. Put. It. On.”
Shaking my head, I add it to the list.”
― Hot Cop
“I told you I did.” I look down at the iPad though to make sure I really did. (I did.)
When I look up again, he’s holding up the two pumps from a double electric breast pump on display to his chest. “Please, please, please can we get these?”
I roll my eyes. “Oh my God. Are you twelve?” I don’t mention his second slip of the word “we.”
“This is like having a video game on your chest.” He pretends to shoot the pumps in my direction.
I snatch one out of his hand. “Yeah, that’s exactly what it’s like.”
“I’d never leave my house.” He’s examining the remaining pump, as if trying to figure out how he could make one of his own.
“You’d never leave the house if you had breasts, period.” I grab the second one from him and return it to the shelf.
He stands over my shoulder to look at the screen of the registry iPad. “Put it on the list. Put it on. Put. It. On.”
Shaking my head, I add it to the list.”
― Hot Cop
“You know those sci-fi stories about aliens taking over people’s bodies and turning them into crazy creatures who go around killing everyone? I’m convinced they’re based on women’s first pregnancies.”
“That’s...terrific.”
― Hot Cop
“That’s...terrific.”
― Hot Cop
“ “You have Hydra sperm. Captain America would hate your sperm.” Whoa. “Now, let’s not say things we’re going to regret in the heat of the moment.”
― Hot Cop
― Hot Cop
“The baby bean with its strong heartbeat disappears and reappears on the screen, like a picture coming in and out of focus. But the third time it happens, there’s something else on the screen too, next to our baby bean. In fact, it looks like nothing more than a second baby bean, suspended upside down in Livia’s belly, thinking little, silent baby bean thoughts.”
― Hot Cop
― Hot Cop
“He scratches his mustache. “Thirty is when you stop producing human growth hormone, you know. And your DNA telomeres start degrading. It’s when the body starts dying.”
“Exactly!” Livia says from behind me.
“I’m not dying!” I protest for the millionth time in the last two months. “And neither are you, Liv.”
“We’re kind of dying, though,” she says.
In front of me, Bud nods in agreement.
“Take your vitamins,” he adds, with a touch of sternness, “and then you won’t die so fast.”
I have something like a Vietnam flashback to all the vitamins Bud’s fed me over the years. And they weren’t the fun Flintstones ones either. “I’ll be sure to do that”
― Hot Cop
“Exactly!” Livia says from behind me.
“I’m not dying!” I protest for the millionth time in the last two months. “And neither are you, Liv.”
“We’re kind of dying, though,” she says.
In front of me, Bud nods in agreement.
“Take your vitamins,” he adds, with a touch of sternness, “and then you won’t die so fast.”
I have something like a Vietnam flashback to all the vitamins Bud’s fed me over the years. And they weren’t the fun Flintstones ones either. “I’ll be sure to do that”
― Hot Cop
“Her eyes meet mine, and I don’t think I’m imagining the shine to her eyes, but it’s kind of hard to tell because my own eyes are burning, probably just allergies or the gusty air conditioning or—
Ah, fuck it. Yes, I’m crying.”
― Hot Cop
Ah, fuck it. Yes, I’m crying.”
― Hot Cop
“So, based on that, we’d say you’re seven weeks one day along.”
I mentally pull up my calendar app in my head. “I’ve kept accurate records. I should be just shy of seven weeks.”
“Our measurements might be off, but it’s also likely that you ovulated earlier than you thought you did.”
I look at Chase. “The patrol car.”
“Seriously?” He lowers his voice though the room is small enough the tech can probably hear him anyway. “Neighborhood Hot Cop knocked you up?”
I giggle again at the name of the game we’d played that night. “Yep. Neighborhood Hot Cop knocked me up.”
― Hot Cop
I mentally pull up my calendar app in my head. “I’ve kept accurate records. I should be just shy of seven weeks.”
“Our measurements might be off, but it’s also likely that you ovulated earlier than you thought you did.”
I look at Chase. “The patrol car.”
“Seriously?” He lowers his voice though the room is small enough the tech can probably hear him anyway. “Neighborhood Hot Cop knocked you up?”
I giggle again at the name of the game we’d played that night. “Yep. Neighborhood Hot Cop knocked me up.”
― Hot Cop
“How long has it been, kitten? How long is ‘a little while’?”
“Um, just some time.”
I give her jaw a little nip, not hard, just enough to send a shudder through her. “How long?” I repeat.
“Two,” she whispers.
“Two weeks?”
“No.”
I frown, pulling away. “Two months?”
She draws herself up and meets my eyes with an expression I can’t read. “It’s been two years.”
My mind goes blank; her words don’t make any sense to me, don’t compute. Two years without sex? Seven hundred and thirty days? Seven hundred and thirty and a half days, scientifically speaking?”
― Hot Cop
“Um, just some time.”
I give her jaw a little nip, not hard, just enough to send a shudder through her. “How long?” I repeat.
“Two,” she whispers.
“Two weeks?”
“No.”
I frown, pulling away. “Two months?”
She draws herself up and meets my eyes with an expression I can’t read. “It’s been two years.”
My mind goes blank; her words don’t make any sense to me, don’t compute. Two years without sex? Seven hundred and thirty days? Seven hundred and thirty and a half days, scientifically speaking?”
― Hot Cop
“Hey kitten. We talked about meeting up more than once during your fertile window—would tonight work?
There. Businesslike, friendly, all about the baby.
But I can’t help but add, I still haven’t forgotten that you owe me ;) and I press send before I can think too much about whether it’s a dick thing to say or not. But hey, she seemed into it last night, and I am still very into the idea of sliding into her sweet, wet mouth.
My phone buzzes a second later. Yes. We should meet again tonight...and maybe it will be more efficient if we meet at my place? I’ve decided you probably aren’t a serial killer.
I smile to myself as I walk out of the station, typing to her as I walk. Maybe we can move past the wall she threw up between us last night after all. Definitely not a serial killer. Promise.
Sounds like something a serial killer would say.
How can I convince you? Other than being a police officer, related to one of your closest friends, and the potential father to your child, I mean.
Bring delivery food with you. I’ll be just getting off work, and the food you choose will tell me whether you’re a killer or not.
10-4, kitten.
I’m full-on grinning as I walk out to my car now. ”
― Hot Cop
There. Businesslike, friendly, all about the baby.
But I can’t help but add, I still haven’t forgotten that you owe me ;) and I press send before I can think too much about whether it’s a dick thing to say or not. But hey, she seemed into it last night, and I am still very into the idea of sliding into her sweet, wet mouth.
My phone buzzes a second later. Yes. We should meet again tonight...and maybe it will be more efficient if we meet at my place? I’ve decided you probably aren’t a serial killer.
I smile to myself as I walk out of the station, typing to her as I walk. Maybe we can move past the wall she threw up between us last night after all. Definitely not a serial killer. Promise.
Sounds like something a serial killer would say.
How can I convince you? Other than being a police officer, related to one of your closest friends, and the potential father to your child, I mean.
Bring delivery food with you. I’ll be just getting off work, and the food you choose will tell me whether you’re a killer or not.
10-4, kitten.
I’m full-on grinning as I walk out to my car now. ”
― Hot Cop
“You don’t want to hear it?” I say, taking a step forward so that she’s pinned against the shelves. “Fine. You can feel it.”
― Hot Cop
― Hot Cop
“This sure as hell better not be a game he plays with other women, because this is our game, dammit. I’ve decided.”
― Hot Cop
― Hot Cop
“No.”
“Come on,” I beg playfully. “Let’s go get one.”
She shakes her head firmly. “There’s no point in taking one at night, it needs to be the morning because—”
“—hCG levels are highest in the morning, I know.”
She narrows her eyes. “You know about hCG?”
“The pregnancy hormone? Megan’s been pregnant twice, Liv. You know how unafraid she is of body talk. I picked up a thing or two.” I don’t mention to Livia that I’ve been steadily reading my way through every pregnancy book the library owns, since maybe that seems a little over-committed to the whole process.
Or creepy. You know, one or the other.”
― Hot Cop
“Come on,” I beg playfully. “Let’s go get one.”
She shakes her head firmly. “There’s no point in taking one at night, it needs to be the morning because—”
“—hCG levels are highest in the morning, I know.”
She narrows her eyes. “You know about hCG?”
“The pregnancy hormone? Megan’s been pregnant twice, Liv. You know how unafraid she is of body talk. I picked up a thing or two.” I don’t mention to Livia that I’ve been steadily reading my way through every pregnancy book the library owns, since maybe that seems a little over-committed to the whole process.
Or creepy. You know, one or the other.”
― Hot Cop
“Bisceglia Pharmacy is a tiny, dusty relic tucked into a dying strip mall on the other side of the Kansas-Missouri state line. I see Liv’s doubt as we pull up to the pharmacy and there’s a dog chained up out front gnawing industriously on an old shoe.
“Uh,” she says, stepping over the dog, who doesn’t stop his chewing to look up, “is this like...a licensed pharmacy?”
“We’re in Missouri now, princess. This is what shit looks like here.”
Liv shoots me a look as we walk through the door—which is propped open with a rabbit-eared television set—and into the dimly lit pharmacy. “You know, it’s not nice to be geographically snobby.”
“I lived on the Missouri side of Kansas City until Mom died,” I tell her. “So I feel a little entitled to some trash talk. Also this place was my first job. So I’m double entitled”
― Hot Cop
“Uh,” she says, stepping over the dog, who doesn’t stop his chewing to look up, “is this like...a licensed pharmacy?”
“We’re in Missouri now, princess. This is what shit looks like here.”
Liv shoots me a look as we walk through the door—which is propped open with a rabbit-eared television set—and into the dimly lit pharmacy. “You know, it’s not nice to be geographically snobby.”
“I lived on the Missouri side of Kansas City until Mom died,” I tell her. “So I feel a little entitled to some trash talk. Also this place was my first job. So I’m double entitled”
― Hot Cop
“How many drinks have you had today, Livia?”
She shakes her head. “Nuh-uh. This is not about me being a tiny, miniscule amount of tipsy.” Her normally precise voice stumbles over the word miniscule. “This is about you lying about your super sperm!”
Well. Everyone is certainly staring at us now.
I take Liv’s elbow and guide her into a corner of the room, deciding that sober Liv probably wouldn’t want to rant about sperm in front of a room of strangers.
Once we get into the corner, Liv yanks her elbow out of my grasp with the unflappable dignity of the drunk. “You said you had super sperm,” she continues in a whispered hiss. “And you don’t. You have the opposite of super sperm! You have unsuper sperm, you have microsperm, you have…”
Her eyes glance around as she tries to think of something especially cutting. They land on my arm, where my tattoo peeks out from under my sleeve. “You have Hydra sperm. Captain America would hate your sperm.”
Whoa.
“Now, let’s not say things we’re going to regret in the heat of the moment.”
She growls again.
“And baby, you barely know my body at all if you think my sperm is unsuper, micro, Hydra sperm.”
“I do know your body, and I know about your giant, awesome cock—”
“Okay, well maybe you know my body a little bit—”
“—and you were supposed to get me pregnant and you didn’t.” Her eyes get glossy and her chin has the faintest tremble in it. And for some reason, seeing her chin quiver is like being punched in the chest. I can’t stand it.
I’m already pulling her into my arms when she manages in a teary whisper, “I got my period this morning. I’m not pregnant.”
― Hot Cop
She shakes her head. “Nuh-uh. This is not about me being a tiny, miniscule amount of tipsy.” Her normally precise voice stumbles over the word miniscule. “This is about you lying about your super sperm!”
Well. Everyone is certainly staring at us now.
I take Liv’s elbow and guide her into a corner of the room, deciding that sober Liv probably wouldn’t want to rant about sperm in front of a room of strangers.
Once we get into the corner, Liv yanks her elbow out of my grasp with the unflappable dignity of the drunk. “You said you had super sperm,” she continues in a whispered hiss. “And you don’t. You have the opposite of super sperm! You have unsuper sperm, you have microsperm, you have…”
Her eyes glance around as she tries to think of something especially cutting. They land on my arm, where my tattoo peeks out from under my sleeve. “You have Hydra sperm. Captain America would hate your sperm.”
Whoa.
“Now, let’s not say things we’re going to regret in the heat of the moment.”
She growls again.
“And baby, you barely know my body at all if you think my sperm is unsuper, micro, Hydra sperm.”
“I do know your body, and I know about your giant, awesome cock—”
“Okay, well maybe you know my body a little bit—”
“—and you were supposed to get me pregnant and you didn’t.” Her eyes get glossy and her chin has the faintest tremble in it. And for some reason, seeing her chin quiver is like being punched in the chest. I can’t stand it.
I’m already pulling her into my arms when she manages in a teary whisper, “I got my period this morning. I’m not pregnant.”
― Hot Cop
“I don’t know how to feel about it, and I don’t like things I don’t know, so mostly I’m just trying to ignore it. Compartmentalize. I’m good at that shit.”
― Hot Cop
― Hot Cop
“It’s a librarian, down at Corinth,” I tell my supervisor, clicking my phone off again. “She works with my sister.”
“A librarian,” Gutierrez repeats, as if I just told her I’ve been sleeping with an alien. “You...and a librarian?”
I give her my best frown, even popping up my sunglasses so she can see my mock-hurt eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing,” she says, grabbing her keys and climbing out of the car. I get out of the car too, and we walk toward the front door of the academy. “Just that normally you seemed to go for the women more like you.”
“More like me?”
“Do you really want me to elaborate?”
I open the door for her and then follow her inside the depressingly bland building. “Is it going to be mean?”
“Kelly, face it. You’re the stereotype of a bachelor cop, and the women you sleep with are the stereotypes of women who like bachelor cops. I just don’t want you to wreak havoc on some poor woman’s life because you’re bored or you’re dying—”
“I’m not dying!” I protest.
She flips her sunglasses up to the top of her head and squints at me. “You’re over thirty, aren’t you?”
“If one more person says that—”
“Just don’t be a dick, okay? Especially to some sweet librarian. They deserve better than that. Now if you want to go ruin the life of someone down at the post office, be my guest. You know the last time I had to mail a blood kit up to Topeka, they actually refused to—”
― Hot Cop
“A librarian,” Gutierrez repeats, as if I just told her I’ve been sleeping with an alien. “You...and a librarian?”
I give her my best frown, even popping up my sunglasses so she can see my mock-hurt eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing,” she says, grabbing her keys and climbing out of the car. I get out of the car too, and we walk toward the front door of the academy. “Just that normally you seemed to go for the women more like you.”
“More like me?”
“Do you really want me to elaborate?”
I open the door for her and then follow her inside the depressingly bland building. “Is it going to be mean?”
“Kelly, face it. You’re the stereotype of a bachelor cop, and the women you sleep with are the stereotypes of women who like bachelor cops. I just don’t want you to wreak havoc on some poor woman’s life because you’re bored or you’re dying—”
“I’m not dying!” I protest.
She flips her sunglasses up to the top of her head and squints at me. “You’re over thirty, aren’t you?”
“If one more person says that—”
“Just don’t be a dick, okay? Especially to some sweet librarian. They deserve better than that. Now if you want to go ruin the life of someone down at the post office, be my guest. You know the last time I had to mail a blood kit up to Topeka, they actually refused to—”
― Hot Cop
“Did you ever bring girls back here?” I ask, broaching dangerous territory. I’m thinking dangerous thoughts. Having dangerous fantasies. Wanting dangerous things.
“Never,” he says earnestly.
“Yeah, I don’t believe you.” I cross over to his DVD case by the door, pretending to be curious about what he liked to watch when he was a teenager—and I am—but really, I just need to have some space from him before I let this crazy twitterpated feeling get the best of me.
But Chase follows me. “I’m dead serious. Pop has a shotgun. He was always threatening to shoot my dick off if I knocked a girl up. Scared the shit out of me.”
I laugh nervously, keeping my eyes on the movies. “And here you are trying to knock a girl up now. You must have gotten over your fear.”
“Pop has arthritis. He’d have too much trouble loading the gun.” There’s a soft thud of a door closing, and I look up to see that he has shut us in. “And I have always regretted the lack of action this room has seen.”
― Hot Cop
“Never,” he says earnestly.
“Yeah, I don’t believe you.” I cross over to his DVD case by the door, pretending to be curious about what he liked to watch when he was a teenager—and I am—but really, I just need to have some space from him before I let this crazy twitterpated feeling get the best of me.
But Chase follows me. “I’m dead serious. Pop has a shotgun. He was always threatening to shoot my dick off if I knocked a girl up. Scared the shit out of me.”
I laugh nervously, keeping my eyes on the movies. “And here you are trying to knock a girl up now. You must have gotten over your fear.”
“Pop has arthritis. He’d have too much trouble loading the gun.” There’s a soft thud of a door closing, and I look up to see that he has shut us in. “And I have always regretted the lack of action this room has seen.”
― Hot Cop
“Megan resumes darting her eyes back and forth between me and my sperm donor.
“So,” she says after several seconds pass in silence. “Is someone going to fill me in?”
“There’s nothing to fill,” I say, then blush because I’m a bad liar and because Chase has been filling me quite well.
Apparently, he’s also turned me into a pervert.
Megan narrows her eyes. “Are the two of you…?”
“No!” Chase and I say at once. Like that’s not obvious.
“I’m helping Pop with his computer,” I say in a rush, eager to make this situation seem anything other than what it is. Though, at this point, I’m not sure what it is. This morning’s activities have had nothing at all to do with our contractual agreement.
“Ah. I see.” Megan doesn’t seem convinced, but she turns to her grandfather anyway, and says, “I told you Phil would help you with that, Pop.”
“She’s nicer than Phil,” Pop says, nodding in my direction. “She’s prettier than him, too.” He winks as though he knows he’s part of a cover-up.
And because I’ve completely fallen for this old man, I wink back.”
― Hot Cop
“So,” she says after several seconds pass in silence. “Is someone going to fill me in?”
“There’s nothing to fill,” I say, then blush because I’m a bad liar and because Chase has been filling me quite well.
Apparently, he’s also turned me into a pervert.
Megan narrows her eyes. “Are the two of you…?”
“No!” Chase and I say at once. Like that’s not obvious.
“I’m helping Pop with his computer,” I say in a rush, eager to make this situation seem anything other than what it is. Though, at this point, I’m not sure what it is. This morning’s activities have had nothing at all to do with our contractual agreement.
“Ah. I see.” Megan doesn’t seem convinced, but she turns to her grandfather anyway, and says, “I told you Phil would help you with that, Pop.”
“She’s nicer than Phil,” Pop says, nodding in my direction. “She’s prettier than him, too.” He winks as though he knows he’s part of a cover-up.
And because I’ve completely fallen for this old man, I wink back.”
― Hot Cop
“I close the book and text Livia back.
Okay, Fern Woman. I’ll meet you at 8. Then I add, Are you super sure about the Nite’s Inn?
She responds right away. I’ll see you then, and I’m very sure. I’m doing this on a public servant’s budget! And it’s close to a Steak’n Shake, so you know it’s in a good neighborhood.
...Liv. Kitten. They found a body in that Steak’n Shake’s dumpster last year.
One body and all of a sudden it’s a ‘bad’ place. You are so judgey! I, for one, won’t be scared away by that one tiny thing. I like to see the best in places.
My radio goes off in my ear—a senior is causing a disturbance at a nursing home and they need all available units to respond. With a rueful smile to myself at my idealistic little librarian, I send her a final message and then climb out of my car.
See you tonight, Livvy-girl. Don’t get thrown into a dumpster before I get there.
Even though I was mostly joking about the Murder Steak’n Shake, I get to the Nite’s Inn half an hour early so that I can be extra sure she’s not in the parking lot alone”
― Hot Cop
Okay, Fern Woman. I’ll meet you at 8. Then I add, Are you super sure about the Nite’s Inn?
She responds right away. I’ll see you then, and I’m very sure. I’m doing this on a public servant’s budget! And it’s close to a Steak’n Shake, so you know it’s in a good neighborhood.
...Liv. Kitten. They found a body in that Steak’n Shake’s dumpster last year.
One body and all of a sudden it’s a ‘bad’ place. You are so judgey! I, for one, won’t be scared away by that one tiny thing. I like to see the best in places.
My radio goes off in my ear—a senior is causing a disturbance at a nursing home and they need all available units to respond. With a rueful smile to myself at my idealistic little librarian, I send her a final message and then climb out of my car.
See you tonight, Livvy-girl. Don’t get thrown into a dumpster before I get there.
Even though I was mostly joking about the Murder Steak’n Shake, I get to the Nite’s Inn half an hour early so that I can be extra sure she’s not in the parking lot alone”
― Hot Cop
“Pop takes a sip of coffee and puts it next to his iPad mini, which is only used for mah jong and some game called Ant Smasher. Then he folds his knobbled hands over his belly and levels a cut-the-bullshit stare at me. I call it the Vietnam look. It’s a look that says, I was in a fucking war...you think you can pull one over on me?”
― Hot Cop
― Hot Cop
“With my jaw set, I take a deep breath and force a smile. “Can I help you with something?” I have no idea why my voice sounds as high as it does. Or why my heart is beating as fast as it is. Or how his cheekbones can be as perfect as they are.
“You can, actually,” he says, his eyes twinkling.
Aw, Christ on a cupcake, he knows how to twinkle. I let out a string of curse words in my head, including a bunch that I’ve made up on the spot that are specifically related to how amazingly Chase Kelly fills a pair of jeans.”
― Hot Cop
“You can, actually,” he says, his eyes twinkling.
Aw, Christ on a cupcake, he knows how to twinkle. I let out a string of curse words in my head, including a bunch that I’ve made up on the spot that are specifically related to how amazingly Chase Kelly fills a pair of jeans.”
― Hot Cop
