Until You Quotes

“If I’d known this was going to be a black-tie affair, I would have put on underwear.”
― T.J. Klune, Until You

“Paul Auster,” Nana said. “Do you take RoboCop as your lawfully wedded husband?”
“I do.”
“And RoboCop, do you take Paul as your lawfully wedded husband?”
“Madam, you have suffered an emotional shock,” RoboCop said. “I will notify a rape crisis center.”
Dad started choking. We waited until he finished.
“By the power invested in me,” Nana said, “which is all encompassing and should not be taken lightly, by the state of Arizona, I now pronounce you husband and robot.”
Mom and Dad cheered.
Nana smiled.
I swooned.
RoboCop said, “Excuse me. I have to go. Somewhere there is a crime happening.”
It was the best day ever.”
― T.J. Klune, Until You

“Have you ever done the splits trying to be a stripper named Gigi Fontaine while dancing to Britney with moves you learned from a Paula Abdul exercise VHS tape in the nineties after having four shots of Jager?
Me too.”
― T.J. Klune, Until You

“Now let’s be honest here: erections are ridiculous things. When men are aroused, it’s plainly evident, and there’s really nothing we can do about that. So there I stood in the supply closet at work, my penis out there and practically screaming, I FIND THIS VERY GOOD, PLEASE LOVE ME LONG TIME, and there wasn’t a single thing I could do about it.”
― T.J. Klune, Until You

“anyone that gave them shit for anything would find a drag queen’s spiked heel up their urethra.”
― T.J. Klune, Until You

“he stormed out in the way only a drag queen could: in a cloud of glitter, sass, and an air of completely deserved superiority.”
― T.J. Klune, Until You

“And then came Paul and with Paul came all of you, and for the first time in a long time, I thought maybe I could have something just for me. Someone that didn’t care that I wasn’t always the smartest person or didn’t need for me to act a certain way because of an election.”
Well fuck me up and call me his bitch. If he could just think of this off the top of his head, I was absolutely doomed when it came to his vows. There was absolutely no fucking way I was going to win this bet. That asshole. That beautiful, sweet asshole.”
― T.J. Klune, Until You

“Now, you get to ask five questions. No more. Make them count.”
“How old is he?” Kori blurted.
“That wasn’t even a good question,” I snapped at her.
“Excuse you, it was an excellent question.”
“Sixty-seven,” Charlie said.
“You cradle robber,” I said, suitably impressed.”
― T.J. Klune, Until You

“I took off my glasses and threw them down the street. They landed near a cracked-out-looking homeless man pushing a shopping cart. He bent down, picked them up, and crowed, “All right! Sunglasses coming down from the sky! Everything’s coming up Dave!” He put them on and started whistling as he pushed his cart down the sidewalk”
― T.J. Klune, Until You