Noir Quotes

“It was the kind of kiss that he wanted to wake up to and keep refreshing periodically until he got one long last one, salty with tears, in his casket.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“you know those people in the movies who can just stop their lives to fall in love, chase after being in love like they don’t have anything else to do?” “Yeah.” “We’re not those people. I have to get to work.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“[after Sammy struggles to unhook Stilton's bra]
She rolled onto her face to give him a good shot at the hook in the back. "Free my people!"
"I will. I am the Harriet Tubman of your breasts.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“he looked like one of those dried-up faces you carve out of an apple in third grade to teach you that time is cruel and we are all just going to shrivel up and die, so there’s no point in getting out of bed.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“She had the kind of legs that kept her butt from resting on her shoes—a size-eight dame in a size-six dress and every mug in the joint was rooting for the two sizes to make a break for it as they watched her wiggle in the door and shimmy onto a barstool with her back to the door.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“Every guy can basically be boiled down to what he wants and what he’s afraid of.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“Voilà!” said the artist, in perfect fucking French.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“Now, I am the younger brother of an older brother who often measured the worth of a guy by his ability to not scream under pressure, and insisted, in fact, that if any screamlike sounds ever reached Ma and/or Pa, this younger brother, me, would receive a pasting such as I had never known, including severe and painful Indian burns to the bone — a threat my older brother, Judges, may he rest in peace, backed up with great enthusiasm through most of my boyhood.

So, first I closed the back door, made sure it was solidly latched, then I glanced through the doorway into the front of the bar, which was still dark, and only then did I scream. Not the scream of a startled little girl, mind you, but a manly scream: the scream of a fellow who has caught his enormous dong in a revolving door while charging in to save a baby that was on fire or something.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“The entire town of Monte Rio consisted of a gas station and a tire-flattened raccoon.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“careful not to ogle her wares, as dames often do not care for that, even when it is evident that they have spent no little time and effort preparing their wares for ogling.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“The fog lay spread across the city like a drowned whore—damp, cold, smelling of salt and diesel—a sea-sodden streetwalker who’d just bonked a tugboat . . .”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“Judges was named after one of the books of the Bible, as was Sammy—Samuel—as Sammy’s mother found great comfort in her faith during labor, when she swore to God that if Sammy’s dad ever got that thing near her again she would murder him in his sleep.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“My ma had a record of that Moron Tallywacker Choir singin’ Christmas music. Sounded like someone hurtin’ a dog. I broke it and melted it on the radiator.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“Hey, you ever feel like you might just be the construct of an unyielding, all-seeing bureaucracy beyond our perception that is molding humanity to its own will and pleasure?”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“It’s French,” she said. “They designed it like a zoo—you know, keep ’em in, but give everyone a good look at ’em...”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“and in the middle of this lake is a big giant owl. Like five stories tall, which is large, in my book, for an owl.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“Not the scream of a startled little girl, mind you, but a manly scream: the scream of a fellow who has caught his enormous dong in a revolving door while charging”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“Hatch nodded, drove in silence for a while, then said, “Ever think we might be just pieces in a self-building, evolving machine, forming itself to crush the human spirit?” Every goddamn day, Bailey thought. “Pie,” he said. “When you start to thinking that way, think about pie. Your favorite kind. Pie is real; everything else is your mind trying to trick you.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“perhaps he was just a lowbrow mug who wouldn’t know how to treat a member of the gentler sex if she smacked him upside the head with a sack full of vaginas.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“Who shit in your tuba?”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“I headed out to find Moo Shoes and inform him that our business venture had croaked my boss, and also that we had a business venture.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“Why, I’ll bet my uncle Davey could take you out in the first round, ya macaroon.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“Chinatown is a mystery wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a wonton, and fried.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“everyone looks up like rats caught in a spotlight eating the brains of a friend dead in a trap.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“An air force general with so many campaign medals on his uniform that it looked like someone was losing a game of mah-jongg on his chest.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“Not the scream of a startled little girl, mind you, but a manly scream: the scream of a fellow who has caught his enormous dong in a revolving door while charging in to save a baby that was on fire or something.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“he smiled like a dog at a barbecue for the blind.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“There are times in a guy's life when he finds himself floating facedown in a sea of troubles, and as hope bubbles away, he thinks, How the hell did I get here?”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“spoons of”
― Christopher Moore, Noir

“Things are different when you live closer to the bone, Mr. Stoddard.”
― Christopher Moore, Noir