Power Quotes

“If you think you're going to have a thoughtful discussion with someone who is toxic, be prepared for epic mindfuckery rather than conversational mindfulness. Malignant narcissists and sociopaths use word salad, circular conversations, ad hominem arguments, projection and gas lighting to disorient you and get you off track should you ever disagree with them or challenge them in any way. They do this in order to discredit, confuse and frustrate you, distract you from the main problem and make you feel guilty for being a human being with actual thoughts and feelings that might differ from their own. In their eyes, you are the problem if you happen to exist.”
― Shahida Arabi, Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse

“Covert manipulators are quite gifted at provocation. As they learn more about you, they are investigating your weak spots and catering their comments towards what they know will hurt you the most. Knowing you’re triggered by their comments gives them a sadistic sense of satisfaction that alleviates their secret sense of inferiority and strokes their delusions of grandeur, control and aptitude. Having control over your emotions also gives them the power to effectively manipulate you and convince you that you don’t deserve any better.”
― Shahida Arabi, Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse

“the same time, a relationship with a narcissist is also a cataclysmic rude awakening into the fact that people are rarely who they portray themselves to be. It’s knowledge. It’s experience. It’s insight and wisdom—perhaps the kind you wish you didn’t have. Sometimes, it’s even social capital—enabling you to navigate even more intelligently and with more discernment than ever before. You’re wide-eyed and vigilant. You see what other people don’t see. You learn about boundaries and your values. You recognize the value of authentic people, those rare breeds who wear their hearts on their sleeve and bleed integrity instead of exploit that quality in others. It doesn’t have to be a “waste of time” to have been through this experience—even while validating how painful it is and the fact that no one should ever have to go through it. When you’ve been through something horrific like this, at the very least you are owed the fruits of its wisdom and the drive it provides you to kick some serious ass.”
― Shahida Arabi, Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse

“Once someone has been traumatized again and again by someone who claimed to love them, once an abuser has warped the victim's reality and caused him or her to mistrust their perceptions through gaslighting, once a victim has been made to believe he or she is worthless, they are already traumatically bonded to their abusers. It takes a great deal of professional support, validation and resources in order for victims to detach from their abusers and begin to heal.”
― Shahida Arabi, Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse

“Genuinely nice people rarely have to persistently show off their positive qualities—they exude their warmth more than they talk about it and they know that actions speak volumes more than mere words. They know that trust and respect is a two-way street that requires reciprocity, not repetition.”
― Shahida Arabi, Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse

“Imagine that your deepest desires are signals from the future version of yourself who knows you were meant to manifest them. These were cravings leading you to the destiny you were always meant to fulfill. To manifest your dreams, visualize that your future self is the one that already has this desire and can't wait for you to experience it. Your future self is calling out to you to birth your desires into existence and embody your highest self. Reframe that desire as evidence that you are meant to have it and already do in another plane of existence. Use this to motivate you toward your highest "timeline.”
― Shahida Arabi MA, Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse

“Is it limerence or love? It’s important to note that in limerence, the addiction to this other person is often heightened by the fantasy, not the reality, of who they are and the nature of the relationship. Love and limerence overlap in that the more “challenging” the potential partner seems to obtain, the more alluring and rewarding that person may inevitably become to you. Love activates reward centers of the brain, creating a euphoric dopamine high that is extremely difficult to detox from, especially in unpredictable relationships. If you think you’re suffering from limerence or obsession, assess why you feel so drawn to this person and what they represent. Often we aren’t obsessed with this person, but rather what they mean to us. Perhaps they represent a new beginning after a breakup or the fulfillment of deep unmet needs in childhood. Maybe they’re an easier route to cope with our emotional unavailability than, say, actually dealing with the root of our emotional unavailability. Having a fantasy relationship, after all, is often times a lot more of an alluring prospect than having to deal with the actual struggles of modern dating or relationships.”
― Shahida Arabi MA, Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse

“Stop outsourcing your emotional fulfillment to a man exhibiting hot and cold behavior. The most powerful women in the dating world know that committing to a relationship is a liability, not an automatic benefit. They know choosing the wrong partner means wasting their time building up a toxic man only for him to go cosplay emotional maturity for someone else. Women with emotional mastery invest in themselves and don’t overexplain their high standards. They speak with their actions and detach.”
― Shahida Arabi, MA, Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse

“Toxic love and limerence overlap in that the more "challenging" the potential partner seems to obtain, the more alluring that person may inevitably become to you. Love activates reward centers of the brain, creating a euphoric dopamine high that is extremely difficult to detox from, and in adversity-ridden relationships, dopamine tends to flow more readily in the brain when the rewards aren't as predictable such as in a toxic relationship. Psychologists have discovered that the brains of people in love resemble the brains of cocaine addicts especially in chaotic relationships. This is why you may experience a deep withdrawal effect when the object of your affection is not around or when they've withdrawn from you. Often we aren't obsessed with this person, but rather what they represent and mean to us.”
― Shahida Arabi MA, Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse

“Narcissists and toxic people reveal their envy when they copy you, study you, scapegoat you, attempt to provoke you, minimize you, and compete with you in a one-sided competition.”
― Shahida Arabi, MA, Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse

“Sometimes you encounter toxic people because you're meant to be a cosmic karmic bounty hunter of sorts-enacting justice especially in situations with predators who always evaded it. Sometimes you are the karma.”
― Shahida Arabi, Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse

“You can’t ever take down a woman who uses the worst things that ever happened to her as fuel for her greatest victories.”
― Shahida Arabi, Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse

“Ten Things To Stop Doing"
By Complex PTSD Survivor Lilly Hope Lucario"

1. Listening to unsolicited advice from those who know little about trauma, or those with little empathy.
2. Comparing your journey to others.
3. Believing healing or recovering quickly, are a sign of strength.
4. Thinking you were in any way to blame for being abused.
5. Thinking that the way toxic people treated you, is in any way a reflection of your self-worth.
6. Thinking you should be "over this" by now.
7. Believing that minimizing the trauma helps the healing process, when all it does is invalidate your experience.
8. Thinking you are a bad person for not forgiving heinous abuse.
9. Thinking you are weak for being abused.
10. Thinking you should tolerate people invalidating your trauma and the effects of it on your life.”
― Shahida Arabi, Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse

“This is a type of love story where the happy ending lies in not finding Prince Charming. Rather, it lies in the realization that he never existed at all.”
― Shahida Arabi, Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse