The Asshole Survival Guide Quotes

“at the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“Be slow to label others as assholes, be quick to label yourself as one.”
― Robert I Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide (International Edition): How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“Third, and finally, if you want people to believe the system is fair and effective, it’s essential to be tough on the most powerful, profitable, and well-known jerks. If you enforce the rule only with the weak performers, people who are easily replaceable, or who deliver bad news and have the gumption to disagree with superiors—and you allow powerful assholes to run roughshod over anyone they please—people will smell your hypocritical bullshit from a mile away.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“the impulse to “get even” can provoke a vicious circle of attack and counterattack—where each side views the other as evil and won’t accept responsibility for fueling the conflict, and”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“Assholes are like cockroaches. If you shine a light on them, they run for cover. At our workplace, we’re starting to insist on more transparency, less backroom chatter, and an end to the secrecy that allows our resident asshole to carry on his antics. We share information with each other, refuse to let him trap us into private discussions of our coworkers, and generally don’t give him permission to manipulate us. It’s driving him nuts! He’s run out of allies (who were never very willing to begin with), and he doesn’t know what to do next.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“He was afflicted with what I call “Asshole Blindness,” where people don’t realize or underestimate how dire an asshole problem is, how much they and perhaps others are suffering, and how important it is to get out as soon as possible.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“Hundreds of experiments show that encounters with rude, insulting, and demeaning people undermine others’ performance—including their decision-making skills, productivity, creativity, and willingness to work a little harder and stay a little later to finish projects and to help coworkers who need their advice, skills, or emotional support.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“No one on their death bed wishes they would've been meaner.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal With People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“As we’ve seen, such jerks don’t need to hold prestigious positions—they just need to be adept at recruiting allies to help them backstab, intimidate, and spread vicious lies about anybody who stands in their way.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“My job is to hold the umbrella so the shit from above doesn’t hit you. Your job is to keep me from having to use it.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“A hallmark of petty tyrants—including many Rule Nazis—is that their power over a narrow domain is coupled with low prestige; they simmer and sulk about the lack of respect they get. This mix of power and low social status creates a deadly brew—it provokes them to take out their frustration and resentment on others.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“As this sales representative discovered, when individuals dress up as organizations, sometimes they twist, exaggerate, or even defy the letter or spirit of the real rules, and will try to belittle, dismiss, frustrate, or ignore you, because they are insecure, lazy, on a power trip, or plagued by other personal quirks. But once you out them, their house of cards just might collapse.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“a twenty-year study that tracked six thousand British civil servants found that when their bosses criticized them unfairly, didn’t listen to their problems, and rarely praised them, employees suffered more angina, heart attacks, and deaths from heart disease. You get the idea. It doesn’t matter whether the assholes around you are getting ahead or (more likely) screwing up their lives, careers, and companies. They pose a danger to you and others.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“The protective powers of such “upward hostility” seem striking: abused employees who fought back harder were less prone to see themselves as victims, more satisfied with their jobs and careers, less distressed, and more committed to their organizations.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“Perry “puts all the bad apples in one barrel” so they don’t wreck other teams. He then assigns a no-nonsense coach to lead the bad apples or does it himself—he is adept at dispensing tough love.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“That “telling them where they stand, while giving them the chance to try a new environment, is often enough to get them to change their behavior.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“But if you want to make a place safe for people to take on culprits, and admit their own bad behaviors too, it’s crucial to treat alleged jerks with dignity and respect. That means starting with calm and backstage conversations with them and giving them chances to change. It also means realizing that some people aren’t usually jerks, but there is something about the characters they work with, their customers,”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“When employees have negative interactions with supervisors, for example, it has five times more impact on their moods than positive interactions.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“people “who don’t have a chance to take revenge are forced, in a sense, to move on and focus on something different.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“Related research suggests that pushing back hard—glaring, raising your voice, making threats, even throwing a tantrum—is useful for fending off characters who believe they can get ahead by stomping on others’ feelings and reputations.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“Researchers MeowLan Evelyn Chan and Daniel McAllister contend that when employees distrust others too much and are flooded with fear and anxiety, they become excessively vigilant, focus on just the bad and tune out the good, and see evil motives in the most innocent actions.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“In Katy’s language, this chapter is about—when you can’t or won’t avert engaging with crazy completely—how to limit the frequency, duration, and intensity of the abuse you face and feel.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“Michael told me that he designs the “how” part of his actions “with the other person’s point of view in mind.” Even when breaking off with an asshole, he works to “convey the truth in respectful and empathetic ways.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“He sought out and surrounded himself with people that he trusted to tell him the truth (rather than what he hoped to hear) about the severity and nuances of challenges that he and the company faced—and when he was screwing up.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“Two-faced grinfuckers have certain signature moves. They pretend to enthusiastically agree with every decision you make or idea that you have, but rather than telling you when they disagree, they never actually implement the ideas, or do the exact opposite, or intentionally implement the decisions or ideas so badly that failure is inevitable. Then they bad-mouth you and other colleagues behind your backs for your terrible ideas and judgment.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“Then there are people with modest but real power—and who take sick satisfaction from frustrating and pushing others around.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“Unfortunately, Captain Graf created fear and mistrust in her followers, rather than stoking the courage, skill, and confidence she intended.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“But an occasional strategic outburst seems to be effective because “targets” construe their temporary tormentor as trying to motivate them to try harder and to be smarter—they don’t dismiss it as just the usual ranting from a certified asshole who berates them constantly”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“The first diagnostic question follows from the late writer Maya Angelou’s assertion that “at the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“The rule isn’t just for teams and organizations. It is a personal commitment that shapes how you judge people, the kind of individuals you hang out with and work with, and your determination to detect, dampen, and defeat disrespectful actions made by yourself and others.”
― Robert I. Sutton, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt